Trigger Warnings: Mention of Self Harm
"What have you and Aurelius been up to?" Katniss asks lightly. It's something we've always shared with one another and the question is innocent enough, but I know she's been leaning on him to get me to paint and bake. She's checking in to make sure that he's following through.
"Reasons why taking the time to paint is worth it," I respond. She picks up on my lack of enthusiasm.
"It helps you," she answers simply. "That's all the reason you need. I'm not hurting you am I?" We're in the huge swimming pool in Aurelius' facility. Katniss is lying on her back, floating in the water, twenty-six weeks pregnant belly sticking up into the air. She's bracing herself against me, her hands locked around my torso, the top of her head pressed against my chest, as I stand behind her in the shallow end of the pool.
"No," I answer, tracing imaginary icing along the parts of her arms I can reach. "You're weightless right now Katniss. It'd be hard to hurt me." I glance at the attendings who are standing off at the edge of the pool, watching us carefully. Aurelius only agreed to a swim if the attendings were present to try and stop Katniss from trying to drown herself in the water. Even then he had been reluctant, thinking the pool would be an easy place for her to hurt herself but Ninda insisted exercise would help with a healthy pregnancy. Swimming she said would jostle the baby the least. Haymitch is sitting down towards the deep end, pants rolled up, his legs in the water up to his calves, and a bottle permanently attached to his mouth.
"Hmmm," she responds, a slight scowl crossing her lips. I grin internally. She hasn't been scowling as much as she used to. I've missed that face. "I wish I could feel this way all the time. I'm a giant lump with no coordination."
"You're pregnant and glowing," I correct her gently.
"I'm a waddling duck," she snaps. "And don't change the subject. Why would you need a reason to paint? You've never needed a reason to paint before."
"I don't like being away from you. What if something happens?"
"Haymitch will take care of me. Right Haymitch?" Katniss calls the last sentence out to him. He looks up at us, drunk.
"Whatcha say?" he slurs back. The bottle slips from his hand and falls into the pool.
"See," she continues, ignoring Haymitch as he jumps into the pool after his bottle. "I'm like his new flock of geese." He's sinking quickly to the bottom now. I'm grateful the attendings are already running towards him. I'm still not a strong swimmer, despite Katniss' efforts to teach me.
"You say this as though I am supposed to have confidence in it." I tell her calmly as an attending pulls a spluttering Haymitch to the edge of the pool. The bottle in his hand is now filled with blue pool water.
"It's only an hour everyday. You should do what he says before he decides you could use two hours away from me. You'd have an art hour and a baking hour." I decide to ignore her earlier request and change the subject.
"Annie's coming tomorrow."
"Yes, that's what Aurelius told me. He said she isn't bringing Finn though."
"No," I confirm. "She's leaving him with your mother actually." Annie and Katniss mother became very close after the war. My understanding is they bonded over both having lost someone very dear to them in the rebellion. Even though we hear from Annie frequently, she refuses to tell Katniss how her mother is doing and visa versa. When I asked her about it one day she told me, she wasn't going to make it easier for them not to talk. She has never hidden her disapproval about the coolness of their relationship.
"I should tell you. It might come up when Annie visits…I still haven't called my mother." It's been nearly a week since she promised she would.
"Let me do it," I tell her firmly. She pauses thinking this over.
"No. I need to do it, and I need to explain to her why I didn't tell her sooner…you could be in the room though if you like." I touch her hair lightly.
"Four more laps and we make the call," I suggest. She sighs and nods, letting go of me to swim gracefully to the other end of the pool and back.
Thirty minutes later we're in our bedroom again. I'm sitting on the chair next to Katniss' side of the bed, my legs propped up on the mattress, while she sits with her head against the backboard. Her fingers hover over the numbers on the phone. I lean forward to grab her knee.
"It's going to be okay. She's your mother."
"She abandoned me…twice."
"If Willow had gotten married and…" I trial off still unsure of if she can bear the word, "if she hadn't told you?" She begins to chew on her lip. Then she takes a deep breath, and starts pressing the keys. Holding the phone up to her ear I hear the dial tone, then a click and a muffled voice.
"Mom?" Katniss chokes out. There's a long pause and then the muffled voice again. It's talking quickly, clearly over come with panic and agitated.
"No I'm…I'm in the Capitol with Peeta and Haymitch." She pauses, listening to her Mother. "No Mom they actually didn't need to…" her voice drops. "They didn't need you to come because…you aren't…my next of kin." The other end of the line is totally silent. "I should have told you…Peeta and I…we…we got married." The silence stretches on. "Please say something." I hear a curt brisk reply. "No. I didn't want to hurt you by not telling you because we were so young, I was worried you'd disapprove so I put it off and the longer I put it off the more I thought you would be angry for me not telling you and" Katniss is cut of by a sharp reply. "Five years…I've been putting it off for five years." I sigh, pressing my hand to my head, messaging my forehead briefly. I still can't make out what Mrs. Everdean is saying.
"There's actually more Mom." The agitated voice stops. "We're in the Capitol because…" the voice cuts her off. "Yes! I relapsed. Six years after the war and I relapsed, but only because…" Katniss cuts herself off this time. Her voice wobbling slightly, "I'm pregnant." It's barely more than a whisper, but it's the first time she's said the word out loud. I sit up taking my feet off the bed, and grab her free hand. Tears are sliding down her cheeks. "Please Mom," she chokes out, "I know you heard me. Don't make me say it again. Mom?" I hear a click and the line is dead. Katniss lets out a choking sound. I pull the receiver from her grasp and replace it on the holder. I climb over her wordlessly to my side of the bed and pull her into me. She buries her face in my chest, as I begin to stroke her hair.
"We don't need her," I tell her. She looks up at me and runs her fingers through my light curls.
"I was just hoping she'd be a better grandmother than mother," she confesses. I nod understandingly.
"Don't worry we'll always have Effie. She can be acting Grandma." A soft chuckle escapes Katniss' lips, but it's instantly followed by another choking sound. I wrap my arms around her tighter. Willow softly kicks against Katniss' belly, which is pressed against my own stomach. "It's all alright. You're both here in my arms, and besides I love each of you enough for two people." She runs a hand down my cheek.
"You're going to be such a good father," she whispers. A huge smile crosses my face.
"I'm going to be a dad," I say wonderingly. She cocks her head at me and nods. I kiss her full of the mouth and wipe away her tears. "I love you so much, and I don't know how you're doing this."
"Doing what?"
"Carrying our baby, brining her into the world even though you're so scared. You're the strongest, bravest, most amazing person I know. So thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for doing all of this and hanging on through everything." Tears are still falling silently down her face. She's biting her lip.
"You're happy?" she asks quietly.
"I'm starting to be. It's not how I ever pictured it Katniss, but I think it's going to be okay. For the first time in a long time, I think it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Give it time. She'll come soon, and whether your mother is there or not won't change what's going to happen."
"What going to happen?"
"She's going to come, and she's going to be beautiful. She'll be so small, but full of love and life and joy. And Ninda is going to hand her to you, and you're going to hold her and feel her, and you're going to be so happy." I kiss her on the forehead. "So happy."
AN: Okay, I am not completely happy with the way I wrote out how the conversation between Katniss and her mother went. I must have rewritten a three times but I just never seemed to get it right. I felt like it went too quickly, but I've noticed I'm getting less satisfied with each rewrite. In my experience that typically means it's time to let it go. So sorry if you felt like I moved through that too quickly. I wrote this chapter after a long period of writer's block. But never fear! There will be more on Katniss and her mother soon! Let me know your thoughts!