Side By Side

Chapter Twenty-One
When You're Lost...

So it wasn't like, a big deal, dating Envy, Ed thought to himself as he pillowed his head on his arms and watched Envy and Roy from the corner of his eye. After school the two had dragged him and Ling to the park to watch an impromptu demonstration of their form for karate, using old, dried-out pine branches for swords and with much more flourishing and friendly banter than was probably necessary.

Envy made a flailing strike at Roy, who blocked it easily and sidestepped, aiming a hit to the long-haired teenager's ribs.

"Not even close," Envy taunted, assuaging Ed's small moment of worry.

Tearing his eyes away from the dueling duo, Edward gazed up at the sky, a hazy, forbidding gray. Ling, kneeling beside him and avidly watching the fight, nudged him with a knee. "Hey, hey, loverboy. It looks like your boyfriend's getting beat."

"He's not my boyfriend," the blonde muttered in reply, forgetting his thought of a few moments before. "I mean," he amended hastily, "we're not actually going out." His breath was a pale frozen cloud in the freezing air.

"Uh-huh," Ling replied skeptically, raising an eyebrow but still not looking away from the match. "That's not what the whole cafeteria thought when Envy hugged you like that a few hours ago."

Edward could feel his blush and brought a hand up to cover his face. "Shut up," he said, his voice muffled by his sleeve.

"You guys seem to have a really wonderful relationship," Ling blathered. "Like, even better than a married couple because you know how they say married couples argue all the time? Well you two -"

"Shut up."

"He hugged you for a really long time. Like, really long. I was starting to worry about your virginity."

"Shut u -" Ed paused, and frowned, and turned to stare at Ling with a frown. The Chinese teenager was still smiling implacably into the distance. "What the hell?"

Ling didn't answer directly, instead saying, "This grass is rather cold. Or maybe it's the ground. Do you think it will snow?"

"...What the hell?"

"I said: 'Do you think it will snow?'"

"I know what you said, but -"

Ed was cut off by an alarmed shout from the field. Startled, he twisted around and raised himself on an elbow to better survey the scene. Roy had somehow disarmed Envy, whose mock sword was lying on the ground a few feet away. Apparently, it was Envy who had shouted, and the long-haired teenager was now rubbing his wrist and giving Roy a rueful look. "What the fuck was that for?" he asked angrily.

"What was what for?" the dark-haired teenager replied with a smirk. "You totally sucking at life, or me totally kicking your ass?"

Envy growled and spat in Roy's direction, missing him completely. Above him, Ed heard Ling stifle a snicker. "You're the one who sucks at life, skirt chaser."

"Cock sucker."

The insults went on as Envy retrieved his weapon, and Ed winced, turning back over to look up at Ling. "Do they do this often?" he asked. "When they're fighting, I mean?"

"Oh yeah," Ling replied, still smiling. "Though they seem to repeat all the old ones they use. So unoriginal, the both of them."

"Hm." Sighing, Edward stared back at the sky, squinting a bit because of the clouds' reflected brightness. Not for the first time, he realized how little he knew about Envy, and how comparatively short a time he had known the long-haired teenager. Just a little more than a month and a half, compared to the ten years he had known Russell. And they had only just acknowledged the possibility of a relationship a year ago, and had really fought to much to take advantage of any sexual tension that might have been between them...

Suddenly, a shadow fell over his face and he blinked. "Huh?"

"Something wrong, Ed?" Ling asked, his smile wavering slightly and then returning full force. "You don't look very happy."

"Er, it's nothing," Edward said hastily. He was spared from further explanation by another shout from the field. Ling's head retreated from his field of vision and he closed his eyes, resting an arm behind his head. Ignoring Ling's periodic comments and the persistent thwack-ing noises from the field, it was really quite nice here.

Actually, come to think of it, he hadn't heard anything for a while.

"Oh shit!" Roy shouted, and at the same time Ling grabbed Ed's shoulder and shook him, hard.

The blonde's eyes snapped open with a jolt. "What is it?" he asked, sitting upright and barely missing hitting Ling in the chin.

For once, the teenager's smile was gone, and he was looking oddly serious. "Look..." he said, pointing to the field. Ed looked.

Envy was kneeling on the dead brown grass, doubled over in pain with both hands pressed to one side of his face. Roy, looking panicked, was hovering over him, his lips mouthing words that Edward, some twenty feet away, was unable to hear. And both pine branches were lying abandoned on the ground. Although Ed did have above average intelligence, it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

Scrambling to his feet with a muffled curse, Edward hurried to the two of them, breaking into a run the last ten feet. "Shit!" he exclaimed, falling to his knees in front of Envy. "Shit, Roy, did you -"

"It wasn't my fault!" Roy snapped. Biting his lip, he took a deep, shaky breath. "I mean -"

"It really wasn't his fault," Envy said. His voice was quiet and muffled by his arms. "I was stupid. Forgot to block."

"Shit," Ed repeated as he pried Envy's hands away from his face. A shadow fell over him as Ling joined them, placing his fingers on Envy's shoulders. "Oh..."

There was a nasty looking welt directly under Envy's right eye, red on the edges and nearly white in the center. His nose was bleeding a little, as well, and his eye wasn't opened all the way - either from pain or from swelling, Edward couldn't tell.

"That's going to be a nasty bruise," Ling commented, and Edward nodded.

Roy was biting his lip. "Oh, hell," he swore. "Hell, Envy, I'm so fucking sorry. Seriously, dude. Like -"

"Oh, shut up," Envy murmured, prodding gingerly at his cheek. "I mean, it hurts like all motherfucking get out, but I'll live, right?" He gave a painful grin in Roy's direction. "Help me up, you sadistic son of a bitch."

The dark-haired teenager gave a relieved grin as he stuck out a hand. "Sure thing, faggot."

Envy grabbed it and hoisted himself up, wincing as his head moved to the side. "Fuck," he muttered. "Feels like my brain got jostled around a bit." He took a few ginger steps to pick up his pine branch sword. "Now can I knock you over the head like that?"

"Hey, hey," Roy said, making a conciliatory gesture as Envy wobbled a bit. Edward hurried to his side to support him. "Come on, you need medical attention. Like, now."

"Nah." The long-haired teen waved a hand. "Just some ice, some rest, I'll be fine." His dazed smile said otherwise but Ed decided to believe him.

He hoisted Envy's arm over his shoulder, Ling hurrying to Envy's other side to support him from there, and beckoned Roy. "Oi, bastard, go unlock your car. We'll shove him inside and then you can take him home, or whatever."

"What, Edo, you're not coming?" Envy asked, his breath tickling the shell of Ed's ear.

The blonde twitched and jerked his head to the side. "Stop it," he muttered, knowing he was probably blushing furiously. "You're practically unconscious. And I don't want to make Roy drive farther than he has to."

"But what will you do, then, chibi?"

"Walk home," he replied shortly. "Please, go ice your face. Or else you're going to come to school tomorrow looking like one of the living dead."

"So cold," Envy said forlornly, giving a gusty sigh that ruffled Ed's bangs.

Edward jerked away again. "Hey!" They were coming close to the car and Ling backed away to let Ed help Envy inside. "Look," the blonde said, gently wiping a drop of blood from Envy's upper lip. "I'm sorry. It's just... this is weird for me. Us, um, being a... I mean, going... out? Kind of." He was blushing furiously, he was sure; he felt like he would be able to fry an egg on his face. "Er... you know?"

Although his eyes were still hazy and a welt obscured half of his face, Edward could see Envy blush as well. "Yeah," the long-haired teenager replied with a soft smile. He reached up a pale hand to touch Ed's cheek. "I know exactly what you mean."

Before he could even open his mouth to reply, he was pushed aside by Roy, who gave him a wink as he shut the door. "There'll be enough time for mushy stuff tomorrow," he said, "but Envy really needs to get back home."

"Right," Ed replied, rubbing at his flushed face in a vain effort to make it paler. "See you tomorrow, bastard."

Roy, sliding into the driver's seat, gave him a one-handed wave before pulling out of the parking lot.

Edward emptied his messenger bag onto his bed, its contents spilling out in a rush of textbooks, folders, loose papers, and assorted pens and pencils. Sighing, he flopped down next to the mess he had made, groping for his math homework while staring at the ceiling. Although he would be the last one to admit it (especially to Roy or Ling), he was really worried about Envy. The blow to his head could have given him a concussion, or broken his cheekbone or his jaw, and if Roy just iced it then they would never know and not only would he be bruised the next day, but he would also be -

Growling, he sat bolt upright, grabbed his math textbook, and flipped it open with vigor. Page one hundred thirty two, he remembered the teacher telling them. Ugh, calculus.

Getting out a sheet of lined paper, he resolved to try to take his mind off Envy by doing his work. He was glad that Envy and Roy had 'corrupted' him (as Al had joked) so that he didn't stay for the cram classes anymore. After all, he was only staying in Japan for three months, half of his stay was already finished, and there was no way he would be taking a university exam in the spring. No way in hell. After the advanced curriculum with classes (apart from Barry's English class) taught in a foreign language, he was sure he had a decent chance at the exams in his own country.

And, he remembered, he wouldn't be taking those for another year.

So, anyway -

His thoughts were rapidly derailed when his door practically crashed open, giving a loud bang and startling him so much that the pencil in his hand jolted and marked a thick, dark line across the paper. "Shit!" he cursed, whirling around. "Who -"

Pinako and Winry were standing together in his doorway, both wearing suspiciously identical smiles. "Good afternoon, Ed," they said in union.

"Er... hi?" the blonde attempted, giving his now-ruined homework a frustrated glance. He would have to start over again, and although he could just copy his previous answers it would still be more work and wasted time. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oh, nothing," Winry said innocently at the same time Pinako chuckled into her hand. "We just need to take a look at your prosthetics." Her grin grew wider.

Edward blinked. He saw nothing suspicious about that - after all, Pinako was an automail mechanic and Winry, essentially, was her apprentice. He recalled Winry saying something a long time ago about Pinako attempting to create artificial limbs that actually had a sense of touch. And she had also said that he was going to be the guinea pig for the experiment, so maybe... "Okay."

The two women remained in the doorway. "Your shirt," Winry said, giggling. "It needs to come off. "And your pants."

Giving the two of them a strange look, Edward proceeded to unbutton his white uniform shirt. He had no problem with the way his body looked, apart from the scars where they had attached the prosthetics, and those were just a matter of course. Looking at them in askance once more and seeing that neither Winry or Pinako appeared about to leave, he turned and removed his pants, trying to retain some semblance of dignity as he stripped down to his boxers. Finally, he turned back around. "Happy?"

"See, Granny?" Winry said, her smile growing (if possible) wider. "I was right! I told you he had a wonderful body."

Pinako nodded wisely. "You've been keeping in good shape, Ed," she commented.

Edward found himself blushing crimson. "U-Um, thank you," he stammered as the two women entered the room, tape measure at the ready. Winry stretched out his arm all the way, pulling until he could feel it in his shoulder blades and winced from the strain. Their measuring tape was bright white and contrasted with his gleaming silver prosthetics.

"Sixty-six centimeters, shoulder to fingertip," Pinako called out, and Winry dropped the measure to dive for the nearest paper (which happened to be Edward's ruined math assignment) and scribble down the number. Then she grabbed the tape measure again and knelt, and Ed felt her fingers tickling against his thigh as she stuck one end under his heel and stretched out the tape to the top of his automail.

"Sixty-four centimeters," the old woman said, "and now his foot."

Obediently, Winry crouched down and measured. "Twenty-three," she called, and Pinako wrote it down. "All right!" Still grinning, the bouncy blonde stood and gave Ed a pat on the head. "Very good, midget. You stand still quite nicely."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A -" Ed began, but was cut off abruptly by a wrench to the head. "Fu- ow," he muttered, rubbing his temple. "Where the hell did you pull that from?"

"Doesn't matter," Winry replied brightly. "I'm going to need it, anyway."

"Oh God, why?"

"Not to give your head another adjustment, if that's what you think," she replied, her grin turning from amused to slightly annoyed. "Although your brain could use a tune-up." Before Edward could retort, she continued, "Granny Pinako is letting me give you an automail tune-up."

Ed blinked, and then blinked again. The smallish old lady seemed to have left the room, shutting him in alone, half-naked, with an overly happy Winry. "She what?"

The wrench connected with his head a second time, and Edward saw stars. He shook his head to clear it (probably not the best idea, he realized later) and glared. "That was highly unnecessary! What are you going to do to me? I demand my rights! I don't have to go through with this!"

"Yes you do," Winry replied briskly, grabbing his metal arm and twisting it up behind his back, shoving Ed towards the bed. "Lie on your stomach, and don't move. Or it'll hurt more than it has to."

"Wait," Edward said, his words muffled by Winry, who shoved his face into the pillow. "Hurt? What are you going to -"

He was cut off by a horrible feeling of tightening in his right arm. Wincing, he gritted his teeth and dug his face further into the pillow, trying his hardest not to clench his fist. He had no idea what Winry was doing, but he knew that he could have really gone without it.

But several agonizing minutes later, he was sitting up again and curling his automail fingers into a fist, then straightening them, shaking out his wrist and rotating his shoulder. "Wow..." he said, impressed despite himself. "This feels really good!"

"Great!" Winry replied happily. "I was a little nervous, since that was my first time giving a tune-up..."

"Your first time?" Ed asked incredulously. "And Pinako just let you -"

"All right," Winry said loudly, ignoring his skepticism. "Now it's time for your leg!"

Edward blanched. "Are you kidding me? But I'm -"

"Too young to die?" The blonde mechanic gave him a sharp rap on the head. "Shut it, midget."

"Envy's not here today," Roy said as soon as a worried looking Edward made his way into the cafeteria. He glanced up at Ed's face, paler than normal, and grim set lips. "I suppose you noticed already, huh?"

Placing his tray down on the table and taking a seat, Ed replied, "Yeah." He glanced down at the unappealing rice taking up more than half his plate, and then back at Roy's dark, knowing eyes. "Um... where is he?" There was a pause, in which the dark-haired teenager said nothing and Edward found himself growing increasingly worried. "Is he all right? Sick? Did he have to go to the hospital? He had better be okay, Roy, because if not I'm blaming you and then I'll come after you with a giant branch and beat you over the head with it so you -"

Roy's mouth twitched, and then he suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh, shortie," he said when he had finally calmed down (ignoring Ed's rant of "I AM NOT SHORT AND NEVER CALL ME THAT EVER AGAIN!"); "you're so cute."

Apparently, he was impervious to Ed's patented golden-eyed Look of Death. "Fuck. You."

"No, really." He waved a lazy hand. "You were so worried! I mean, I almost feel bad now - not for hitting him, I already felt bad for that," he amended swiftly, "but for letting you stew like that. Ah ha ha..."

"Okay, so, really," Edward said with a deadpan expression. "What's up with Envy?"

"No, no, come on - beg!"

"Roy..."

The dark-haired teenager broke off into snickering, hiding his mouth behind his hand. When it became apparent that Ed was, in fact, not amused, and on the verge of hitting him or inflicting some other type of unpleasant corporeal punishment, he shook his head. "Fine, fine. He's at his sister Sloth's house. Said you should come meet him after school, so you can admire his nasty bruise."

"Sloth's house?" Ed asked curiously, after taking a moment to absorb his feelings of sincere relief. "She lives alone?"

A nod. "In an apartment, yeah. It's really actually very nice. She must make good money, doing..." He coughed. "Doing whatever she does. Anyway, yeah. You just take the train to Central and it's really close to the Youswell station."

"Youswell..." It sounded familiar, but Ed hadn't been in the city much and still wasn't quite sure where everything was. "Um..."

"There's a map in my backpack," Roy replied dismissively. "The train's only like, fifteen minutes but I have a feeling Envy and Sloth are going to keep you longer than you'd like. So I suggest telling that cute chick Winry or your brother."

Edward blinked. "Cute? You think Winry's cute?"

"Sure," Roy replied nonchalantly. Ed saw him glance sidelong down the table, where the smiling Riza Hawkeye sat next to Havoc and seemed to be engaging Fuery in some kind of animated discussion. "For a sophomore, you know."

"Right..." Edward replied, waving to Havoc when the blonde baseball player noticed him staring and caught his eye. "For a sophomore."

"What can I say?" the dark-haired teenager replied with a maudlin sigh, resting his chin on his hands and directing his melancholy gaze towards the ceiling. "You know - well, I assume Envy's told you pretty much everything..."

The blonde nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Your doomed love for your good friend's girlfriend..." He gave an unsympathetic shrug. "Sorry, it happens."

Roy glared at him. "You could be a little more caring."

"Why?" Ed asked, giving a cheeky grin. "You could be less of a bastard, but you're not, right? So why should I cut you any slack?"

"Why should you..." Roy repeated, muttering darkly. "You little..."

Ed narrowed his eyes, even though he was on the verge of laughing. "Don't call me little."

Around four-thirty, Edward found himself knocking at the door of a small, dilapidated looking flat. The directions he had received from Roy were vague to say the least, even when the teenager had elaborated upon his earlier statements after school. Ed had wandered around the Resembul subway station for nearly half an hour, and meandered about Central for even longer. But he had made it eventually (though he couldn't help the nagging feeling that he had been tested by Roy).

Sloth opened the door for him with a smile. Today she was dressed in another patchwork skirt, this one made up of rainbow colors, and a black shirt advertising some kind of anime. Her pale arms were bare aside from multiple bangles, and her light brown hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. Not for the first time, Ed thought that she looked absolutely nothing like Envy.

"Good afternoon," she said with a smile, placing one hand on her stomach in the universal gesture of soon-to-be mothers. "Envy and I were beginning to worry you weren't going to show up."

"Oh," Edward replied with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. "Sorry about that. Roy didn't give me very good directions and I kinda got lost along the way... You know..." He could feel himself blushing a little. "Sorry," he said again.

The brunette laughed a little. "It's all right. It was mostly Envy that was worried." She leaned close in an almost conspiratorial fashion. "You see, he hasn't had much luck in any sort of love life, being, um... gay. And so he's always worried that you're going to leave him."

For a moment, Edward was amused, until the full import of Sloth's words hit him. "But I am going to leave him," he replied, unconsciously grabbing his automail wrist and holding it tightly with his other hand. "I'm going to leave at the end of March."

"I know."

"But -"

Sloth's smile faded, but didn't disappear. Instead, it grew even more enigmatic. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she said finally. "As long as you're here for him now..."

Ed looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "I am here for him now," he said, and Sloth opened the door wider for him. "I just..."

His misgivings remained unvoiced when Sloth gave him a little push into the apartment. "That's all I need to here," she replied softly. "Go on in."

Sighing, and wondering at how his former happiness had evaporated so suddenly, Edward stepped into the room. Just when I start to feel like I belonged, he thought, I get reminded that all of this is going to be taken away from me.

But happiness for a little while is better than no happiness at all, right...?

Sloth's apartment, for all that it looked run down and dubious on the outside, was clean and well-furnished, albeit eccentric, on the inside. Colorful cloth tapestries covered delicately painted white walls, each such an array of color that Edward began to wonder whether she made them herself - they resembled her skirts so much that they could have been cut from the same pattern. The living room proved to be a lush, semi-tropical forest, with potted ferns, bamboo, and other miscellaneous cuttings placed strategically throughout the room. Though the two windows were small, they were clean and airy, providing warm sunlight and the illusion of more space.

Envy was seated cross-legged on the couch, staring at the television with an abstracted expression on his face. At the sound of Edward's arrival, he looked up, his eyes shining with excitement and, also, relief. Ed had to wince at the bruise on his face. Purple-black and turning blue around the edges, it covered the right side of his face, not quite close enough to be a black eye but still horribly painful looking.

"Shit, Envy..." Edward stopped and pressed a hand to his own face in the approximate location of Envy's bruise. "Doesn't it hurt?" he asked, horrified.

The long-haired teenager attempted a crooked smile, which turned into more of a wince than anything. "Not really," he replied, probably lying. "It's gotten better, actually. Hurt like a bitch last night but now I've gotten used to it."

"But you stayed home from school today..."

"Not home," Envy said dismissively. "Here. There's a huge difference."

"Still -"

For the second time in minutes, Edward found himself being cut off, this time by Envy. "Oh, come on, chibi," he laughed, using his nickname for Ed for the first time in a long while. "It's not that big of a deal. I'll steal some of Sloth's concealer and fix it before I go to school tomorrow. Now," he patted the cushion next to him with a small smirk, "come."

Still feeling a bit worried, Edward stepped over a scattered pile of books, manga, and magazines to move to the couch. Envy wiggled over just a little - enough to give him room but still close enough that their thighs would have to touch. Ed was already blushing as he took a seat.

"Um..." he began awkwardly, his train of thought rapidly derailing as Envy's slim fingers traced patterns on his knee. "Um..."

"Yes?" Envy asked, his voice breathy but his eyes glittering with mischief. "If you have something to say, spit it out." His fingers continued their absentminded movement.

Edward glanced down at Envy's hand, back at Envy's face, then at the television, which was currently playing the news. (He thought he recognized Ling's so-called aunt.) "Er..." He gulped. "Why did you ask Roy to bring me here?"

"Why not?" the long-haired teenager questioned silkily, leaning close so that his breath tickled Ed's ear. "Did you not want to see me again? Do you regret doing this? Did you suddenly remember your girlfriend, waiting for you back in Germany?"

"I -" Ed's attention was divided between Envy's words and his hand, which was slowly moving up his thigh. He squirmed a bit, uncomfortable, and tried to digest the teenager's words. "I -" he began again, at a loss for words. "Ah... Um... I don't quite see..."

"You don't quite see what?" Envy asked, his half-lidded violet eyes smoldering. "What I'm doing? Because -"

Finally, getting frustrated, Edward smacked Envy's hand away and scooted to as close to the end of the couch as possible, nearly impaling himself on the padded armrest. "Will you stop that?" he said impatiently, his words coming out with more force than he intended. "You've had the courtesy to act like a decent human being for the past month and a half, and now we're back to how it was when we first met?" Only with a hell of a lot more sexual innuendo, Ed added mentally, not wanting to say it aloud and either offend or amuse Envy. "What is up with you?"

Envy looked more than slightly hurt. "I should be the one asking that," he replied, suddenly glaring. "You know you're going to be leaving at the end of March." His purple stare was accusing, though his eyes were glimmering more than usual - with tears? ...Drugs?

"I- I know," Ed stammered, wondering what kind of situation he had gotten himself into. "I... I thought you knew too. You do, right? I've never kept it a secret - you know I'm the exchange student. You should -"

"Should what?! Do you think I actually think about those kinds of things when I find someone who hears my story and doesn't look at me with disgust? Someone who wants to be my friend even after he gets beat up for it? Someone who- who kisses me and it was the first -" He bit his lip and cut himself off, tearing his eyes away from Ed's transfixed expression. "It's not... It's not easy, okay? There are some things I don't want to think about. Don't want to be reminded about. But then... someone does... and..." He heaved a deep breath and Edward realized that Envy really was close to tears. Apparently, the long-haired teenager realized it as well, dashing a hand across his eyes, heedless of the bruise on his face. "I'm acting like a fucking girl," he spat. "You make me act like a fucking girl."

"I... That's..." To be completely honest with himself, Edward wasn't really sure of what to say. He had been aware of the problems with their relationship from the start, but had gone ahead with it anyway, trying to fool himself that it didn't matter, that it would turn out all right in the end. Now, Envy's outburst was forcing him to realize that he couldn't live with this kind of delusion forever. And, apparently, neither could Envy. He hovered awkwardly on the edge of his seat, wondering if Sloth was eavesdropping on the two of them from one of the adjoining rooms.

There was silence for a few minutes, broken only by Envy's periodic, shuddering breaths as he tried to regain his composure and not break down in tears. Eventually, Edward reached out a tentative hand and placed it on Envy's shoulder. The teenager tensed but didn't shrug it off, and the blonde took that as a positive sign. Hesitantly, he trailed his fingers across Envy's collarbone, feeling the warmth of the smooth skin under the thin fabric of his long-sleeved shirt, and then up to the teenager's chin, tilting his face up until Envy's eyes were forced to meet his own.

They were red and shining with unshed tears, but still fierce. Ed's heart began to beat involuntarily faster, and Envy caught his breath. "Look," Edward began, doing his best to keep his voice firm. "I know I'm... I'm going to leave for Germany in about a month. And I don't think I can stay - I don't think I have any choice in the matter. It's not something I can..." He took a deep breath, inhaling Envy's lavender scent. "Not just something I can decide for myself."

Envy jerked his head away. "Then why the hell are we doing this?" he asked angrily. "I don't want to be left her alone like some stupid piece of baggage. And if you go... I'm going to be alone. And it's going to be worse because I was alone before, but - fuck." He slammed his fist down. It sank unsatisfyingly into the soft pillows.

"No," Ed replied, not even sure of what he was saying anymore. "No. You won't be alone. Never. Because, as soon as I can, I'll come back. For you. When I graduate high school in another year... Or if I can get another exchange opportunity... I'll be back. I swear. I'll be back." And yet, he thought, hating himself, he didn't know if he would want to come back, much less whether he would even be able to come back. But, at the moment, he needed the promise as much as Envy did.

"You're a liar," Envy whispered, turning back to wrap his arms around Edward. He buried his face in Ed's neck as the blonde stroked his hair. "A stupid, fucking, liar."

Envy's next words were so soft that Ed wasn't sure whether he had heard them at all.

"If I didn't like you so much, I think I'd hate you."