I swayed with the pendulum that hung below the face of the grand clock Mitchell had bought a few years ago. The whooshing noises it made through the air mesmerised me still, the gentle tick tock of the hands still caught my attention in the dark and silence. It was strange, Mitchell had said, for someone so intelligent to be amazed at something as simple as clock. But the clock wasn't simple; I had opened it up and looked inside. So many cogs and wheels turning together to give us the gift of time.
I thought it was interesting and I paid no attention to Mitchell's comment about losing my sanity. Something so small held such a large thing. I had wanted to go into town and buy more clocks but was stuck with the fear that I would want to go out again in a few years and be recognised and questioned. Mitchell had said that the townspeople talked about such little things, a new face would cause an uproar.
I looked at the face of the clock. It was nearly nine at night, and I had sat here for at least three hours, maybe I was losing my sense in the world… Mitchell should be home soon. He was working in Seattle, having worked in Forks for six years he had 'moved on' to work in a bigger city, when he had actually stayed with me messing around for two decades, before he did get a new job with new people that he could 'act' younger around.
I thought it was pointless running all the way there everyday but he refused to buy another house that would not be properly lived as he wanted to be where I was when he got off work.
As the last chime of the clock faded, Mitchell jumped through the window that was kept open for easy access. He was always home at the same time every day he worked, always jumping through the window we both loved to climb up to, so we had removed the glass until the rain started to enter and Mitchell was forced to replace the window, but he put it on a special hinge that was able to swing all the way around, so it didn't matter what direction we were coming from, we still were able to enter easily.
"Are you ready to go Isa?" I nodded and followed him out of the doors this time, slipping into the shadows even though we were alone here; it always made me more comfortable to know that there were things out there darker than I felt. Melding into the shadows made me feel safe, it didn't matter that Mitchell was able to see me as clearly as if I was standing under a light, but when I went to sit outside my family's home they couldn't see into the dark and I was able to watch them sleep without being seen.
Mitchell had the next two weeks off and we had planned to go on a long hunting trip looking for big game. The last time we had done this I had found myself looking for multiple mountain lions. They seemed to taste better than the deer I had usually satisfied myself on; Mitchell liked to hunt the wolves that we found, or the coyotes. I had wondered why he had gone for a group of animals that were related to wolves but he just shrugged at the question before changing the subject.
Following Mitchell's scent was easier than looking for where he was going as it gave my eyes free time to do some roaming. I never did find anything of importance but sometimes there was a log that was dead and decaying on the floor caught my eye and I filed it away in my mind so I could put it onto to paper when I got back.
Over the twenty odd years since we had returned my collections of drawings and paintings had grown immensely. Mitchell was easiest to paint as I knew his face so well, but when I tried to paint myself I never seemed to get something…it felt lacking in…I don't know…So I tended to draw memories from my past, or well I drew Braxton, Theo and various members of the Volturi.
Shane had surprised me by asking if he could have his portrait done as him in his wolf form and then he stood as human next to his wolf side. It had been interesting to do, getting the difference in height realistic and then actually drawing man and his inside beast together had inspired me to do it with the few wolves I had seen in human form. I had to ask their permission if they were still alive, as many old tribe's people believed that to take a photograph or make a picture of themselves it would capture their souls.
Maybe that's why I couldn't seem to draw myself right, I didn't have a soul. So drawing myself was literally impossible, if I couldn't take away what was already missing.
I sighed and watched as Mitchell crouched and stalked slyly towards his prey. I watched him take down his first wolf and then carried on into the dense feeling of the mountains, not really looking to hunt straight away. I had started to find that the burn in the back of my throat no longer felt the same strength as it had used to. That my control over my unwanted blood lust was growing.
I told myself I was old enough now, that I successfully controlled my body instead of the animalistic body controlling me. That's what I liked to think when I was sat in front of the clock, but I knew that the demon slithered under the surface of my façade.
And so I let it out and felt myself running past trees and over the ground silently until my body coiled and then sprang at an unsuspecting bear, my teeth clamping down on its neck, my throat swallowing the luscious liquid down my throat, my body feeling even more energised with its stolen life.
I was lying on a large stone, staring up at the dense clouds when Mitchell found me. It was obvious he had been messing around with his food before he actually ate it; his clothes were torn in places and his hair was ruffled from its usually neat place.
"Mitchell do I have to remind you again to not play with your food before you eat it? It truly is bad table manners and not a very etiquette way to eat…" I pulled out twigs from his locks and rubbed dirt off his chin, feeling overly motherly as I did so. I rested my hand on his cheek and he sighed when he leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. Hunting always calmed him down.
"Its not fun when you let them have it easy. I like a bit of fighting when I am guaranteed to win, if I fight with you, you win easily so I have to get my kicks somewhere…unless you are going to finally let me have a head to head with that dog, but as you deny me that joy I make do with animals." He moved around to sit next to me, placing his head in my lap and bring one of my hands into his hair, a way to tell me to start scratching. "Besides I like rolling around in the mud just as much as you like climbing trees and jumping from them at great heights."
"Yes but at least my favourite activity doesn't waste money on clothes, or make my appearance less presentable." I paused my scratching of his head, smiling to myself at my sudden thought. "You know, you're like a small child." He snorted so I explained my reasons, "you like playing in the dirt, you like playing with your food, you have rare quiet moments where you want you head scratched and usually you don't keep still…not to mention the many toys you buy yourself" They weren't toys really, more like he was curious about something so he would buy it, take it apart and then put it back together just to see the mechanics of it.
I continued to scratch his head and stroke his hair while we sat in silence, listening to the sounds of tentative animals scurrying in the bushes, birds singing their warnings to each other. No human was around for miles…it was strange thinking that if the humans carried on populating the world as they were doing now, so much of the wilderness would be taken away to make room for new houses and other buildings that they would need. It was upsetting.
So much change has happened in the world. So many things lost and so many things new. And there would be more like it. Loss. Gain. Change.
*
I nodded my head to show I understood. I didn't know how to respond to the news…what do you say to someone who has decided to stop phasing so he can have children…knowing that you will now have to wait until they are adolescents to even have the possibility of being free from the darkness they set upon you. I cast my gaze to the ground, when I had crossed into Quileute land I hadn't expected this…I was just planning on running around with Shane for a few hours like usual until Mitchell came home from work, he only had at least half a year until he couldn't work anymore and he was trying to get the most money out of the job.
I didn't know why he wanted to get a lot of money as last time I had checked we still had a lot of gold left, and by a lot I mean at least two thousand million dollars worth.
I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them to look at Shane. "If that is what you want to do then I support your decision, as you have supported mine in the past…I understand if you don't want me on your land when there are no wolves here, I will be fine with leaving until there are any more, if there are any more." I looked over Shane's shoulder, hating that I had to be so submissive to him, even knowing that if I wished to I could snap his neck faster than lightening and have done with it all. But I knew I wouldn't. Couldn't.
"Bella! Look at me!" My eyes immediately snapped to his, I didn't know who was more shocked at his outburst, me or him. "Stop frowning at things that aren't going to be said, you're letting your mind over think the situation…You can keep coming onto our land freely but your mate cannot. That is part of the reason I wanted to discuss this with you…while there are no wolves the elders and I wish for you to keep patrolling the land and make sure that we aren't threatened by other leech-err vamps. We need you to protect us…if you don't mind doing the job…" He pleaded with me for a few more minutes, thinking that I was going to refuse; the problem was that I didn't know how to respond to such responsibility. Did I even want it?
"Shane…Shane…I…wh-…I'll do my best but I cant always be here but I will try my best, you need to understand that I wont stay here…there's a great chance I will leave soon when Mitchell can no longer work in Seattle, it isn't fair to keep him somewhere when he wants to be elsewhere but I will try to be on guard for you…if you let me go!" I was shouting towards the end, my chest heaving with the force of my words.I so desperately wanted him to say yes, to say he was going to let me be in the light. But I knew the answer before I even considered asking the question.No. No seemed to be the only answer I would ever get, to any question about our unwanted relationship that neither of us discussed out loud, no matter how many times we both obviously thought about it.
"You know I can't do that Bella. No matter how much I want to you to have a normal life as possible, setting you free would sentence me to exile within the tribe, well to the people who keep the secret of the tribe." He ran a large hand over his tired looking face, "maybe in the future, when people truly believe that what we both are is myth, when not one single person gets it into their head that other worldly things really do exist in the world."
I hated his words. But there was some sense within them. People still hadn't really got rid of the idea of monsters living among them in disguise. While they don't know that their fears are actually true, if they found out, there is no telling what other theories they will start to believe are true. Not to mention what they will try to do to us to see how we work, the way we live, or most importantly our reaction to their discovery.
"Just please…please don't expect me to come running when you are in trouble…there's only so much I could ever do if you insist on keeping me in the dark…I want to be in the knowledge that you wont have me at your beck and call like the army to a greedy king or queen." I sighed and pulled my hair out of its bun, shaking it so it landed around my shoulders. I watched as Shane held out his hand, and I reached out to hold it, flinching when his fire hot skin met mine. I let him lead me to the edge of the cliff that we had once jumped from into the raging sea below.
"One last dive before I start to grow old and need a walking stick to make myself a cup of tea?" I laughed before launching myself into the air, twisting a few times before plunging smoothly into the salty depths. Shane jumped soon after, but had to surface for air like always.
I let the top of my head break the surface so I could see his drenched hair and the water drip down his tan face. A face that would wrinkle, a face that would droop and eventually a face I would no longer get to see.
"Are you planning on acquiring a wife to carry your children? I mean I'm sure the gene hasn't died out completely…but with you having children, future wolves will be assured." Shane looked at me bewildered, before shaking his head and floating on his back, closing his eyes and drifting in the surprisingly calm sea.
We stayed like that for a few hours; just floating near the shore, making sure to not go out too far. When the rain came down we moved out of the sea and went to Shane's new home. I declined his offer of dry clothes, not wanting to go home smelling of wolf and have Mitchell complain at me about the bad smell. It was going to be bad enough just being on their land and in Shane's house.
I looked around Shane's small house. The living room was the largest room excluding the master bedroom. The house was three bedrooms with a small washroom and a kitchen that I found amusing, having not really spent much time in a kitchen of any sorts, as I had no need for one.
"So when does she move in? You've already got two rooms for the little bundles of tears and tantrums you're going to have." I laughed at the expression of denial on his face. We both knew he was going to have to marry to keep up appearances. A grown man living alone never really installed trust with others, no matter where he hailed from, a family man always got chose over others, that's why Mitchell said he was married when he went to inquire about jobs but I never had to show my face to prove it.
"Ryan's got a daughter he wants to marry off before his wife has another child. She's the only daughter and he said that he would be grateful if we got along and ended up married, so I'm going to see her tomorrow and see if we get along well enough to stand each other until we die…" I nodded and looked out his window at the young couple who walking by holding hands and looking in love. I wondered how long it would last until one would get fed up with the other, but realise it was too late to back out and find themselves in a life long commitment that they made in front of their God.
"If you haven't met her before how do you know she isn't the one? She might be your imprint and you would of never of known it…you could've married someone else and then found her and been in a difficult situation." I mused. There are so many women he hadn't met and any of them could have been his 'soul-mate'.
Shane was shaking his head so I shrugged, planning on going finding the girl to see if I could see any signs in her aura that she was connected to Shane. I knew there was a large chance she wasn't but it wouldn't hurt to look. She might be beautiful or she could be not so beautiful…he was going in at the deep end, not fully knowing what was happening.
"You know life isn't a fairy tale? The monsters don't always lose in the end; the hero doesn't always get the girl of his dreams, the beautiful princess that was in need of rescuing. Monsters win all the time, heroes fail at the mission and damsels don't always need protecting." I looked back out the window and the empty space beyond. Wrapping my arms around my torso.
I moved away when Shane came to stand near me, not wanting to be near him when my thoughts had turned murky. "I'll see you tomorrow after your day with Miss Ateara." I left silently and slipped into the woods, climbing the nearest tree to the top, and jumping to the next highest tree.
I curled my legs around a branch and leaned against the thick trunk. If Shane stopped phasing and didn't carry on his wolf gene, would it mean I would be free? Without a Black to keep my darkness with me.
I changed my mind about going visiting Ryan's house and headed home instead with plans to sketch an update of the warehouses, to make it more modern and sustainable.
*
Concrete was a strange and interesting substance, it got stuck into the fibres of clothes, and it felt heavy on my skin but came off easier than it did to other objects.
Mitchell of course made a big mess with it before he decided we should put it to use and make some walls. The old wooden walls had been removed from one half of the warehouse and we put up steel structures to make it sturdier, the roof was going to be flat with easy drainage for the inevitable rain and inside on the ceiling was going to be metal work to climb on and hang upside down. I was happy when Mitchell suggested it so I would be able to climb inside as well as outside.
I was quick becoming a spider monkey.
It would take at least a week for the concrete to set fully and then a few more days until we would be able to move the miscellaneous objects back into there to collect dust like they were doing before we moved them out.
I had drawn a plan to add rooms to the part of the warehouses we used most frequently, so we could make it more like a home, even if it had been just under half a century since we had moved in, we had only just put our rooms into our homes.
Shane hadn't found an imprint in Chloe, but they did get along with each other. So far he had had two daughters and was expecting another one soon. I had gone to see him with his family but found that I didn't want to see what he could get while I couldn't, but he had been happy when I told him that his next child seemed to be a son for him.
Seattle was my next stop, to the office of Mr Jenks. Mitchell had said that he was the best forger around; his family had been in the business for generations, fathers passing the art down to their sons. We were planning on moving to Mississippi as the new century had come upon us and we were staying with our tradition of moving but we had to wait a few more years until we had sorted out our home. We were going to make sure we had furnished it completely and planned on filling our wardrobes so it would be easier that when we got back we didn't have to worry about what clothes we had to wear.
Mississippi, the reason we were going there was that Mitchell had sent funding to open an asylum and he wanted to go and view what they had done, as well as get a job there tending to the mad and delirious. I was going to be his wife like always but stay hidden most of the time. I still didn't like the idea of going into a crowd of humans and have them remember my face. Also the war was drawing to an end and Mitchell hadn't wanted to be drafted into the army so we had kept no lives where the situation may arise.
Jenks' offices looked run down from the outside so I had quite a shock when I entered his office. His desk was made out of stylish wood and the chair that I was sitting on seemed comfortable, but I couldn't really tell as I could spend two weeks standing and not get uncomfortable.
"Well, Miss Swan what can I do for you this eve?" Jenks said. He was in the late thirties, early forties. On his desk sat a picture of what looked like to be his family, his wife, three daughters and five sons. A big family must need a big house and a lot of money to live off; I wonder how much he got from his job as a lawyer and how much from forging illegal documents.
I pulled out a couple of thousand dollars and lay it down on the desk. Jenks' eyes stared at the money with greed. "I want two birth certificates, one for myself stating that I was born 13th September 1900 and another for Mitchell Swan born on the 25th August 1899. Parents names and jobs don't matter, birthplace doesn't either, just make sure you get the dates right. I also want a deed to an industrial site in Forks in the name of Marie Whitlock, saying that she is the owner of the whole building that she inherited." I leaned across the desk and stared right into his eyes, seeing myself reflected in them. "Of course I don't have to remind you that what we discussed stays between the two of us. It would be most unfortunate if word got out and then an even more disastrous coincidence if something happened to your family." I licked my lips before sitting back in my seat.
Jenks it seemed, waited until he felt calm before he spoke, his heart had started to hammer when I licked my lips, there hadn't been much reaction when I had threatened his family but when I had done that, his aura screamed lust at me and his heart beat frantically beneath the thin membrane of his skin.
"It will be ready in three weeks…if you are able to pick it up this day in three weeks time? Or would you rather it to be later?" I shook my head before rising soundlessly off the chair and walking slowly out of his office, slow enough that his heart began to beat frantically again.
Humans.
On the way back I hunted, taking my time and not really worried about getting back and having to sort out my belongings, no matter how many time I had asked him, Mitchell still refused to do it for me. He said that I was old enough to do it by myself, and that he wasn't my slave.
When I climbed through the window and landed, I watched, as Mitchell didn't even glance up from reading the paper, he just sat there reading the paper like he was alone. I huffed and walked to him so I was stood over him. He still didn't look up; the only movement was his chest rising and falling and the occasional shuffle of the paper when he turned the page. I stood there until he had finished reading the paper, and I was sure he had read it extra slowly to aggravate me.
When he finally looked up he had a smirk on his face. "Can you not entertain yourself Isa?" I growled and span around in a circle. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge I was home and maybe asked how it went, but no he had to be awkward and annoy me.
"No Mitchell I don't need entertaining at the moment I was just wondering if you had any curious feeling towards my business today? I mean I didn't get a very inappropriate look from the man I had made a business deal with, neither did he show any intention that he lusted after my body…hmmm…oh well…good evening Mitchell I will go and sort out my belongings into their correct place…" Before I could take two steps away from him he was stood in front of me. He took a step forward, and I took a step back.
Our strange dance continued until my back was pressed against the solid wall and he had his hands on either side of my head. His face was right in front of mine, blocking out what I could see behind him, rumbles were coming from his chest, which was pushed close to mine, and I could feel the vibrations from his anger. I looked at the scar on his chin and brought a hand up to trace to ridges and dips. We stood like that until Mitchell realised I wasn't going to meet his angered gaze.
He sighed into my face and cupped my cheek, and pushed slightly until my eyes looked into his. His eyes were blazing in anger and I didn't want that directed at me, or what I had said. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to see some reaction in him.
I was about to lightly push him away from me when he spoke, "From now on I will deal with Jenks. You stay here where no one can look at you like a piece of meat. There is no need for you to be in the thoughts of men so you don't need to go out of your way to see them." He placed his hand back on the wall and leaned forward so our foreheads where touching. The new position made his eyes look like one big one and I couldn't help but giggle at the strange image.
Mitchell didn't move, he closed his eyes wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him more tightly, it almost hurt. "I hate that I feel so protective over you and I can't help it…if I could I would lock you up in a room and only allow my eyes to be set upon you but I doubt I would get to do that. You would end up whining at me the second the door was closed." He moved us around so I was sat between his legs as he leaned against the wall with his head in my hair.
"Mitchell…it's ok…it really is…I mean I don't always want people to look at me but the male attention is sometimes nice…when the male giving the attention is quite handsome." I turned my head and winked at him, "but if I have to make do with you giving me your undivided attention all day every day then that will be fine by me." I kissed his cheek before snuggling into his chest, like I was human and about to go to sleep. "Besides you can't go and visit Jenks, he would realise that you haven't aged since you worked for him…"
We sat next to each other for the rest of the day. Occasionally talking about times in our lives that passed our thoughts. Not all of them were of importance, some were; Mitchell told me of his childhood, well what he could remember, then he said about his change, how he thought his whole house was on fire and he believed that his family was burning with him.
I told him about some of the fun I had with the wolves, some of the fights, but Mitchell was interested in how my life was when I was in the Romanian army. He couldn't believe that there were so many of us and now there are so few left on each side.
About a month later when I was sorting through my dresses, checking if there were any moth holes in the ones I had at the bottom of the trunk or that were old, when Mitchell came in with a big bundle of more dresses. He ignored my groans and dumped them with the rest of them.
"Start to pack for Mississippi, once you've told Shane our arrangements for leaving. A motorcar is being delivered at noon tomorrow so as soon as we're packed we are set to leave." I nodded and dropped the dress I was looking at onto the burn pile. I didn't particularly want to go and see Shane with his son that cried when I was in the room. Shane laughed it off and his wife didn't even look at me. She knew what I was and maybe that was part of it, but I think she was frightened of what I could do to her and her family.
I bit my lip as opened the sketchbook which held drawings of Shane and the other wolves. I didn't look at it often but every once in a while I found myself flicking through the pages and running a finger over each face. I ignored Mitchell's grumbling, but he soon got over it and came and stood behind me, looking at my drawings over my shoulder. When the sketches ended, Mitchell picked up another and we looked at drawings of the Volturi.
"I'm going to go to Shane's…if you want to keep looking, there is more in the black trunk." I handed him the book before putting on my coat and setting off for the La Push boundary.
It was time to tell Shane that I was finally leaving.
*
A/N Yay exams are over till next June :) Thanks for those who are reviewing and adding me to favs/alerts… sneak peaks for every review…
This weeks big recommend is for Into the Wilderness by shinyvolvodriver…its quite funny so far…