A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a fan that squeaks...a lot. :D But I live in the desert...it was 105 today and it's supposed to be over 110 all next week. I can live with a squeaky fan as long as it's cooling me off. :D

There a picture of Bella's Christmas gift to Edward on my Facebook group, if you wanna see it. It's kinda cool. :)

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Chapter 21

"I loved my gift," Edward said as we drove back to Cayucos from the airport.

"You did? It wasn't too silly or anything?"

He smiled. "It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Although, my mom started looking into wedding venue's, so beware of that."

We laughed, though inside my stomach flip-flopped a little bit. Would I ever want to get married again? Would I ever trust someone enough to do that? If it was Edward, could I get passed my hang-ups? Could he?

I'd gotten the idea for Edward's gift one day when Jacob's younger sister came into the cafe with a bunch of pictures she'd taken of him and his friends surfing. She had a knack for capturing the perfect moment, and I asked her if she'd secretly take some pictures of Edward and I during our surf lessons.

The black and white images she caught were incredible, and I'd put all of my favorites together in a framed photo collage. It was round and metal, and I thought it looked a little like the curl of a wave. I hoped he wouldn't think it was too cheesy, and not all of the pictures were of us together. Most were of us alone, but I hoped that regardless of what happened between us, relationship-wise, he'd always love the memories those pictures would bring him.

"I wish there were more of both of us, but I love the ones of just you. You look really great on the water," he said, reaching over and taking my hand.

I laced our fingers together and sighed, happy to be back with him.

"Did you have a good visit?" he asked. I knew he was worried. He wasn't really asking if I'd had fun with my family. He was asking if I'd run into Alice or Jasper.

"Yeah, it was good. I saw Alice's mom this morning. She had the baby with her."

"Oh, how was it?"

"The baby's beautiful. I was sad, mostly about what happened with Alice. I guess that's an improvement, right? That I only really missed Alice now?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

He told me about his holiday with his parents, and that his Uncle Marcus had shown up at his parent's house. Esme had been pretty upset by it, and they ended up calling the police to get him to leave. Rosalie was really on edge, Edward said, and I understood that.

When we got back to town, he took me to my apartment. "Do you wanna come in?" I asked.

He helped me with my bags and we settled onto the sofa to watch television for a little while.

"You wanna surf tomorrow morning?" he asked.

I knew it would be cold, but I wanted to. He kept his arm around my shoulders, kissing me lightly on my temple every so often. But he never tried anything more. After about an hour, I was done waiting.

"You know," I said, turning and shifting my body so that I was straddling his lap. "I meant what I said. I want more, I'm ready for more with you."

He watched me closely, his hands on my hips as his fingers squeezed the fabric of my t-shirt.

"I know, I just...I don't want to rush this, Bella."

"Trust me," I whispered before kissing him hard on the mouth.

My fingers were in his hair, scratching and pulling and twisting the soft brown locks. Sometimes when we were surfing, I could see a hint of red shining through. I loved it.

I pressed my chest against his, letting my hips push down on him. I could feel him hardening beneath me, and I knew he was enjoying himself as much as I was.

My mouth left his, and I moved to his neck, kissing and sucking and tasting him. I continued to writhe above him, grinding and pushing down on him. A little moan left his throat and I took that as a signal. I reached down to find the hem of his shirt and started to pull up.

"Bella, wait," he said. I didn't listen. I kept going. "No, Bella, wait."

His hands tightened on my hips, pushing me back a bit.

"What?" I asked, completely breathless over what we were doing.

"We can't do this. Not right now."

He wouldn't meet my eyes, and suddenly my mind started to race. Was he hiding something? Had something happened while I was away? Had he changed his mind?

Rejection washed over me, and I moved from his lap, scooting a few feet away on the couch.

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to..."

"Bella, please, I-"

"No, it's my fault. I should have known." Tears were beginning to sting my eyes, and I stood from the couch. "You can let yourself out. I'll see you later."

"Bella, wait."

I didn't stop. I couldn't let him see me fall apart. What was wrong with me? Why didn't any man want me? First Jasper, and now Edward. I thought we were on the same page, I thought he liked me the same way I liked him. I knew the pictures of us together were too much.

I had to get away from him.

I turned to close my bedroom door and he was right behind me. "Would you wait, please? Don't do this. Don't run away from me. Just give me a chance to explain, okay?" he begged.

"You don't need to explain. I was wrong and that's just how it is. I guess I should get used to it."

"Get used to what? What are you talking about?"

I sniffled and reached up to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "That you don't want me."

"Bella..." His arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him. I let go, letting out the sobs that were beginning to consume me. "You silly girl, how could you think I don't want you?" he asked.

"He didn't want me, either. I thought you were different."

"Bella, I am different. I want you. Believe me. I'm just trying to take things slow. I don't want to go too fast, to ruin this. I want this to work, okay? Please, believe me. I'm just scared of messing things up."

"But I'm okay with doing more than just kissing. I want to." I looked up into his eyes, hoping he would see the sincerity in me.

"Honey, I know you think right now that you want to do more than kiss, but why? Why all of the sudden do you want to slam on the gas in our relationship? I'm just worried it has more to do with your time away, and less to do with me."

The hurt in his eyes was evident. I didn't want him to think that's what I was trying to do—that I was trying to get over the hurt from seeing Alice's baby by moving our physical relationship forward.

"No, that's not it," I whispered.

We stood silently together for a few moments, just staring at one another. Finally, he let out a deep breath.

"Bella, I don't want to mess this up. I feel things for you that I've never felt before. Not for anyone." His hand moved up to cup my cheek, his thumb wiping the tears away from under my eye. "Sweetheart, I'm in love with you. I know I am. And it'll kill me if we move too fast and then you change your mind. I just want to be careful. Please."

"You love me?" I asked. Wanting to believe his words.

"Yeah, I do."

I hugged him tight, smiling against his chest as I sniffled. I let a few more tears go.

"I love you, too."

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A/N: Well, we have their first "I Love You's" so that's kinda sweet. :D And Bella's head is getting to her again. As is Edward's. But I like that they talk about things. I'm trying to keep the angst dialed down here, believe it or not. :D These two communicate WAY more than the Edward's and Bella's in my other stories. :D