Ranger insisted on carrying me out of the ER as well. They had done an ultrasound, and the baby was still moving and alive. The doctor said that, at this point, the pregnancy was still viable, and the best thing to do would be to rest, keep my feet up, and see my obstetrician in another couple of days. He recommended lots of sleep and a reduction in stress levels. I could see that I would be going insane. Ranger, with his overprotective nature, would make sure that I spent a significant amount of time in bed, and since the doctor had banned us from having sex during my period of confinement, spending time in bed wouldn't be very fun.

"I think we should cancel with your mom", said Ranger as he put me into the car. It was five in the morning, and I don't know how he could even think at all, let alone think about the dinner at my parents' house. I was pretty well comatose. It had been a long, long, anxious day, and I was ready for bed.

He shut the door quietly, walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat. "We can't do that without letting my mom know about our pregnancy", I said. "I just don't want to go there."

He turned the car on and guided it towards Rangeman. "I'm okay if you want to tell your family."

"I don't want to hear about the problems we are having. My mom will say that it's because I waited so long to have children, there will be an unspoken comparison to Val and her five kids, and I just don't want to hear it."

"Babe", said Ranger.

I sniffled and swiped the tears from my face. "Ranger?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think this is punishment for not wanting the baby?"

"No, I don't. I think it's a reaction to the stress of the day."

"I've decided. I want the baby now. I wasn't sure before, but I've decided now."

"You wanted it before as well. It's okay to have concerns. Being pregnant is a crimp in your lifestyle. I hope that it won't be as much of a crimp once the baby is born, but getting there will be a sacrifice for you. I recognize that, and if I could change it I would. I will do whatever I can to help you and to ease your way, but you'll be doing the heavy lifting on this one."

"I feel like the worst mother in the world. I might not be able to even keep the baby."

"Babe, you have to think positively. If and when you lose the baby, we'll deal with it then. But in the meantime, we'll assume that both you and the baby are fine."

"How can it be so easy for Val? She's had five."

"I know, but that's okay. She's not a badass like you, she doesn't have a kick-ass career, and she has a sixth child in her husband. I hope you don't feel the same about me." He turned into the Rangeman parking lot and, after he parked the car, I opened the door. Ranger told me to wait, and he ran around to my side, lifted me up, and shut the door with his hip.

I could see that this damsel-in-distress routine would be getting very old very fast. I was already tired of it.

"I'm not planning on waking you up tomorrow", said Ranger as we waited for the elevator. The doors opened and we got on. We were the only ones on the elevator, and I was glad. I didn't have to want to pretend to be happy. I didn't want to have to pretend to be okay. I didn't want to have to explain why I was being carried.

"Okay. But I want to go to my parents' for dinner and I want to pretend that there is nothing wrong." Ranger thought about that, but I could see that he didn't like it. "Please, Ranger? I really need to pretend that there is nothing wrong."

I sounded like I was on the verge of hysteria, and I guess that Ranger could hear it, because he paused and said finally, "alright. I'll agree to that as long as you spend the rest of the day lying down with your feet up."

"I'll be bored lying in bed."

"Then lie on the sofa, babe. Lying down, feet up. That's the deal."

"I think I'm really going to hate the next few months."

"It won't be for forever. At the beginning of the week you could get the all-clear, and you'll be able to continue your life. Perhaps a little more carefully than you were recently, but you'll be able to continue your life."

"It still sucks to have to do this all for a baby."

"I know, but I don't look at this as for the baby. I look at this as what you need to do for you. Babe, I would be upset if something happened to the baby. But I don't know the baby yet and it is still just a concept. I would be devastated, though, if something happened to you. If we decide that we want to have a baby and we lose this one, we can always try again. But I can't make another you. You have to look after yourself, if not for yourself than for me."

We got up to the apartment and Ranger put me down on my feet so that he could open the door. We walked inside, and Ranger took my coat from me to hang up in the closet, and I walked through from the hall to the bathroom. I pulled down my pants to use the toilet, and stared at the blood on the pad. Tears flowed down my face again.

I heard Ranger coming, so I hurriedly finished and stood, pulled up my underwear, and kicked off my pants. I was washing my hands as Ranger walked in the door carrying a t-shirt of his. I was glad he brought one of his shirts. There was always something reassuring about wearing his clothes. They made me feel like I was getting a full-body hug all the time.

I washed my face, glad that I had worn waterproof mascara, and moisturized my skin.

"Is your back still sore?"

"Yes, but I don't know if it is because of cramping or whether it is because of tension or whether it is because I spent so much time sitting yesterday."

"Your desk chair isn't comfortable?"

"I hate saying this, but I think I just need to stretch."

Ranger thought about smiling. "Not today, babe. I don't want you doing any exercise for the next few weeks, maybe even until the baby is born."

I put some toothpaste on my toothbrush. "I never thought that I would say this, but I'm not sure if I am happy or unhappy to not have to exercise. I actually enjoy doing self-defense and I put up with stretching and cardio. While I don't enjoy cardio, I like not getting out of breath the same when I am chasing skips."

"It will be a bitch getting back in shape for you, but I think that's what we'll have to do", said Ranger. "I'll help you after the baby is born."

I quickly brushed my teeth, stripped off my top and bra, and floated Ranger's top over my head. I padded through to the bed and climbed in while Ranger finished in the bathroom, and by the time he came to bed I was asleep.

There is one thing about me that I have learned in life. When something upsetting happens to me, with a good cry and an even better sleep, I would wake up feeling much more optimistic about things. I wasn't a glass-half-empty person, and being negative didn't come naturally to me. This was no different. By the time I woke at three the next afternoon, my outlook had improved. I stretched. My back didn't ache any longer and I didn't know what that meant, but I was taking it as a good sign.

I needed to go to the bathroom, and got up and padded through to the bathroom. I sighed in relief as I went – my bladder had been very full and uncomfortable – and looked at the pad. I thought there might have been a little less blood, and I put a clean pad on so that I could judge the flow better. Ranger walked in as I was brushing my teeth. "I heard you up", he said. "How are things going?"

"I think there is less blood", I said after I gave a final spit and rinsed my mouth.

Ranger gave a relieved smile. "I still want you off your feet."

"I figured."

"Ella sent up a yogurt parfait and some muffins for your brunch."

"Did you eat?" I looked at him. He still looked tired and worried, and I have him a hug and burrowed into his body.

He tucked me under his chin and sniffed my hair. "I did. I ate about four hours ago, but when Ella sent up some brunch for you she also sent up a sandwich for me. I was saving it for when you woke up." He rubbed my back gently, up and down, in a comforting pattern.

"What time did you wake up?"

"About ten-thirty." He reached down and lifted me off my feet, and carried me through to the den. He put me down on the sofa and retrieved my breakfast and his lunch before coming back and handing me the food and sitting down on the other end of the couch. He lifted my feet and put them in his lap.

"What have you been doing while I was sleeping?"

"I did some work for the office, but now that you're awake I might work out for an hour or so. We can shower together afterwards. Just so that you know, I told Joe and Tank about what happened. They are wishing you well, and Joe asked if he could come over to see you. I told him that I didn't know what time you would wake up. I was wondering about having Joe over to visit while I went down to work out."

"You don't mind?"

"It would make me feel better knowing that you aren't alone. I'm feeling more settled knowing that you aren't bleeding as much, but I am still worried about leaving you alone."

"I'll be fine."

"So you don't want Joe to come over?"

"No, it will be nice to see him, if only so that I can reassure him. I would also like to talk to him about the case."

"As long as it doesn't stress you out in any way."

"It will stress me out more to not have anything to do or not be able to help in any way than it will to be involved."

Ranger finished his sandwich and, as I picked at my yogurt and my muffin, he looked at me. "Lying down, babe. That's what we agreed to." I scooted down on the sofa, and he smiled and proceeded to give me the best foot rub that I had ever had. Ranger's foot rubs were magical. He had just the right amount of pressure – not too firm and not too tickly – and they were something that I had always enjoyed. That time was no different.

By the time Ranger was finished, I was almost purring with pleasure. He took out his phone and texted Joe, and he turned on the television. "Are you sure you want to go to your parents' for dinner?"

I smiled sadly. "All my life, Valerie has been better than me at things. She was better at school; she was the model child and never did anything wrong; she stuck it out with her first husband longer than I did; she had children. All my life, I have never been as good as her. Our paths have taken a different turn now that we are older and I have become much more career-oriented and less family-oriented than her, but that is just something that she is seen as excelling in as well. I'm seen as less of a woman than her, and I don't want my parents and grandmother to have more proof that I'm not as good as her. They already have proof enough."

"That's ridiculous", said Ranger. "You are a wonderful woman and going through this rough patch in your pregnancy doesn't make you less of a woman. You heard what the doctor said. It is quite common to experience bleeding in your first trimester and only ten percent of women who experience bleeding at your stage of the pregnancy have a miscarriage. Do you think all those other women are lesser women because they experience bleeding? Do you think they aren't as good mothers?"

"Val didn't experience bleeding."

"So? Val isn't you. She might not have experienced bleeding, but there is no reason to assume that you won't carry a baby to term as successfully as her."

Ranger got a responding text, and as he read his phone, he looked relieved. "Joe will be here in about twenty minutes."

"Then let me get some pants on", I said. "I may have formerly gone out with him. I may have even formerly lived with him for a few months. That doesn't mean that I want to see him without pants on."

Ranger smiled slightly. "I'm glad to hear that."