Hello! New chapter! Thanks for all of the reviews on the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy this one!
Christmas, it's nearly Christmas, and I'm still in here.
My stay at Lima Mental Institution has been extended, apparently I'm not ready to go home yet. I feel like I've been in here for years, when really I've been in here just under two weeks. The longest two weeks of my life. A part of me has lost all hope. Maybe I'll be like Benny, perhaps I'll never leave this place. Am I really that ill? Is this my life now, being stuck in a mental institution? I just want to go, I'm ready to go.
Brittany isn't here, she's gone, I'm all alone. I thought she would visit me everyday, but she hasn't. I've only seen my love three times, the last time she visited was two days ago. Brittany promised me something, she promised I would see her on Christmas day, tomorrow, I just hope I do see her, it will be the best Christmas present ever. There's a reason Brittany hasn't been to see me everyday, she's been warned to stay away as much as she can. You'd think I'm toxic or something. The doctor told her that it would help me recover, apparently I rely on Brittany too much, I need to try to live a life without her by my side every second of the day. It's hard though, I miss her like mad. I can feel myself getting better, everyday I'm different, I'm changing, and I know Brittany's extremely happy with my progress. It wont be long now, I'll be out of here soon.
Dad still hasn't been to see me, I don't think he wants anything to do with me anymore. Brittany made up an excuse, she said he's too busy to visit me at the moment, I know that's a lie, because if your child was in a mental institution, you would make time. The truth is, I miss him, I miss hearing his voice, god I miss everything, even the little things. And although being in here is making me feel better, I don't think I've ever felt lonelier.
Only Brittany has been to visit me, no one else, just her.
It's Christmas Eve and I'm currently sitting in the game room working on another jigsaw puzzle with Benny. At first I thought the man was a little weird, but after getting to know him more, he's pretty cool. The nurses even let us put up a little Christmas tree in the corner. They're not that bad.
"Are your family visiting tomorrow, Benny?" I ask him as I concentrate on the puzzle in front of me.
Benny mumbles something, and then he looks up and shakes his head. "Probably not," he says. I sigh, I know how much he misses his family. He then continues, "my daughters busy doing something, and I haven't seen my son in over five years."
And I thought I was lonely, at least my love comes to visit me. "They might come this year, people can surprise you," I say. I'm full of surprises, I know I've surprised quite a few people.
"They wont, Santana," Benny says. It's like he's completely given up. "Are your family coming here to spend Christmas with you?" He asks.
I nod my head, unable to stop smiling. "My girlfriends coming here tomorrow, she's spending the whole day with me, I'm so excited," I tell him.
"Oh yes, your girlfriend, what's her name again? Bruney?" Benny looks up, trying to figure out her name.
"Brittany," I correct him, smiling again when I say her name out loud. I still can't believe she's coming here tomorrow. I deserve to see her, I've spent way too long without her. When I get out of here I'll be able to spend as much time as I want with her. It will be a dream come true.
"Are you exchanging presents?" He asks.
I sigh and shake my head, "unfortunately since I'm in here we aren't allowed to give each other presents," I tell him. I wish I could buy Brittany lots of presents, but it's against the rules. Never mind, I'll just buy her some presents when I get out of here. "Us seeing each other is like the greatest gift ever." I add.
"I can imagine," he laughs.
The day goes by slowly, I think it's because I know I'm going to see my love tomorrow. I find myself constantly checking the time, I just want to sleep so when I wake up it's Christmas morning and she'll be here, with me. I wonder what she'll wear tomorrow, maybe she will wear a patterned sweater like last year, she looked so cute in it. I know it kept her warm, I think it's still in her closet, I think it will be because I know it's not in my room. That reminds me, my Brittany room is gone, all I have left now is her.
It's time to go to bed now, it's dark outside and the nurses are going around the rooms switching off all of the lights. For once I'm actually happy to be spending the night here, I hope I don't wake up during the night, it always takes me forever to get back to sleep. Once the lights have been switched off, I look outside of the small window and gaze at the moon, hoping my love is looking at it too. I then climb under the covers and close my eyes, knowing tomorrow is going to be a very good day. I sleep with a smile on my face, tomorrow's the day. She's coming.
It's Christmas, and Brittany's coming today.
"Merry Christmas, Santana." Mary, one of the nurses says to me as she passes me in the hall.
"Merry Christmas," I reply, smiling at the woman before walking to the bathroom. I want to look my best for my love. You're not allowed to wear makeup in here so I make sure my face is extra clean, I don't want to look dirty. I brush my teeth at least three times before sighing happily, I think I look alright. I look better than some of the other people in here.
I change into my 'clothes', a white top and an ugly pair of pants. You would think since it's Christmas they would give me decent clothes to wear, but unfortunately they don't, I'm wearing the same things as the others. I then brush my hair and let it hang down my shoulders, desperately hoping it doesn't look greasy, that's another bad thing about this place, you are given basic shampoo. I wouldn't even call it shampoo. Apparently you can't harm yourself with it, not sure what the nurse means by that.
Brittany's coming to my room today, I told the nurse I wanted a bit of privacy, and since it's Christmas, she said yes. I'm glad I don't have to talk to my love in the game room today, I know she would prefer to spend Christmas just with me, no one else.
It's 2pm now, Brittany should be here soon, she said she would be. I've cleaned my room just so my love doesn't have to be surrounded by filth, I've also made my bed. I'm currently sitting on the floor because I don't want to mess up the bed, it's the only thing in this room so I have to make sure it looks a little decent. Not long later there's a knock on the door, my heart starts pounding, it's either the nurse or my love, oh fuck, I hope it's my love. I slowly get up and make my way over to the door, I gulp nervously before opening the door and staring at the love of my life.
"Brittany," I whisper, staring into my loves eyes.
"Hello," Brittany says, pushing her glasses back up her face. "The nurse told me your room number, I hope it's okay that I'm here." Brittany adds.
I frown, why would Brittany even ask that? Of course it's okay she's here. I'm beyond happy right now. "Of course it's okay," I laugh, moving aside so my love can come in. I'm a little nervous, I hope she doesn't think the room is too bad. "I-I cleaned up a little," I say when I notice my love is scanning the room.
"This is where you sleep?" Brittany asks, pointing to the bed and then turning to face me. I close the door and move closer to her, it's been too long.
"Yes," I mumble, my eyes shifting over to the small bed in the corner. Maybe I should have cleaned the room more. "You can sit down on the bed if you want, it's a lot better than sitting on the floor, it's more comfortable." I say. To be honest, there's not much difference between the bed and the floor, they're both quite hard.
"Thank you," Brittany says, making her way over to the bed and hesitating for a moment before sitting down. I smile at the action, my love is sitting on my bed, her ass is where I usually put my head. "Will you come and sit down next me?" Brittany asks.
How silly of me, I'm still standing in the middle of the room looking like an idiot. "Of course," I say, immediately rushing to my loves side. I sit down next to her and shift my body slightly, just so our knees are touching.
Brittany turns to face me, "Merry Christmas, Santana," she whispers.
I smile lovingly at her, "Merry Christmas, Brittany."
We stare into each others eyes for a few minutes, just enjoying being with each other. I miss these moments. Brittany then looks down at my lips, I think she wants to kiss me, I know I really want to kiss her. I move even closer to my love and raise my hand, bringing it to her face and cupping her cheek, loving the small blush she has just for me. I then lean forward and connect our lips ever so softly.
I'm kissing my love, and she tastes delicious.
Our lips brush against each others, desperately needing more. I slowly part my mouth and stick my tongue out, sliding it into Brittany's opening mouth. My love moans at the contact, and slides her tongue against mine. With my free hand, I bring it to Brittany's waist and pull her closer, our breasts touching. We make out for several minutes, only stopping when the need for air becomes all too much. We disconnect our lips and smile at each other, I know we both really needed that.
"I wish we could do more," Brittany pouts, kissing me a few more times. "It's Christmas, after all." She adds, pressing our foreheads together.
I sigh, "I know," I agree, my hand running up and down Brittany's side. "I don't think you're allowed to make love in here," I add.
Brittany laughs, "what would happen if we did?" She asks.
"Hmm, not sure, I wouldn't like to find out though," I tell her. Me and Brittany haven't made love in quite a while, I know we both want to but this stupid place is stopping us. I'm not sure whether there's cameras in this room, I hope there isn't because I have a thing for masturbating in here, I hope no one can see me. Wow, that's embarrassing.
Brittany is wearing a Christmas sweater, it's big and woolly, and has the cutest snowman on it. It's red so it's suits her, she really does look adorable in it. She has her hair tied up in a ponytail, I'm glad, I get to see more of her beautiful face. I just can't stop looking at her, how can anyone be so perfect? I wonder what she's thinking about, I can see her looking at me, maybe she thinks I look cute too? But that's impossible, I will never be cute like my love.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask my love.
Brittany smiles, showing those beautiful white teeth of hers. She shrugs, "I'm just thinking about you, and how beautiful you look." She says, making my heart flutter.
She thinks I'm beautiful.
I blush, all of a sudden I'm feeling extremely warm. "I'm not the beautiful one, you are." I tell my love.
I smile when the blush returns on Brittany's face, I love how I make her feel. "How about we agree that we're both beautiful?" She says, raising her eyebrows. I nod my head in agreement, I guess so, but she's still more beautiful.
"Okay," I laugh, "so I want to know everything, what did you get for Christmas? I'm sorry I can't give you anything yet, you're not allowed presents in here, I'll get you something as soon as I leave here, we can have a late Christmas together." I tell my love.
Brittany laughs out loud, "Santana, I love that idea." She says. I'm glad my love likes it. I've never had a late Christmas before, it will be interesting. My love then continues, "my parents got me loads of books, which I'm really grateful for, I've already read one of them. They also got me a new bookshelf, it looks so awesome in my room." She says.
"That sounds amazing!" I exclaim, knowing Brittany got exactly what she wanted. "What else did you get?" I ask.
"Mercedes and Tina also bought me some books, and other cools things," Brittany says, making me frown. What the fuck? Those bastards bought my love things for Christmas?
"I don't understand," I say, shaking my head. "Why did they buy you things? They're..." I stop myself before I can say, 'they're nothing special,' I know Brittany would be disappointed if she heard me saying something like that about her 'so called friends'.
There's a small smile on Brittany's face. She slowly moves her hand and begins to stroke my leg. "They're my friends, Santana," Brittany whispers, gazing at me. "Friends buy each other presents, it's a common thing to do," she adds.
I'm still frowning, "and you like those two idiots buying you things for Christmas?" I shout. Oh crap, that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have shouted and I know it was wrong of me to refer to Mercedes and Tina as idiots.
I'm about to apologize when I recall a previous conversation I had with my love. She told me to stop apologizing for everything, so I'm taking her advice.
"I'm not going to apologize," I tell my love in a stern voice. "It's the way I feel and I'm sorry if you don't agree." Oh god, that sounded okay, right?
Brittany has tears in her eyes, is my love alright? She takes off her glasses and wipes her watery eyes before whispering, "I'm proud of you." I can finally let out the breath I'm holding. Brittany then continues, "I'm glad you're not apologizing, you don't have to."
"I'm getting better, aren't I?" I ask my love.
Brittany nods her head and moves closer, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me in for a long hug. "You're getting better," Brittany says, rubbing my back. "I'm so proud of you, Santana." I love it when Brittany says things like that, I'm glad I'm making her proud, that's all I want to do.
When Brittany breaks the hug, I stare into those beautiful blue eyes of hers, "did you buy Mercedes and Tina things for Christmas?" I hesitate before asking.
Brittany quickly nods her head, "of course," she says, "they're my friends so I went shopping the other day and bought them things I know they would like." I'm about to say something when Brittany stops me, "and I know they bought you something too."
Wait what? Mercedes and Tina bought me something?
"Why would they buy me something?" I ask with a frown on my face. Brittany just said friends buy each other presents for Christmas, so I'm a little confused as to why Mercedes and Tina have bought me something.
"Because they want to be friends with you, I know right now you're struggling to-"
"Wait a minute," I interrupt Brittany before she can continue. "Do they know where I am right now? Have you told them everything and that's why they've bought me something for Christmas, because they feel sorry for me?" I almost choke. Surely Brittany wouldn't do this to me.
"They don't know anything," Brittany assures me, reaching out and taking my hand in her own. "They know you're having a hard time right now, which is why they want to make an effort with you."
"But I don't want anything to do with them," I moan.
Brittany sighs, "sweetie, you need someone," she says. Sweetie, my love called me sweetie.
"I have you," I quickly say, "and as long as I have you, I don't need anyone else, right? Just me and you, always, remember?"
"You can't just have me," Brittany says in a stern voice. "I love you, you know that, but you need friends, you need to have people to talk to, and I'm sorry if you don't agree but I'm serious about this."
"But why can't I just have you?" I ask.
"Because I can't be your everything," Brittany says. What does she mean by that? Brittany clears her throat and then continues. "Look around you, do you know where you are?" Brittany asks.
Of course I know where I am. "I'm in a mad house," I tell my love.
"Exactly," Brittany says slowly. "You're in a mental institution, and only three people know you're here." Brittany looks down at the floor, then continues, "me, Lexi and your dad."
"What's your point?" I ask.
"You're in a mental institution and nobody has even asked about you...because you don't have anyone." Brittany says. Wow, that'a a little harsh.
"Well, you just said Mercedes and Tina-"
"They don't count, I had to bring you up in the conversation," Brittany says. "And the worst part is, this is all my fault." Brittany cries. What's all her fault?
"What do you mean?" I ask. My love is worrying me now.
"I mean so much to you that you don't even acknowledge anything else," Brittany says. She pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words. "You could have had so many friends in high school, you could have done so much but you didn't, because if I wasn't a part of it then you didn't want to know." She sobs.
"You're scaring me," I whisper.
"You need your life back, you need friends and sweetheart you need to have a life that doesn't revolve around me," Brittany says. "I'm always going to be here, I'm always going to be your girlfriend, but you need more, you have to have more."
"I do have more," I lie, hoping it convinces my love.
"Santana, when is your birthday?" Brittany asks, looking straight into my eyes. I frown at Brittany's question, what? "When is your birthday?" Brittany repeats.
"June 12th," I say, wondering why Brittany is asking.
"Santana...that's my birthday, I'm asking when yours is." Brittany whispers.
"Oh...it's, my birthday is..." But no words seem to leave my mouth.
"Santana, it's your birthday you shouldn't have to think about it!" Brittany snaps, startling me. "Please, just tell me when your birthday is," Brittany cries.
"It's February 22nd," I mumble after a few seconds of silence. I hope my love isn't mad at me, that's not what I want. "Are you alright?" I ask in a small voice.
"It took you more than 20 seconds for you to tell me when your birthday is," Brittany says slowly, running her fingers through her ponytail. "And yet it took you a second for you tell me mine, and at first you thought it was yours." Oh, I think I understand.
"I should have known that immediately," I say to my love.
Brittany nods her head, "You shouldn't have to think about it," she says. "Do you understand what I'm talking about now?"
"I guess so," I whisper.
And then there's silence.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Brittany says in a quiet voice, breaking the long silence. I look up at my love, I don't want her to apologize. "It was wrong of me to speak to you like that." She adds.
"I thought you said we're all entitled to our own opinions?" I smirk, "you don't have to apologize," I tell her.
"But I snapped at you," Brittany says, shaking her head. "You don't deserve to have me screaming at you, especially not at a time like this." At a time like this?
"What do you mean? 'At a time like this?'" I ask.
"Well...I should be helping you, not screaming at you," Brittany says. "How about we just talk about something else, you have another visitor you know, I'm not the only person who came here to see you," Brittany smiles.
Someone else is here? Who?
"It's Lexi," Brittany says before I can ask. I haven't seen Lexi since that awful night, the night that changed everything. I'm a little nervous to see her, I wonder why she's here.
"Where is she?" I ask my love.
"She's being told off by the nurse at the moment, she accidently stole someone's cake and all hell broke loose," Brittany says, making me laugh.
"She stole someone's cake?" I laugh.
"Yeah...it was actually pretty embarrassing. Lexi thought the woman was offering the cake to her, when really she wasn't, so when Lexi took the piece of cake out of the womans hand, well...lets just say, she wont be doing that again." Brittany says. "Don't worry, she hasn't been kicked out or anything, she should be here soon, the nurse just wanted to have a few words with her."
"Hmm, I heard someone screaming earlier, that must have been Lexi," I say quietly, recalling the moment. "Did the woman hurt her?" I ask in a worried voice.
Brittany raises her eyebrows, "wow, you really are getting better," she laughs, "you actually sound worried about her." She adds.
I shrug my shoulders, I'm not exactly worried, just a little...worried, yeah, I guess I am getting better. "There's some pretty tough people in here, I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of them, that's all," I say.
"You are worried about her," Brittany teases me, rubbing our shoulders together. "Aww, my girlfriend is worried about her friend," Brittany says in a squeaky voice.
I roll my eyes and laugh at how cute is Brittany is being, "shut up, she's not my friend, she's like my ex friend or something," I say to my love.
"She's your friend," Brittany whispers into my ear, "in fact, she's your best friend!" She exclaims.
"Now that's going a little far, she's not my best friend, she hasn't been my best friend in a long time," I tell her. "You're my best friend, just you." I add.
"You can have more than one best friend you know, so maybe Lexi can be your other best friend?" Brittany suggests. "We've just been talking about friendships, you accepting Lexi as one of your friends is a really big step, I'll be so proud of you," Brittany says.
I watch my love push her glasses back up her face, so damn cute. I think about it for a moment, maybe I will accept Lexi as my friend, if it's going to make Brittany proud of me. "Fine," I huff, "but you still haven't told me why she's here."
"She's here because it's Christmas, and she wants to see you," Brittany says in a soft voice. "When she finally gets here I'm going to leave the room for a little while, I want you both to have a little talk, is that alright?"
"But I want you to stay," I moan.
"I'll just be outside or something," Brittany assures me, wrapping her arm around my body and pulling me closer. "You're not going to let me down are you? I want you to be nice to her, and I want you to listen to what she has to say, can you do that for me?"
"I guess," I mumble, still a little unsure.
"That's my girl," Brittany says, turning her head and planting a soft kiss on my forehead, "I'm proud of you," she whispers.
Brittany's gone, I'm alone again. I think she's went to find Lexi, she hasn't shown up yet.
It's been 10 minutes, I'm sitting on my bed with my legs crossed, waiting anxiously. I hope Lexi isn't too mad at me, I do realize that what I did was wrong, and I'm very grateful that Brittany was there to hit me over the head with a pot. Maybe I wouldn't have gone through with it, or maybe I would have...I'm still trying to figure that one out. Am I a dangerous person? Do I deserve to be in this mental institution for many years? Is this really my life from now on. Wait a minute, why am I thinking about all of this, maybe it's because I'm worried about seeing Lexi, shit I really hope she doesn't hate me. But Brittany said she doesn't so maybe...
"Hi," I hear a voice say, pulling me out of my never ending thoughts. I look up to find Lexi standing by the door, looking more nervous than I've ever seen her before. She clears her throat, "Are you okay?" She asks.
The door closes completely, it's just me and her now.
"I-I'm fine," I stutter, uncrossing my legs and sitting up straight. "Are you?" I ask.
Lexi shuffles closer to me, she's playing with her fingers so I definitely know she's nervous. She doesn't have to be nervous, I'm not going to hurt her or anything. "Yeah, I guess I am," Lexi mumbles, "Merry Christmas."
I smile at my...friend, "Merry Christmas," I whisper.
Silence returns.
"I heard you stole someone's cake," I say after a few minutes of silence, it was getting too awkward, I had to say something.
Lexi chuckles and nods her head, "yeah, I did. I-I honestly thought the woman was giving it to me, I was wrong though." She says.
"Well...we all make mistakes sometimes," I tell my friend, hoping she understands the meaning behind my words. I'm trying to tell her that what I did was a mistake, and I'm very sorry about it.
"Yeah," Lexi mumbles, looking down at the floor. "But the thing is, some mistakes are unforgivable." My head snaps up, does she not forgive me for what I tried to do?
"Lexi, I can't go back and change things, all I can do is say I'm sorry and promise you that it wont happen again," I say in a small voice.
"If Brittany wasn't in the kitchen that night, if it was only us two...would you have killed me?" Lexi asks in a serious voice.
I gulp, I'm not sure I can answer that. A part of me wants to say no, I would have dropped the knife and nothing would have happened. But another part of me can't help but wonder, maybe I would have killed her, I remember how angry I was that night, I thought I had lost everything, so maybe...just maybe I would have killed her. That person isn't me anymore though, I'm different, I know I am. I think differently now, and I regret what I nearly did.
"I can't answer that," I reply honestly. There's no point in lying, not now, not after everything.
Lexi lets out a small chuckle, "you would have killed me, I know you would have." She says in certain voice.
I shake my head furiously. Not necessarily, I might have calmed down, she can't be certain about that. "I might have spared you, please don't assume I-"
"I looked into your eyes that night, and I was absolutely terrified," Lexi says, interrupting me. She was terrified? "I was begging you to stop, but when I looked at you, it was like you couldn't see me, like I was nothing to you." She whispers.
"Lexi, please don't think-" I try to reason with my friend, but she stops me.
"I deserve to be put in this mental institution," Lexi says, looking me in the eye. "Because for some reason I'm mad enough to forgive you."
She forgives me?
"You forgive me?" I ask with a frown on my face. I can't believe I'm hearing this, she actually forgives me?
"Not completely," Lexi says quickly, "a part of me will never forgive you for what you did, but I'm willing to try, because friendship means a lot to me, and I don't want to lose you. You need people in your life, I have to be here." She adds.
"I don't want to lose you either," I whisper.
"Good," Lexi nods her head. "There's a million things I want to say to you but I actually can't, Brittany's standing outside and I've been warned to keep my mouth shut."
"Oh okay," I say, looking at the door knowing my love is on the other side of it. "So, we're friends?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.
"I guess so," Lexi shrugs, "but you better not fuck with me again, Santana, this is your last warning and I swear to god, if you ever fucking-"
"Okay, that's enough!" Brittany exclaims as she quickly opens the door and cuts Lexi off. "Everyone's friends again, that's good!"
I watch Brittany push her glasses back up her face, I don't think I'll ever get sick of it. "Hey," I greet my love again.
Brittany smiles and walks over to me, "hey," she replies, pulling me up and wrapping her arms around me. "You did very well, thank you so much, I'm extremely proud of you," Brittany whispers in my ear so only I can hear her.
My heart flutters, she's proud of me, Brittany's proud of me.
After talking in my room with Brittany and Lexi for a little longer, we decide to go to the game room. Since it's Christmas, the nurses allowed visitors to stay for longer, which I'm grateful for because having company is like the best thing ever. I've missed Brittany so much so it's nice to spend time with her. I suppose it's nice to see Lexi too, I guess I've missed her snarky comments. It's cool to see how well Brittany and Lexi get along, I actually think they're kinda friends, and after being reassured a million times, I know Brittany's the one for me and I don't have to worry about Lexi trying to steal my love away from me. I guess I'm happy, and I can't wait to talk to the doctor tomorrow, I can't wait to leave here. Brittany's even promised me a large pepperoni pizza when I leave here, I'll be looking forward to that. I like eating with my girlfriend, it's like the best thing ever.
It saddens me when I see Brittany and Lexi putting their jackets on, I guess they're leaving. Hopefully the next time they visit I'll be leaving with them. I can only hope. "So...when can I expect another visit?" I ask as we all stand up from the chairs we're sitting on.
"Soon," Brittany promises. She walks around the table and pulls me in for another hug. I love how warm she is. When she breaks the hug, she leans forward and passionately kisses me on the lips, making me smile. "I hope everything goes well with the doctor tomorrow, remember to answer all of his questions and be good for the nurses." Brittany tells me.
"I will be," I tell her for the millionth time. "Get home safely, okay?"
"Okay," Brittany whispers, kissing me on the lips again.
"I'm standing right here, you know," Lexi moans, shaking her head.
"Oh yeah," I laugh with Brittany, "you get home safely too." I tell her.
Lexi rolls her eyes at me and walks towards me, opening her arms. Oh my, is she going to hug me or something? I raise my eyebrows and I gasp when I feel her arms around my waist, she's actually giving me a hug. I'm stiff for a moment, wondering what the hell to do. I then relax and return the hug. I can see Brittany smiling at us, I hope she's proud of me, this is a huge step. Lexi then whispers in my ear, "I'm glad you're alright Santana, I can see you're getting better, I'm happy for you."
"Thank you," I mumble against her shoulder. When Lexi breaks the hug, I look over to Brittany, "do you think next time you visit, dad could come with you?" I hesitate before asking.
Brittany and Lexi at each other and sigh, "Santana," Brittany says slowly, walking back over to me and cupping my cheek, "now isn't a good time, sweetie," she says softly.
"But I don't understand, you said that last time, when will he visit?" I ask quickly, "is he still upset with me?" Please say he isn't, please.
"He...he isn't ready to see you," I hear Lexi say. I look over Brittany's shoulder to stare at my friend, she has a strange look on her face. I have a feeling Brittany and Lexi are keeping something from me, I know something isn't right. Before I can say anything, Lexi continues, "maybe you can see him when you get out of here," she says. Well I have to see him when I get out of here, I live with him.
"Is he at home right now? Where is he? Where is my dad?" I ask Brittany and Lexi, trying my best not to panic. As I look into their eyes though, all I see is pity.
"It's getting late, why don't you go and get some sleep sweetheart," Brittany says, but I shake my head at her. She sighs, "come on, time for bed, we have to go now but I promise you'll see me soon, I love you so much." She adds, kissing me one more time.
"I love you too," I mumble with a sad look on my face. "I'll be good for the nurses and I promise to answer the doctors questions," I tell my love.
"That's my girl," Brittany smiles, "we're proud of you," she says again.
I had a good Christmas, spending it with Brittany and Lexi really cheered me up. I just wish dad was here, I want him to see me now, I think he would be proud of me too. I'm now sitting in the doctors office, I promised Brittany I'd answer all of his questions so that's exactly what I'm going to do.
"How are you feeling, Santana?" The doctor asks me in that low voice of his.
I shift nervously on the couch, "I feel good, I think I'm ready to leave here," I tell him confidently.
"That's good, I can see you're making a lot of progress, if all goes well you will be out of here before you know it," he smiles, which I gladly return. That's what I want, to be out of here for good. "Now today I want to talk about your past, tell me about your life back then, your mother." The doctor says, frightening me.
"My mother," I gasp, not wanting to talk about her. "Do we have to?" I ask.
"I'm afraid so," the doctor sighs, "she's a crucial part of all of this," he says.
I nod my head and gulp nervously, I have to do this. "Okay," I whisper, "what do you want to know?"