Regina & Neal
Regina: Peasant.
Neal: Geez I almost threw my phone against the wall.
Regina: Wha-? Why?
Neal: Because you texted me! I thought it was possessed.
Regina: This is no time for your stupidity. When was the last time you talked to or saw Robin?
Neal: Rude. And about two weeks ago, why?
Regina: Really?! Because my whack job of a mother sent him over the town line.
Neal: Yeah. Oh yeah, I remember that.
Regina: ...You knew?
Neal: Well yeah, we all knew. Well everyone except Emma.
Regina: Henry knew this as well?
Neal: We were all there.
Regina: Neal...
Neal: Oh no...
Regina: Please tell me this is just one of your corny jokes.
Neal: Regina...please don't kill me...
Regina: Oh no, death would be rewarding. I'm going to cause suffering.
Neal: Hell no, I'm going back to New York where it's safe!
Regina: OH NO YOU AREN'T!
Neal: Did you just do what I think you did?!
Regina: Depends...
Neal: I felt the ground shake! You locked us in here, didn't you!?
Regina: See you soon, Neal.
Zelena & Cora
Zelena: Mother, I heard what you did.
Cora: Damn I keep forgetting I have two children.
Zelena: HOW CAN- Nevermind. Why would you do that to Regina?
Cora: Because Pinecone doesn't need to be with her. He has caused nothing but trouble since he got here!
Zelena: Okay but why not just kill him? Now he's made his way to New York where poor Marian was living happily.
Cora: Wait! I thought she was dead!
Zelena: No, of course not! Who told you that idiotic lie?
Cora: PINECONE! I'll rip his vocal cords from his throat!
Zelena: Why would he say that? When Marian awoke, I helped her get accustomed to this world and she moved to get away from him.
Cora: Well now I feel bad, poor thing doesn't deserve such harassment.
Zelena: It's alright, I brought her and Roland back here and they're staying with me at my farmhouse.
Cora: ...Greenie...are you doing what I think you're doing?
Zelena: What do you me- WHAT MOTHER NO OH MY GOSH! NOW I SEE WHY REGINA SAYS YOU DRIVE HER CRAZY!
Cora: Hey, I'm just checking! I mean hell, Marian is a beautiful woman with the cutest child ever. I'd tap that if I wasn't with someone already.
Zelena: I didn't just read that. I'm going wash my eyeballs now.
Cora: Alright dear, tell my future daughter-in-law and new grandson I said hello!
Cora & Robin
Cora: PINECONE PUSSY!
Robin: Let me guess, Cora right?
Cora: Ding ding! Correct!
Robin: What the hell do you want now?
Cora: Nothing really, just wanting to see how you were coping with the outside world.
Robin: Miserably. I'm all alone out here.
Cora: Oh yeah? That's too bad. Maybe if you had treated Marian better you wouldn't be alone.
Robin: Don't you talk about my late wife!
Cora: Late? Late?! YOU STOP THAT LYING RIGHT NOW!
Robin: I AM NOT LYING!
Cora: YES YOU ARE! MY FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW IS ALIVE AND WELL AND YOU KNOW IT!
Robin: WHO TOLD YOU THAT?! AND FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW?
Cora: Doesn't matter, what matters is that I know. And yes, it seems my daughter has taken a liking to the young archer.
Robin: I can't believe this...Regina and Marian?
Cora: You idiot- I mean yes, they've bonded since you left.
Robin: And Roland?
Cora: Never been happier.
Robin: Oh...I guess he's better off with them then.
Cora: It would seem so. I suggest getting a puppy.
Robin: Thank you for telling me.
Cora: It was my pleasure, trust me.
Robin: I have to go now.
Cora: Take care.
Regina, The Peasants, & Cora
Regina: So all of you knew except for Emma, eh?
Snow: Regina, we can explain.
Charming: You know how crazy your mother is.
Regina: Yes, I do.
Hook: Aye, then you know that she threatened to hurt us if we told you.
Neal: And I don't want to get hit with a buttersock anymore.
Emma: It feels so good to not be in trouble for once.
Henry: Lucky you...
Regina: I don't care! I would've helped you had you told me! And Henry, I never expected this from you of all people.
Henry: Mom, I love you, but you deserve someone better. So yeah, I helped grandma get rid of him.
Emma: Kid, didn't we already talk about staying out of grown people's business?
Neal: Henry you were wrong for that. I didn't know you helped her.
Regina: I can't believe this, my child is telling me who I should date.
Snow: Everyone let's just stay calm.
Henry: I'm not telling you who to date, I'm just trying to keep you from being hurt. Ever since he got here you've changed and not in a good way.
Charming: Henry, I think you should watch what you say before you regret something.
Regina: No David, it's okay. And what exactly do you mean by that, son?
Emma: This isn't going to end well.
Hook: Regina, just let it go. The boy was just trying to look out for you the best way he knew how.
Regina: While I appreciate everyone's support of my son, I am asking HIM to elaborate, not you all.
Cora: What he means is that Pinecone is nothing but a manipulative liar and he deserved everything he got.
Regina: Oh what joy, the cause of every single one of my headaches has arrived to the party.
Cora: Look smartass, either you're going to hear me out or I'll keep the information to myself.
Neal: What information?
Emma: By all means Cora, share with us all.
Cora: Blondie, you're still on thin ice with me so watch it.
Henry: Grandma, what happened?
Regina: Yes mother, I'm listening.
Cora: Marian is alive and here in town.
Snow: Wait what?
Regina: What Idiot 1 said.
Cora: Pinecone lied to us about Marian being dead. After your whole vault scene with him and unfreezing her, Zelena helped Marian get used to this world.
Hook: Zelena? Why would she be so bloody nice?
Charming: Exactly.
Cora: I'll get to that in a minute. Apparently Zelena had helped Marian move to New York and get settled but when I banished Pinecone, he went to find her. Zelena brought her and Roland back and they're staying with her for now.
Henry: I TOLD YOU!
Emma: Vault scene?
Neal: Aww the cute baby hobbit is back!
Regina: ...I can't believe this...
Cora: Oh and I think Zelena and Marian are dating.
Regina: WHAT?!
Henry: Auntie Zelena knows how to pick 'em.
Snow: ALRIGHT! ENOUGH OF THE PORN TALK!
Emma: WHAT VAULT SCENE?!
Charming: WHY IS EVERYONE SHOUTING?
Hook: Ahahaha! The witch and the archer, I ship it.
Neal: This town is messed up.
Cora: So you see my child, I did you a favor.
Regina: Mother, it pains me to say this but thank you.
Henry: Aww! So sweet.
Regina: Henry, you're grounded.
Henry: I'm already grounded.
Regina: Well you're ungrounded.
Henry: Awesome!
Regina: Now you're grounded again.
Neal: Should've seen that one coming, son.
Henry: Weirdos...
Emma: Yep and you're one of them.
Cora: Town meeting tomorrow. We need to discuss measures to keep unwanted guests from entering our town.
Regina: I guess that can be arranged.
Cora: Wonderful! See you simpletons then!