Note from author:
This is a very long chapter-more like three in one. The reviews have been getting slower and slower. Either the readers have lost interest or they are just too busy with the holidays. As I stated at the end of the chapter, I may put this on hold until after the holidays.
Chapter Twenty One:
Shepherd Needing the Lamb
His hand caressed her stomach as he gently pulled her close.
She was beyond exhaustion as she finally closed her eyes and slept.
He wasn't sure how much sleep she was getting but she seemed restless unless his body was lying next to hers.
Their "joining" had been rather painful this time.
It had begun with the usual verbal assault followed by intense sexual pleasure.
He'd struggled with his emotions each time he saw her eyes closed.
He wanted to force her to open them, to see who was bringing her to the brink each time but then he knew he could not force her heart to feel things it didn't.
She took his breath away each time her dark eyes opened just after they'd made love.
They were dark and brilliant and so full of passion.
Her eyes would search his as if expecting him to be someone else and then a tear would slip down her cheeks, only to be followed by another and another.
It was that moment that he'd wanted to change places with Gracen Merci.
He would give anything to give her what she desired.
She clung to him in her sleep, fearful to be left alone.
He knew she thought it was Gracen that held her and briefly he pretended to be.
Whispering the words, Gracen had told him to say to be so damn convincing that she would give herself to him.
"I'm here, my Sara," he whispered.
"Don't leave," she begged.
"I won't."
He knew she was not awake, but rather responding in a dream state when she was still holding Gracen.
He clung to her for as long as he could before slipping from the bed to finally leave.
The moment the door shut, she woke with a shudder, the intensity of his departure settling within her very core.
She rose immediately, not wishing to be away from him, deciding to go into the lab even though she didn't think she had it in her to face death so quickly.
She broke down in the shower, slipping down onto the stall as she cried at her predicament.
She had Gil Grissom.
He was bound to her forever.
The irony tore through her as she laughed bitterly.
"I wanted him to want me...love me...without being forced."
Gil Grissom had sacrificed himself for her.
He did the honorable thing be rescuing her from the mess she had gotten herself into.
Yes, she had chosen Gracen out of a fit of pain but her heart had never conceded.
The moments before their joining, her heart had shuddered at the prospect of losing Grissom, letting his name slip from her lips.
Oh, she loved Gracen.
She was sure of that but her love for Grissom could not be squashed and worse she didn't want it to be squashed.
She'd uttered his name and then lied about it, not wanting to hurt Gracen when he had given up so much to have her.
But the irony! Oh the irony of finally waking to the sunlight pouring in through the room and then realizing, she was actually with Grissom.
During the entire ritual, she had fantasied about Grissom, decieving her heart that the man who was taking her virginity was Grissom and not Gracen.
Oh the fantasy would be just for one night, she'd told herself.
It would be her secret sin to bear.
A sin she was willing to commit if it would keep her heart from shattering into tiny pieces.
But then the truth was shown in the light and she felt dirty and ashamed for what she had done.
Gracen had given his life for her and she had repaid him by turning the ritual into something very unholy, almost sadistic.
The news of his death had been too much to bear.
She'd told herself that once she had gotten the fantasy of Grissom out of her system, she would divulge the truth to Gracen.
She would confess her sin to him, knowing that he would know how to cleanse her soul from such a blight.
He would forgive her, she was sure of it and she would spend eternity making it up to him.
Now, he was dead and she was left with her sinful action.
She swallowed more tears than she cared to count.
She couldn't make them stop these days.
The one man who had loved her with all of his being, who had sacrificed everything for her was dead.
A heaviness settled within her being as she struggled to maintain her composure.
She lashed out at Grissom at every turn, wanting him to feel the same anguish.
Her guilt seemed too much to bear when she lay there beneath him, watching as he climbed higher and higher, letting go just as she did.
Oh how she wanted him to love her the way Gracen had.
As she turned off the water, she sobbed once more, knowing that she did not deserve to be loved and perhaps that would be her true pentence.
In the meantime, she mourned for Gracen while her heart longed to be with Grissom, the man she tortured because he had saved her.
Sara Sidle was tired of being a survivor.
Eyes shot up when Grissom walked through the halls.
He glanced down at himself, not sure why there were stares but he tried to avoid the others, heading straight for his office so he could review the messages.
He'd made it half way there when he heard Ecklie's voice yelling at him.
Minutes later he was sitting in Ecklie's office while he was being reminded of the office policy against departmental relationships.
"Imagine my surprise when I drove to Sara's apartment, concerned that she had been ill for several days and then finding your vehicle. Imagine my further surprise when I heard certain noises coming from the apartment while you were in there. Imagine…"
"What do you want Ecklie?"
Ecklie stared at Grissom.
He looked rather worn down and ill.
"I…we can't have…this type of conduct going on…the lab's reputation…"
"My resignation will be on your desk within the hour," Grissom said as he rose and then headed to the door.
"Don't be so…sacrificial, Gil. I didn't say I wanted your resignation."
"You have it none the less."
Grissom opened the door but Ecklie practically ran around the desk slamming the door shut.
"There is no need…sit down," grumbled Ecklie.
"Conrad, I have cases that need to be assigned…and work to do so get to the point of this conversation. If you don't want my resignation then what do you want?"
"Sidle. Sidle can be reassigned to another unit and…"
"No."
"Gil, you can't possibly think you can have your cake and eat it too?"
"You're punishing Sara. I did this."
"Look, the graveyard shift needs you as supervisor. Sidle is expendable."
"No. You reprimand me…only…or I resign."
"You can't expect me to just leave her on graveyard and…"
"If Sara moves to another shift that will be her decision only because she wants to…not yours or mine."
Ecklie's jaw twitched.
"I expect her back on the job immediately."
"She's entitled to bereavement leave...she was engaged to Gracen Merci and he's dead."
Ecklie scoffed. "Some engagement! She may have worn his ring but we both know who she was fu..."
"Careful what you say," warned Grissom.
"Come, come, Grissom. It doesn't take the second best lab in the country to know who she was banging inside her apartment."
Grissom grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall.
"I take full responsibility for what happened..."
Ecklie yanked away from his grasp.
"You mean to tell me that the holier than thou Gil Grissom took advantage of a bereaving woman? She's been trying to get into your pants for years!"
"I wouldn't listen to gossip...besides what she does outside this office is none of your business."
"It does when she's sleeping with her boss!"
"I slept with her," he corrected.
"You make it sound like she didn't want it? Good God Grissom, are you implying you raped her? It didn't sound like rape to me," he huffed.
"My...our private life is going to remain private."
"Not in my lab!"
"Do you want to pull out skeletons?" threatened Grissom.
Ecklie stared at Grissom in content but cleared his throat. "Fine. Two weeks suspension without pay with a written warning in your file," he sneered.
Grissom handed him the assignments. "These are yours. The top one is priority rush job. There are insects on the body. Be sure to document your time line regression thoroughly."
"Wait! You can't leave!" he bellowed.
"You just suspended me. I'm not permitted to work while suspended. I'll bring all of the cases on my desk and leave them on yours."
He started to walk out of the door but Ecklie caught him.
"Get to work Grissom. The written warning remains...don't think that I won't be watching Sidle...if she slips up, she will not be given any special treatment when it comes to disciplinary action."
"Sara is a good worker...I won't have you railroading her...because of what I've done."
He opened the door and headed to his office.
Catherine was already there.
"We were getting worried when you didn't come in early."
"Migraine."
"I know. You look like shit. How do you feel?"
"Exhausted."
"Gil, is everything alright? Ecklie was down here prowling around."
"I handled it."
"He mentioned…something about us losing another person."
"He changed his mind."
Her hand rested on his arm.
It felt comforting.
"You okay?" she whispered.
"Catherine, thanks. I have a bug case I need to get to."
"If you need me…"
"Catherine…could you…watch over Sara. I'm not even sure if she's coming in or not but if she does…Gracen Merci…died."
"Warrick…told us. He said not to ask too many questions…let it go. Sara needs to heal…and not be reminded of it."
I'll always be reminded of it…
Every time I touch her…
She'll be thinking of him…
Wanting him…
"Gil, are you alright? You're a little green," she said.
Sara glanced down the hall and saw Catherine with Grissom.
A rage of jealousy shot through her as she saw Catherine's hand resting on Grissom's arm.
Grissom patted her hand. "You're just afraid I'm going to hand you the bug case…don't worry. I'm on my way."
He glanced down at the end of the hall and saw Sara.
Catherine noticed the heated exchange.
"I guess she decided to come in," whispered Catherine.
"I've got to go. Take Greg's assignment and give it to Sara…so she can work solo. She would probably prefer to work solo…don't you think?"
She stared at him. "You have it bad."
"What?" he asked his eyes on the floor.
"Love sick." It wasn't said in a harsh or teasing way. Her hand caressed his arm. The comfort felt good.
"Yeah, I guess I am. I hope it doesn't last long."
He started to walk away but she stopped him. "I know this may sound bad but maybe you should…make a move this time…don't wait until…"
Warrick appeared. "Doc just called. Sara demanded to see Gracen's body."
"Poor kid," whispered Catherine.
"The body isn't there," stated Warrick.
"What do you mean?" asked Grissom as he looked back to see Sara talking briefly with Greg.
"Some family member with high connections got the body released...for religious purposes. The body was cremated."
"Do you think she should be working?" asked Catherine.
"If she wants to work...then let her," stated Grissom as he started toward Sara but she took off in another direction.
He did not pursue her, knowing he was the last person she wanted to see.
He took off for his vehicle, grateful for some solitude.
He usually had someone to work with him on cases like this but he needed to work alone, trying to put his mind off how miserable he'd made Sara.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see Brass.
"Boy, Catherine wasn't exaggerating when she said you look like shit."
"Mind giving me a hand," he said wearily.
"Why are you working this solo?"
"Stupidity."
"Trying to avoid Sara?"
He turned and tried to refocus on his task.
"When do I get to hear the rest of the story?"
"Beer after work…but not today…later," Grissom offered.
"How about a pint of blood," he chuckled.
Grissom sneered. "Never mind."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…anything by it but you look rather pale…it wouldn't hurt to have Doc check you out."
He had been feeling tired but then he'd also been on a recent marathon of sex with Sara.
He sighed.
Perhaps she was right.
It was just sex and nothing intimate but even when he let himself think such a thought, he dismissed it, knowing how he felt.
He'd never loved anyone except Sara.
Love was an emotion that he stayed clear of, seeing firsthand how his mother mourned for his father after his death.
He swore he'd never allow himself to love so fully, so completely only to be devastated.
He realized now that he had no control what his heart decided.
He loved Sara even if she was determined to cut him to shreds with her words.
He rushed, forcing himself to finish the job in record time.
The shift was almost over and he knew that it had been more than eight hours since he had been with Sara.
His phone rang and he breathed in deeply.
It was Sara.
"I'm on my way back to the lab."
She didn't say a single word but hung up.
He logged in the evidence in record time, signing out as his eyes scanned the parking lot.
His phone rang once more.
"I'm waiting," she huffed. "My place."
He smelled horrible as he trudged to her door.
Already he felt the need as well.
He knocked and it only infuriated her.
"You have a key, use it," she snapped.
"I didn't want…to intrude."
"Like you've done before? When I was almost on the verge of a mind blowing orgasm with Gracen and you just came in?"
He said nothing as he headed to the bedroom.
She followed, already tense from the waiting.
She gawked when he stripped his clothes and then headed for the bathroom, turning on the shower.
She gave him five minutes before joining him.
By that time, he was as frenzied as her needing to be inside her.
After the first orgasm, the pace became slower but more intense.
The second orgasm was just as shattering as they held onto each other, letting the water cascade over them.
She looked up and saw that his eyes were closed as his hand caressed her back, his lips kissed her forehead.
She gulped from the sight of his beautiful body pressed firmly against her.
Her hands refused to release him just yet as she caressed every inch of his chest, planting soft kisses here and there.
Her eyes remained shut, not wanting to see the depths of the blue in his eyes as she initiated another bout of lovemaking.
They continued despite the chill of the water. At some point she shut it off.
Once they were done, she slipped past him, drying herself with a towel.
He dressed, grateful he had left a few things there.
He stepped out of the bathroom, noticing she was huddled in the bed with the covers pulled up tight. Her hair was still damp.
He started to leave but halted when he heard the first sob.
He knew she had not intended for him to hear it but he had and it tore at him.
Despite her attempts to push him away, he molded his body next to hers as he softly stroked her hair.
"Ssshh Sara. Just sleep while I watch over you," he whispered.
"You're not…him," she wept.
"I know, Sara. I'm sorry," he choked.
It made her sobs increase as he continued to stroke her hair, his lips consoling her.
"He didn't deserve to die like that. He deserved better. So much more than me," she wept.
He clutched her tighter, feeling her anguish.
She finally drifted to sleep, eventually rolling over in her sleep and snuggling up close to him.
He rubbed her arms, pulling up the covers before closing his eyes.
He hadn't meant to sleep for so long.
He opened his eyes and found that he was still in her bed.
He struggled out of the covers, trying to slip on his shoes while making his way to the door.
She sat in the chair with a magazine in her hand.
He glanced at her as he reached for his jacket. "I'm sorry. I intended to…."
"Leave without saying anything?" she accused.
The streaks on her face told him she'd been crying for some time.
I should have left...
she couldn't sleep with me here...
"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave as soon as we…I didn't want to leave you…like that."
"I didn't want you…period."
It's the pain striking out…
"Then you're saying you want me to leave next time…as soon as we're done."
"Yes."
He swallowed. "Okay," he said dejectedly.
He grabbed his jacket and was gone immediately.
She burst into tears, throwing the magazine at the door.
She had no idea why she was so mean to him but she did not know how to deal with her emotions.
Brass came to the townhouse one evening for a beer.
He glanced around the place and looked at Grissom.
"Where's Sara?"
"She's at her apartment."
"Oh. I just thought…."
Grissom finished off the beer and then poured a glass of scotch.
"Hard stuff, huh?"
Grissom sipped on the alcohol as he told Brass everything about his involvement with Gracen and Sara.
"The guy actually got close to Sara by pretending to be you and then she's pissed at you for pretending to be him…in order to save her life?"
"She chose him…not me."
"The only reason she chose him is because you wouldn't make up your mind. You wanted her but felt you couldn't have her….for some twisted reason."
Grissom grinned sadly. "I guess it was…sort of twisted. All I ever had was my work. It became my life…then Sara showed up and…"
"I remember the lecture you gave Lurie. Sara heard it too."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he grieved.
"Why? So you could run to her and deny it only to walk away again. I figured the two of you just needed to stay clear of one another."
"I never realized how…sad the state of my life had become until that case."
"So…now what do you plan to do?"
"What can I do? Sara loathes me…but she tolerates me…because we're bound."
"Then I suggest you try to…change her mind. By the way, you really need to see Doc. You look bad, buddy."
They managed to get through the week without working a double.
It helped but the tension from the verbal assaults as well as her melancholy affected both of them.
Doc knocked on his door and he glanced up, midway through a report that was due.
"Jim wasn't kidding when he said you didn't look good."
"Hi Doc," he replied.
"When you're finished with that report, I expect you in my office for a thorough exam."
"Okay," sighed Grissom.
"You must really feel bad if you've given in so easily."
An hour later, he sat in the morgue while Doc examined him.
"You're very anemic," he observed. "Any other side effects from exchanging blood with a certain angel?"
"Can you give me something?" he asked, not wanting to rehash the past. Despite the hell Sara put him through he would do it again.
He would walk through hell for her.
Each time he made love to her, he felt he was teetering between heaven and hell.
"You should be in a hospital with numbers like this," Doc griped. "Of course you won't do that because they will run tests and see that you're different."
"I'd like to refer to my situation as unique…not different."
Doc sat down and looked at him. "Catherine has been concerned that you're not sleeping enough."
Grissom leaned back, looking quite haggard.
"How are you sleeping?" he asked.
"I slept earlier…it was better."
"Anything you did differently?"
He looked down at the floor.
"Gil, Jim and I are the only ones who know…about Sara and Gracen. You need a spring board…someone to talk with…bounce things off. You're in unknown territory. Like you said your situation is unique."
"I stayed at Sara's apartment. Sara and I…it's better if I'm near her. I sleep and feel better."
"Have you told her this?"
"No."
"Why not?"
He stood. "I've got to get back."
"I'll give you something for the anemia. Check back with me tomorrow. I need to monitor that."
"Thanks Doc."
He tried to do what she asked, leaving after they had joined.
"Joined" seemed to set better with him rather than the word "sex."
If she burst into tears, he stayed, holding her, comforting her as best as he could and then would force himself to leave after she had fallen asleep.
It wreaked havoc on his sleep habits.
The anemia got worse and he struggled through shifts.
If Sara noticed, she said nothing, now choosing to remain silent and he was at least grateful that the cruel barbs had stopped.
Doc was concerned about the anemia, almost pleading with him to check with a specialist but there was no way he could so Doc inquired for him without sending a sample of his blood.
It didn't help and he continued to worsen.
He tossed Greg the keys, letting him drive one evening.
Sara said nothing as she got into the vehicle.
It was the first case they had worked together.
She didn't seem to mind so much since Greg would be with them.
Grissom leaned back in his seat, resting as Greg drove.
Greg's constant chatter with Sara made him envious of their relationship.
They rarely talked these days and if they did it was only to confirm position and length of foreplay.
He picked a part of the crime scene for himself, thankful she was nearby.
Her presence seemed to help as he focused on his work.
Greg continued the bantering.
His flirtatious behavior toward Sara never bothered him until now.
He'd not been jealous in a long time and he caught himself yelling at Greg to get to work.
Greg was shocked into silence, retreating to another part of the house.
"You had no right to do that!" she spat. "I didn't see you yelling at Catherine when she was falling all over you recently."
"Sara…it's…look, things affect us differently now. It bothers me…when Greg does that…and you seem to enjoy it. I'm sorry Catherine's actions bothered you. I'll remember that the next time Catherine…comes around. I'll stop her….for you."
The conversation ended and he was back at work.
She stared at him awhile, not sure what to make of his behavior.
She started to say something when Brass stepped in.
"Anyone for dinner at Frank's when this is over?" he asked.
Brass looked directly at Grissom but then turned when Grissom glanced in Sara's direction as if wanting her to decide.
"Food is good," she muttered.
Greg chimed in about being famished.
Within a few hours they were seated at Frank's.
She started to sit with Greg but then remembered their conversation and sat beside Brass.
It made him feel better with her choice, giving her a smile but then she purposely began a discussion with Greg about a recent movie he'd seen.
Grissom hunkered down in his seat, trying to ignore the conversation.
Sara and Greg were deep in conversation while Brass looked at Grissom.
"Any improvement?" Brass asked softly.
Grissom shook his head while he munched on some ice.
Their food arrived.
He couldn't remember when he managed to eat a full meal.
He picked at the food but with each bite, the abdominal pain was unbearable.
He grabbed his ice water and drank it, munching on a piece of ice which seemed to help.
Sara continued talking with Greg who had turned to look at Grissom.
"Are you anemic?" asked Greg out of the blue.
"Why do you ask?" asked Brass glancing at Sara.
Greg grabbed Grissom's hand and looked at it closely.
"Not to embarrass you but there's something wrong with your nails," he pointed out. "You've seemed tired lately…you're munching on ice like it's candy and you seem…like you're in pain. You should see a doctor immediately. Classic symptoms of anemia."
She suddenly took a good look at Grissom.
It was the first in a long time.
He was rather pale, haggard to be exact and his eyes were not their brilliant blue but rather a dull gray.
"Glad that you noticed, Greg," muttered Brass as he glared at Sara.
I knew something was different….
I just didn't….care…
She was silent for the rest of the meal, listening to Greg followed by Brass as he talked with the undersheriff.
As soon as they returned to the lab, Grissom took off for the morgue.
Doc was already waiting on him.
"Abdominal cramps?" he asked.
Grissom nodded. "My stomach…is usually upset…knotted…but not like this," he admitted as he sat down.
"Gil, maybe a blood transfusion would stop whatever is happening," offered Doc.
"No! I can't risk that," he said.
The door opened and Sara stepped in.
"I asked Sara to come so I could check her also. If you both have similar blood then maybe we could find out the reason why your system is having a hard time."
Sara sat down and let Doc examine her.
They waited while he ran a blood sample while neither looked in the other's direction.
Doc returned, scratching his beard.
"This is odd. Sara's is fine. In fact she's in perfect health…for weird blood."
"What's wrong…with Grissom?" she asked.
"Chronic anemia," announced Doc. "We've tried everything and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I still think a blood transfusion would help."
"No," Grissom repeated.
"This problem is escalating. It's going to start affecting Grissom's organs…primarily his heart."
"Gracen..." she stopped for a moment and then continued. "Gracen said that he could withstand…pain more than humans."
"You and Grissom are no longer human. You're not angelic either. You're some sort of hybrid."
"What about…a transfusion…between Grissom and myself?" she asked.
"That's a possibility," said Doc.
"No, it's not," Grissom griped as he got up. "It could deplete her system. I'm not going to risk that."
Doc frowned at his friend's stubbornness. "Gil…"
He was already gone.
Doc threw up his hands. "So much for trying to help him."
"How long has this been going on?" she asked.
"Weeks…you didn't notice?" asked Doc.
"No," she admitted softly.
Doc looked surprised since Sara was usually so observant.
She was startled when there was a tap on her door and instead of Grissom, she found Brass.
"Mind if I have a few words with you?" he asked.
"Sure," she replied opening the door wide to let him enter.
"Doc just called me about Grissom."
"I know…he's not feeling well."
"He got into this mess...because of you."
Sara bristled. "It was his choice…not mine. I didn't…"
"What did you expect him to do, Sara? You didn't see how frantic he was to find Gracen for you. Did you just hear me? He wanted to find Gracen since you had chosen Gracen but it didn't turn out like that. It was Gracen's idea for him to ingest the blood. Grissom didn't hesitate…he did it. He didn't have to but Gracen was dying. They both wanted to save you so Grissom followed Gracen's plan…even if it meant risking his own life. If you weren't so damn busy punishing him for the stupid mistakes he's made in the past, you would see how much he loves you. He's risked everything for you."
She swallowed. "Why did he do it?" she asked in anquish.
"Sara! Do you even have to ask such a thing? He loves you. Is that so hard to believe?"
"He didn't before. I offered myself over and over and he rejected me...rejected me until I thought that there was something wrong with me...there was! He didn't love me! He didn't want me!"
"He saved you, Sara. He risked his life for you. If that doesn't scream love then I don't know what does."
She sniffled. "He didn't want me to lose my soul...he wanted to save me...but not for the reasons you think," she wept.
Brass growled as he pulled her into his arms. "You can't be serious, Sara. You just can't believe that he did it because he loves you. He's always loved you…but he's also been too damn afraid to make a move. Poor sucker must have been treated worse than me. I still look…and chase….just hadn't found anyone…worth catching….again."
He leaned forward kissing her briefly on the forehead and then left.
At the end of the shift, Grissom arrived just as he always did.
He went through the routine of slipping out of his clothes and then showering.
He was surprised she didn't join him but then again, they were slowly beginning to go for longer periods of time.
She sat on the edge of the bed, having showered before he arrived.
He didn't know how to act since he was used to her initiating the contact.
He was fearful of rejection having gotten nothing but brutal barbs since their joining.
"If you're not ready, I can leave and come back," he offered.
"How do you feel?" she almost whispered.
"I'm…I'm fine," he stammered.
"Would you prefer to sleep awhile?" she asked.
"I'll…come back. Just call me," he said.
Her hand reached out to grab his as he passed but she recoiled, not sure if he wanted to be touched.
"You can stay," she offered trying to sound forceful.
He wasn't sure how to read her behavior.
It wasn't hostile but he wasn't about to let his guard down.
He was too tired to be wounded by one of her barbs today.
"I don't mind, Sara. I'll go and…"
"It makes sense for you…to stay," she said pulling back the covers.
He remained still, waiting for words that would slice like a knife but there was none.
Her hands gestured for him to take his side of the bed, not sure he understood that she wanted him to stay.
He trembled like a wounded animal and she was guilt ridden for being so hateful.
His eyes were distant, his complexion pale.
He kept to the edge of the bed giving her plenty of space.
"Are you cold?" she asked.
"Cold?"
"Yes….cold?"
"I uhm…"
She rolled over, startling him as her body leaned over him, fumbling with something under the bed.
"Sara…what are you doing?"
"Turning on the heating pad…the mattress covering is a heating pad. If it gets too hot, you can turn it down," she explained.
"Oh…thank you."
He closed his eyes when her breast lay over his chest while struggling to reach the device.
"There," she announced as she pulled herself back into place.
He had liked the physical contact.
Minutes passed as they lay there not touching.
His eyes shot open when she rolled once again to face him.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
"Feel?"
"The heat?"
"Oh…good."
Once again he waited for a cruel response but there was none.
He closed his eyes once again but stiffened when she scooted closer.
Her head landed in the crook of his arm with her hand settling on his chest where his lay. Her fingers toyed with his until slowly her hand slipped into his.
It felt cozy lying there with the heat soothing his aches and pain while Sara lay curled beside him.
The urge began. He could already feel it but she remained still, almost asleep so he was not about to wake her. He could reign in his urges for a little while. Her head tilted upward and he knew she was looking at him but he refused to initiate it.
The slow steady hum of the urgency increased.
She licked her lips, planting them on his cheek.
They were wet and moist.
His other hand stroked her arm.
Her lips moved from his cheeks to his lips and he groaned from the pleasure of it.
"I'm sorry…I had to wake you," she whispered.
"I wasn't asleep," he confessed.
Despite waiting until neither could resist, their joining was slow and sensual.
Once they were sated, he struggled to get out of the bed, reaching for his pants.
"Griss…sleep," she said with a yawn.
Her hand yanked on his.
He slid back into bed, surprised that she curled into his side, letting her arm drape over his body.
It was an intimate gesture.
The warmth of the pad did wonders for his back and he moved in closer to Sara, closing his eyes as she peeked at him once more before drifting off to sleep.
It was hard for her to admit but the only time she didn't feel the weight of her guilt was the time they were together.
Lying in his arms was soothing, removing the fear of night terrors that had returned with a vengeance.
For now, she could sleep because he was with her.
"Just sleep, my Sara. I'm here. I'll watch over you," he whispered as her whimpers lessened by his soothing voice.
When she woke, he was gone.
Note from author:
I think everyone is too busy with the holiday to continue reading so I may put this on hold until after the holidays. Merry Christmas!