Chapter 21/ Timing Is Everything

I'm wasted, losing time
I'm a foolish, fragile spine
I want all that is not mine
I want him but we're not right

As they broke apart, panic seeped through the space created between them. The oxygen seemed to thicken around them. Only their shocked expression's hung in the air.

Sam couldn't take her eyes off of him for a few moments as shock ran through her body.

What did I just do?

She let her hand slip from his arm and it fell limply at her side. Freddie stared back down at her—even with churches he made her feel small standing next to him. And in that moment, that's how she felt; small, helplessness, weak, and that was not her. She wasn't this daffodil that needed constant care and protection. She looked out for herself—he was the problem. He made her fell ravaged—robbed of all the characteristics' that made her Sam.

Because the girl standing on the fire escape, eyes locked on the tall brunette boy she's convinced herself she hates, is not Sam.

Freddie swallowed uneasily as he took a step back to gather his thoughts. He had about a million questions and forming in his mind. Why did she do that?—What does this mean?

Sam parted her lips to help herself breathe easier still in utter disbelieve in what she had just managed to do. "I-I uh…" She was lost for words. She didn't know why she kissed him, she didn't even know how she mustered up the courage to do such a thing…

He kissed me back. She realized quickly, another wave of confusion swept through her.

Her hands quickly found themselves running through her hair in frustration, realizing her stupidity. She knows she can't do this now, even though it's the only thing in the world she wants.

The blond looks up into his dark, mesmerizing brown eyes—getting lost of the sea of emotions he's expression through them. What he doesn't know is she can read him like a book.

His eyes were intense with a raging mixture between pure content and confusion; longing but hesitantance.

"Sam—" He began to say but was quickly cut off by her. She shook her head quickly. "No, don't say anything—y-you can't talk."

Freddie frowned.

"Wha-?" "—don't, please. Jus—don't ruin it." Sam exhaled as she tried to collect herself. "I don't know why I did that." She said it so quickly as if she was ripping off a Band-Aid.

Sam took another step back as he tried to approach her. She stuck her hand out in front of her, a sign to for him to get any closer. "This is wrong Freddie. Th-this," She gestured to themselves. "cannot happen." She reassured herself snapping out of the awkward trance they both seemed to be lost in.

"I-I'm gonna go." She said as she turned around quickly, but not quickly enough as Freddie caught her arm and kept her from leaving. She turned back around, now standing even closer to him that before. Sam could feel the warmth of his skin radiating onto her—she couldn't tell if he was just naturally that hot, or if he was fighting off a fever, but it was a haven in the cold, crisp Seattle air.

She longed to just close her eyes, to inhale his intoxicating aroma and never let go. But that was a fantasy, and it didn't matter how much she wanted it, it would never turn to reality.

"Sam wait." Freddie gazed down at the girl before him and exhaled deeply as if he was preparing to say something.

"Look, I-I don't know what this is…" He said pointing to the small space between them with his hand, and unnecessary hand gesture.

"and I don't know what this can become…" The brunette boy swallowed uneasily as he looked directly into Sam's conflicting eyes.

"all I know, is what I feel… and I know this is crazy, and completely wrong, and maybe even out of nowhere—but I know…" He took a breath and this time Sam managed to looked back at him too, memorized by his words.

"everything's been a mess in my life for the past couple of weeks." His voice breaks and Sam instantly senses this is a touchy subject for him. "and every time I looked at you, you managed to make it all okay."

Sam remained silent standing before him, she no longer made an attempt at an escape. Maybe she was tired, tired of running away from everything.

Even the good things.

"It only takes one look." He whispered, trailing off.

Sam shook her head lightly as she gave him a sweet small smile. "We can't…" She said faintly. "Not like this."

He didn't stop her this time. As she turned to leave, his arm lay flat at his side—he couldn't find the strength to keep her any longer. He just watched as she broke away from his soft grip and climbed back inside through his bedroom window.

And with a blink of an eye, she was gone. Leaving him confused and conflicted.

…

Quickly following her exit from the fire escape Sam pulled her phone out and sent Carly a short quick text. As she paced around his apartment trying to find her things so she can gather them, she wrote:

Something came up, I gtg. Stay with Freddie. Sorry.

The blond grabbed her bag and jacket and shot a quick look back down the hallway that led to Freddie's room before she walked out.

She was running again. But this time she really believed it was for a good reason. What they both wanted was completely out of the question, at least for now. At least until Freddie was fully recovered and was, well; Freddie.

She missed him. And as she stood in the elevator going down she couldn't feel more alone. He wasn't the same—not really. Before, there were certain things he did that made her fall in love with him, or that drove her crazy but now, now he was just another person. Sure, he had his moments—these light, beautiful moments when he would do something that reminded her of the Freddie she first fell in love with. Like pulling out his famous smirk, or tapping his fingers in a rhythmic motion when he was impatient.

God she missed him.

Sam sighed and scoffed at herself in realization. She would never come to admit it, but whoever had once said; you don't know what you've got till you lose it, was so completely right.

Right now, she needed to get away. Distance would be good for them, she convinced herself. Plus Freddie would be there when she decides to come back.

The only question now was, where would she go? She had been practically living at Carly and Freddie's ever since the accident and she can't go back to that building—at least not tonight.

Her mom and her newlywed husband were back from their honeymoon but there were probably living god knows where. It surely wouldn't be back in the old two story house she once shared with her mother.

Sam paced herself as she walked down the street in no particular direction. She just needed to get away—her life had been turned to pieces the last few weeks and she's been dying for an escape.

Her phone rings once, then twice. But she refuses to look at it knowing it's just Carly calling to see what was going on. Sam wanted to answer, it wasn't like she was heartless and didn't want to, it was that she couldn't. Carly would find the truth out somehow and before she knew it, Sam would have more than one problem on her hands.

But she pulls her phone out anyway, not to call Carly back and stop her worrying, but to call someone else.

The phone rings three times before he picks up. She doesn't even bother with any casualties before she speaks. "Can you come pick me up? I'm a few blocks north from Bushwell."

…

"Why would she just run off like that?" Carly asked in confusion as she paced around Freddie's room.

Freddie shrugged as he sat up in his bed—for reasons unknown to him, he wasn't feeling too hot, so he had asked Carly to help him back in bed.

"I don't know." He mumbled uneasily. Carly then spun around as if it suddenly came to her. "Something happened, didn't it?" She accused with wild eyes. Freddie shook his head and pretended she was lying. "What-? No…"

But Carly saw right through his lie and glared at him. "Something between you two…" She continued now in an almost excited matter. "Carly noth—"

"What did you do?" She asked more softly now taking a seat beside him. He remained silent for a moment debating in his mind whether it was okay to tell Carly. "Come on!" The brunette girl complained.

"You can't just hint that something happened and don't tell me Freddie!" Freddie sighed. "Yeah, sometime did happen, but… she's not here—she left. Doesn't that already tell you how it ended?"

Carly swallowed, she hadn't realized what he had said was true. She had gotten so excited she forgot about the main reason she was here. Sam left.

"Okay," Carly began once more after a few seconds. "Let's drop the subject for now—"

"Thank you." Freddie exhaled in relaxation. Carly sighed and her shoulder brushed up against his arm. She left a sudden wave of warmth in which she turned towards him, panic in her eyes.

She quickly placed her cold hand on his arm. "Freddie," Her hand rose to his forehead. "You're burning up!"

"Am I?" He asked, concern was lacking in his voice.

"H-how long did you stay out on the fire escape?" She asked as she dug around his bedside table for a thermometer.

"Carly, I'm fine." He protested abruptly, making her stop searching. Carly turned back to him worry laced in her eyes. "You are not fine, okay? You just had brain surgery Freddie!" She returned to digging through the drawer.

"You don't get to tell me you're fine."

"Carly I'm just a little warm—nothing else—" Freddie began to protest. "Just a little warm?!" Carly was beginning to sound a bit crazy. "Yeah Freddie, and you and Sam just got into a car accident. And Sam just broke her arm, and you just slipped into a coma, and you just lost some memories, and you just had brain surgery!" She erupted out of nowhere.

"You don't get to tell me you're fine." She repeated, tears now fell down her face as she found the thermometer. "B-because you, are not fine… none of us," She exhaled trying to stay calm. "are fine."

"Carl's I…" He had no words to say. He watched as she cleaned herself up, whipping the tears from her eyes and sniffing away the sobs that threatened to overcome her

She sat down once again. "Now put this under your tongue and don't complain." Freddie gave her a small sad smile but agreed.

…

As Sam climbed into the car which pulled up against the side of the road, she heard his sarcastic familiar voice ring out.

"Sam, always a pleasure to see you." He said with a sardonic tone. Sam closed the door behind her and rolled her eyes. "Oh shove it, and drive Kyle."

Kyle nodded and shrugged. "Yes ma'am."

A few seconds passed and they remained silent… then a few minutes, and by the time they knew it an hour had passed, and nothing had been said. Kyle was still driving around with no certain destination in mind.

"Do you wanna tell me what's wrong?—"

"No." Sam exhaled no even bothering to look at him. She was staring out the window intently, watching the cars fall quietly behind them as he pressed the gas.

"So that's just it? I-I don't get an explanation for… this?" He asked with a smirk. Sam nodded. "Yup."

"Sam…I can't just drive all da—" "Do you miss her?" Sam cut him off abruptly, and when he didn't answer from confusion she clarified. "Your mom, you said she died a while back… do you miss her?" The blond said those words as if each one of them was a stake to the heart.

Her phone buzzed.

Kyle turned his eyes back on the road and nodded. "Yeah, of course I do."

Sam nodded. "I miss him, Freddie. I miss him." She admitted bitterly. Silence overtook the atmosphere in the car once more and Sam remained quiet.

One missed call from Carly.

Until another thought came to her mind. "Sometimes I wonder if I would've been easier on all of us… if he died." She said hesitantly. "It would be easier on him, I see the way he struggles… and it would've defiantly been easier on u—"

"—No." Kyle said shaking his head. Sam looked up at him curiously. "If you're asking if your life would have been easier if he died back in the crash, the answer is no… what you don't realize, is once they're gone, they're gone Sam—you, you can still talk to him, you can still see him, be grateful of that."

Two missed calls from Carly.

Sam swallowed listening carefully. And suddenly the thought of Freddie six feet under was so utterly terrifying she cursed at herself for ever thinking it. A sob threatened to escape as her eyes watered up. "I'm a horrible person right? For thinking that?" She said through her silent tears.

Kyle shook his head and frowned. "No, Sam… you're only human."

Her phone buzzed once more letting her know it was her third missed call. "Aren't you gonna get that?" Kyle asked. Sam looked down at her phone and pressed delete. "It's not important, just keep driving."

…

"That's it, I'm calling your mother!" Carly exclaimed in panic, she didn't know what else to do anymore. Freddie had a temperature of 101.6, he claimed his head was pounding and she was running out of options.

"No!" He continued to fight. "Carly its probably nothing." He said slowly getting up from the bed.

But Carly refused to listen, she took one look at him and how much he had transformed in the past hour and decided to dial.

As soon as he tired getting up a wave of nausea swept through his body sending him a in sitting position on his bed. He closed his eyes and tired to make the world around him stop swaying.

But he couldn't, he was too distracted by the constant pounding in his head, he felt like someone had run him over by a train.

Carly paced around the room with the phone to her ear. Ms. Benson had promised to keep her cell phone on at all times in case something like this happens but she wasn't answering and Carly was beginning to lose it.

Sam wasn't picking up, Spencer wasn't home, and now Ms. Benson was silent. "Come on…" She begged softly through the phone.

But the call went directly to voice mail. The brunette girl debated whether to leave a message, but what would she say without worrying his mother and kicking her into the crazy parental drive?

Carly hung the phone up and bit her lip. "Okay," She took a deep breath and tired to clear her head and think straight.

"Freddie, lie down. I'll be right back." She instructed.

Carly ran out of the room and into the kitchen where she gathered as many ice packs as she could in her arms as she tried for Sam once more. "This is Sam, you know what to do. Beeep."

The brunette raced back into his bedroom, but found it empty. "Freddie?" She heard a sound coming from his bathroom and as she approached the door she recognized the noise as… gagging.

She dropped the ice packs where she was standing and swung open the door. Freddie was bent over the toilet, the stench of vomit overcame her nostrils as she walked further in, but she didn't care.

"Oh Freddie," She let out subconsciously. As she drew closer to him she noticed something quite odd. A darkened substance lay among the chunks in the toilet bowel, and as Freddie turned to face her, she realized what it was.

Her heart sank into the darkest pit in her stomach. "Oh my god." She exhaled faintly.

Blood.

He was throwing up blood.

…

Sam's phone rang for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day. "You know, you should get that…" Kyle said knowingly.

Sam gave him a back off glare, but she sighed knowing he was right. "It's Carly, she probably want to know what happened, it can wait."

"Sam," Kyle moaned in annoyance. "Just pick it up and let her know you're alive." He said as they pulled to a stop at the red light.

"Alright, alright." She sighed loudly and pressed the answer button, and rose the phone to her ear. "Hey Carl's, I'm don't worry I'm al—"

"Sam where have you been?!" Carly nearly shouted into the phone. The relaxed state of mind Sam was currently at shut down once she heard the Carly's panicked voice.

"I-I, Fre—"

"never mind that, Sam, Freddie's throwing up blood… a-and h-he had a fever—Ms. Benson isn't picking up, and Spencer is out..." She continued rambling on, but all Sam heard was. Freddie's throwing up blood.

"What?! Th-that's impossible… w-went I left he—he was fine!"

…

Chapter 21! There ya have it! I promise way MORE Seddie coming up, sorry for the long update its just I'm super busy in my junior year of HS :( I promise to update faster! Though there isn't more to this. (Don't kill me for what I am doing to Freddie, I know, I'm a monster… blah blah blah, but it is important, I'll be writing some super cute Seddie flashbacks about the week I skipped in the story!) So don't go anywhere! Hope ya enjoyed!

The song I used for the lyrics is Smother, by Daugther. (Not mine)

Reviews make me happy and help me write and upload faster! I love you guys! Thanks and don't forget to reviewww!

-C