Night approached swiftly after I received a note from Abe inviting me to dinner. The breeze outside was cool and crisp, rustling the leaves in the trees, every now and then a light tap on the window from the hibiscus tree out back had my heart race. Though it was not yet time.
Lately my appearance had not been in the forefront of my mind, but as I stood and looked into the mirror of my bathroom I realize just how tired I looked.
Just how stressed. The make-up didn't seem to hide much, at least it hid the dark circles. That was a plus I guess.
I gripped the edge of the sink. Looking down i realized my grip was so hard my knuckles turned white, taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my nerves. I stood there trying to put things into prospective. It still felt unreal.
Things that happened so fast, I had found Adrian and tried to rekindle the love that had shown me. And then I had left him again. If duty had not called honestly I would have stayed with him. All these facets of my life were coming together and not in ways I intended it, but none the less there they were. My life had taken such a turn and I was now carrying a child, Adrian's child. It was so surreal. And I have no idea how to tell my parents. Or Adrian for that matter.
I heard a light tapping on my door and looked at myself in the mirror one last time before going to get the door. I opened it up to find Lissa waiting patiently.
"Oh Rose, Christian told me Abe has sent for you." She said worriedly taking me into a hug.
"Yeah, he did. And I feel a little nervous." I replied as we walked into the kitchen.
Lissa sighed heavily, "I'm not to comfortable with you leaving court."
"Lis, I'll be fine. Besides Abe always has his people around somewhere." I said, trying to reassure her with a small smile.
"Rose are you sure, you don't look to well, " She pointed out.
It was true I was feeling so nervous, and a feeling was building in the pit of my stomach presenting a very real chance that I was going to be sick soon. Lord knows I didn't want to go. But he was my father after all.
"I'm just so nervous. I mean i-it's Abe. He's going to start asking questions, wondering why I'm not your guardian at the moment. I am so sure he already knows I'm not. I just don't want to answer them. At least not right now."
Lissa sighed heavily, looking around the room. "I just wish I could help. Honestly, Since he hadn't shown up I had hoped he had somehow forgotten."
"You and me both," I said handing her a bottle of water from the fridge. "Well might as well get it over with. I just hope whatever feelings he had toward Adrian before still remains. That little bromance of theirs." I gave a real smile remembering how much Abe had hoped Adrian and I would have made it as a couple. For some reason, even though he tried, I could tell he wasn't very fond of Dimitri. Probably because he had been my mentor, and crossed the line of professionalism by entering into a relationship with me. Not his fault either. It was something I wanted, and knowing he wanted it to was enough for me to go after him. I was determined to make him mine. I guess that wasn't such a good idea after all.
I sighed, "But having a pregnant daughter would probably trump that wouldn't it? What makes it worse is that Adrian isn't here. And its not like its his fault, I mean he doesn't even know." I said worriedly.
"Rose everything will be fine. I'm sure if you just explain all that he'll understand. He is your father and I'm sure all he wants is whats good for you. And that you're happy."
"I agree with you but just knowing that I've seen Adrian and he's not here. Abe will assume he wants nothing to do with us. And I'm just here waiting for him like a foolish love struck girl."
Lissa smiled, "Rose you're being ridiculous. Of course he wouldn't thinking of you that way."
"I hope you're right, I just- I never imagined myself in this kind of situation before. Children were never in the picture. I never prepared myself for that possibility. How I'd react, or how I'd tell my parents. I'm honestly not ready for all of this. Not now. Maybe not ever."
"Oh honey," she said softly, "I don't think anyone ever is. And life never goes as we planned does it. We never planned to leave St. Valdimer but we did. I never thought I'd be Queen but I am. And Rose, I truly believe that no matter how unprepared you are, you will be an amazing mother. And Adrian, who loves you, will be an amazing father. If only you'll allow him to be here for you. You need to tell him and soon. How do you think he'll feel knowing you said you loved him but failed to let him know he was going to be a father. He'd be crushed. He would want to be here with you every step of the way. I'll be here for you of course but you have to tell him as soon as you're up to it."
I nodded in agreement. Of course she was right. My thinking that I wanted him here cause he wanted to, instead of having to be was probably more for my peace of mind than his. Lissa was right, I need to tell him because I didn't think if he found out from another or worse when the baby actually arrived that he'd ever forgive himself for not being there for me. I couldn't let him feel horrible, when it would have all been on me.
"You're right. I have to tell him. I just don't know how. I don't suppose there will ever be a good time?" I asked looking at Lissa's as she shook her head.
She would always give it to me straight. I loved that about her. She said the things I needed to hear when I needed to hear them. We heard a heavy knock at the door; Leave to Abe and his people to know where I was. LIssa stood to give me a hug. Coming up was the moment of truth and my heart was going wild. I was never scared to face anyone. But right now I was. And by the looks of it Lissa could tell.
So here goes nothing, I thought as we walked to the door. I opened the door and the Stocky dhampir who upon see Lissa gave a slight bow as she greeted him before taking her leave.
"I've come to escort you to the car Miss Hathaway."
"What, did he think I'd run?" I joked as we made our way to the dark lexus.