Hope everyone enjoys this. Please review! Thanks again to Furious Dee for graciously providing feedback and encouragement.

Chapter Twenty-One

The doorbell rang and Jack jumped upright with a start, the loud sound in the otherwise silent house pulling him violently to full alertness. Moses was curled up next to him, and looked up with wide, curious eyes from the sudden intrusion. Jack glanced blearily at his watch and noted the time was just after one-thirty a.m. Feeling a surge of panic, and with only one thought filling his head, he rushed to the front door.

He'd almost immediately regretted not going after Ianto when he'd bolted from the house several hours earlier. Ianto hadn't taken his phone with him, leaving Jack with no way to contact him, and no idea where to even begin looking. In desperation, he'd briefly considered calling Ianto's sister, but Ianto hadn't taken his car, so he couldn't have been planning to go there, not that Jack would have expected him to anyway. That would have been the last place he'd want to go. Without transportation, he also couldn't have been planning to go to his shop. Ianto had just ran off into the night.

Feeling sick with worry, and deeply concerned about Ianto's state of mind, Jack had paced and waited. His thoughts had run continuously over their conversation, and he'd berated himself repeatedly for handling things so badly. He hadn't realised that Ianto had been feeling so subjugated by his situation and Jack's attempts to help him. Once his tears had finally stopped falling, he'd begun to really think about what Ianto had said. He'd tried to imagine how he would have felt if he was in the younger man's situation.

Jack didn't want to believe that Ianto could be so willing to throw their relationship away, even though that seemed to be the case. They'd shared so much, and he thought he meant more to Ianto than that. He loved Ianto and he needed him. He'd never needed anyone, or anything, as much as he needed the unassuming young Welshman who had so completely captured his heart. He didn't want to contemplate a life without Ianto. When they were together, he felt happy and content, and his life made sense. He tried to cling to the hope that Ianto was simply scared and upset when he'd talked about leaving, and that he'd lashed out in frustration over his circumstances. Feeling a gut-wrenching mixture of hurt, sorrow, and regret, Jack had curled up on the sofa, desperately hoping it wasn't the end for them.

Yanking the front door open, Jack was stunned to find Andy standing on his doorstep, dressed in uniform, and with a barely conscious, heavily inebriated Ianto slumped against his side. Ianto looked like hell. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were blotchy and stained with tears, his hair was sticking out in all directions, and his clothes were a crumpled mess. Jack almost didn't recognise him. Andy's arm around his waist seemed to be the only thing keeping him upright.

"Ianto!" Jack gasped, relieved to see him, but horrified by the state he was in. "Oh, thank God."

"Evening, Jack," Andy said in greeting, and gave Jack a wry smile. "I think this one might belong to you."

Jack waved them inside, and after helping Andy to drag an unresponsive Ianto over the threshold, he closed the door behind them. He looked at Ianto worriedly while keeping an arm around his shoulders. "Andy, what the hell happened?"

Before Andy could reply, Ianto pulled away, and with an almost incoherent mumbled 'thanks' directed at the police constable, he started climbing unsteadily up the stairs.

"I'd better get him safely upstairs," Jack said, moving to follow closely behind Ianto so he couldn't topple backwards and hurt himself. He placed his hands on either side of Ianto's waist to steady him.

Andy nodded. "No problem. I'll wait here."

Jack remained silent as they slowly climbed the stairs. He wasn't sure what to say and decided it was better to find out what had happened from Andy first. He doubted he'd get anything coherent out of Ianto in his current state, assuming the younger man would even talk to him.

They reached the top of the stairs. Ianto lifted his head, peering at Jack with dazed eyes filled with pain and remorse. "Jack..." he mumbled, slurring his name. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," Jack assured him, gently rubbing his back. "Go and get some rest. We'll talk in the morning when you feel up to it, all right?"

Ianto's head moved in an approximation of a nod. Turning away, he began stumbling towards their bedroom but then stopped, and glancing back at Jack, he turned and staggered towards his own room instead. Jack wanted to stop him, but decided it was probably best if they each had his own space for the night. Watching as Ianto shoved the door closed behind him, Jack sighed deeply and retreated downstairs.

"We found him huddled up on the ground at the side of the Millennium Centre," Andy explained after Jack had returned to the hallway. "We'd just been dealing with a pub brawl, and we were doing a final patrol of the area before calling it a night. It was a fluke I spotted him. There was an empty scotch bottle on the ground beside him, and the poor sod was crying his eyes out."

"Shit," Jack murmured, hit with a fresh wave of guilt for not going after Ianto when he'd had the chance.

"I'm guessing you two had a pretty bad fight," Andy continued, looking at Jack worriedly. "On the way here, he kept saying that you must hate him, and that he'd ruined everything."

Jack nodded despondently. "He's been having kind of a rough time lately, and we got into an argument earlier. He stormed out of the house. I should have gone after him."

Andy shrugged. "These things happen. Are you two going to be okay?"

"I hope so, Andy," Jack replied, scrubbing his hand roughly over his face. "I really do."

Andy looked sympathetic. "Well, the main thing is he's home, safe and sound. Might be best to let him sleep it off, and then talk to him in the morning."

"Good idea," Jack agreed. "Thanks for bringing him home. I really appreciate it. I was getting frantic with worry."

"Sure, no problem. Ianto seems like a good bloke." Andy smiled. "You really love him, don't you?"

"Yeah," Jack replied honestly. "Yeah, I do."

"Have you told him?" Andy asked.

"We haven't really reached that stage yet," Jack admitted. "Which in retrospect, we should have done before we moved in together. I've wanted to, but I wasn't sure how he felt, and I didn't want to scare him off."

"We've all been there," Andy said with a wry chuckle. "But maybe he needs to hear it. You never know, it might help."

Jack nodded in agreement. He thought Andy was probably right, and it seemed like they were at a point where admitting the full depth of his feelings probably couldn't make things any worse.

"Well, I'd better go," Andy said, and Jack opened the door for him. "If either of you need anything, you can call me anytime, okay?"

"Okay," Jack replied with a weary but appreciative smile. "Thanks again, Andy."

Andy nodded and clapped Jack on the shoulder. Turning away, he walked quickly towards his car.

Jack closed and locked the door. After turning off the downstairs lights, and checking on Moses, who had retreated to his basket in the corner of the living room, he made his way upstairs. He stood at the door of Ianto's room, and paused uncertainly. Taking a deep breath, he carefully cracked the door open a few inches and looked inside. The room was dark, but from the sliver of light cast through the doorway, he could see that the clothes Ianto had been wearing were scattered haphazardly on the floor, and Ianto was curled up in a lump under the covers of his old bed.

"Goodnight, Ianto," Jack whispered sadly, resisting the urge to move into the room and try to comfort the younger man.

Instead, he closed the door and retreated to their bedroom, realising he faced a night of sleeping in his large bed alone.

###

Ianto woke with a dull pounding ache in his head, accompanied by a sick, churning sensation in his stomach. He groaned loudly. Feeling disoriented, he glanced around the dimly illuminated space, and realised he wasn't in Jack's bedroom. He wasn't in Jack's bed, and he was alone. His foggy mind couldn't make sense of that at first. Jack was always there with him when he woke up.

Suddenly his memories of the night before flooded into his consciousness. His conversation with Jack replayed in his mind with terrible clarity. He remembered the awful things he'd said, and how he'd run off into the night, eventually seeking empty solace in a cheap bottle of scotch. Feeling the tenuous hold on his life rapidly slipping through his fingers, he'd just wanted to escape from all the pain, anger, and frustration. All his conflicting emotions had come rushing to the surface, and in a series of moments he was certain he'd regret for the rest of his life, he'd ruined everything. Jack was the one good thing in his life, and he'd turned his back on him, running away and leaving Jack to think that he meant nothing to him, when in fact Jack meant more to him than he could ever hope to put into words.

He wondered how he'd ever be able to face Jack again, and if the older man would even give him a chance to try to explain himself. Recalling the tears and anguish in Jack's eyes when he'd suggested that their relationship was a mistake, he was consumed by an intense wave of self-loathing. The last thing he'd ever wanted to do was hurt Jack.

Feeling tears burning in his eyes, he was just about to bury his head under the bed covers, when the door cracked open. Jack was standing there, dressed in a blue t-shirt and a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms, looking at him with worried, red-rimmed eyes. "Ianto... can I come in?"

Ianto nodded meekly. "Yeah, of course," he replied in a rasping croak. His throat felt raw and his mouth was dry. Struggling with the tangle of bed covers, he eventually managed to shift himself into a semi-upright position, and glanced anxiously up at Jack.

Jack edged slowly forward until he was standing at the side of the bed. "Here, I thought you could use these," he said, passing Ianto the glass of water he was holding along with a couple of aspirin.

"Thanks," Ianto mumbled, tossing the tablets into his mouth and taking the water, drinking it down greedily as it helped to sooth his sore throat.

Jack knelt down at the side of the bed and looked at him with concern. To Ianto's astonishment, Jack reached forward and lightly stroked his cheek. "You look terrible," Jack said quietly, a hint of a sad smile ghosting over his lips.

"I've been better," Ianto admitted. Glancing away, he took a deep breath and summoned his courage. He looked cautiously back at Jack. "I'm sorry, Jack."

"It's okay," Jack said, lowering his hand to trail along Ianto's bare shoulder and down his arm before breaking contact.

Ianto began to shake his head, but then thought better of it as the throbbing in his skull intensified. "No, it's not, Jack. I was an utter bastard. Do you... do you think you can forgive me?"

"Of course I can," Jack replied, with enough certainty to give Ianto a flicker of hope. "I'm not sure there's even anything to forgive. But I need to know, Ianto." He paused and Ianto heard the fear in his voice. "Do you really want to leave and move to London? Do you want to leave me?"

"No," Ianto said vehemently. "No, Jack. I meant it when I said that's the last thing I want." He breathed out a deep sigh. "I don't know what I was thinking. I suppose I was just looking for a way out of my mess. But I could never leave you. I know I said some terrible things, but nothing is worth losing you."

Jack nodded, a look of relief passing over his features.

Ianto looked at Jack fearfully. "Um, do you want me to go? Move out?"

"Ianto, no. Of course not. We just have to figure out how to make this work." Jack paused, his expression turning regretful. "I thought about what you said, and I think I understand. I want you to know that I never wanted you to feel like you were losing your independence... I never wanted you to feel diminished, or like you were losing yourself. The only thing I wanted was for us to be together."

"I know, Jack," Ianto assured him. "It's not your fault."

Jack shook his head. "Maybe not, but I could have been more sensitive. I just want you to be happy."

"I know," Ianto repeated. He shuffled over in the bed and patted the empty space beside him. "Stay with me for a while?" he asked tentatively, hoping Jack wouldn't reject him even though he was certain he deserved it.

Jack gave him a hesitant smile and nodded. Rising to his feet, he climbed in next to Ianto. He tugged off his t-shirt, dropped it to the floor, and slid down under the covers. Ianto settled against Jack's side, wrapping an arm around his waist. Jack's arms encircled him, pulling them closer together.

"Better?" Jack asked softly.

"Much better," Ianto replied, pressing his face against Jack's bare chest, and drawing comfort from the older man's presence. He didn't know how he could have ever considered giving this up, no matter how briefly. It was the only place he truly felt safe.

Jack's fingers stroked slowly up and down Ianto's back, soothing him. "That was the first night we've spent apart since you moved in with me," Jack murmured.

"I'm sorry," Ianto said with regret.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later," Jack said casually, but Ianto could hear the underlying sadness in his voice. "I missed you though. I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore."

"Me neither," Ianto whispered.

He knew Jack wasn't just talking about sex. Jack had obviously missed his presence, just as he had missed Jack's. He'd done significant damage to their relationship, giving Jack reason to doubt his commitment. Despairing at the idea of Jack looking at him with doubt or mistrust, he vowed that he'd do whatever was necessary to repair that damage.

He pressed his lips to Jack's chest and tightened his embrace in an attempt to comfort him. They laid still for several minutes, just holding onto each other, their breathing the only sound in the otherwise silent room.

As the pounding in his head began to recede, Ianto's thoughts drifted, and he considered his options. He'd reached a critical moment in his life, and he had to make a decision. He couldn't deny the reality of his situation any longer, and drowning himself in liquor wasn't a solution. He couldn't risk losing Jack, and to ensure that wouldn't happen, he needed to take action. As much as he hadn't wanted to hear it, Jack had been right. He needed to let go of the past and move forward with his life, no matter how terrifying and painful that would be.

"Jack, what time is it?" he asked, breaking the silence. He had to stop and think for a moment before remembering it was Friday, and they both should have been getting ready for work.

"It was a little after nine when I came up to check on you," Jack answered. "I called John and told him I wasn't sure if I'd be at work today. I didn't know if you'd want me around, but I couldn't leave you on your own until I knew you were okay."

"Oh." Ianto wasn't sure what to say. He was touched by Jack's concern for his welfare, even though he felt it was undeserved. He pushed himself up a little, resting on his elbow so he could look into Jack's eyes. "You can go if you want. I'll be all right."

"I'd rather stay here with you," Jack said, looking up at him. "If that's okay?"

Ianto smiled for the first time in what seemed like days and nodded. Reaching for Jack's hand, he curled their fingers together. "More than okay."

Jack gave him a gentle smile in return. Pulling himself upright a little, Jack squeezed Ianto's hand, and his eyes focused on him with almost unnerving intensity. "Ianto, I need to tell you something. If you'd decided you wanted to move to London for that job... if it had been what you really wanted... I would have come with you."

"What?" Ianto asked incredulously, not sure if he'd heard Jack correctly.

"If that had been the choice I'd had to make," Jack continued. "If I'd had to choose between my life here, or being with you." He shrugged with a hint of self-deprecation. "It wouldn't have been a choice at all. I can't lose you, it's as simple as that."

Ianto just stared at him in astonishment. He couldn't believe Jack would give up everything he had just to be with him. It sounded completely insane. "Jack..." he began but then stopped, at a loss for words.

"No, please, let me finish," Jack said insistently.

Ianto nodded and remained silent.

Jack took a deep breath, looking at him earnestly. "I should have told you this before... I shouldn't have waited this long." He paused and visibly swallowed. "Ianto, I love you."

Ianto continued to stare at him, frozen in place. "You do?" he asked in little more than a whisper.

"Yeah, I do." Jack smiled with uncharacteristic shyness. "I love you so much I can hardly bear it sometimes."

Ianto felt a smile spread across his face as a surge of warmth flooded over him. "Jack, I love you, too," he said quietly, trying to keep his voice steady. "More than I ever thought possible."

"Really?" Jack asked, his smile growing wider and more certain.

"Really," Ianto confirmed, regretting that he'd waited so long to say what was in his heart. He'd been afraid and uncertain, but he was tired of living a life filled with doubt. He closed the small gap between them, pulling Jack into his arms and holding him tightly, relieved that Jack wasn't angry with him, and overwhelmed by the knowledge that Jack reciprocated his feelings.

Jack pulled back slightly and brought their lips together in a slow, tender kiss. Ianto almost resisted, worried about the state of his mouth, but Jack didn't seem to care. For once, Ianto didn't care either. Jack's hands cradled his neck and lower back, and Ianto savoured the soft warmth of Jack's lips moving against his own while their bodies pressed together. He wrapped his hands around Jack's face and deepened the kiss, moving his thumbs gently over Jack's smooth skin as he tried to convey everything he was feeling.

Eventually they broke apart and Ianto stared into Jack's eyes, tracing his fingertips admiringly along Jack's jaw line. Jack's eyes gazed back at him with openness and vulnerability, the depths filled with a complex mix of emotions that Ianto was certain were mirrored in his own. As difficult as he found it to believe that this beautiful man could truly love him, he knew it was true. Jack's words had been every bit as sincere and heartfelt as his own.

Settling back down into the pillows, their bodies moving into a comforting embrace, they faced each other and smiled.

"Were you serious about me coming to work at Torchwood for a while?" Ianto asked, after a moment.

"Absolutely," Jack replied, looking into his eyes hopefully. "We need someone, and you'd be perfect. Even if it's just short-term. If you're interested, I'll talk to John and you can have a chat with him about it... see if you think it's something you might enjoy."

"I'm definitely interested, and I think I'd like it." Ianto thought about the possibility. The idea of having a normal job and a steady income was incredibly appealing after all the stress of trying to run his business, and the constant worry of struggling to pay his bills. He'd be able to pay Jack the money he owed him, and he could contribute equally to their living expenses. It would at least be a start to taking control of his life. "I need to make some changes. And I'm going to apply to Cardiff University."

"So, you've decided to close the shop?" Jack asked cautiously.

"Yes." Ianto's heart clenched with the thought of what he'd decided to do, but he knew it was the right decision. "You were right, Jack. It's time to move on."

"I know it's a heartbreaking decision to have to make," Jack said gently, looking sympathetic and concerned. "Although I think it's for the best, I'm sorry that you have to do it."

"It will hurt like hell, but it's what I need to do," Ianto agreed, trying not to think too much about how painful it would be to say goodbye to such a profound and enduring part of his life. He gave Jack what he hoped was a courageous smile. "I don't think I can do it alone though."

Jack reached for his hand and grasped it firmly. "Well, luckily, you don't have to. I'll be there with you every step of the way."

"Thanks, Jack," Ianto said sincerely. "So, um... well, assuming I get the job... it won't be too weird... us working together, even if it's just for a little while?"

Jack chuckled and his eyes twinkled mischievously. "As long as you can keep your hands to yourself, and keep that delicious, dirty mind of yours under control during work hours, I think we'll be fine. Besides, it'll be fun having you there to stare at all day."

Ianto rolled his eyes, yet he couldn't help but smile. "You're impossible... and shameless... and several dozen other things I'm too hungover to find the words for right now."

Jack laughed, and shifting closer, they kissed again. "God, I love you, Ianto Jones."

Ianto continued to smile at Jack. He knew the coming days would be difficult, and he also knew they still had issues to work through. But now they'd shared their feelings for each other, and he'd decided to find a new path for his life, he felt hopeful. He was sure that things could get better. "I love you too, Jack."

"I think we deserve a treat. Feel up to some breakfast?" Jack suggested. "Pancakes and coffee? I'll get it ready while you go and have your shower."

Ianto nodded and Jack tugged him to his feet. "I'd like that."