Phew! I finally (after deleting what I had written at least 5 times) I have something I am semi happy with. This word gave me enough 'grief' to last the whole story. It's kind of a nothing chapter, really. I apologise.
Thank so, so much for the many reviews I have. 60! Yay! I hope you enjoy.
I don't own any Harry Potter.
Excogitate
To think out; devise; invent.
Hermione,
Okay, I was wrong. I never should have asked you to leave. I was just angry... no, not angry. Upset. I couldn't handle seeing YOU so upset – hurting. I just wanted; hoped that you were better. I saw moments where you seemed like your normal self again. I thought you were actually starting to feel happy again. And then that letter from the Ministry came and it all just fell apart.
I watched it. I watched you go back into your shell. The one that was filled with nothing but pain. That was why I was so angry with them. That was why I wanted them to take back what they had asked of you. And I still know that deep down, one day you will want to go back.
I'm sorry. I miss you and I just want you home, but I also understand that you need time. I guess we both do. Only Rose doesn't understand that. She just plain misses you. I can't tell her what happened, though. As far as she knows, you're visiting your parents because one of them is ill.
Oh and I've been thinking. That idea you had a while back about moving. I think it's a good idea. This place really is too small now. So when you're ready to come home, we can talk about it. Rose will love living somewhere that's filled with magic. She loves going to the Burrow.
Okay. Please come home soon. I love you.
Ron.
Hermione scrunched up Ron's letter, but it wasn't in anger. She felt ashamed more than anything. Two days she had refused to go home despite her mother's efforts to get her to. Two days she had been away from Ron. Two days she had been away from Rose.
It had happened before, but never had she had no desire to return. Sometimes her work would take her away from them, but the knowledge that she would eventually be home always cheered her up. She always wanted to go back.
Now, she couldn't bear facing them. She didn't deserve to see them. Ron was being too nice. He had had every right to tell her to leave. He didn't have to apologise or asking her to forgive him. She had been contemplating leaving herself and would have if Rose hadn't come to see her just before.
But now she was here, away from them and there was nothing left for her to do. She had spent the past two days thinking about it over and over again. Thinking of ways where things might have been different. She had devised plans that could improve her relationship with Ron; get it back on track.
But every time she found the slightest bit of courage to go back, she was once again reminded of what had happened. At least here, there was no constant reminder of what she had lost; what they had both lost. She was somewhat happy here.
"But not as happy as you are with them," her mother had said after she had voiced this opinion. She took the letter from her hand and smoothed it out. "He wants you home, Hermione," she said. "And by the sounds of things, so does Rose. Rose will always need you with her."
Hermione shook her head. She had been thinking about that too. "I don't deserve Rose," she said quietly.
"Of course you do!" her mother exclaimed. She sounded shocked. "You're her mother."
"I'm not much of a mother to have left her," Hermione replied harshly. "She's better off without me."
"You're grieving for something you loved. You're hurting. You're in pain. That doesn't make you a bad mother."
There was silence for a while. Peaceful silence, filled only by Hermione's tears. Surely she should have run out by now.
"Why isn't Ron like this?" she eventually asked. "Why isn't he a blubbering mess?" It had been at the back of her mind for ages now, but she had never dared asked. Yes, Ron was upset and yes, she knew he was able to control his emotions better than her, but normally that turned to anger. The only anger she had seen was when he had abused the Head of her department the day before.
It was as if he really had dealt with it.
"You're not letting him, dear," her mother answered.
That was true. She knew that was true.
"I... I thought we would be happy," Hermione sobbed. "I thought we could be forever. But, it's not like that anymore. Everything's changed. One day everything is fine and then the next, it's like... this."
"You're going through something traumatic, Hermione. Something that is hard for anyone to deal with. It's not going to get better in a week, or a month, even. It's going to take time. Lots of time. But you can't abandon your family because it's too hard. The only way you're going to get through it is by dealing with it. Not running away."
It had been the same thing for the last two days. "Go home", "Ron needs you", "Rose needs you" and "You can't run away from your problems". No one understood how hard that was, though. She had caused Ron and Rose nothing but misery. They were better off without her.
She needed to think things over more. She needed to come up with a way that could help herself move on, because even she knew she was beyond the help of anyone else.
Please don't leave without giving a review. It would mean a lot.