Twenty One

How did she take it?
Fine. Surprisingly. After all she's been through.
And what about you?
She won't ask.
Her loss.
I don't want to push her.
Don't you want her to know?
No.
Do what you want. Maybe she'd die happy knowing.
Ignorance is bliss, or so they used to say.

The monotonous sounds from the train tracks gave me a headache. The longest train ride of my life, back home, to District Four. The end had been a blur as it usual is and I find myself with a headache in a sparsely furnished train car. They had the foresight to give me easy access to a balcony off on of the train cars.

An abrupt knock at the door forces me to rise from my door and be attentive and social. I want peace and quiet for I will have none when I return home. Home.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if you had a few seconds to walk with me," the Capitol citizen of unnoticeable features said.

"I have nothing to do," I reply and the attendant gestures for me to pass and walk. We walk in silence for the first few minutes. "You must have something to share with me. Or perhaps something I am to give you. Make it fast please."

"Surely you have time for a leisurely stroll?" the man counters. I consider this and yield and we continue on in silence.

"What do you do in the Capitol?" I inquire of boredom. I have no care for this man or the Capitol but light conversation would be useful to cure the silence.

"I am one of the Gamemakers," he replies.

"Must have been out of work this year. Wasn't much to make," I remark, the words taste a little sour and he sighs in agreement.

"I have come both to share information with you and to deliver something," he sighs.

"Unwelcome gifts, I suppose?"

"Just don't shoot the messenger," he asks. I don't respond and he continues. "I don't know how to start."

"I often start with the truth," I offer.

"Let us go outside. Less chance of this conversation being recorded," he suggests as I turn to the balcony. He follows me in a ponderous silence. My curiosity has been incited and I am eager to hear this unwanted news.

"This part of the country side is very scenic," he says, content. I wish I could have that same peace within myself but my mind and my hand both know things they should know. The eyes cannot un-see the things I've seen, the things I've done to other people. I try not to wallow in my short comings and plus I feel as though this man's visit is important.

"I find it amusing that you call this the country side," I tell.

"Yes well, just a passing remark," he defends himself, though I can tell he doesn't think much of it. "The truth is that the Capitol wants you to be dead. Although the machine you were hooked to simulated the Games, it also did in depth analytical work on your mind. We discovered many things, the most important of which was that you have the capability to take down the Capitol."

"I have no plans to take down the Capitol," I tell him. Whether or not if it is a lie I am unsure but what does it matter. I want him to believe that which will keep me alive. Whether I want to be alive in the long run is a different matter.

"Regardless. I have been sent here to kill you," he sighs.

"Since when do the Gamemakers do the Capitol's duty work?" I inquire. He doesn't answer so I continue, "What is to stop me from running right now?"

"You truly believe you can escape the Capitol? Leave behind the life it's created for you?" he says skeptically and I do believe he is right. I wouldn't leave. I could, but I wouldn't. I know no other life.

"Well, this puts us at a stalemate," I remark. He raises his eyebrows questioningly. "Why haven't you killed me?"

"I don't know. Is there nothing you want to know? I know everything about your conscious and subconscious mind," he says nonchalantly.

"Did I love Marec?" I ask finally. Honestly, I do not wish to know the answer but I feel as though there is an obligation to ask. He nods. Relief floods over me, and I think of another question I have. "Would I have really killed Marec, if he'd been real?"

"You know the answer to that," he tells me, the answer is apparently obvious but I don't see it. "He was just as real to you in that simulation as I am to you. You would kill him. More interestingly, what do you think that says about love?"

"You ask me, you know everything about me," I tell him, too afraid to admit it to myself or perhaps I really just don't know. I hate it, how much they've distorted me. I got myself into this thing with the most generous thought and it's gotten me no where. I've helped my District, but I've killed Marec. Was it worth it? I hope so.

"I won't answer that," he sighs. "I have to kill you. I really do not wish to."

It is beginning to sink in. I would kill Marec. I killed Marec. He is dead. I am capable of loving someone enough to kill them when they were begging for me to. What does that say about me? Do I have a heart, or am I heartless enough to lack the compassion to kill him? We hardly knew each other, did that make it worse? I am unhappy, to say the least. The Gamemaker looks eagerly at my expression.

"I am dreadfully sorry, miss," he sighs and moves towards me. The fight or flight instinct really kicks in and I cringe away. I look away from him and in one abrupt movement, I fling myself over the rails and allow myself to get swept under the train into the unforgiving darkness.

Rebellious to the last minute.
Does it matter? It's all over now.

Done. Finally ^.^ Feels good. Please review if you've got time and perhaps check out some of my other stories?

Thanks and I hope you enjoyed the story!
Marion