Chapter 21
"Zedd…." I looked at him, pleading with my eyes. "I…if this doesn't go the way that Richard thought….I know that I have to name Thomas as my mate but I can't do that if Richard is here….I don't know what to do Zedd. If I marry Thomas then he'll hate me." I said with grief. Zedd laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and I saw understanding in his eyes.
"Dear one, you will not be alone in this. It will pain both of you, not just Richard. And I know Richard, he loves you dearly. He would never be able to hate you forever Kahlan. Even if you have to name Thomas as your mate…it's already consummated. And I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. But as I've told you before I wish there was another way."
"I can't bear to lay with him again." I wailed and Zedd collected me against his chest and sheltered me in his warm grandfatherly embrace. I shook with my sorrow and my fear.
"You can get through this, I know you can. But you can't push Richard away." He said taking me by the shoulders. "Promise me, dear one, that you will be the one to tell him."
"I promise." I wailed and nodded burying my face in the wizard of the first order. "Zedd" I said against his robes in a muffled tear strained voice, "I'm not with child….I hoped and prayed to the good spirits that I would not have to betray him again….but….it's as though I've been forgotten by them. Maybe I'm not the Confessor that the Midlands need…I…."
"Kahlan Amnell….you listen to me!" He said, letting go of me so he could pace while he lectured me. "There is no other confessor that is as strong and courageous as you. You have the heart that all confessors strive for their whole lives to obtain. And you know already how proud I am of you…if you remember our conversation on the way here." He grinned. "Don't doubt your worth to yourself, your people…and especially not to Richard. I have known that boy my whole life and he has never loved anyone as he loves you."
My heart swelled knowing that others, even if it was only Zedd, noticed the love Richard had for me. I, at once, allowed his love for me to renew my strength and my fear melted away knowing that he would still love me. I was still afraid of losing him, but I knew Zedd would be there to help both of us figure out in the end how to navigate through our lives if sorrow was to be our fate.
"I think I'm ready, Wizard Zorander." I said giving him a playful wink.
"Now there's the Kahlan Amnell I know.
The damp air caught my face in a rush as I pushed open the door. A familiar sense of purpose came over me, calming my uneasiness. The faces of the men stared blankly at me as I passed quietly by. Occasionally, one or two would be brave enough to reach between the bars and try to grasp me as I passed on by. However, not many were brave enough after seeing what I had done to their fellow prisoner earlier. They hurled verbal insults at me, calling me a witch and a whore.
I had learned to filter the brutal things that I heard and I was sure the insults were not the worst that I would hear that day. As a young confessor, I would weep and have nightmares at the horrible details of what these men did. Women as well were not exempt from the horrors of men. I would never forget the lesson my mother taught me at a very young age. She had told me never to look at the appearance of the convicted but at the expression of the eyes. I would always be lead to the truth that way.
I was studying the eyes of the prisoners as I slowly walked by wanting to choose wisely and take the souls of the wicked instead of the innocent. "Mother Confessor?" I stopped and turned, hearing the soft voice of a woman behind me. She was peering through the small window in the top of her cell door, her expression full of false remorse and fear. "Please….help me. I have children and…." I came and stepped close to the door ordering for it to be opened.
Zedd stood protectively beside me, Vance on the other side, as we all stood waiting. The woman behind the door would have been beautiful under the ragged dirt and grime she now wore. Her hair was a thick long wave of blonde hair tied under a kerchief and her face was dirty but her blue eyes shined back at me.
As I was about to approach her Zedd grabbed my arm in caution. He sensed something I did not and shifted his stance to stand in front of me. "What is your name?" I asked, my voice full of gentleness. No matter what the crime was, I never judged until I knew the truth. Kindness brought truth where fear would tuck it away.
She answered after a slight hesitation that only registered with me "Lisa Aramis, my lady." I leveled my gaze at her showing no emotion and asked her for her name again.
"I told you my lady….Lisa Aramis." Frustration and instinct caused me to push past Zedd and grip her throat. I asked through gritted teeth for her name a third time and she lied again. I released my grip but nothing happened save for the laughter of the woman I had by the throat.
In a flash of light, I was pushed back against the stone wall causing the room to shift and coil to a black hole in front of me. I heard voices calling my name and bright fire followed me as I was pulled somewhere through a doorway. Someone laid me gently on a cold surface and I heard shouts and a door slamming with force. I closed my eyes against the throbbing pain and tried to sit up but was gently shoved back to the floor.
"Is she alright?" I heard a panicked female voice. "Yes, she has just hit her head something fierce." It was Vance who I could tell was holding my head in his lap for support. I opened my eyes as much as I could but I squinted in pain against the harsh light. A blurry face of a woman leaned over me and held a comforting hand against my forehead. "Shhh….there now lass…close your eyes. It will be all over in a few moments don't you worry."
I heard the creaking sound of metal on stone as the door opened and I listened as footsteps and the sound of rustling robes came near. I knew it was Zedd at once. He smelled of the dissipating scent of smoke and cinnamon. I smiled weakly and brought my hand up searching for his and he grasped in securely between his large warm hands. "Don't ever do that again Kahlan! You scared the sprits out of me! I almost lost my breakfast."
"What happened?" I asked in a horse whisper.
"You tried to confess a sorceress….but don't fash yourself…..everything is alright. The situation is under control."
"For now, anyway." Came the sound of another female voice.
"Kahlan….these women are friends of mine." I tried to sit up again but was stopped by strong hands and laid back down. "They studied with me back when I was a young wizard in Aydindril. They are from the Palace of the Prophets in the Old World. Gladys and Belinda.
"You!..." I whispered in anger with the little strength I could gather. "You lied to Richard!" I began to cough with the exertion my anger had caused but I managed to grab a hold of the woman by the neck of her collar. "Do you realize what I could have done? He would be confessed right now if I hadn't…."
"Kahlan, please, calm yourself. She hasn't done anything. I know her….and she would never endanger Richard."
"Well you should ask her yourself. Did you or did you not tell Richard that the sands of Indys did not work on confessor's magic?" I asked pointing an accusing stare at her. Zedd sat up straight with surprise and stared at the woman who sat by my side. His eyes flared toward the other woman who was in the room. I could feel Vance stiffen under my head, ready and willing to fight if need be.
There was a heavy silence and I felt my powers twisting again to be released and could sense the power of Zedd's gift as it rose to the surface inside of him. "Yes, Mother Confessor, we told Richard…but we thought it to be the truth." Replied Gladys and I studied her, missing any thread of untruth in her demeanor. "We had no idea….Jagang most likely altered the magic within it so that it would work with your powers. He is dead set against capturing you, Mother Confessor." I exchanged a look of apprehension toward Zedd and he nodded knowingly. "We suspected Richard may have returned to you and your men and have been searching for him now these past few days."
"Then how is it that you know I am here?" I asked still suspicious of them.
"We saw you approaching earlier and we were waiting out in the foyer with the guards when we heard the commotion and came immediately to see if we could help."
"I was lucky enough to have Belinda here to help me, Kahlan. The woman works for Jagang…he was using her mind as host to find out your whereabouts. Apparently he sent these men and this….sorceress to pose as spies so that our men would capture them. He knew you would eventually come to confess them. It seems his plot worked."
"We have to get you out of here….and fast. You can't go back to your compost….Jagang, no doubt, has placed more spies to follow you."
"I have to go back! Richard is there….I'm not leaving him!" I struggled against Vance and finally sat up, my head reeling; I caught Zedd's shoulder to steady myself. "We just reunited and….please don't make me leave him!" I panicked.
Belinda crouched down at eye level with me. She was so beautiful I couldn't help myself from gazing hard at her. Jealousy stirred when I remembered that Richard had stayed with her and hoped he hadn't given in to her. When she smiled at me, I regretted my thoughts. She was genuinely compassionate. "Richard said you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen." She said her smile broadening. "He was right, Gladys. Don't you agree?"
"Of course, my dear. But…." She turned her full attention to me. "We can't endanger Richard's life by sending you back. It's just not wise."
"I'm going….and alone. I'll wear Zedd's robes if I have to for disguise, but I am not separating from him again. I promised him I would return to him tonight…he would be sick with worry if I didn't and he would come to me here and if Jagang has spies lurking around close by, then they will see him and capture him! I can't let…."
"Jagang hasn't seen Richard yet, Kahlan." Reminded Zedd. He was silent as he studied me intently, more than likely trying to find a way to dissuade me from my plans.
"Richard also says you were stubborn…even more so than him. I can't imagine what it's like…the two of you together I mean."
Zedd harrumphed "You have noooo…idea." He said rolling his eyes dramatically, his gaze settling on me.
"Well, you can talk about me and Richard all you want…I'm leaving. Zedd, your robes…now." He looked up at me startled. "But what will I wear?"
"I'm sure Vance can find you something….Richard is more important. " I said, holding out my arms to Zedd as he obliged with complaint. I wrapped the long heavy robes around me and tied up my hair the best I could. Vance gave me a kerchief to tie over my hair so that the loose ends wouldn't come undone.
"Mother Confessor," it was Belinda following close at my heels. "Let me ride with you. If something were to happen, I could be very useful." She grinned hopefully. I still didn't trust her but I knew it was a good idea to bring her along. She was right; a sorceress would be protection if something were to go wrong.
"Alright…but you'd better keep up. I'm not waiting for you." She nodded in understanding as we walked outside in the brisk afternoon air. Zedd, Vance and Gladys followed us out talking amongst themselves as to what their plans were.
"Mother Confessor," addressed Vance "Zedd and Gladys have agreed to ride out with a few of your soldiers from here and begin a search of the Hartland legion that disappeared. I understand that search parties have not located them since their disappearance?"
I nodded solemnly "Alright, but make sure you return here within a weeks time and I will meet you with Richard and the rest of my legion on our way to collect the men stationed at the Callisidrin river."
Zedd embraced me then "We'll do as you command, dear one." He pulled back and looked at me "And be careful, promise me." I nodded my promise as I mounted my horse; Belinda mounted up on Zedd's horse to return with me. "And, don't forget, Kahlan, Richard deserves the truth…from you. Not anyone else."
"I will Zedd…I promise…it will be me and no one else." I said as I turned my mount feeling the cold weight of sorrow engulf me as I kicked the sides of my horse into a gallop.
The sound of horses hooves on the hollow dirt packed ground alerted us. The light of day was almost gone as we watched two riders approaching. I noticed at once the shape of Kahlan atop her horse even though she was wrapped in Zedd's robes. She stopped in front of me and slid down her mount before I could offer her a helping hand. The other rider pulled the reins of her horse and accepted the assistance to the ground, removing her hood as she landed. I was taken aback at seeing Belinda but was more concerned with Kahlan. She flung her arms around me and buried her face against my neck. "I love you." She whispered and I pulled her close to me, threading my hands in her long dark hair. I noticed Belinda watching us and heard my men questioning her quietly.
"Richard…" Belinda said as she walked over to us. "I'm here to help in any way I can."
"Thank you, Belinda. Are Gladys and Leila with you?" I inquired.
"Gladys is with Zedd but Leila…..She refused to come. She says you angered her by leaving." She gave me an expression meant for only me and I understood at once that she was trying to tell me that Leila wouldn't come because I had refused her. Thank the sprits Belinda was good enough to not mention anything while I was holding Kahlan.
"Oh…" was all I could manage.
"Lord Rahl….I can take Belinda to Verna. She could find a place for her with the other sisters."
"Verna is here!" Belinda clapped her hands like an excited school girl "I know her! Dear Creator…it's been so long since I've seen her. Thank you Richard….for everything. Let me know if you and your confessor need anything." I clutched Kahlan tighter…yes…she was my confessor.
"I will. Meet us at the north compost in the morning with Verna and we can go over our plans then. I'm certain Kahlan will fill me in on all I need to know by then." I felt her smile against my neck in response before backing away.
She suddenly embraced Belinda, whose eyes widened in surprise as she reluctantly returned the embrace. "Thank you for riding back with me…and for the advice." The two women exchanged knowing glances before Belinda departed, following Lieutenant Jameson toward the tents that housed the gifted.
Kahlan spun on her heel and grabbed my arm in hers and led us away from the rest of the men. When we entered a small a small alcove of trees that were close together and away from prying eyes, she backed me against a tree, pressing herself into me. My pulse raced with desire as she ran her hands inside my shirt, caressing my stomach. "Kahlan…" I moaned grabbing her head and bringing my lips to hers in a tender seductive kiss. She flicked her tongue across my lips and I opened, welcoming her in. The soft moans that escaped her made me forget where I was and for that moment, there was only the feel of her against me and the sweet sent that was her. She engulfed my senses to no end and I loved her more for it every day.
When she broke our kiss to breathe she gave me her special smile and I could see the blush still evident on her cheeks. "I love you Kahlan Amnell." I said, giving her another sweet kiss. "Will you kiss me like that every time we're parted? Because I wouldn't mind." I said.
She ran her hands higher up my chest causing me to catch my breath "for you, I would do anything. You know that, don't you?" There was a hint of sorrow in her voice and my heart raced with panic.
"Of course I know that. Is everything okay?"
She nodded, looking down at the ground and tried to back away but I stilled her by grabbing her hips. She looked up then and shook her head 'no' as small tears formed in her eyes.
"It didn't work, did it?" I asked, knowing the answer.
"No." She said quietly. I pulled her to me, crushing her against my chest wanting her to feel secure. She melted into me and wept harder than I had ever seen her weep. A feeling of silent dread was close to breaking me into madness but I couldn't lose myself….I had to remain sane somehow for Kahlan. "Richard? Promise that you'll never leave me?" She whispered desperately through her tears.
"I promise, Kahlan. I'll stay with you forever, no matter what. And I want you to promise me something too." She nodded against me. "Promise that you won't ever doubt my love for you."
She raked her nails on my skin and wailed almost collapsing. Dear spirits, I wanted our sorrow to end. "I promise." She answered finally in a breathless voice and she wept and wept and I held her close wishing we could both disappear.