Disclaimer 1: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. The 10th Kingdom copyright Babelsberg International Filmproduktion GmbH & Co. Beitriebs KG and Hallmark Entertainment Distribution, LLC. No money's being made through this story. Simply written out of the love for the two series.

Disclaimer 2: I have taken great pains not to reproduce any of the narrative from The 10th Kingdom novelization by Kathryn Wesley. The narrative (i.e. the words) of this story are mine with the exception that some of dialogue has been retained from The 10th Kingdom for the sake of story clarity.

CHAPTER 21
STRIKE THE MATCH

Hyde grasped the ends of Jackie and Donna's hair, placed the blade of the magic axe against them, but the hair whipped out of his hand before he could make a test cut. Forman was hauling the tangled mess back through the oak tree's window. He'd done a good job climbing—that window was higher than the Water Tower—but getting Jackie and Donna out was going to take more than his scrawny ass and bravado. Forman needed help.

Hyde went to the other side of the oak where the ivy grew, and he searched the bark again for any sign of a door. Dry leaves were crunching softly behind him. The sound didn't come from Kelso. He was leaning against a birch tree, so Hyde looked beyond him through the woods... bingo.

The Huntsman. He was walking down a narrow trail. That damn crossbow of his swung against his hip with every step.

"Kelso," Hyde whispered, "hide!"

"Yeah, I'm Kelso. You're Hy—"

No time to be nice. Hyde wrapped his arm around Kelso's face and yanked him behind a thick tree. Kelso's muffled voice spoke into Hyde's denim jacket, but he shut up once Hyde eased him around the trunk. A glimpse of the enemy was all it took.

The axe felt heavy on Hyde's shoulder. He wanted to swing it at the Huntsman's head, but there was too much space between them. The bastard was standing in front of the oak. He could get a shot off easy before Hyde would ever reach him.

The Huntsman pressed his fist to the bark, and the ivy receded into the upper branches.

Hyde mobilized his Zen. He had to observe. Remain aloof. View the situation from a distance to come up with a workable plan...

The ivy's withdrawal uncovered a door, which opened by itself. The Huntsman scooped up his crossbow and loaded a bolt before entering.

Screw Zen. Hyde let go of Kelso and raced for the door.

Jackie finally understood, after years of utter bafflement, why Donna had chosen Eric over—well, over anyone else she could have dated. His fingers were incredibly nimble. He'd freed them from their leg cuffs in a matter of minutes by using a lock pick. All that nerdy model building, gluing tiny pieces of dorkdom together, must have prepared him for this.

That, and Steven had obviously taught him how to use a lock pick.

Jackie and Donna were climbing down the stairs now, with Eric in front of them. He pushed their hair-carpet aside on each step so they wouldn't trip, and they made it to the bottom of the oak without incident. But Jackie hoped her hair hadn't grown backward into her brain; her scalp was itching horribly.

After a too-short scratch, Eric led her and Donna past the animal traps on the floor, past that disgusting table with the knives and the blood, and then the door creaked open.

The Huntsman entered the oak with the crossbow in his hands.

"Oh, no..." Eric whispered and edged Jackie and Donna back, but Jackie spotted Steven through the door. He was running towards it with a silver axe.

The magic axe. It had to be. He'd found it.

"Steven!" Jackie shouted. She should have kept her mouth shut. The Huntsman whirled around and shoved the door against him. Only Steven's arm had made it inside.

A growl rumbled at the back of Jackie's throat. Steven was cursing and waving the axe around blindly, but the Huntsman had braced the door with a thick branch. Steven couldn't pull free. All he could do was hold onto the axe, which the Huntsman was about to grab.

The growl became a yell, and Jackie leapt at the Huntsman—who tossed her aside as if she were a doll.

Eric lunged at him next, but the Huntsman flattened him with one punch.

"Eric!" Donna slammed the Huntsman back into the blood-stained table. Knives clattered to the floor. She picked one up, but the Huntsman hit it out of her hand.

Jackie's left foot was trapped in her hair. She tore desperately at the thick tangle. God, how she hated curses.

The Huntsman picked Donna up by her coat and threw her onto the table. Before he could do anything else, she punched him in the throat. It didn't even stun him. He pulled the long knife from his boot and held it at her neck.

"Jackie!" Donna choked out. "Get the axe!"

Jackie finally jerked her foot free, but her high heel remained buried in hair. She kicked off the other one and sped to the door.

"Steven, give me the axe!" she said. She took hold of the handle, and he opened his fingers. The axe weighed heavily in her hands.

"Jackie, do something!" Donna had grabbed the Huntsman's wrist, but she was barely keeping the knife from slicing her throat. "Chop his legs off, stick it in his skull—anything!"

Jackie lifted the axe above the Huntsman's head, but her arms wouldn't bring the axe down.

"Jackie!" Donna shouted.

Jackie shifted her stance and drove the axe into the table. The table split in two pieces, dropping Donna and the Huntsman to the floor in opposite directions.

"Oh, my God..." Jackie said and crouched by Donna. She seemed okay, but the Huntsman was roaring in pain. One of the animal traps had clamped tight on his knee, and metal spikes dug deep into his skin.

Jackie gave the axe to Donna and snatched up a heavy branch. The Huntsman was writhing around, still howling. Jackie tightened her grip on the branch. Then she whacked him on the back of the head, and he slumped forward in silence.

A small, satisfied thrill passed through her body. The Huntsman was unconscious.

"Donna!" Eric walked up to them, rubbing his jaw. "Did you—did you kill him?"

"Jackie just knocked him out," Donna said. She handed Eric the axe, and he rested it on his shoulder.

"Somebody move this fucking door!" Steven shouted. "My arm's abou—Kelso, quit pulling me, damn it."

Jackie and Donna rushed to the door and wrenched it open. Steven pushed his way inside with Michael following behind.

"Everyone cool?" Steven said. He bent his arm a couple of times, wiggled his fingers.

"Yeah," Donna said.

Michael flicked a leather strap that hung from the ceiling. "What is this place?"

"It's a horrible place," Jackie said. "Let's go."

"Wait." Eric turned to the Huntsman, whose pant leg was soaked with blood. "We can't just leave him like this... can we?"

Jackie and Donna groaned, but Steven said, "You're right." He ripped the axe from Eric's hand and pulled it back like a baseball bat. "I'll do it."

"Wait!" Eric said. "We can't kill him... can we?"

Steven looked at Eric but didn't lower the axe. "Of course we can, Forman. He'd snuff us in a second."

"Eric's right," Donna said. "I mean, the guy's helpless now."

"Exactly why we should kill him now." Steven swung the axe towards the Huntsman's neck.

"Steven!" Jackie grabbed his arm and held it back.

"Jackie, he's gonna come after us!" He was glaring at her. She could feel it through his sunglasses.

She glared right back. "I don't care. You're not killing him."

She was shaking, but her grip on his arm stayed firm. No matter how angry he was now or how Zen he might be later, Steven had too gentle a heart—despite that he'd shattered hers and enjoyed kicking around the pieces—to live with killing a helpless man.

She gave the Huntsman another glance. He was still bleeding, still unconscious. His life meant nothing to her, but Steven's meant...

"Steven, please," Jackie said softly.

His face relaxed a little. "Fine." He lowered the axe to his side. "But you're gonna wish I'd done it."

Hyde couldn't catch a break. Jackie and Donna had started to annoy him the moment they got out of the oak. They wanted him to chop off their hair, but he put the axe on his shoulder and walked ahead of them. They had to get as far away from this place as possible—and dig up Fez. Lucky for them, they got the hint. He was in no mood to explain himself.

They made it to Fez's hiding place in about twenty minutes. The sky was getting dark, and Kelso crouched on the leafy ground to dig.

"Okay, I'll take the axe now." Forman held out his hand.

"What for?" Hyde said.

"To cut off their hair."

"Um, Eric?" Donna put her arm around Forman's shoulder. "I think you'd better let Hyde do it."

"What? Why?" Forman said.

"Remember what you did to my wedding dress?"

Forman opened his mouth then shut it. He joined Kelso on the ground and helped him dig.

"Ladies," Hyde motioned through the trees to a boulder, "you might wanna sit down. This is gonna take a while."

It took him over an hour. Their hair was so thick and snarled that he had to chop it off in sections. He started way back, about thirty feet from them, but eventually made it to their butts. Donna remained silent and still. And he cut her hair off at the shoulder, no problem. But Jackie kept twisting around and giving him directions, so he gathered her hair tightly at the nape of her neck—and hacked it off.

"You're done," he said and left Jackie sitting on the rock.

He returned to the clearing where Kelso and Forman were just now pulling Fez free of the dirt. He was still a dog and still a gold stiff... and had about as much life to him as his wagon.

"Welcome back, boy!" Kelso said. "Wanna go for a walk?"

Eric stood up and brushed dirt and leaves off his pants. "Oh, hey!" he said when he noticed Hyde. "How'd the haircuts go?"

As if she'd been waiting for the question, Donna emerged from the woods, shaking her hair like a freakin' Charlie's Angel. Jackie stomped past her moments later. Hell, Jackie stomped past everyone, and Hyde thought she was going to run off into the forest.

Until Kelso started to laugh.

She turned around. "Don't you d—"

"BURN!" Kelso pointed at her hair with a dumb grin on his face. "Jackie, that's a burn. You look like a boy."

"Shut up!" She stomped back to him and smacked his chest.

Hyde smiled. He couldn't help it. Jackie's hair was as short as Forman's, but she still looked very much like a chick.

"And you." She turned on Hyde next.

Crap.She must have noticed him smiling. He forced his face back into its comfortable indifference.

"I owe you something," she said.

"Yeah, what's tha—"

She kicked him in the shin, and he bent over in pain. Even with just her bare foot, that girl could kick, man. He was careful not to drop the axe as he rubbed his leg. He'd need both his feet if he ever wanted to get out of here.

Once he recovered, he held the axe away from him. "We gotta get rid of this thing."

"Let's bury it!" Kelso said.

Hyde nodded. He put the axe into the hollow where Kelso and Forman had dug out Fez.

"Wait, shouldn't we keep it?" Donna said.

"Donna, if you'd seen the guy we won that from," Forman said, "you wouldn't want to keep it either. I think that axe made him go crazy."

"Yeah, he's a wacko," Kelso said. "a total—"

"Dumbass," Hyde and Forman said together.

Hyde pushed a clod of dirt into the hollow with his boot. "Magic's like a politician, man. Use it for what you can; then get rid of it. You let a politician stick around too long, he'll bite you in the ass."

It only took another twelve hours to reach the end of the forest. Twelve hours of listening to Jackie bellyache about her hair and bare feet. Twelve hours of Hyde wishing they hadn't buried the axe so soon. If the trees hadn't thinned out, if early morning light hadn't poured in—if they hadn't reached the end of this damn forest—he might've gone back to dig it up.

"Yes!" Kelso shouted. He sped toward some open grassland with Fez rolling behind him. "Freedom! Freedom! Freed—"

He crashed into a wagon. It was standing idle by a fork in the path.

"That's Acorn's wagon," Forman said. "That's it. That's him!"

They all ran to it, but the Dwarf was sitting on a stump nearby, smoking a pipe. A cooking fire crackled in front of him.

"Hey, Acorn!" Kelso said after he picked himself off the ground. "Remember us?"

"Kelso, you got out of prison!" Acorn said. "How... unlikely."

The Dwarf looked as though he'd been the winner of a knife fight. His right eye had been sewn shut, and the deep scar above and below it showed why.

"Where's our mirror?" Forman said.

"Mirror?" Acorn shrugged.

"It's ours," Jackie said.

Acorn took a drag off his pipe, and it smelled like tobacco. Too bad. Hyde was hoping to score some Dwarf moss.

"Is it valuable, then?" Acorn said.

Forman shook his head. "No, it's worthless." Man, did Forman suck at lying. But Hyde kept his mouth shut.

Acorn pulled the pipe out of his mouth. "You've come an awful long way to get back a worthless mirror."

"It's a magic mirror," Jackie said quickly. "We traveled here through it, and we've been trapped in this damn world since."

"Jackie," Donna said.

Acorn climbed into his wagon, but he didn't pick up the horse's reins. He leaned back in the driver's box as if he were still willing to listen.

"Look," Jackie said, "all we want to do is go home. We won't take the stupid mirror, okay? We'll just use it to go home, and then you can do whatever you want with it."

Her voice was a desperate ache, and Hyde felt a sudden twist in his stomach.

"I'm moved by what you say," Acorn said.

"Then, please," Jackie said, "let us go home."

"But I don't have it anymore."

"What?" The desperate ache rose into Jackie's face, but she didn't cry—damn it.Hyde turned away from her. He was paying too much attention to how she looked, how she sounded. If she cried, who cared? If she didn't, who cared? They all wanted to get out of here.

"I'm afraid I swapped it with someone in the village down the road there, not a half hour ago," Acorn said.

"Swapped it?" Forman hit the side of the driver's box. "Swapped it for what?"

Acorn flipped over the dusty canvas covering his wagon. Hyde peered over Forman's shoulder, and a white lamb bleated back at them. It was standing in the wagon with a pink ribbon tied around its neck.

Jackie started to yell. The others joined her, but it wasn't going to do any good. The mirror wasn't here anymore. It was somewhere in that village. Hyde left the wagon and headed down the road.

"Oh, Hyyyde." Laurie's voice. "Hyde, you can't just ignore me."

"Wanna bet?" He kept on walking.

"Fine. But you've already started to lose it, loser."

Hyde stopped in spite of himself and glanced down. Laurie's face was rippling in a mossy pool of water. Her diamond crown reminded him of her "royal" position—and what she'd done to get it.

"You almost killed my Huntsman," she said.

"Whatever."

Laurie smirked. "It would have been a sweet burn, too, if you hadn't wussed out. But I trust you. It won't be long now. That anger of yours will get hot enough to burn whoever's around you," her voice shifted into a higher, mocking pitch, "including your little friends. Won't that be fun?"

Hyde picked up a rock and chucked it at her watery face, but he didn't know if it had any effect. He'd started back down the road the moment the rock left his hand.

She was right, though. He was beginning to lose it. To keep the Huntsman from coming after them, for what he'd already done... Hyde would have killed him. Jackie was the only reason he hadn't.

He stopped at a signpost and waited for everyone to catch up. They had to get that mirror back, man. This place was pushing his Zen to its limits. He lived for days when he could crush the hearts and souls of his friends, but not Laurie's way.

He'd rather set himself on fire.