Sorry about the slower update... I've been busy helping my friend with a theater camp and I haven't found enough energy to sit down and write. It's not ending any time soon, just to let you know, so no worries. I'll probably have another chapter up tomorrow because I won't be going to the camp tomorrow so be expecting! I'm kinda torn on what to do... Not to worry, I'll have it together soon enough. Enjoy and review please!

Chapter 21:

Definition of Hell

He left me... Who would have thought that he would have done this? I surely didn't. I think my head was so wrapped around that he wouldn't ever leave me alone... and I felt betrayed standing on the curb, watching as the black car quickly drove off.

"Christine!" A high voice squeaked, and I turned around, and looked to see the black-haired pixie-like girl coming toward me, from the entrance to the building, her arms clinging onto me with a strong grip. I had to blink a few times to slowly realize it was Meg, bouncing up and down, gleefully clapping her hands.

"Oh, God, I thought I'd never see you again!" She laughed, grabbing a few of my bags from me, and helped me into the place without saying another word. I gave a bleak, confused smile, and looked at her.

"It's good to see you, too..." I murmured since she didn't let me talk beforehand.

"So how did he finally let you go? I mean, it must have took a lot of convincing, and trust issues, but I was so surprised to find that we signed up for the same conservatory, I mean how awesome is this!"

I thought about telling her all about it, but let it go, not finding it the best idea ever. There were tears threatening to fall out of simple surprise and disbelief, too overwhelmed by everything that I couldn't seem to take it all in at all.

"Are you alright, Chris? You look like you're about to be sick." She grabbed my shoulder carefully, as we approached the desk. The secretary looked up to me with her studious and cheap glasses, her bright red hair messily tied into a bun that was supposed to be formal. I always hated people like that.

"I take it you are Christine Daae," She said with a thick New York accent.

"Yes," I replied a little too quietly.

"Pardon?" She asked, already becoming annoyed.

"Yes, I am Christine," I answered louder.

"You already have your things set, and ready, right?" She asked carelessly.

Well, that's what Erik did, I suppose. Setting this whole thing up for me... how quickly could he have done this anyway? We just got back from Italy two days ago and now he's whisking me away... and telling me I'd never see him again. I just... I don't think I was ready like he thought I was. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I nodded, realizing I was probably staring off to space whilst thinking all of this.

"Everything will be ready in your dormitory and all, and here is your schedule and list of classes." She gave me a few sheets of paper, and Meg took my arm and began leading me toward an elevator.

"Are you alright?" she asked, pressing one of the buttons.

"I'm not sure." I replied unsteadily, feeling like something was just torn out of my heart and stomped on a few times, or squeezing it until it hurt. I could grab my chest and break down crying right now but that would be too strange. Out of all the things in the world, saying "goodbye" was probably the hardest thing for me to do, no matter what he's done to me, but he took me away no matter how desperately he wanted me, and said I might not see him again because he loves me... he loves me so much... and I hate to believe that I don't love him so much back.

Meg gripped my shoulder and had to almost pull me down the corridor until we reached a specific dorm number and opened it for me, whilst I dully held my bags over my shoulder.

I was stunned with colors and her overly-intuitive and high sense in fashion just by the look of her room. Everything had to match, and if it didn't, there was a trash bin next to a bunch of boxes near the door to what looked to be a medium-sized bathroom, and a large window overlooking the city.

"You like it? I worked hard on it all week once I found out I was rooming with you." She smiled and placed the bags on the bed that held unopened boxes labeled with my name. I looked at them curiously, and with questioning eyes to Meg. "Oh... this guy brought them in for you. He was the silent type so... I didn't get much from him, just that you were coming and I was excited."

She jumped onto her bed, causing the rebelling coils to squeak annoyingly.

"Want me to help?" She asked.

I nodded, not bothering to open my mouth only to have my voice crack. I opened one of the boxes to find a bedding set, and another to find some things to store shoes in for the closet was rather small. The other boxes were filled with things you would find in a room, of course, an alarm clock, and all the supplies I need to stay here.

In the final box which was the smallest of them all, held things that I must have left behind, already brought back to me. One was the ticket and playbill that I kept in the desk that he would have seen, and my pictures of my family put into a small and pretty album so I didn't have to travel with them in a messy envelope, and finally, a small note at the bottom of the box which had Erik's messy handwriting scrawling my name across the folded piece of paper, along with my diary that I had kept in the writing desk in the room that always held me. He must have read it... I wasn't sure what I thought of this, but the things in there should have never been shown to him... Were these stupid pieces of paper put together to make a recollection of thoughts and sanity the gateway to his recklessness on setting me free?

I looked at the note then to the diary, and I placed them carefully into the box without Meg looking, and put them under the bed carefully.

"Why do you seem so upset...?" Meg suddenly questioned, sounding rather upset. I pivoted on a foot to turn and look at her, holding back tears.

"I'm not upset. I just... don't know what to do is all." I lied easily, for I have done so wonderfully at lying before. If I can make believe I'm not upset about Erik leaving me here to wither, then I won't be upset, right? This is what I wanted... right? To be on stage, to sing in front of people again... and be in opera... right? I don't need Erik's help any longer, though I owe a large mass of my pride to him. To be certain, I owe just about everything dealing with music to him... I felt like I didn't even know or love music until I met Erik.

"You still look like you are going to be sick... or that you saw a ghost... will you please tell me what's wrong so I can rest tonight...? You're away from the creepy man..."

Creepy man... is that all he is?

"I can't tell you," I muttered under my breath, running my finger over the ring, sighing to myself. Meg watched me so carefully, and I saw her eyes move to where I was touching my hand.

"Why do you still wear that ring of his...?" She pressed suspiciously. "You're no longer with him... it makes no sense at all." She sighed, and I watched as she was beaten up by my silence as the impatient girl she was.

"Because, Meg... because I can't tell you. I can't tell anything to you without you being so judgmental." That was true, but I had to get her to shut up if I put it so coldly.

She was silent for a second, sitting on her bed, legs criss-crossed on the bed and staring at me speculatively.

"Okay, Christine... if that's how it is, then I'll just keep my mouth shut, if that makes you happy." She sighed warily.

"That is how it is... I just don't want to talk about it." I felt like I just broke up with my soul, leaving it with my bitterness to myself from now on.

There was a long pause, what seemed to last for an hour, simply staring at each other and deciding over one another's fates, commenting to ourselves in our own heads until she broke the awkwardness, and turned to go on helping me unpack.

"If you can't trust your best friend, then who are you going to trust, Chris?"

"No one." I replied sourly, for it was true... I can't trust anyone for they would think the wrong thing... and if it was anything I hated the most it was being in the wrong this entire time... it just felt all strange inside my stomach, that I should have never contributed to this strange relationship to begin with. I had no intentions of getting the authorities into this, to tell on Erik, though I doubt they'd ever catch him to begin with.

I can't act like this never happened, though, for he was in the wrong of stalking me all these years, all this time, violent and strange...

"He wasn't even a guardian, was he?" She asked bitterly, turning to me once more after another pause in this strange ordeal.

"...As far as I know," I replied silently, and then groaned.

"But my mom said-"

"MEG! I just said I don't want to talk about it at all! It never happened... it won't happen again... just get over it! Curiosity killed the cat, after all." I spat, slamming the empty box onto the ground, throwing it to the trash bin.

She threw her hands up immediately, ashamedly. "Okay... sorry..." She whimpered. "To make it up to you, we should go out to dinner... Raoul and I have been concocting it together ever since we heard you were coming here, so we'll all be going out tonight."

I smiled at his name, though lost it looking at the ring again, and re-thinking Meg's words... Is he even my husband any longer? I seemed to have almost forgot that, but how could I? We never put anything forth to the marriage, he never slept with me as far as I know, and he may not even be my guardian as far as I know...

"Sounds good," I replied lifelessly.

"Aren't you happy to see Raoul? He's done nothing but talk about you for the past week... Not to mention all that searching he's done to find where you are. I've never seen him more off of his rocker! Even Philippe was all frantic about it, worrying over his brother so much..."

"I'm happy, of course..." I smiled, for once. I tried to cheer myself up, and push all thoughts of Erik in the back of my mind.

"Sweet, so you can call him if you want, and tell him... I'm sure he'd love to hear from you," She laughed to herself, and walked off to the bathroom.

I got my cell phone out of my pocket, and saw that there was two missed calls the duration of the time I've had the cell phone, noticing the vibrate had been turned off as well as the sound. Raoul had called me twice, evidently, not bothering to leave any messages.

I pressed call and shakily put it to my ear, feeling like the world came together for just a few seconds hearing his beautiful voice answer on the other end.

"Oh, my God, Christine!" He said, so loudly and overpoweringly, that I almost had to shrug the phone away from my ear and couldn't help but smile and laugh, leaning down to the bed.

"Hey, Raoul," I said with as much enthusiasm I could offer.

"You're back to us... this is great... I thought..."

"He wasn't going to let me go," I finished his sentence thoughtfully, "We can talk about this later, but Meg has offered a dinner, and I'd be glad to accompany you." I said, pushing Erik to the side once more.

"Awesome! This is great... I've missed you so much... You have no idea!" He said enthusiastically once more.

"I've missed you a lot, as well," I replied smiling to myself, feeling my cheeks become warmer just knowing the excitement I felt seeing Raoul again after what seemed to have been centuries. "Listen, I'll see you then... I have to unpack, you know... and-"

"See you then, Christine!" He said, sounding like a schoolboy again, and I felt like a little girl again... and it was just how it's always been, of course... how we felt like each other, two cliché lovers in a tragic tale when Raoul plays the hero, and me the doomed heroine. "I love you," He finished. And I felt that I couldn't reply... I couldn't open my mouth. I just tore the phone from my ear, and pressed end, hearing Erik's words right after his in a more desperate tone.

I groaned to myself... now I was hearing voices! How cruel must this world be! Pretty soon I'll be exclaiming Erik's laments to myself, and then who will be the sane compared to the insane...?

Meg, conveniently came out of the bathroom with her hair brushed out and dressed up, grabbing her purse and sat on the bed. "I'm guessing it's a go?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said simply, and lightly, checking myself in the mirror and instantly grabbed my brush and makeup, and tried to look a bit more livelier than I was truly.

Meg grabbed her keys and we walked out together to the parking lot to her Volkswagen Bug, and drove into the city once more.

"So... are you going to get driving lessons or what?" She asked suddenly.

"I already know how to drive, Meg... I just don't have my license." I replied rolling my eyes, knowing that I went through all the classes to get a permit and all, but never getting around to actually got around to getting a license.

"That's odd." She replied, sighing to herself, arriving to a pizza joint on the corner of one of the streets, and Raoul was standing beside his car already there, leaning against it, just as beautiful as he's always been, and his own charm to him by simply standing there.

Something seemed to restrain me from running into his arms, and instead it was quite the opposite. He grabbed hold of me as if I was a life preserver, his arms tightly about my waist and kissing my head over and over.

"God, I've been so scared for you..." He said into my hair, running his fingers through it lovably. I almost had to tear myself away from him to look at him.

"You shouldn't have been," I said warily. "I was fine." I replied.

He looked slightly aghast for a few seconds, his jaw hanging a little lower in disbelief. "What changed from then to now...?"

I sighed and looked to his eyes pleadingly. "I swear... I will tell you later, when we're alone, okay?"

He knew I was promising him something, and I wrapped my arms around him just as he was holding me, and leaned my head onto his chest. "I've missed you, too, Raoul."

It was a little less then the same sensation I felt when having my arms about Erik in this way... I felt safe in Erik's arms... with Raoul there, it was like falling off an edge, pressing buttons where they shouldn't be pressed and swimming in unknown waters and all I could do was hang on with one hand. I swallowed hard and found my way out of his grasp and get out of all those emotions.

We went into the restaurant and ordered the pizza and salad and sat down, chatting amongst ourselves just like old times, though I felt dead. I hardly talked, sitting there, and watching their two faces alight in a conversation I took no part in.

I waited, watching the cooks work amongst themselves to prepare a pizza.

"So... opera, huh? I knew you were always interested and your voice was always suited for it. It just took me slightly off guard." Raoul said asked, suddenly trying to enlighten me

"Oh," I replied, remembering that I was, in fact, studying at a conservatory and I was, in fact, taking classes and voice training for the stage. "Well... he was teaching me opera and all... where I left off before, and got me into this school..."

"Who?" Raoul asked suspiciously, "Your so-called guardian?"

"Yes, I've told you before," I said, my voice already beginning to raise, and I saw the surprised look on both of my friends' faces, and I lowered myself back down, and rested my head onto my hand and sighed. "It's what my father and I have always wanted." I replied coolly, "He was good enough to do that much, Raoul..." I said defensively. Raoul acted strangely then, suspicious and something else...

Jealousy? How could he be jealous...? He's the only one I've ever really wanted, and he should know that after growing up together, falling in love... He knows me like the back of his hand just as I know him, and it's almost as if we're made to be together in the start.

That would be all too awkward for him to fall out of love because my teacher was Erik... and for him to be jealous of Erik... Well... It makes all the more sense because Erik was jealous of Raoul. This was too confusing! Everything seemed to spin... how could this happen? How could this have even ended up as such?

Was I really so torn up with Erik that I could not return Raoul's love either? Raoul's innocent love and adoration compared to Erik's passion... I felt like I could be getting sick.

Meg eventually went away, finding her boyfriend, and went to his table and stayed here, and I looked at Raoul, sipping at the soda.

"I need to tell you something," I said, looking to see that Meg was making out with her boyfriend now, and I had to tear my gaze away, of course. Why can't I be that content?

"And I'll listen," He responded honestly. "Why are you so bothered, Christine...? What has he done to you?"

I shook my head, fighting back tears that were threatening to flow at the sound of his worried and caring voice. I wish I could just show him what I was feeling in broad daylight so I didn't have to put this through words. I swallowed hard again, and seeing my indignation. "Take a deep breath," he said, putting a light hand on my back.

"I told you that he cared for me very much, right?" I asked, and he nodded an angry positive. "Raoul... he let me go because he loves me... he loves me very much and he knew I hated being there, so he let me be here with Meg and you... And Raoul... this ring... is a wedding ring... he married me." I said, fingering over it.

He stood in a second of disbelief. "You can't be serious," he said, his jaw dropping. "That's insane. Is that even legal?"

"Whatever is legal or not, it happened, Raoul... And he let me go and I'm not sure..."

"You love him?" he asked, about as lifeless as the grave. I swallowed again. "Not the same way I love you... Raoul... It's a type of pity. Oh, Raoul... you wouldn't understand. His face... oh, he hides his face behind a mask because he looks just like you after you've been dead quite a few years and buried... I don't think the marriage is still intact, though. I can't take off this ring."

He was repulsed and then horror-struck just as I was. "Oh, Christine, what Hell... What a monster. How could you pity him?" He asked disbelievingly. And I looked to him with tears beginning to form and glisten my eyes as they fell down my cheek into the soda, and pushed all the food aside. I rested my head into my arms and looked to the table, feeling defeated.

"I shouldn't have told you this." I said into my arms. He grabbed both of them, and lifted my head up with a hand.

"No... I can help you. If he ever comes again."

"He said he wouldn't come again..." I replied, sounding more sorrowful than I expected. "Can we take this outside...? Someone may overhear." I replied, and he shook his head and held my hand firmly as we walked outside, leaving Meg still with her boyfriend. We took it to the sidewalk where there were hardly any cars, and I felt paranoid just by being here, having half the sense that Erik would be here somewhere, watching. But why would he care if he let me go?

"You do love him, though... I can see it written in your eyes..." He said quietly, sounding ashamed himself. I hated seeing him like that. I really did... I grabbed his wrist firmly, and lifted my head up to his level, and raised myself on my toes and pressed my lips to his, hardly feeling any excitement anymore... almost like it died a long time ago and it never should occur again. A hormone of mine, maybe... maybe there's no more thrill in kissing the one I always thought I'd love, and do love still... and I was just so confused!

"If I didn't love you as well, why should I give you that? Why should I deliver just as much affection and care as you show me? Raoul... you can't help me, nobody can. I don't know what I'm doing... all I can do is sit back and wait... I just needed to tell you..."

He shook his head, still looking at my eyes, over and over, and then wrapped his arms around me, going low on my waist so I couldn't bend out of it. "I get it, Christine... you needed to tell me, right? No matter what happens... I'll always be there. No matter what you may go through, and whatever you feel for him... for Erik... I'll still be there thick or thin. I just don't know if I could have you leave me... I don't know what I will do without you."

"I'm not leaving you... ever. I can't..." I whispered into his chest. "I don't want to."

"I'll never let anything harm you..." He whispered into my ear, kissing my hair over and over, rocking me back and forth as I cried into his chest. His words meant nothing for he wasn't strong enough despite, but it was nice to think so. It was nice to think this never happened, either... but it has. And I don't know what to do.

For right now... I can be on stage and be who I want to be and forget this love affair, and sing it out on stage. I'll be what Erik and my father want me to be, and what I've dreamed of, for nothing can get in my way... he said I was strong. So, I'll be strong. I just need to get through this night alone...