Chapter 20
New York. 9.29pm. Wednesday, July 8th

It was Ana who returned to the St Regis first. She stopped by the desk to let them know that her husband would be joining her and to let him have a key. She made her way with a spring in her step to her suite on the top floor. She didn't know how long Christian would be, but if he was feeling the same way she was then he wouldn't be too far behind. The eye-fucking they'd done in the restaurant was the most perfect appetizer and for the first time in ages, her tension was parked neatly in her brain with a 'deal with later' sticker on it. He wanted her, she wanted him and the mushroom risotto had been the best thing she'd eaten in weeks. She was suddenly ravenous for him. She hoped Christian wasn't going to take forever because her inner goddess was out of retirement and doing warm-up exercises.

She stepped out of her shoes, unzipped her dress, shimmied out of it and placed it carefully back on the hanger. Going to the vanity in the bathroom, she flicked the light on and grabbing some cleansing lotion started to remove the make-up from her face. New York was not the furnace that Seattle was but it had still been a sticky summer's day and she was looking forward to a shower.

Make-up removed, she turned on the shower and set it to something cool. She stepped out of her underwear and glanced down at her body. She was only seven weeks pregnant but already her breasts were starting to change and there was a persistent prominence to her stomach which she knew hadn't been helped by eating rice for dinner. But whatever she ate was irrelevant now. Her stomach wouldn't be flattish again until this time next year. Her hips felt wider and the dress which had fitted well in April when Christian had bought it for her had felt a little snug this evening. She looked at her body in the mirror. It looked like a body that had given birth to two children and had another on the way - and that was just fine. Being a Mom didn't stop her from being sexy. If anything she felt sexier now than she had done when she'd first met Christian. She wasn't a novice any more. She knew her own body much better, she knew his body much better and what they could do together was incredible.

Ana stepped into the shower and let the cool, refreshing water cascade over her. She closed her eyes and braced her arms against the wall of the shower and stuck her head under; feeling the force of the water strip away the city grime and send it spiraling down the plughole. She grabbed a bottle of shampoo from the rack, poured a generous amount into her hand and started to work it through her hair.

"Mrs. Grey, you're doing my job," said a familiar soothing voice at her ear. "That is not allowed. Here, let me." She gave a slow, sexy smile and took a step back to press herself into Christian as he massaged the shampoo into her scalp. He was hard and pressing against her back. She pushed back, reaching to grab his hips and hold herself against him. His hands finished her hair, moving down her neck, shoulder and arms to gently cup her tender breasts. Supporting them in his palms he gently stroked them simultaneously with his thumbs. He knew they were sore and he wasn't going to start kneading them, although that didn't stop him from giving her nipples a quick pinch.

"Ow!" She exclaimed. It was more pain than pleasure and he wisely didn't attempt it again. Using his body to push her gently back under the stream of water, he massaged the shampoo out of her hair, following it with long sweeping strokes of his hands, soothing the tension out of her shoulders and getting it to follow the soap suds down the drain.

Christian reached for the bodywash. He flicked open the top, poured some into his hands, rubbed them together and starting at the base of her neck slid his hands over her in ways that made the crap from the last couple of week melt away. And then she remembered how angry he'd been on the phone earlier. Was this a plan to disarm her? Expertly wash away her fight with St Regis bodywash? She gave a wry laugh.

"Is this to get my defenses down so you can mount an attack while I'm helpless in your arms?"

"No." He said gently, leaning forward and kissing her under her left jaw. "It's to get you relax than we can talk and make love."

She turned around to face him and it felt like she'd not seen him in months. His hair was wet and flattened to his head, his chin had a days' growth on it and the rings under his eyes were deeper and darker than they ever should be. She ran her fingers over them.

"Earlier, you…"

"I'm sorry Ana. I was angry." He said softly. "I've been angry at you since you left. You didn't take the jet. You wouldn't talk to me and then I get here to find you holed up here under an assumed name and out to dinner with Erik the Viking…"

"You mean Olaf the Accountant."

"Whatever. And you were knocking back the champagne. Yes, when I called I wanted to… you know," he sighed, admitting to things that were part of a past he worked hard not to act on. But a combination of Meien's comments and the cold light of day made me see things as they truly are."

"What did she say?"

"I've know her for years and she's wise, as forty-something women with teenage children have a habit of being." He rolled his eyes.

"She's got teenage children?" Ana's eyes bugged.

"Yes. I wouldn't like to be one of her kids, she's fierce. Anyway, she gave me this précis of how much I'd changed since I'd met you. She never would've considered coming to GEH if I'd still been the man I used to be and she told me to tell you that she thinks you've done a great job of extracting my head from my ass." Christian pursed his lips trying to fight back a smile. Ana laughed. "I wouldn't have Meien on board if it wasn't for you. And then I started thinking about all the other things I wouldn't have if it wasn't for you. So, I know things are a mess but I'm not going to make it a whole heap worse by wanting to spank you. It doesn't really help things."

"Oh, I don't know."

Christian smiled. "Well, maybe later. But if I want you to tell me what's wrong, then making you tense isn't going to get you to talk to me. I want us to talk like you used to send me long, rambling emails telling me how you really felt. I don't want to be fobbed off with what you think I want to hear. You talk when you're relaxed and you're at your sexiest when you're relaxed."

Ana arched an eyebrow. "Am I?"

"Oh hell, yes! And this corny scene in the shower is my attempt to wash your cares away." He smiled, but Ana could see his own stress and worry in it.

"I think there's somebody else who needs his cares washing away." Ana reached for the shampoo.

She wished now that they were in their apartment. She'd never stayed at the St Regis before and she couldn't relax entirely when she was on unfamiliar territory. Christian had dried her hair and his fingers felt like heaven as they stroked her scalp, pulling out the tangles and interestingly, the knots of tension in her head. She in turn had finally been able to cut his hair. Now he'd look presentable when he pitched up in Singapore.

"I'm sorry for not telling you the truth about why Faye had come to see me. I've tried so hard to lock down my past and to have it come back like that was the worst anger I've ever felt. I couldn't believe that something had slipped through and worse, ended up in someone else's hands. But I'm having Sawyer investigate the group that sent it, find out how they got it and he's also updating the… files. Faye's working with him to check that the women are OK. I didn't intend the NDA to prevent them seeking help, but if it has, I'd like to reassure them that for the purposes of that, they can ignore it."

"You care about them?"

"In a not wanting to inflict suffering on another human being, way, yes. I'm not thinking of inviting them to dinner."

"No, we'll leave that particular horror to your mother." Ana scoffed.

"I'll talk to her."

"What will you say?"

Christian sighed. "I don't know. I'll think of something."

"Perhaps you should ask Faye to ask… Jessica to decline any invitations to the house and if she wants to have dinner with Grace, then do it somewhere else?"

Christian nodded. "That sounds good."

"So…um… was this photograph of you and her taken at Escala?"

Christian shook his head. "No. It was taken at a club I used to go to, way before I bought Escala."

"Was it somewhere you went with… Elena?"

"Yes. It's called the Devil's Kitchen."

"And… where is it?"

It's under a gym on a business park. Well hidden."

That explained the 'DK' written on the envelope, thought Ana. So her photographs had come directly from there, not from this Christian group that had targeted Faye. Ana wondered why they'd not all been sent to Faye?

"And… were there a lot taken?"

"I can't remember how many. I thought I'd destroyed them all, but one's obviously slipped through. It was a stupid thing to do, but I was young and…" he sighed. "Oh the things you regret doing...

"Once I bought Escala I didn't go back. When I walked in there the other night to confront the guy, it was the first time I'd been there in over ten years." Christian ran both his hands through Ana's hair one final time, smoothing it down her back. "I didn't like it."

"So you don't regret leaving it behind?" She said gently, looking at him in the mirror. He was sat on the bed behind her.

Christian scooped her hair to the side and kissed the back of her neck. "There is only one thing that I regret. That it's been nine days since we made love."

"You've been counting?"

"Baby, I count the minutes." He let go of her hair and pulled her back into him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

Ana could feel the tension in the muscles of his arms as she ran her hands along them. They looked at each other in the mirror.

"Mine." She whispered and stood up, walking around the stool. Christian sat back on the bed and Ana straddled him, taking him into her as she sat on his lap. Christian pulled her close, lifting her gently up and down a couple of times before wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. They didn't move, the only sound was from the traffic outside the windows.

Christian was uncharacteristically still and quiet.

"Are you OK?" She asked.

"My head's a little…"

"What?" Ana held his face and lifted it, searching his eyes and noticing the gathering knot on his brow. She ran a finger over it and tried to smooth it out. He wasn't as relaxed as he was making out. She tried to reassure him. "Only a few more days and Venture Sengkang will be in the bag."

"I'm not worrying about that. Now I have Meien on board I'm much happier."

"Is it this thing with the Moore woman?"

He exhaled. "Partly, yes. Not for myself, but for you."

"Me?"

"Ana, if…" In her purse by the bed Ana's cell phone started to ring.

"I'm not answering it." She said. "Go on."

"If anything…"

On the bedside table Christian's phone started to vibrate.

"Ignore it," said Ana. "Whoever it is can wait. Why are you worried about me? She's not picking through my past. Not that she'd find much."

"Just a very interesting photograph of you dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo."

Ana smiled and kissed him. "Come on Columbo, how did you find me tonight?"

Christian pulled a contrite face. "I made a copy of that photograph. You look hot. It's a… kid thing." He blushed.

Ana's mouth dropped open. "Christian Grey, did you have the hots for Daphne Blake when you were a kid?" She laughed. By the bed the hotel room phone started to ring.

"Uh oh," said Christian. "Someone's desperate to get in contact with us." He held Ana tightly to him, shuffled along the bed and picked up the phone. "Hello?" It's Taylor he mouthed to Ana.

Ana's hands were on his shoulders. She felt them slump and the rigidity go out of his back as he listened to something he obviously didn't want to hear.

"OK. Thanks for letting us know. I'll tell her."

Ana played with a strand of Christian's hair.

"No, I haven't heard from him." Christian continued. "Why, what's happened…? What?"

Under her hands Ana felt Christian tense up.

"He's what? Dead? When?! Yes, keep me informed. Arrange for Olivia to send our condolences to the family. Thanks for letting me know. I'll see you tomorrow." Christian replaced the handset and looked at Ana, he was wide-eyed and stunned. "Donald Edwards is dead."

"Of what?"

"A heart attack."

"But he's Mr. Health Freak?"

"I know." Christian's face was full of consternation.

"Poor Edith. They were just a few weeks away from their 55th Wedding anniversary. I spoke to her at the Coping Together event. I'll send her a note when I get back. She'll be devastated."

Christian sat in silence.

"When did it happen?" She asked.

"This morning. I can't believe it. If he can't keep healthy then there's no hope for any of us."

"That's so sad. He had some traditional ideas, but I liked him and I love Edith. What was the other thing Taylor mentioned?" Ana asked.

"Uh… Just some crap." Christian replied unhappily. "The gossip sites have pictures of you and Erik the Viking coming out of The View this evening. Apparently our marriage is dead and the vultures are circling."

"Nothing could be further from the truth."

"But we're not great are we?" said Christian. "I think these last few weeks have caused some cracks."

Ana shook her head. "Think of them as stretch marks. They look bad now, but give them time and they'll fade."

"But they'll always be there. My past will always be there whatever I do and wherever I go. You don't know how much I wish I could get rid of it. I wish that what all my past amounted to was one hot Halloween picture."

"You have a thing for Daphne. Who knew? How do you think that makes me feel, you lusting after a cartoon character?" Ana tried to lighten the mood.

Christian laughed and smoothed his hand under the pillow beside him. "I don't know how much you watched Scooby Doo, but did you realize that it was Daphne that would most frequently need to be rescued because she'd be tied-up somewhere?"

"Really? Are you saying that your bondage fantasies came from Scooby Doo?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't know. Perhaps." He smoothed his hands down her arms pushing them behind her back and grasping her wrists with his left hand. "But I wonder who would come to Daphne's aid this evening if she found herself tied up and helpless in the hotel room of a deviant, megalomaniac CEO?" Christian quickly bound her wrists with a cable tie.

Ana stared at him. "Where did that come from?"

"I came prepared." He smiled. "I put it under the pillow when I arrived. So Ms. Blake," he said, kissing her neck. "Who's going to rescue you?"

"Ah… we have a problem" said Ana, seriously.

"What?"

"Well, if we're playing Scooby Doo, then we've left the two meddling kids back in Seattle."

Christian threw back his head and laughed. "Actually no, the two meddling kids are hopefully fast asleep in our apartment. And no, they can't play this version."

"They're here?" Ana's heart tried to leap out of her chest, she missed her babies so much.

"Yes."

"Let's go back to the apartment!"

"Right now?"

"Yes. I can't relax properly here."

"Well, OK. But I'll have to fuck you first or I won't be able to get my pants on."

Ana giggled and started to move up and down, but with her hands out of action she couldn't brace herself and was unstable. "You'll have to hold me."

"Such hardship." Christian grinned. He placed his hands on her waist and supported her as she moved up and down him. Ana watched him carefully. As she moved Christian seemed to lose focus. He was miles away.

She stopped. "What's the matter?"

He reached sideways and from under the pillow produced a pair of scissors. He snipped the cable tie off her wrists and placed the scissors on the bedside table. He brought her hands together in front of her and wrapped them in his. He didn't explain why and remained silent.

"Christian?"

He stared down at their entwined hands. "She's got Jared. She's got Mark and now Donald is dead." He looked into her eyes. "I don't care what happens to me, but I couldn't bear what might happen to you if she found out about me." He was in anguish.

Ana pulled her hands out from under his and cupped his face, feeling the soft bristles press into her palms. "I'll still love you. No matter what."

"Will you?" He was almost wild-eyed. "Will you still love me when people shun you? When people won't do business with you? When your staff leave or bookstores return your stock?"

"That won't happen."

"It might. People can be so fickle."

Ana stared at him. There was something he wasn't telling her. She stared deeply into his eyes, trying to pull the information from him.

"She's dating Wayne Lincoln." He admitted in a whisper.

Ana kissed him. "Wayne Lincoln doesn't know everything about you."

"He knows enough."

A stab of hatred went through Ana but she swallowed it down. "Whatever happens," she said. "I am not going anywhere. I promise."

"Even if we lose everything?"

"We could lose every cent to our name and the friendship of every single person we know and I would still love you."

"What if our children find out?"

Ana thought about that. How would Teddy and Phoebe and the baby she was carrying cope with knowing their father's past? She hoped they would never find out. But as for explaining it? She'd need some help but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. "We'll deal with it." She said, trying to be reassuring. All the while her heart was breaking. This was the soft, vulnerable, underbelly of her husband. Nobody but her was ever to see this. As long as she had breath in her body she would fight for him and protect him. Marriage was about working together and Christian had done the protecting thus far. But it was her turn now, to fight for her husband and her children. Wayne Lincoln so much as breathed in her family's direction and she would unleash enough fury to make the wrath of God look like a firework display.

She stroked the back of his hair. Ana was still straddling Christian and she could feel him growing soft inside her, his focus now taken by worry. She would fight for him for sure, but Christian needed to wear his own armor. The man in this room was so far removed from the super-confident man she once knew.

"You need to be the man I first met, again." She said softly.

Worried grey eyes met hers. "I can't be him; it feels uncomfortable, like I'm wearing the wrong shoes. He's not who I am anymore."

"But you need to find some way to cope. You can't live like this, being this worried."

He wrapped his arms around her. "You help me to cope. I need you. These last few days have been agony. Everything seems to be against me and I feel like I'm trying to shore up cracks in the Hoover Dam."

She and him both. "How do you need me?"

"Well, I need this, for one. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and find you in another room down the hall. I'm not the only one who's been worried about something and not talking about it. I know you're pregnant, but there's something else."

Ana swallowed hard. Was this the right time? Was this a safe place to detonate Christian Grey? She summoned her courage and opened her mouth. "It's… nothing. I was anxious about my deal with Perry. It's over now. I'm fine." In her head part of her howled like a demon denied. But another part nodded sagely and looked on with approval. After Singapore it repeated. For some reason it just felt like the right thing to do.

"Are you sure?" He pressed. "You're not doing your usual trick of pretending it's fine but really it's tearing you apart?"

"No." Liar! The angry part of her head screamed.

"So, no sneaking out of bed again?"

"No."

"Or I'll be forced to tie you to it."

Ana's face brightened and she grinned salaciously at him.

Christian looked at the padded hotel bed head that gave him no anchor points. "Yeah, let's go back to our place."