Hook wasn't the only one shaking. Belle trembled with the force of emotion, both hers and his, the woman hanging onto Hook, hugging him from behind. Her eyes ran hot with tears, her heart an echo of Hook's pain. It was a pain he had been carrying for some two hundred years, a pain laced with his anger, with his need for vengeance, but also tainted with an immeasurable amount of guilt. That guilt had surprised her, Belle never having imagined that Hook had found fault with himself for what had ultimately happened to his lover.
Hook had in fact been blaming himself, letting the if only haunt him. How often had Hook let himself think like that, how often had he thought about how different life would have been if he had killed Rumplestiltskin when he had first had the chance? But Belle now knew his thoughts had run worse than that, Hook hurt by love, by the very love that he had for Milah, blaming it as much as Rumplestiltskin for the fact that the woman was dead.
Her heart nearly breaking with emotion, Belle's vision blurred, the woman acknowledging just how wrong she had been. About Rumplestiltskin yes, but also about the man that she currently embraced, her arms wrapped tight around him from behind, Belle both offering comfort and taking it for herself. She pressed her forehead to the back of his shirt, inhaled the strong scent of him with flaring nostrils. Hook smelled like the storm he had been battling, the man having gone straight to bed with her after a harrowing night on the sea.
That storm and it's dangers, couldn't come close to the battering of hurt that Hook's own guilt had done him. Belle couldn't begin to imagine how one could endure such a feeling, and for as long as Hook had, the endless blame and fault finding, his love twisted into something he viewed as damning.
Hook wasn't blameless, no one was. The pirate, Rumplestiltskin, even the woman herself, Milah, had all played a part in the tragedy that had occurred. Hook shouldn't have run off with a married woman, and Rumplestiltskin shouldn't have murdered that woman in cold blood no matter how faithless and desperate Milah had been to escape her marriage. And she HAD been desperate, to the point anyone would have done.
Belle realized there was a lot worse men to end up with than a pirate who had loved with all his heart. She inwardly shuddered at the thought of just what kind of abuse Milah could have ultimately suffered. Anything from rape, beatings, being stolen from, to having to whore one self out just to survive. It was because of Hook that Milah had known none of that, that she had not only survived, she had prospered. And even though Milah had ultimately ended up dead, she had been fortunate to not only know Hook, but to love him.
Belle told Hook as much out loud, her words a fierce truth she intended to carve into his heart. She wanted that knowledge to fill him, to push out the guilt he had been living with, the anger and resentments that had been festering inside. He had endured the sting of them for too long, the pain staggering, twisting everything until his love had rotted. How his heart had survived that, Belle didn't know, but Hook hadn't yet become the man she had known in Storybrooke.
That man still made unpleasant shivers roll through her, Belle remembering how angry and single minded the pirate had been when it came to his vengeance. His eyes had blazed dark with such raging emotions, his pain almost swallowed up to the madness that was his anger. Belle could never imagine embracing that man, comforting him, LIKING him. The Hook in Storybrooke had been just one dimension to her, a maelstrom of fury and threats. The Hook of the past was a man of many things, new facets revealed to Belle day after day. He was a man who had known more loss than any one person should, Milah, his brother Liam, his parents, a whole kingdom turned against him.
Hook had suffered more than he had been happy, centuries worth of pain brought on the heels of the scant few years that the man had gotten to spend with Milah. It didn't seem and in fact wasn't fair, Belle's heart again hurting for Hook. But more than that hurt, she was determined, Belle not wanting to see the Hook of this time be warped by his pain into the man he had been in the future. She'd do just about anything to heal him, and Belle didn't care how askew she might set the timeline with her actions.
Her mind set on this, Belle again gave a squeeze of her arms. Hook was no longer shaking, his fingers steady as they stroked her forearm. That innocent touch had been happening for a while now, and it was a caress that had soothed them both. Less innocent was Belle's creeping awareness of Hook, and of how her body was pressed so firmly against his back. She started to color with embarrassment, Belle attempting to pull away. Hook's caressing fingers suddenly locked around her wrist, the man holding her still.
"Hook?" Belle inquired, uncertainty lacing her voice.
"Thank you." His voice was gruffer than she was used to hearing, as though Hook himself was battling a strong emotion he wasn't ready yet to express. She didn't push him for it, Belle instead touching her forehead to his back in silent acknowledgement of his words. Hook would make a sound in response to that touch, another gruff and downright embarrassed clearing of his throat before speaking. "You've a magic about you, Belle."
"I've not even a single drop of magic in my blood." Belle protested. Hook hadn't let go of her hand, but he was shifting his grip, turning so that he could stand facing her. She saw the serious light in his eyes, and the intent way that he focused his gaze on her. She found herself warming in response, flustered even before he continued speaking.
"It's magic all the same." Hook insisted. His thumb was caressing the pulse of her wrist, the wild beat of it dancing under his repeated touch. Belle tried not to focus on that, or the way Hook centered his complete attention on her, the woman instead arching an eyebrow in mock challenge. "You just have this way about you. You make me...well...you make me put things into perspective. It's nothing new, and it's nothing that Smee hasn't told me a hundred times at least, and yet with you, I find myself wanting to believe..."
Belle felt hope building in her heart, and this time it was she that clasped Hook's hand with both of hers. "Then it's a start!" She said excitedly.
"A start..." He agreed, his eyes having dipped down to glance at their joined hands. A sensual smile curved his lips, the serious light in his eyes blazing brighter. She couldn't blush any redder, Hook having echoed the beauty's words with a meaning to them that was all together different from hers. It was hope and desire, and a yearning that was more than just sexual. It was a yearning for the future, a keen longing that had nothing to do with Hook's vengeance., and everything to do with Belle.
It was all she could not to snatch her hands away in response, Belle unprepared to deal with Hook on that level of emotion. Friend, protector, even enemy she could handle, but a Hook who was falling headfirst into infatuation? She didn't dare think of it as anything more, Belle trying to rationalize, to reason away Hook's attraction.
"You've been in Neverland for how long?"
Hook blinked slowly, but didn't lose the warmth in his eyes. "Well it's hard to say exactly. But I reckon we've been here some two hundred years, give or take a few decades."
"Two hundred years..." Belle murmured. "And you never once left Neverland in that time?"
"No, never."
"And I'm really the first woman you and your men have seen in all that time?" Belle asked. Hook frowned in response, perhaps having gleaned on to the nature of her thoughts.
"First HUMAN woman yes. Not that the mermaids are in any way hospitable." Before she could begin to say anything else, his hook was gently touching her cheek. It was a shock of cold against her warm skin, the smooth underside of the hook's curve easing back, to play with a curl of her hair. "Two hundred years is a long time. But it was a time that I needed."
"For your vengeance?"
"For my heart." Hook corrected her, still playing with that strand of hair. "It takes a long time to get over the loss of the love of your life. And even longer to start to be able to believe in the idea of a second chance at a happy ending..."
"So long as you believe, you can make it happen." She wasn't heartless, Belle knowing she had to tread carefully so as not to crush Hook just as he had finally started to heal and believe in second chances at loving again. "I am sure that once you leave Neverland, you will find a nice girl and..." She couldn't stop the gasp, the smooth edge of his hook suddenly pressing against her lips. Some dark emotion had flashed in the pirate's eyes, perhaps anger at the rejection he had sensed in her words.
But he didn't snarl at her. His anger wasn't anything like that of the man he would be in Storybrooke. It was calm, Hook controlled, the man giving Belle a thin smile that bore no resemblance to that sensual look he had been wearing just seconds earlier.
"I am sure that you are right." He said, his voice making an attempt to mask the emotion that was aflame in his eyes. "But I am not leaving Neverland. Not any time soon."
When his hook lowered, and her hands were free, Belle could only continue to gasp at him in shock. "What, why? I thought you were ready to..."
"To what?" Hook asked, then turned his back to her. "Give up on my vengeance?" He snorted derisively. "Hardly. The Dark One still needs to pay, the world needs to be made safe from the likes of him."
"Vengeance won't get you any closer to making you be happy!" Belle cried out in earnest protest, reaching for him. She stopped short at touching him, Belle trembling with her upset. Hook had been so close, so close to being healed. The beauty knew she hadn't imagined it. Hook had shown hope, had been ready to believe. And yet the hurt was still there, the craving for vengeance just as strong if not stronger. And it just might be her fault, Belle remembering the change that had so instantaneously overtaken Hook's warm affection.
It hurt worse that Hook didn't say anything in response to her cries. He didn't even look at her, instead gathering a fresh change of clothing, and heading into the cabin's private bathroom. It was a clear cut dismissal, Belle biting at her bottom lip knowing she just didn't have the nerve to follow. Not even to try and reason with him, to talk herself hoarse in an attempt to get Hook to give up on the vengeance that would ultimately lead to his ruin.
With a heavy sigh, Belle allowed herself to fall over backwards into the bed's soft mattress. She stared unseeing at the alcove's ceiling, wondering if she could have botched things any worse than she already had. The look in Hook's eyes, how quick he had been spurred to anger hinted strongly that no, that there was little that could have ruined the moment more aside from the truth of just who Belle really was, and where she truly came from.
It was all such a mess, she thought to herself. She couldn't be completely truthful, nor could she in any way return Hook's feelings. That affection he felt for her, that infatuation she refused to consider was the seedlings of a burgeoning love. Belle reasoned to herself that she was the first woman Hook had encountered in years, centuries spent alone without female companionship. It was no wonder his feelings would get confused, that he would start to think he might like Belle for more than just sex and friendship.
In a lot of ways, the idea of a sexual interest was a lot easier to handle, than Hook's feelings being more than that. She could deflect the first, but how to stop the second from becoming even more than it already was? The answer was clear even if it wasn't one that would be easy to accomplish. Hook needed a woman, someone to focus on and distract him from Belle. The thought made her frown, her chest tightening with something Belle swore was not the first streak of jealousy. And it definitely wasn't relief, or so she insisted, when Belle acknowledged that getting Hook out of Neverland wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Her feelings more confused than Belle wanted to admit to, she found herself rolling onto her side. Her arm stretched out, her hand caressing the space in the bed besides her, where Hook normally lay. She had grown used to his presence besides her, to the feel of his arms holding her while she tried to sleep. She'd miss the looks he gave her, the way he teased her, and stole any opportunity to touch her. She was spoiled by him, by the attention he gave her, and Belle insisted to herself that was the only reason behind any conflict of interest she might be having.
They didn't have a future together, Belle insisted to herself. But that fact wouldn't lessen her confusion, or the hurt that Hook must be feeling. A hurt he had tried to hide behind vengeance, Hook angry and it didn't fool her one bit. Neither did that sullen expression, Hook practically glaring as he walked out of the bathroom. His hair was still wet, the dark strands looking almost pure black in their wet state. His shirt wasn't completely done up, as was his preferred fashion, though Belle had often wondered if it simply had to do with the fact one hand made it more difficult to do up the snaps.
For once he didn't bother with his coat, and it was such a startling sight to see, as though Hook had discarded a piece of himself in his haste to leave the room.
"Hook?" Belle's voice was urgent, the woman having sat up the immediate second after he had walked out of the bathroom.
"I'll see about waking Smee." He still wasn't looking at her, had barely paused before the door that would lead onto the ship's deck. "It won't be much longer before he brings you something to break your fast."
She immediately got his intentions, the hurt creeping into her voice before Belle could stop it. "You're not going to eat with me?" He had almost never purposefully skipped out on breakfast with her, and he had never done so out of anger.
"There's always plenty to do the day after such a bad storm." Hook told her, and she couldn't tell if he was lying, or just using the truth as an excuse. "And with the crew as small as it currently is, the work will be tripled for just about everyone."
"I...I'm sorry...?" It wasn't what she had meant to say, nor was it the balm that either of them needed to soothe their hurt feelings.
"What exactly are you sorry for, Belle?" Hook had slowly turned to look at her, his expression hard and unforgiving.
For hurting him, for maybe breaking his heart, for not being able to be what he wanted and needed. But Belle said none of these things, fidgeting in place as she lowered her gaze from his. "I'm sorry I won't be able to help."
"Don't apologize for what you can't do." Hook told her. "We both know what trouble you'll court if you set foot outside this room."
She couldn't stop the reaction, the shiver that rolled through her. "I..."
"Just do what you CAN." Hook added in a more sympathetic tone. "I'll take care of the rest."
She wondered at the hidden meaning that might lurk behind those words, but Belle nodded her head in slow acceptance. It was the only thing she could do, her options so limited so long as she was trapped in Neverland.
To Be Continued...
I hate that I couldn't get this chapter to be any longer...but what you read, was like pulling teeth. A slow and painful process that took over a week of struggling to get this far. X_X
So! Back! I got really burned out on this particular story, after updating so many chapters in so short a time. I was really burned out and needed a break, and real life dramas aren't helping the writing process. Also I have all these plans for the story, but am at a part that I am struggling to advance the story and relationships to get to those plans. Next chapter has got to be a Hook POV, and it will cover what he's really feeling, rather than what Belle thinks he's feeling. *trying not so spoil*
-Michelle
The Elegant Faerie, thank you! I remember loving that one chapter (19) so much! I still love it! I'm glad to read that you do too! Sorry for the long wait...^^;;
Zerousy, whoo hoo! SO glad you managed to play catch up, and in so short a time. (6-7 chapters in 24 hours) Thank you so much by the way! I am so blushing and pleased by your comments. Thank you so much! I will try, in your words, to keep up the awesomeness.
Jewelzy, thank you. I'm glad you liked. Though damn it, I am starting to doubt myself about this new chapter (21.) I hope people won't be too disappointed or angry...*Can't really talk or explain without spoiling the Hook POV for 22.*
Angelfan984, thanks! :D
Match, aw..sorry...no kiss just yet. But eventually? *chortles merrily* I hope you're not too disappointed by this chapter. As I said to Jewelzy, it's hard to explain my reasons for why without spoiling the Hook POV for 22. X_X Thanks!
UTurner, thank you! And sorry for the long wait. Yes, Hook has certainly impressed Belle with how much he had loved and suffered for Mila, that's for sure!
Belle, thank you. Here's more, though I wasn't sure if you meant you wanted more jealousy, or just more chapters. ^^'' Or maybe you want both!?
00Ambroise00, and here I thought I was the only one rereading the chapters. I obsessively reread my stories, especially when I haven't updated in a while, to make sure I don't make mistakes and what not. But it is thrilling not to mention flattering, to think someone else likes my story enough to reread it just for the pleasure of it. Yay! So thank you so much! *Hugs*
Guest, sorry about the long wait. Hope to be able to update at a much more frequent pace!
Jolie, oh yes, I so agree. Pirate Hook for the sexy win! Thanks!
Woilada. thank you! Trying my best here!
Guest, yes, but apparently very slowly...X_X