Chapter 21: Don't Leave Me
House lay lifelessly in the bed as Cuddy sat next to him. The doctor had told her everything that she needed to know. He was unconcious still, most likely a severe concussion. She didn't doubt that, his skull had been cracked open and his head had been badly hit from both sides. Right now though, all she worried about was whether or not he was going to awaken, or if he was going to slip into a coma.
Gripping his hand, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Wake up soon. I need to finish what I started," she teased.
Cuddy looked up as the door opened. Gabrielle stepped into the room and stopped. "Hi Gabi," she weakly greeted.
Gabrielle just stood there in the front by the door. Her eyes focused on House. A numbness spread through out her frozen body. Mouth slightly agape. There was no emotion to her face what so ever, just a blank stare. Her mind seemed to go blank, as if trying to block out what she saw before her. A tear suddenly fell from her eye.
"Gabi?" Cuddy asked. The young girl was starting to scare her as she stood there. Cuddy slowly got up and then cautiously walked over and grabbed Gabrielle's shoulders. "Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle's eyes shifted up to her. Cuddy badly wanted to stay with House, but she needed to get Gabrielle home. "Come on," she said and the guided her through the door.
Walking down the hallway, Cuddy kept her hand on Gabrielle's back. Still, she was not getting any response from Gabrielle, and it was making her nervous. She was starting to wonder if Gabrielle was getting ready to break down.
The silence continued through the hall, and down the elevator. They got to Cuddy's office. Cuddy stopped with Gabrielle a few feet in the room and then went to close the door. "You left your stuff in here right?" Cuddy asked as she grabbed her coat.
Gabrielle stood there right where Cuddy had left her, blankly staring towards Cuddy'd desk. Snapping out of her trance, she quickly turned her head to face Cuddy. "What did you do?"
Cuddy froze instantly at the question. "He hit his head," she carefully answered.
Gabrielle let out a small laugh. "I know that, I meant what did you do?" She turned her entire body to face her.
Cuddy sighed. Her arms fell to her sides as she wearily looked to Gabrielle. "We were in the janitor's closet. His head hit something, then the shelf came down and hit him. I was the one who pushed him against the wall." Truly, she did feel guilty for what had happened. The second that she saw him hit the ground, the sight of him unconcious.
Gabrielle just nodded and then turned to get her coat. She had no answer to that. It wasn't that she really blamed Cuddy for what had happened, she just hated that her dad was up there in a hospital bed. She hated the possibility of losing him. House was one of the first people that she had ever grown attached to in her life. She needed him.
There was no emotion to be read on Gabrielle's face. Now, Cuddy's guilt was starting to hit her even harder. "I'm sorry," Cuddy said.
"Nothing to apologize for," Gabrielle said as she walked passed her and out the door.
Cuddy looked down for a second and then followed her.
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Once they both got home, Gabrielle took care of Rachel while Cuddy took the twins for the night. Although they would be in the same room for hours at a time, neither of them made the effort to talk to each other.
Cuddy wanted to ask Gabrielle how she was doing. She wanted to apologize for everything that was going on. Sometihng was holding her back. She didn't know how to though. At the moment, she felt as if Gabrielle hated her. There were no exchanged looks, no glares, Gabrielle wasn't going out of her way to ignore her, there was just a tense feeling everytime they were in the same room.
Cuddy went to lay the twins down in their cribs. Gabrielle had already gotten Rachel to sleep, so she knew that the minute she was done, it was just going to be her and Gabrielle. They were going to have to talk sooner or later.
As she started down the stairs, she could hear Gabrielle playing the piano. She stopped on the staircase and listened for a minute before deciding to go down to the living room.
Gabrielle noticed her walk into the room, but she continued to play for a couple of minutes before turning around.
"That was pretty," Cuddy said. "You're good at that." The conversation was forced.
"Thanks. Its called Aozora."
The room felt awkward. Cuddy knew that she was going to have to start if she wanted to get anywhere that night. "About your dad," she started.
"What about him?" Gabrielle asked. Her body automatically tensed up at the statement.
"I'm sorry," Cuddy said.
Gabrielle sighed as she turned back to the piano. "Why do you keep apologizing? There is nothing to apologize for."
"You mean to tell me that you're not mad at me at all?"
Gabrielle quickly turned back to her. "I know that you feel guilty, but trust me, I'm not mad at you."
"You scared?" Cuddy asked. "I am."
"Why should I be scared? He hit his head. He'll wake up sooner or later," Gabrielle said. She was doing her best to keep herself together. It wasn't so much an act that she was putting on to fool Cuddy, but more herself. Deep down she wanted to believe that everything would be okay. That tomorrow House would wake up and there would be nothing to worry about anymore.
Cuddy just sat there and watched her. She knew that there was more going on, but she didn't know how to get her to talk. "So I'm silly for being afraid?"
Gabrielle sighed. She knew what she was doing, this was the sort of game that she could be good at. "No. You're right, he could go into a coma. I might not actually see my dad for a while. I didn't get to see him for fifteen years though, I don't think a few more without him will kill me." She was now starting to realize why House liked being numb. If he felt this way everytime that something happened to Cuddy, then she could see his point. It wasn't right, but she could certainly understand it now.
"That's not true," Cuddy said.
"What are you trying to do?" Gabrielle asked as she stood up. "Is there something that you're trying to get me to say? Is this some sort of twisted game that you're playing?" Her tolerance was steadily decreasing.
"This isn't a game!" Cuddy said as she stood up. "I'm worried about you! Okay? I know that just like him, you can go off the deep end. I saw that when your mother died and during the trial. You ignored everything and kept yourself busy with setting me up with your father, helping me get rid of that creep that was after me. That was all fine until you tried to cut yourself. I don't want you holding this all in until you decide to do something drastic."
Gabrielle looked to her with disbelief. "So you think that just because my dad is in the hospital that I have to go and do something like attempt suicide?"
"The past year is all I have to go off of."
"I think that cut was a bit different. I could have gotten you and daddy arrested. Your lives ruined. This isn't a problem. There is no solution to it, it can't be fixed. No matter what I do, he's still going to do what he's going to do."
Cuddy's face softened. "That's the same thing you said when your mother was in the hospital."
Gabrielle stopped and thought for a minute. "So it is," she softly remarked. It had been getting harder and harder for her to keep everything together. That last comment, the realization, had just nearly pushed her over the edge. Crossing her arms, she went and sat down on the chair by the couch. "I'll admit, I'm attached to him."
Cuddy sighed as she sat back down on the couch. "That was never very hard to tell."
Gabrielle looked down as she tried to gather her thoughts. If there were a time that she could talk, now would be one of those times. Cuddy was someone she knew she could trust, but again, it was more herself that she was trying to put up a front for. "I have always tried to pick and choose who I get close to. You know, ignore the ones you know you'll lose and keep the ones that'll stick around." She shrugged. "I guess I've just been having a bad run."
"Besides your parents, who have you gotten attached to that has left you?"
Gabrielle shook her head. "Those were the only two that I allowed myself to actually need. The only reason my mom was one of them was because I truly believed that she was never going to leave me. We had our good times, but."
Cuddy looked to her with interest. "But what?" she asked.
"But," Gabrielle said and then looked to Cuddy. "There were a couple of occasions where she let me know what she thought of me. Where she told me how much trouble I cause for her, how much more easier her life could have been without me. The fact is though, there were times she needed me, and in return, I allowed myself to grow attached to her, to actually need her around."
"My dad however, hasn't done that yet. He hasn't told me how horrible a person I can be. There's not that tone of seriousness when we insult each other. He doesn't really think that all I am is a needy little child who sucks the life out of him."
"You're closer to House than you've been to anyone." Cuddy meant for that to be a question, but it came out as more of a statement to herself.
"Its not fair," Gabrielle said as her eyes started to water. "Eloise only wanted me around so she could get some money. All my grandparents ever did was hand us money but never actually just stopped by to visit or anything, and then my mom. My own mother only loved me part of the time." Gabrielle shook her head as she tried to wipe the tears away. "Now I have a dad who actually does love me and he might not be able to wake up. How the hell does that happen?"
Cuddy's heart dropped as she sympathetically watched Gabrielle. "Gabi," she said as she went over and joined Gabrielle. Sitting down on the edge of the chair, she embraced Gabrielle. Cuddy really wanted to say something to help, but she didn't know anything to say. Telling her that it was going to be okay wouldn't suffice.
"Thank you," Gabrielle said as she pulled back.
"For what?" Cuddy asked with confusion. She hadn't thought that she had done much.
"Not leaving," Gabrielle responded.