Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.

Chapter Twenty-One

Like an addict after the first and most intense high, the minor success I'd had with shielding Edward began consuming almost all of my thoughts and then my activities as well. I was obsessed with manipulating it, strengthening it, and understanding it; not only for the protection it could provide, but because it gave me a sense of control for the first time since my change.

So much had been out of my control for the past few months. Edward and I had made so many plans, had so many dreams, and yet something had always come along to change everything. Even the method of my inevitable human death and subsequent change, despite it being meticulously planned by Edward and Carlisle, had gone completely awry. As a newborn vampire, despite my apparently-remarkable sense of balance and composure, I was at the mercy of sensations and instincts which still sometimes surprised and frightened me.

And of course, waking up to discover that my ability to control my shield had vanished, along my with my husband's absence from my mind… having those two things taken away without my consent were the most frustrating. Regaining even a modicum of control became my only goal, and I pursued it with a single-mindedness that only a vampire could have appreciated.

Edward was my ever-patient lab rat, of course, but within a few days of non-stop practicing in our cottage, I found that shielding him was becoming almost second nature. I now understood how Sasha was able to shield others with a mere thought; my ability to pull Edward into my glass box was slowly becoming almost an unconscious thing, until finally the merest flicker of a thought could do it. The sense of relief and elation I felt was almost overwhelming.

When we finally emerged from our cottage, we hunted and then went to the main house. Carlisle and Esme had gone on a day trip to Anchorage, and Rosalie was absorbed in rebuilding an ancient truck she'd found at a junkyard, but Emmett, Alice, and Jasper all quickly agreed to let me practice on them. After I explained as best I could how I was doing it, and Edward told them what it felt like, I eagerly set about showing them what I had learned.

Unfortunately, as the hours passed, I discovered that shielding my other family members was nowhere near as easy as shielding Edward. In fact, aside from one brief moment where I was able to pull Alice just slightly into it, I was completely unable to shield any of them at all. My confusion gave way to frustration until Edward finally put a stop to my efforts, after almost a full day of trying.

"Love," he said calmly, "It stands to reason that you would find it easier to shield me than anyone else. I'm your mate, and not only do you have a more intense connection to me, but you're more protective of me than of anyone else. On some level, shielding me is probably an instinctual thing for you."

"I wonder if it would be easier if the situation were urgent," Jasper mused. "If one of us was in danger, or actually needed to be protected."

"But how could we test that?" Edward asked warily. We all knew that he would automatically veto any action that would put me under stress or strain.

Emmett immediately came up with a suggestion. "Let's go hunt! We'll go find a hibernating bear, wake it up, and then when it's really pissed off, I'll pretend that it's gonna kill me. I mean, that's actually happened to me, so I could really play the part convincingly. Bella, save me, save me!"

He said the last part in a high-pitched squeak, and I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm not sure I'd be convinced by your acting skills, but thanks, Emmett."

"And I don't believe that seeking out danger, in whatever form that may be, would be a wise decision," Carlisle said firmly, his tone indicating that he didn't even consider it an option. He had been watching my efforts intently since he and Esme had returned from Anchorage, the keen curiosity of a scientist plain on his face. "You've done a remarkable amount in a very short time, Bella, and I have no doubt that the ability to shield others will eventually come as well. There is no rush to accomplish it."

I didn't say so out loud, but I disagreed with Carlisle. The idea that I had a defensive mechanism that could protect my family, but that my inability to manage it could allow harm to come to them, was a thought that always lurked in the back of my mind. Exactly what I would have the need to protect them from, aside from the fading threat of the wolves, wasn't precisely clear to me, but the idea never went away. Carlisle probably would have diagnosed it as generalized anxiety or possibly an obsessive disorder, if such things were possible for vampires, but I slowly began to realize that the absolute compulsion to ensure the protection of my family from this amorphous threat had to be related to what Edward described as my instinctual ability to shield my mate. There was no logic or basis for my worries, but it haunted my subconscious nevertheless.

Time went by; I kept forcing myself to concentrate, to try.

"Love," Edward said quietly, breaking me out of my reverie. "You've got to stop this."

I blinked at him, suddenly realizing that we were alone in the living room of the main house. I'd drifted off into my own thoughts again, and I had no idea how long I'd been roaming there. "Stop what?"

"Stop obsessing over your shield," he replied firmly.

"I'm not… obsessing…" I objected weakly. Edward's golden eyes locked onto mine, silently calling my bluff.

"Do you have any idea how long ago it was that you first managed to shield me, out in the woods?"

"Umm…" I thought furiously. Although my vampire brain could mark time as reliably as a clock, it was difficult to keep track of when there was no longer any need for sleep, and the Alaskan daylight was so brief. "I don't know, a few days?"

"Two weeks," he corrected. "We spent three days alone afterwards, and then rejoined the family. Since then, you've been concentrating on it so incessantly that I can tell that you don't even notice when hours go by. The only time you're fully with me is when I make love to you."

"That's not true!" My protest rang false and I knew it, as did Edward. He sighed and pulled me close into his body, and I buried my face in his neck.

"I understand that you want to… get this," he said carefully. "But it's become too much. I can see it in your eyes, when they're far away even as you're frowning and working things out in your mind. I can see you sitting there, trying to shield the others even without their knowing. I can feel your frustration as though it's my own, and I can't just allow you to continue fixating on it."

I scowled again, but was unable to answer him. It was true. In any moments where my immediate attention or participation wasn't required, I played with my shield, trying to pull my family members into it. I'd wondered a couple of times if I would become Carlisle's case study for actual vampire mental exhaustion.

"I'm not trying to criticize you, Bella," Edward continued, more softly now. "A gift like yours is utterly remarkable; I don't blame you for wanting to explore it as fully as possible. But I can't help feeling that maybe we've all pushed you too much, expected too much. How many times do I have to tell you that there's no rush, that we have all the time in the world?"

Guilt contracted my heart at his words. "I just can't… how long did it take you to understand that, to grasp that?"

"Eternity?" As always, he knew me as well as I knew myself, knew exactly what I was referring to, and he tightened his arms around me. "It took a while, I'll admit, and you're right to remind me of that. My experience was different, for a long time I wasn't grounded enough to even care that I'd live forever. I certainly didn't have a mate to share it with. And how would you explain the concept of living eternally anyway?"

I nodded against his chest.

"I can't talk you into understanding it. But there is no urgency, no rush. We aren't in any danger. And your shield, in all its extraordinary glory, isn't going anywhere. Please promise me that you'll stop pushing yourself so hard?"

"I'll try," I replied, and I genuinely meant it. I knew that my self-preoccupation had meant I'd neglected my family and Edward. In truth, though, I knew that despite any changes in my behavior, the gnawing anxiety inside of me wouldn't go away. Only being able to control my shield as well as Sasha would do that.

"Kate was going to come in a few days," he continued, gently stroking my cheek. "But I think I'm going to ask her to wait. Let's stop concentrating on your shield for a while and see what develops naturally, when you're not pushing so hard. You might just surprise yourself."

"What should I concentrate on?" I wriggled around until I was sitting comfortably between his legs, my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek against my hair.

"I think you need a hobby."

"A hobby?" I couldn't help it, I started giggling. The concept of a hobby sounded so ordinary, so normal for a vampire. But he was right; in the isolation of our home, distractions were few and far between. The others could at least make the drive to Wasilla, the closest town, or Anchorage, the nearest city, but they were also finding things to occupy their time and minds.

Since he wasn't actively practicing medicine at the moment, Carlisle occupied his time by working on a book about genetic mutation. Esme was designing a new home for us from the blueprints up. Jasper was working on a book as well; it was fiction, a first-person account of the Civil War based on his own experiences, and Alice had suddenly decided to take up knitting with a ferocity and determination that surprised all of us. She could knit an entire scarf in an hour or two, cables or lace notwithstanding, and then packed it away for donation. She'd gotten bored with existing patterns, though, and had begun designing her own. Rosalie was rebuilding her latest project in the garage, and when Emmett wasn't out helping her, he was an always-willing partner for competition, be it chess or video games.

"Maybe 'hobby' was the wrong word," Edward said thoughtfully. "We're so isolated out here, love, you more than any of the rest of us. Rosalie and Emmett are already planning a trip to British Columbia, but that's not an option for us right now."

I grimaced; although I certainly wasn't bored, the claustrophobia did chafe sometimes. I refused to complain, though, I'd chosen this life and the first year or so of isolation, for my safety and that of others, was an inevitable part of that. "What would you consider your hobby?" I queried, moving back to the original topic.

"Music, of course," he said simply. "Even when I'm not actually playing, I'm often composing in the back of my mind. Of course, that takes a back seat to adoring you, that's my favorite hobby."

"So romantic," I murmured as he kissed my cheek. "So aside from adoring you, what hobbies would you suggest for me?"

"Hmm, it's not as much a hobby, but what do you think about starting to take classes online, to finish your first degree?"

"Hasn't the semester already started?"

"Yes, but I don't think you'll have any problem registering, unless you'd rather wait for the start of the next semester?"

"Maybe."

Edward could hear the hesitation in my voice. "Is there something else you've always wanted to do, but didn't have the time?"

"I don't know… I didn't really have very many hobbies before either. I just read a lot." I sifted through foggy memories, of Renee's hobbies-of-the-week, activities that she took up with boundless enthusiasm and then inevitably abandoned when the newness wore off. I'd normally been dragged into participating too: pottery; jewelry-making; yoga. The thought of Renee sent a flicker of sadness through me; it was getting harder and harder for me to pull up random memories of my life with her. "Edward, do you remember your mother very well?"

If he was surprised by the sudden change of subject, he didn't let on. "No, only very vaguely. I was unconscious when she passed away and if it hadn't been for Carlisle breaking into my family home before we left Chicago, I wouldn't have the few keepsakes that I do. They help me remember a little."

"What keepsakes?" I asked curiously.

"Would you like to see them?"

"Yes, absolutely!" I knew little-to-nothing about my husband's human life, and I felt a surge of excitement over being given this one small peek into who he'd been before. He'd said on more than one occasion that he was sure we would have fallen in love if we'd met while he was still human, but trying to imagine an ordinary human Edward was almost impossible. There had never been anything ordinary about him to me.

"Hop up, then." He gave me a little push off the couch and then took my hand. I noted that it was snowing again as we walked back to our cottage, but luckily it was Emmett's job to keep the driveway clear. We never had to trudge through drifts going to and from the main house.

Once inside the cottage, Edward went directly to the wall of bookcases and knelt down, retrieving a box from one of the bottom shelves. It was small, less than half the size of a shoebox, and wooden with an ornate design carved into the top. It had been squeezed in between some of Edward's older books that he rarely looked at, so although I'd fleetingly noticed it sitting there, I hadn't even wondered about what was in it.

I sank down onto the floor next to him and watched as he carefully opened the hinged top. There was a gentle reverence in his touch; a carefulness of movement that he normally reserved for either playing his piano or when caressing me. The first item he retrieved was a heavy brass rectangle with a latch on the side. When he delicately thumbed it open, the rectangle fell apart and I could see it was an old fashioned picture frame; hinged in the center, with a sepia-toned photo on either side. On the left was a photograph of a couple; it had obviously been their wedding day. On the right, the same woman was seated, holding a baby on her lap. Edward touched the image on the left.

"My parents, the day they were married. And then of course, that's my mother, holding me. It's the only pictures I have of them. Carlisle was in a hurry and grabbed the first picture he could find that had both of them in it."

"She was beautiful," I breathed. And she was, the woman in the photograph was breathtakingly lovely, glowing despite the old-fashioned clothing and stiff poses. And her face… it was obvious that Edward's had been almost copied from hers. "What was her name?"

"Elizabeth Masen," he replied quietly before gesturing to the other photo. "I was about six months old when that one was taken, I think."

I studied the picture of Edward as a baby, but it was hard to discern any resemblance to the man he was now. The pale eyes of both mother and son gazed seriously back at me. "What color were your eyes?"

"Green. Carlisle said my mother and I both had bright green eyes."

"You didn't seem to take after your father as much," I noted, looking back to the first picture.

"No, and I have even fewer memories of him, but I remember he was a good man, and he loved his family very much."

I stroked my finger over the tarnished brass of the frame. "Why do you have this put away? Wouldn't you like to have it out, where we can see it?"

He blinked, surprised. "I suppose we could, if you like."

"Yes, I think we should." I carefully set the frame aside, determined to make a place for it next to my own family photos. "What else do you have?"

"Not much," he admitted. "As I said, Carlisle had to hurry when he went to retrieve these things. The servants had all fled when my parents first became ill, for fear of catching the influenza, but I was already changing and Carlisle didn't want to leave me alone for too long…" His eyes were far away for a moment. "He wanted me to have things from my human life, even if they were just random items that were lying around when he arrived. He did find my mother's jewelry case, so I have all of her jewelry, but we keep that locked up with some of our other more valuable items. Except this…"

A small velvet box emerged next, and with no ceremony, Edward cracked it open. "My mother's wedding ring. She was wearing it when she died, and Carlisle took it before leaving her at the morgue." He held out the box to me, and I touched the ring as gently as I had the picture frame before, carefully stroking the delicate web of gold that wove around diamonds to form an oval shape. "It's so unique. I've never seen anything like this before."

"No, the design hasn't really been in vogue for quite some time. I actually…" he stopped for a moment and chuckled self-consciously. "I was going to give it to you, but I thought it would be better for us to have something completely of our own. And I didn't want you to feel obligated to wear the ring of a woman you'd never met."

"I would have been honored to wear your mother's ring," I contradicted. "But I like that it's still hers, it's such an important link for you to have."

"Yes," he agreed thoughtfully, before showing me the few other items in the box: his father's pocket watch; a handkerchief monogrammed with EAM; and finally, a small flyer advertising a new apothecary.

"What's this?"

Edward's hands gently closed over mine, and he turned the paper over. There, scrawled hastily, were several bars of music. "I think I wrote that. I don't remember anyone else in my family being musically-inclined. I suppose the tune must have come into my head, and this was the first scrap of paper I managed to get my hands on. I didn't have a perfect vampire memory back then."

"Have you ever played it?"

He shook his head. "No, and I have no desire to. It's not very good anyway."

I was about to protest, but the look on his face stopped me, and I stood up instead, holding the brass picture frame. There was just enough room next to the framed photographs of my family for it to sit open; Edward tucked the wooden box back onto the bookcase, and then came to stand beside me as well. "Thank you, love," he murmured.

"Have you ever thought about looking up more information about your family?" I asked absently, letting my eyes drift over Charlie, Renee, and Phil's smiling faces.

"Not really, no. What would be the point?"

"I don't know, curiosity?" I vaguely remembered that one of Renee's passing fancies had been genealogy. It had only lasted a few days after Renee realized that it wasn't as easy as just doing a Google search and getting all the information delivered in one nice neat package. It had been interesting, though, I remembered that. Almost like a puzzle, or a mystery to be solved. The family tree on both Renee and Charlie's sides were fairly small, so I remembered thinking that it probably wouldn't be too terribly difficult to explore, but by that time Renee had lost interest in looking up old birth certificates and had moved on to painting watercolors.

"I don't necessarily like looking back," Edward said quietly. "I much prefer looking forward, with you."

I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his waist, staring directly into his golden eyes. "Why are you so sad, thinking about the past?"

He sighed softly. "My history isn't a happy one. I was so young when I died. I hadn't accomplished anything except for grandiose plans of glory in the Army. There was a horrific war going on, along with a worldwide influenza epidemic where people were literally dropping dead in the streets, Bella. And when my parents got sick, and I not too soon after…" His eyes went far away again. "My father died first, he went very quickly. But my mother tried to nurse me even though she was as sick as I was, and I'm sure it weakened her further. I was unconscious when she died; my next memories were of excruciating pain, of burning, and then waking up a vampire.

"I was confused, I was angry, I was in mourning, I could suddenly read minds… I have no idea how Carlisle was able to put up with me. But he was always so patient, even though I reacted… badly… when he brought home Esme and then Rosalie. And then the years I spent away from them…" He pulled away from me, shaking his head, and I let him go. "I murdered, Bella. I committed murder and not for noble reasons, not for self-defense, but out of pure selfishness. And I lied to myself about it, convinced myself that I was ridding the world of filth, appointing myself judge and jury of individuals whose paths I'd never crossed before that moment. And I killed them… so many people…"

He walked over to the fireplace and stood staring into the dying flames, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. I followed and stood close by, watching his profile, but not touching him, even though I ached to.

"Even after I'd managed to become disgusted enough with myself to stop killing, and I returned to Carlisle and Esme, they welcomed me with open arms. They ignored my red eyes and took me back into their family as though I'd never left, as though I had nothing to atone for, to be ashamed of. And then in all the subsequent years: the loneliness; being jealous of my family; then hating myself for coveting their happiness…" He finally turned to me then, a pained grin cracking the bitterness on his face. "And then I found the most beautiful girl in the world, and even though I didn't deserve her, I am a selfish creature, and I set out to make her mine."

"Don't do that!" I gasped, suddenly angry that he would say such a thing. "Don't act like you did something wrong by loving me, by saving me, by giving us this. I have never once regretted it, and I will not let you regret it either!"

"I didn't say I regretted it, Bella," he countered. "Only that I didn't deserve you. I'm still not entirely convinced that I do."

The breath left my body in a whoosh as anger, real newborn anger tore through me. I locked my arms to my sides and willed my feet to stay in place, for at that moment I truly wanted to shake Edward until his perfect teeth rattled in his perfect head. "What does that say about me, Edward? That I'm foolish or impressionable enough to stay with someone who isn't good enough for me? That I ought to be with someone else? Or maybe that I ought to have died out in the woods by myself. Was that my fate?"

"Of course not," he said tersely.

"Then how can you say that, let alone believe it?" All the frustration of the past days, my lingering fears, the pain of hearing Edward doubt himself in any way… it all churned together and came boiling up out of me. "You say that you don't want to look back, that it's painful… I can understand that. But don't you dare cast any kind of doubt on what I feel for you, or what I know you feel for me, by implying that you don't deserve me, or us, or this!"

"Murderers deserve happily-ever-after?" he snapped back, and I could see that the simmering tension was exploding out of him too. "Murderers deserve everything they took away from others?"

"Edward, you're a fucking vampire!" I screamed, probably loudly enough to be heard back at the main house. "You were doing what vampires do! If you were human and killing people for their blood, it would be something else entirely, but we're not human anymore! And unfortunately, nature has stacked the deck against us when it comes to denying our most deep-seated instincts, but we make a choice to be better! You told me that!"

"You don't understand what it's like…"

"The hell I don't!" I snarled, advancing on him now. "I was beating myself up over just wanting to kill someone. And again, you were the one who told me I was better than that, that I made the choice to not take a human life. You've made that decision too; you made it a long time ago. And making that decision is the reason I'm standing here now, loving you unconditionally with every piece of my being! Yet you have the nerve to say you don't deserve me? Would you like for me to go slaughter a few people so I carry the same guilt as you, so we can be on equal footing? Because I'll do it if that's what it takes for you to stop allowing these memories to do this to you, to us!"

His face contorted in horror. "No, Bella, no!"

"Then why?" His words, that he wasn't sure he deserved me, came back and lanced my heart. "How can you still have any doubts about us?"

"Not about us, love," he groaned. "Doubts about me."

I wasn't quite sure exactly what it was about this simple admission that set me off. I didn't know if it was because I would never tolerate anyone hurting or belittling my husband in any way and that it hurt the most to hear him do it, or if there was now that lingering little pang that he might have doubts about us. I didn't know if it was all that and the frustration, fear, anger, and exhaustion I'd been feeling for the past two weeks. Regardless of the reason, a snarl ripped from my lips, and I saw Edward's eyes widen as I launched myself at him.

He was quick and strong, but I had newborn power and fury behind me, and he didn't have time to move before I tackled him, knocking him completely off his feet and into the sturdy chair behind him, splintering it into kindling with a deafening explosion. The force blew all of the pieces out of the way, and he was immediately flat on his back on the floor. "Bella… what the hell?"

"I am done listening to your pity-party, do you understand me?" I straddled him, my hands holding his shoulders down, my thighs clamped firmly around his pelvis. "I will not allow you to keep trying to convince yourself that you don't deserve happiness. You told me that I brought out the best in you, that I helped you learn to stop loathing yourself so much. Unless you would like to sit and listen to me beat myself up over bad things I've done in the past, and insist that I don't deserve you because of them, then stop it."

He growled softly but there was no threat behind it. "You had to throw me through a chair to get your point across?"

"It got your attention, didn't it?" I taunted. Slowly but surely, there was a very faint shift in the tension swirling around us. It was a melting of anger and a blossoming of heat. From my perch on his pelvis I could feel him hardening under me, and I leaned over him, hands still pressing him firmly to the floor, allowing only the smallest sneer to curve my lips upward.

"I want my Edward back. I want the vampire who broke the door of my balcony because he was so desperate to have me right then. I want the husband that lost control with me on our wedding night when I pushed him past his limits. I want the man who will take me whenever and wherever the mood strikes us, even if it's up against a goddamn tree. I want my Edward back."

He growled, more loudly this time, and his hands snapped up to my forearms. Before I knew it, he'd flipped me over and I was on my back with him hovering over me: an end table went flying as I kicked my legs out to the side, squirming fruitlessly to get out from under him. "Be careful what you wish for, oh wife of mine," he crooned softly, with danger in his voice. "Once you turn a vampire loose, you can't just turn him off again."

"Believe me," I gasped, even as I continued to wriggle furiously underneath him, "I don't want to turn you off."

"Good girl," he purred, just before dropping down over me full-force, flattening me into the floor. I swear I heard the thick floorboards squeak in protest just before his lips crashed into mine: hot; hard; and angry. His lips were immediately prying mine apart, his tongue forcing his way into my mouth, and I growled a little, bucking under him.

"Mm-mmh," he scolded, without breaking the kiss, and I let him continue his hot, forceful exploration for just a moment before I tensed every muscle in my body and, with one arching spring, flung him up and off of me.

He landed on the couch this time and it fared much as the chair before it, as the legs exploded off in four different directions, the back collapsed, and the seat was crushed under his body. In a split second I was on top of him again, this time with my hands wrapped around his wrists, crouched over his chest, and my ankles clamped firmly onto his hips. I looked into his dark eyes before leaning to press a sweet kiss against his firm mouth. "Don't underestimate me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he promised sulkily, before his eyelids drooped, narrowing his black gaze at me. "What plans do you have for me now, Mrs. Cullen?"

I hummed speculatively before lowering my face to his again. Instead of kissing him, though, I parted my lips and dragged my tongue in a long, languid, possessive stroke over his mouth. The tip of my tongue caught the underside edge of his upper lip, pulling it up slightly into a half-snarl, and I hummed again as it allowed me shallow access to his mouth, along his gums and the perfectly-honed razor-sharp white teeth. He clenched his jaw, declining me any further entry, and I smiled against his lips at the challenge.

Our lovemaking was always passionate, regardless if it was tender or urgent, sweet or insistent. The deep, intense connection was always there each time we came together, but this was something new and raw between us. Even the first time we made love after my change didn't match the primal ferocity that was vibrating between us here now.

Edward moaned thickly as I suddenly ground myself against him, his arousal unyielding and oh-so-temptingly pressed against me. "If I let go of your wrists, will you be a good boy?" I whispered.

"No," he growled back immediately, pulling a little against the restraints I'd made of my hands. "If you let go of me I will flip you over, rip your clothes off, and fuck you until there are dents in the floor in the shape of your ass and my knees."

The heat that was already throbbing madly where I was grinding slowly against him exploded exponentially at his words. Although I loved sex with Edward in any way, shape, form, location, mood, and duration, I normally preferred it when he was dominating me. I loved seeing and feeling his body on top of mine, his fingers tugging at my hair to expose my throat, his unending worship of my lips and skin. Something about this new juxtaposition, though, was arousing me almost unbearably; holding him down, teasing him, driving him to the point of threatening exactly what he would do to me if he could…

"Think how disappointed Esme would be, though, if she had to repair dents in the floor," I said innocently. "We've already broken a lot of the furniture."

He growled again, his eyes completely obsidian and more than slightly wild in their passion. "Damn it, Bella…"

"Promise me," I murmured seductively, leaning over his chest until my hair fell down around his face. "Promise me that you'll stop being emo-vamp, and I'll let you go. And then you can do whatever you want with me."

"I promise," he said immediately.

"Are you sure?" I purred, running my nose along his rigid jawline. I'd never felt as animalistic, as completely unrestrained as I did at that moment. "What if you're just saying that to trick me?"

"I may say or do a multitude of deviant things to you over the next few hours," he hissed, "But I will not lie to you."

I considered his words for a moment, and then smiled angelically. "That's fair enough, I suppose." I bent and pecked one last kiss on his furious lips and then, without giving him any warning, released my grip on him and almost simultaneously vaulted across the room, towards the front door.

Fast as I was, Edward would always be faster, and his arms wrapped around my waist like steel bands just as my hand closed around the doorknob. He pulled me backwards and the doorknob came with me, ripping out of the door with a cracking of wood and protesting shriek of metal.

"You," he said pointedly before twisting me around in his arms so that we were pressed chest-to-chest, "Are not going anywhere." He then took a step forward and my back was slammed against the door, pinning me there.

I groaned and my legs immediately curled up to wrap around his waist, he flexed his hips hard against me in response. "Bad Bella," he scolded, his hands already roaming over my curves. "Breaking all our furniture like that. I'm almost afraid to take you upstairs, in case you decide to break the bed too."

My hands slipped down and into the pockets of his jeans, and then ripped the denim completely away from his body in one savage movement. "Take me here, then."

"I think I will," he agreed, and dragged his hands up under my short dress, cupping my bottom, while I made sure his boxers met the same fate as his jeans. In the position he had us, it took only one quick push, and he thrust up hard into me, a movement that sent a shockwave throughout every nerve ending in my body. I screamed in delight as he immediately began pumping furiously into me.

My hands went up and fisted tightly in his hair, pulling hard, an action that seemed to spur him on. "Fuck yes, Bella, yes," he muttered thickly into my throat, before I felt his teeth begin biting none-too-gently along my neck. When he reached my scar, the place where he'd marked me, he licked at it slowly before fitting his teeth into the impressions they'd made before. I moaned helplessly as the overwhelmingly erotic sensation seemed to shoot straight down into the heart of me, where we were connected.

"Yes, yes, oh God…" were the only words I managed to get out as he tightened the pressure of his teeth, the pleasure seeming to increase proportionately with force he exerted. He growled softly and the vibrations made me shiver; I was already so close to climaxing.

One last hard pinch of his teeth into my neck, and then he released the grip, pressing his lips there instead. "Mine," he demanded. "Mine, my wife, my Bella."

We moved as one then, our faces coming together and lips crashing in the middle, a long hot kiss that tangled and fought, as he never ceased thrusting into me. He had me held to the door by the weight of his body alone, and his hands were everywhere at once, tearing my dress to shreds, knotting into my hair, hitching under my knees to change the angle of his penetration. The thick wooden door was creaking dangerously behind us, but he kept me fixed there, speeding up when he felt me begin to clench around him.

I was sure I screamed again when the climax hit me, but by that point I was so far lost in the primal frenzy he'd worked me into, I wouldn't have been able to repeat my own name. The burn was exquisite, almost liquid, as it slowly crept over my body, sending me soaring with only Edward holding me to the world. The part of me that was always aware of him heard his hoarse cry as he thrust desperately several more times, and then released inside of me, his head dropping forward to crash against the door, next to mine.

He panted for a moment, breaths that sounded more like moans, and then I felt the wood leave my back and air rush over my skin, although he never withdrew from inside me. He was laying me down as I opened my eyes, and then I smiled when I realized he'd settled us onto the flattened remains of the couch cushions. He smiled back weakly, his eyes slowly returning to their beautiful golden shade.

"Not that I'm complaining, mind you," he said after a moment. "But what exactly brought that on?"

"What?" I asked innocently, and he bent to run his lips over my face.

"You know what."

"This?" I queried, before tightening around him where he still lay hard and deep inside of me. His immediate moan was my answer. "I don't know, I guess I just kind of attacked you?"

He half-snorted. "Bella, look around you. We destroyed our cottage."

I rolled my head back and looked around, and then giggled. Much of the furniture was in pieces, but luckily the bookcase and piano seemed to have avoided harm. "Just the furniture."

"And the door," he pointed out. He kissed my scar again, his actions now as gentle as they'd been fierce before. "I didn't know you were such a wildcat."

"Neither did I," I admitted, before sighing happily when his lips slipped back up to meet mine. It was peaceful and sweet, calm was back between us now.

"I liked it," he said after some time. "But really Bella, throwing me through a chair?"

I giggled, and I could feel him laughing softly too. "I'm sorry about that. I don't know, I just had to get your attention somehow. You just get so fixated on things sometimes, it's hard to snap you out of it. And I meant business, by the way. No more of that I don't deserve you bullshit. If you didn't deserve me, I wouldn't be here, because fate put us right here, right now."

He pulled back his face just enough to meet my eyes, and then brushed a lock of hair back from my forehead. "On the broken couch?"

"Yes."

His eyes studied me for a moment before he responded. "I was an asshole. I just… I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you too. I'll never stop telling you that, even when we're mad and fighting, and then having angry make-up sex."

"I don't think the sex itself was angry," he pointed out, before moving his hips enough to slide slightly out and then back into me. "Just growly."

"Growly," I agreed, and then whimpered a little as he pulled and pushed again. "And now we're both ready for round two."

Kiss followed kiss as he made love to me sweetly, slowly, stroking and kissing me reverently. I arched into his touch, aching for the spiritual connection that was always the most tangible when he loved me like this. I opened my eyes to meet his, seeing the raw depth of feelings there, emotions that I knew were reflected back equally in mine. There was nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him, to assure him that he deserved every second of our time together, every moment of joy and happiness. I wanted nothing more than for him to feel safe and cherished, to know exactly how deeply intertwined he was with my being.

And as before, the moment that the thought flickered through my mind, there was the briefest sheen and Edward was inside my shield.

He could feel it as soon as it happened, and gasped, going completely rigid for a second. "Bella…"

"Shh," I hushed him, before running my fingers over his beautiful face. "Just love me. And let me show you how much I love you too."

He began moving slowly again, but the look on his face almost destroyed me, there was such joy reflected there. "Bella it's… it's almost like being back inside your mind again. Oh God, I can feel it, I can feel you… it's like I can feel you wrapped around my soul."

"Love me," I urged him again, before pulling his face down to mine. He kissed me with a fervor made all the more pure by this new connection. I was melting into him, pulling him inside me, knowing that I could protect him, and the reassurance of it released me from every last worry that had been holding me down. For the first time, we made love as though we truly had all the time in the world.

xoxo

A/N: Hmm...well, I'm not gonna condone Bella tossing her husband through the furniture, but I guess that's one way to snap a vamp out of his emo-mood!

So you tell me...do you think Bella is right to have this sense of urgency, this need to learn how to protect her family? Or is she pushing herself too hard, too fast, and could it backfire on her? Gotta love our overachieving vamp-Bella. Our...wildcat overachieving vamp-Bella... *ahem* RAWR!

FYI - My twin Brits23 and I have officially launched Masterperv Theatre, a collection of o/s stories, random plot bunnies, crackfic randomness, and other fun stuff. There are links to it on both our profiles, and the first o/s is already up. If you happen to be a fan of Carlisle, you might just wanna run over there NOW. If it were up to Brits and I, it would just be a collection of Carlisle o/s stories, but we promise to diversify for our Team Edward loveys!

THANK YOU to all of you who leave reviews, they are the fuel that writers run on! THANK YOU to the super-beta Stratan for his extra work on this chapter. And THANK YOU to the ladies who cheer me on through GChat and Twitter, I lurve you!