Rule # 21 – No One Should Know About The Hideout

"Eddie, baby, I'm home!"

Oh no. No, no, he knew that voice. "It can't be," Edward muttered, turning around in his computer chair.

"Oh, I love what you've done with the place! It's green and...green! Really, Riddle-boy, you oughta change up your décor a bit. It's a little...boring."

"Joker! What are you doing here?" Edward demanded.

"Well, I just wanted to stop by and see how my favorite smarty pants is doing! We haven't talked in a while," Joker said, walking up to Edward. "I was starting to think you didn't like me!"

Edward glared in mistrust. "We wouldn't want that, would we, Joker?" He deadpanned.

"No, no we wouldn't."

"What are you really doing here?" Edward snapped, shoving out of his chair so he could distance himself from Joker.

"Well, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by and-"

"Joker, Riddler!" The brooding and rough voice of Batman invaded Edward's lair.

"Oh, right, that too. I was being chased by our favorite flying rodent. Really, Batman, what took you so long? I was afraid I might've lost you back there."

Riddler fumed, rounding on Joker. "You lead him here to my-"

"Well, I was closest to your lair, Eddie. Be thankful I considered you worthy enough to bask in my presence."

"The only place the two of you will be basking in each other's presence is at Arkham, where you belong," Batman growled. Edward reached for his cane. If that oversized rodent thought he was going back to Arkham without a fight, he was wrong.

Batman made the first move.

His fists collided with the two costumed crooks.

Joker started to giggle.

Edward cracked Batman upside the head with his cane.

"The next time you feel like stopping by, Joker, don't!" He yelled, blocking one of Batman's punches.

"Eddie, really, what would be the fun in that?" Joker managed to kick Batman in the chest, knocking him backward.

"Oh, I don't know, staying alive?!" Edward seethed. He shoved Joker to Batman and started running, forgetting that Joker was a man that could hold a grudge, and would.

"Eddie, I really am starting to think you don't like having me around!" Joker called after him. "It's rather...insulting!"

"I don't care!" Edward yelled, wrenching open the door and running outside.

"Eddie! What're you doin' out here?"

Edward sighed. "Hello, Ms. Quinn."

"You're supposed ta be in there with Mistah J!" Harley accused, walking towards the green man. "Did you...leave him all alone with B-Man?!"

"Harley, I'm sorry but-"

CLUNK

Edward groaned, rubbing his head. "Really, Harley, was that absolutely-"

CLUNK

"You left my Mistah J all alone with B-Man! You horrible, horrible-"

"Harley, start the car!" The two turned to look at the entrance of the lair. Joker was coming out with Batman hot on his coattails. "We're blowing this popsicle stand!"

Edward somehow ended up in the passenger's seat and Harley climbed into the drivers, starting the car.

"Let's get out of here!" He screamed at Harley.

She nodded frantically, twisting the key in the ignition.

"Harley, don't leave without me!" Joker jumped, landing in the backseat of the car. "Now we can leave, let's go!"

Harley floored it.

The purple cadillac zoomed through the streets, barely managing to keep the paint job intact while the Batmobile followed in hot pursuit. "Batsy, baby, really, I know I'm irresistible but I'd like some...alone time...with Eddie and Harley!" Joker yelled, reaching under his seat.

"Leave me out of this, clown!" Edward snarled.

"Sorry, Eddie, it looks like its a little too late for that, hehehehehe!"

BOOM

"What was that?" Edward demanded. He turned back. The Batmobile had gone up in flames.

"Well, I just thought I'd give our little Dork Knight an early-"

"I don't care! Pull over!"

"Eddie, B-Man's on our tail still!"

"Pull over! I want nothing more to do with you ridiculous fucking maniacal clowns!" Harley slammed on the breaks.

"Ya know Eddie? Words hurt!" She snapped.

Edward scrambled out of the car and darted over to the sidewalk. "You owe me a new lair!" He yelled after them as they zoomed away. He hunched his shoulders and started walking towards Jonathan's lair, taking out his cellphone. He dialed the Scarecrow.

"Jonathan?" He muttered once the other man picked up. "I'm coming over. The clown led Batman to my- Jonathan? Why not? No, he hasn't put a tracking-"

"Riddler."

"Dammit, Joker!" Edward yelled. His shoulders slumped and he turned and glared at Batman. "I just wanted a quiet night at home!" He raged. "Quiet!"

"Don't worry; you'll be having quiet nights back at Arkham, Riddler."

When he got his new lair, he'd have to be more choosy over who knew where it was. It wouldn't do to have a constant stream of unsavory and unwanted guests.

"Hey there, welcome to the Clarice and Lizben Funtime Show! Switch and Stitch are currently...tied up at the moment."

"I said I'd let you guest write, you didn't have to take us captive," Stitcher yelled from the sidelines.

Lizben frowned. "But...it's not as fun that way!"

"Fun, schmun, can we please get back to how stupid my boyfriend is? Please?" Clarice demanded, turning to look at the two writers. They sheepishly looked down in their laps.

"Wait...dude, where's Switch?" Lizben asked, looking around the room. "Clarice! Get her! She's running away!"

Switch paused and turned to look at them wide-eyed.

THUMP

"Dammit, 'Rice!" She groaned. "You didn't have to tackle me!"

"But it's more fun this way!"

"Aren't we supposed to focus on Edward?" Switch asked.

"Oh right. Yeah. Edward's stupid, yadda yadda yadda, should've expected Joker to cause some trouble, yadda yadda yadda," Clarice muttered.

The two authors exchanged suffering glances.

"Don't forget to review, favorite, and follow if you like the madness! We hope you've enjoyed!" Lizben called before the two were being pulled out of the room by Edward and Jonathan.

"Keep writing, you insufferable harpies!" Jonathan snarled.

"They want to see more of us!" Edward tugged Stitch in one direction with Switch following while Jonathan pulled Lizben away with Clarice shaking her head at their actions.

"I should've kept with the X-Men! They never treated me this way!" Lizben screeched.

A/N: In case you failed to take note of the hilarious anecdote written, this special guest chapter is courtesy of L.D. Eddy, the author of Liberate and one of those sick writers that enjoys torturing characters. It's true. She does. It's brilliant. Thanks Liz!

Oh and don't worry, Edward and Jonathan will be together again, being friends in the upcoming rule 25.