Chapter 21: Waking up
"Come on Dan" Dave said tiredly, and Dan snapped his head up to face him. They'd been in the hospital for a long time now, Dan wasn't sure how long. He'd just sat there, holding Phil's hand in his, and waiting. He watched his face, looking for any sign that he was waking up, the movement of an eye behind the lid, a twitch in his face. So far there had been nothing, but that was ok. Phil's hand was warm in his, and Dan was sure that everything was going to ok. The doctor came in every few hours to check on them and to make sure there were no changes in Phil's condition. Last time she came she placed some small pads over him, and after a few minutes of watching a monitor, told them that he was close to waking. Dan said quickly "What?" and Dave stopped walking towards the door. "You need to come back. You haven't slept for two days." Was that how long they'd been here? It didn't feel like it. Dave and Sarah had left now and then to go check how Sonia and Harry had been coping, but Dan thought they were just being cautious. Two days. "I'm not leaving." He said, determined, and Dave shook his head. "You need to sleep Dan. You need to get changed, and you're missing school." Dan shook his head in shock and replied "You really think I'm going to go to school with Phil in the hospital? I'm not leaving him." Dave became angry, and Dan almost wanted to leave. He'd never seen Dave angry before. He wasn't sure whether it was just because Dave was tired, or worried, but he was angry. "Dan!" he exclaimed and continued "You are going home. Now." Dan knew that no matter how angry Dave got, he couldn't leave. He needed to be here when Phil woke up. He just shook his head at Dave, and his eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak, but a timid voice from the corner interrupted him. "Dave, just go. If he wants to stay, let him. Just bring some clothes and stuff with you when you come back" Sarah said, looking at the floor. Dave glanced over and opened his mouth again, as though he was going to shout, but then he shut it and shook his head with defeat. He walked out quickly.
Dan glanced over at Sarah and whispered a quick "Thanks" before going back to watching Phil. He squeezed his hand gently, hoping for a response, but got nothing. He couldn't believe that Dave had thought he would just go back, go to sleep and go to school while Phil was in such as state! He tried to stay calm, focusing on the fact he didn't have to leave. Phil would wake up soon, and everything would be fine.
After a few hours Sarah stood up quickly, making Dan jump. He stared at her, and she seemed to remember that she wasn't the only person in the room. Dan understood. It had been so quiet; they had just been sat in silence. The only noises were the steady beat of Phil's heart monitor and the squeaking of shoes as people walked past the room. Dan had been so engrossed in the silence and in watching Phil that he'd forgotten Sarah was there. She nodded in apology and said quietly "Um, I'm going to go find the doctor and see if there's any more news. I'll go find us some food as well." Dan opened his mouth to tell her he wasn't hungry but she continued quickly "I don't really want anything to eat either, but we have to have something. Neither of us have eaten since yesterday." Dan just nodded and turned to look back at Phil.
He heard the click of the door closing, and he released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He watched Phil for a few more moments, willing him to open his eyes. He wanted Phil to wake up, but a small part of him was scared about what might happen when he did. What if he still couldn't remember anything? What if he'd gotten worse? He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind. He remembered the doctor telling them that he might be able to hear them, and he coughed slightly. "Erm… Hi Phil." Hi. Hi. What was he saying hi for? God he was so stupid. He chuckled to himself thinking about was probably running through Phil's mind if he could hear him. Probably something about Dan and his social awkwardness. "That made me sound stupid didn't it? Oh well, if anyone hears me they'll think I'm stupid anyway, talking to myself. You better hurry up and wake up and talk back, or when you wake up you might find me locked in the mental health ward." He took a deep breath and continued "Please wake up Phil. Even if you can't remember anything, we'll get through it. I just need you to wake up, to know you're ok. This is all my fault isn't it? I wanted to go to the park. I didn't help you quick enough. I just stood there while… while.. they. Oh Phil, why did you have to jump in? They might have left you alone."
Everything was black, but it wasn't flat. It almost seemed to swirl, as though the darkness had different depths. Phil felt quite ill watching it, as though he was being spun round quickly. Everything seemed distorted, strange. Then he heard a voice, reaching out through the darkness. It sounded strange at first, pitch and volume distorting, constantly changing. It settled down after a few moments though and Phil recognised it quickly. Dan. Suddenly, everything came flooding back to him. He watched as the scene played out in front of him, around him, taking up the darkness. He watched as someone tackled Dan and he pulled him off. He was watching as though he was a passerby, not from his own perspective. Watching him get his head slammed against the bench was surreal, like an out of body experience. Suddenly everything went black again, and he could just hear Dan's voice. It felt as though it was pulling him, pushing him, calling him. Everything was becoming brighter as he listened to the voice. He suddenly thought to himself I better not be dying. If I die Dan will kill me. He couldn't even bring himself to laugh at his internal joke, he was too worried. What would Dan's life be like if he died? Could the young boy take losing someone else?
He found himself relaxing anyway as he listened to the voice, unable to stop it from pulling him in. "I just need you to wake up, to know you're ok." Phil called out into the darkness that he was ok, that he didn't need to worry, that he missed him. The voice didn't change though, Dan couldn't hear him. Phil hated that Dan was worrying about him. The voice continued "This is all my fault isn't it? I wanted to go to the park. I didn't help you quick enough. I just stood there while… while.. they. Oh Phil, why did you have to jump in? They might have left you alone." Phil suddenly felt anger surge through him. How could Dan blame himself? He had done nothing wrong! How could he think that Phil would have done anything else? Of course he was going to help! He wouldn't have just left Dan! As the anger rushed through him, everything got brighter still. It suddenly felt as though a huge, pressing weight had been lifted off his body, and he knew he was awake. He could move, he could talk. A part of him didn't want to though; he didn't want to face the world again. Then he felt a hand squeeze his, and he opened his eyes.
"Dan?" he croaked out, and Dan jumped back, ripping his hand from Phil's. He stood there for a few seconds, heart pounding, breathing heavy. Eventually he managed to get out "Phil! You're awake." The boy lying in the hospital bed chuckled slightly, but he could see the pain in his eyes. Dan's first thought was that his head was hurting, but then he realised. He was across the room, and he had ripped his hand from Phil's. How must that have looked to him? He couldn't bring himself to walk back over though; he knew that once Phil understood, he'd no longer want anything to do with him. He whispered quietly "Do you remember everything?" The dark haired boy just nodded, and Dan sighed with relief. His memory was fine. He leant against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. Phil was fine. He was going to hate Dan, but at least he was fine. He knew he was going to have to say something, and he decided to dive straight in. He didn't want Sarah to walk in, so he spoke quickly and quietly. "I'm so sorry Phil. I know that doesn't fix anything, and I know that you can never forgive me, but I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. You were happy before I came along, and I've ruined everything. Look at what I've put you through! You're in hospital because of me! If I hadn't existed, you wouldn't be here. If I hadn't made you go out, you wouldn't be here. If I hadn't been such an idiot, if I'd helped you, you'd be fine. This is all my fault…" before he could continue, he was interrupted by Phil shouting.
God, the boy was an idiot. It was his nature to blame things on himself, even if it wasn't his fault. He couldn't bare the idea that Dan was blaming himself though. He had to stop him. "DAN! LISTEN TO ME!" he realised he was shouting, and he took a quick breath. He spoke again, keeping his voice quiet, worried Dan might think he was angry. "Look Dan. Stop blaming yourself, alright? It just makes things worse. It wasn't your fault. I didn't know the meaning of happy before I met you ok? So all this is worth it. Sure, I wish it didn't happen, but there's nothing you could have done about it. I'd go through it all again in a heartbeat, and I wouldn't change a thing. I'd still step in to help you" he shot a quick glare over at the younger boy before continuing "even if you think I shouldn't have. I am NOT in hospital because of you; I'm in hospital because of those idiots that think its ok to do this to people. If you hadn't helped me, I probably wouldn't be here. I'd be in the morgue." He saw Dan flinch slightly at the thought, but he had to continue before Dan had a chance to doubt what he was saying. "None of this is your fault." He opened his arms and whispered "Now come here."
The young boy quickly walked back over to the bed and hugged him gently before sitting back down and taking Phil's hand in his. They sat like that for a few moments before Phil asked "Where are Dave and Sarah?" and Dan smiled slightly. "Have you ever seen Dave angry? It's quite scary. He tried to make me go back, but I wouldn't, so he's gone without me. Sarah went to find the doctor and get some food." Phil smiled slightly and said "He got angry! Why? Is you missing one curfew really that big of a deal?" Dan frowned slightly, and he suddenly looked very uncomfortable. When he spoke, he sound worried. "Um, Phil. You've been asleep for two days." Phil stiffened. Two days? How could he have been asleep for two days? There was no way… Wow. He really had been out of it. How hard had they hit his head? Dan looked at him for a minute before saying quietly "Do you want to know what's wrong with you?" Phil just nodded, fearing the worst. Dan swallowed and said "You lost a lot of blood. I think.. I think you nearly died. When we were in the car we couldn't get you to wake up. You have the cut across your forehead" Phil reached up slightly to feel it. The skin felt puckered, and he winced slightly. It was sore. Dan smiled at him and continued "They stitched it up. They also stitched up some more cuts on the back of your head. You've got a lot of bruises, mainly on your stomach and face." Phil groaned inwardly, he probably looked like a patchwork quilt of bruises. "And you've, um… fractured your jaw in three places." Phil's eyebrows furrowed slightly and he said quickly "It doesn't hurt". Dan smiled at him and said "Yeah, I think your body is 90% painkillers!" They both laughed and Phil squeezed his hand.
After a while he asked Dan quietly "What about you?" Dan just smiled at him and said jokingly "Well someone finally managed to break my nose. They fixed it and said I should still be sexy, so it's fine." He grinned, but Phil saw him wince slightly at the pain it caused his nose. Phil asked quietly "How did they fix it?" Dan swallowed and couldn't keep the pain off his face as he remembered "Um, they gave me an injection and then they had to set it in the right place" he knew there was no point in lying to Phil so he added onto the end "Hurt like hell." Phil smiled at him and started rubbing comforting circles on the back of Dan's hand with his thumb. Dan stuck his tongue out and continued softly "That's about it really, I just have a few bruises across my stomach, but they're healing now." Phil nodded slightly and said "Ok." And then Sarah and the doctor walked in.
"Ah Phil, you're awake!" the doctor said cheerily before walking over and writing down some notes from the monitor. Phil just nodded slightly and the doctor continued "how do you feel?" He shrugged his shoulders and said "Fine, I guess. Nothing hurts so…" the doctor smiled at him and said quickly "How's your memory?" Phil smiled quickly at Dan before replying happily "Fine, I can remember everything." She smiled at him and ran him through some quick tests. When she was done she said "I'm happy with his progress. I want to keep him in for another night just to monitor him, but he should be able to go home tomorrow." Dan smiled at her and she left the room. He squeezed the hand of his best friend, of his boyfriend and whispered happily "tomorrow!"