A/N: This took a little longer than expected but it is also significantly longer than I had originally intended so therein lies the hold up. I used times in this chapter and they aren't necessarily important but they were fun so I hope you can follow around as I got kind of jumpy. Also Addison gets called out, for real...but she needs to pull her head out of her ass a bit so at any rate keep faith and enjoy. Here we go-

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Picture perfect mutilation
Bright to black
With no hesitation
All the right shades
On the wrong page
Make up this colorful mind
This colorful mind of mine
-Broken Iris, "Colorful Mind"
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10:14 a.m.

The world changes when it wants. Her life is merely a testament to this fact. Whatever control she thought she may have possessed has long since been relinquished to the powers that be in the universe. Too many hard nights, too many long mornings, too many senseless deaths, too many working hours lost and too many heartaches all go to prove this point. There was a time, always a time in the earlier years, where she thought that the wonderful existed. That it could be possible to get what you wanted from life. To achieve dreams, grasp onto hope and hang on for dear life, and to actually be paid back for it all.

There's no prize behind this door; no treasure in this chest. Just black. The black that mocks her, the clouds that hang overhead as a reminder of all the despicable things she's done. They get to pay her back, make no mistake about that; karma knows it's role in her life but only the bad version. Her good karma she would admit is probably passed to her patients. The hundreds that continue to flourish because of her skills. This is her gift to the world; the pleasant things that happen to her are medically related. It could be that her sole purpose on the earth is to save others, she isn't really sure anymore. Her personal life is plagued by tragedy, mistakes, betrayals, and sorrow but professionally she is a clean slate. A calm whirlwind that begs to be challenged when holding a scalpel, a heart that demands adrenaline and a soul that lives to hand people screaming healthy infants. At least she used to be.

"Addison, there's been an accident."

The world changes whenever it fucking pleases.

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9:08 a.m.

"What happened!" A familiar voice barks as the interns crowd around the ambulance.

"Car accident on the 5. Twenty minutes to respond, took fire thirty to get him out." They begin to wheel his bloodied body out the doors and rush him through hospital shouting out vitals and the drugs administered in the field.

Fingers snap above his eyes as he dares to drift off to sleep. "Stay with me. Come on."

It's more of an out of body experience for him. There's no pain, his mind can't register as a doctor to understand the implications of his numb limbs as they shift him off the stretcher and head for an elevator. There are faces everywhere. Some he has seen before, some he will never recognize again.

He hears a ding as his world grows fuzzy. Reaching his hand to touch the one holding the railing he whispers, "Addison, get Addi-."

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9:36 a.m.

"Where are tweedle dee and tweedle dumb?" Cooper asks sauntering into the conference room late. His eyes only count the original members of the group and no screaming children for a change.

"Dunno." Sam responds and drops his head back to files in front of him.

"Have you talked to Addison, Naomi?"

"Not yet. I'm assuming she's taking today off."

"Yesterday was interesting." Dell pipes up entering the room with Naomi's coffee. He places it in front of her, waits for his thanks, and bounds out of the room with a smile.

"That needs to stop."

"What? He brings me my coffee. He brings you all things. It's nothing."

"Uh-huh."

Sam clears his throat. "So cases?"

"I'm clear after 3 if anyone needs me." Pete offers as Sam's phone begins to ring. He excuses himself from the room and never returns.

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10:18 a.m.

"Where did Sam go?" Pete asks shifting his files under his arm and standing.

"Oh now you've done it Naomi." Violet mocks and heads toward the door.

"I didn't do anything. Sam's a big boy and there is nothing going on."

"Whatever you say Mrs. Robinson." Cooper teases.

"Coming from the man who dates women named 'Smokinhot784' and 'OnFire4U'?"

"My internet conquests have names."

"Yeah Trixy, Roxie, Candy, and John."

"John?" Violet asks more than intrigued. She playfully punches Cooper in the shoulder and motions Pete for a high five while Naomi shakes her head biting her tongue.

"Ok, first of all those aren't any of their names…well there was a Roxie but that isn't the point and I didn't ever date John. He and I and-" He grumbles drifting off completely defeated.

"I'm going to go call Addison and see if she is going to make an appearance. Somebody wanna find out where Sam headed off to so I don't have to yell?"

"Got it." Cooper offers heading the group out of the room.

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10:16 a.m.

Her mind pauses before instincts can kick in to ask what happened. Sam stands in front of her with Kennedy, she doesn't recall when that happened but his somber face and worried eyes are more than enough for her to want to pass out at the thought of him being hurt.

"Car crash. They don't know much else. He was being wheeled into CT when they called me."

She stares back blankly.

He flips his wrist to check his watch again. "That was about an hour ago. They said he wanted you."

"Right." Her mind thinks of grabbing her purse and rushing towards the car ten yards from her but her feet refuse to budge an inch.

"If it was serious, Addison, they would have told me. I'm sure he'll be fine." It's a desperate attempt to not see her self destruct over the news. He tries to be the comforting, supportive friend but it never does seem to get him anywhere. He'd offer her a good stiff drink, if he could, just like the old days.

"You're wrong." She whispers biting down hard on her lower lip.

"What?"

"You're wrong. They never would've told you if it was serious or not over the phone. Hospitals don't work like that. You know better."

"Yeah, I do. Call it a feeling then. I have a hunch that he is just fine. I'll drive you if you want to the- we…could go together?"

"No."

"No?"

"I'm not going to spend all day in a waiting room with a screaming infant and a bouncing five year old Sam. Find out more and then come tell me. Tell them to tell him I'll be there before he wakes up."

"You don't want to come?"

"Not right now." She grabs the infant back from his warm arms and shuts the door in his face before pacing into the room to dispose of said child and falling to her knees.

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10:49 a.m.

"Sam where the hell did you go? You can't just take off in the middle of the morning meeting. We have schedule, you have patients!" His ex-wife barks at him. He ignores her, turns around and heads to his office to make some calls without saying a word.

"Whoa, Sam looks like he saw a ghost." Pete mutters swooping in beside her.

"That man- That man is absolutely infuriating. What? I'm supposed to just sit here and think everything is all fine when he disappears for hours at a time?"

Pete holds his hands up surrendering. "I didn't say anything."

"Men." She grumbles and steps back inadvertently knocking into Violet. "Sorry."

"It's ok. What's up with Sam? He looks like he saw a ghost or…his mother."

"His mother is dead."

"Well see then it works." Violet shrugs and turns away trying to concern herself with her own problems for a change.

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10:32 a.m.

In preparation for the hell that was about to ensue Addison managed to engage her brain long enough to drive to Ellie's school and pluck her from the classroom. More than eager to leave behind her classmates Ellie bounds out of her Aunt's grasp and heads for the car.

"Why are we taking today off?"

"Just are." Addison answers finally catching up.

"Are we sick?"

"Do you feel sick?" She ignores the fact that she does. Sick in the pit of her stomach and it isn't the ever present morning sickness.

She makes a disgusted face and then quickly answers, "No. I don't want to go to the dentist! I hate him."

"What are you talking about?" She straps in Kennedy and helps Elianna in before situating herself behind the wheel once again. She thinks better of driving to a place where she can see what exactly the car wreck has done to her life and turns in the opposite direction, dead set on finishing this morning's errands.

"When I get off school I always halfta go to the dentist. He makes me cry and I don't wanna go." She kicks her legs hard against the back of Addison's seat and earns herself a stern warning glance.

"We aren't going to the dentist."

"Can we have ice creams then?"

"What? No. We are going to run errands and then maybe visit somebody, ok? I need you to be good and I need you to be quiet today. Understand?" She checks the rearview mirror for a response when she gets nothing verbal and sees the red curls nodding yes as she comes to a four way stop.

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10:30 a.m.

"She's late." The nurse remarks checking the clock on the wall one more time.

"She'll be here." He answers. She just told him about this appointment yesterday so she may have forgotten but he thinks better of it; she doesn't usually forget the important things. He grins thinking about being able to see the little baby growing inside of her today for the first time.

"She has fifteen more minutes and then I am telling Dr. Everly to give up and move on." She retorts haughtily flipping her chart closed.

He keeps an aside about people in L.A. having their heads too far up their asses and instead stretches back against the hard plastic waiting room chair. He believes for such a ritzy little doctor's suite the very least thing they could do would be to provide comfortable chairs for expectant mothers. Watching the hands tick on the clock as the seconds are lost without her presence.

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10:44 a.m.

"We're going to have to operate if he stands any chance at being able to use his arm again."

"CT was almost clean. A slight bleed in the temporal lobe but it should clear itself. No edema. Clearly his tibia and fibula are crushed on the left side and there is a lot of bruising from the seat belt and airbags but other than that he looks alright. He's lucky."

"That's good. What took them so long to get him out?"

"13 car pile up. They do what they can." She shrugs knowing full well that this isn't really the time to start a fight with anyone.

"Well them taking their sweet time could have cost this man his career. Page Dr. Rein and we'll find out and get me an O.R." He reaches for his phone that is happily buzzing away on his hip answering to find a voice demanding to know about the patient in front of him. He replies with all that he can before taking a long deep breath and heading down the hallway.

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10:39 a.m.

Addison rushes from the car with many bags and two children that are driving her insane, not that she really needs a lot of help these days. She drops the bags and her purse at his feet when she enters the waiting room and goes to notify them of her arrival.

"Addison?" He questions as he struggles to wrap the blanket around the infant again.

"Yeah?"

"You alright?" He watches as her demeanor instantly changes. She stands straighter, runs a hand through her hair and gives a grin to cover the emotion that was on her face before. "Yup, let's do this."

"Ok." He stands dragging along everything and everyone back into the exam room.

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10:47 a.m.

"So I'll just run through the exams really quickly, ask you some questions…" He drifts off reading his chart. "…Addison and then you and your husband can hear the heart beat and we'll get some pictures taken. Sound good?"

"He's not my husband." She quickly fills in.

"Oh, ok." He looks around nervously and then gives up. "Sir you might want to take the kids out for a while. I'll come get you as soon as I am ready, alright?"

"Sure." He grumbles grabbing Ellie's hand and leading her to the door.

"So…Addison? You drink or smoke?"

"No."

"How's the morning sickness?"

"Persistent and not limited to the morning hours."

"Well, we will see if I can help you out with that a little later on if it continues, alright?"

"Sure."

"Good. Go ahead and lift your feet into the stirrups, there we go thanks." He begins his exam as her eyes flutter around the room. She reads through the posters she knows by heart and still somehow feels completely unprepared for this.

Attempting small talk Dr. Everly notices her distress, it isn't really as uncommon as one would think, and tries to soften the mood a little. "So what line of work are you in Addison?"

She swallows hard unsure of whether or not she should answer him. "I'm a doctor."

"Hmm?"

She clears her throat and answers this time with more confidence, "I'm a doctor. Well a surgeon. Neonatal." She speaks in rushed fragments trying to ease her mind somewhere other than seeing his body in a heap of glass and blood all the while knowing that she should feel semi-responsible.

He smiles sincerely and then chuckles a little causing his light brown hair to bounce. "Well, I guess we can stop playing the twenty questions game then. You have anything you need to tell me or are curious about?"

"No." She says softly willing him to hurry up his cold hands and be done already.

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10:57 a.m.

"Sam, open up!" She bangs her fists against the glass on his door and he pulls it back glaring and holding a hand over the receiver of the phone. "You mind woman?"

"Sorry." She whispers and takes a seat waiting for him to be done. He continues talking about what she thinks is a patient and drops his head to his desk after hanging up.

"What do you need Naomi?"

"Where'd you take off to?"

"We are divorced. I don't need to tell you my every movement." He snaps and then immediately regrets it.

"Yeah I know Sam. You tell me every chance you get. I worry sometimes though." She stands. "Sorry for caring." She turns to stomp out of the room when he lifts his head and sighs heavily.

"Derek was in a car accident this morning."

"Oh god."

Shaking his head he exhales deeply and watches the old love of his life's face crumble a little at the implications. "Yeah."

"He's fine right? I mean what happened, how did it happen? And Addison, oh god Addison. Is she there, does she know?"

"Slow down. He was hit this morning on the freeway on his way to work from the airport. Something about 13 cars."

"13!"

"Listen Naomi, he's going to be alright I think. I can't get anything out of them other than he is going in for surgery now and will be out in like 8 hours or something equally ridiculous."

"We should go."

"Naomi, we can't just go. We have a practice. We have Maya." He shifts back into his chair watching her determination grow.

"No Addison needs us. She needs her people. We can't send her back to the wolves alone, pregnant and alone, pregnant, alone and with two children! We can't do that Sam. We could take a vacation. Maya is doing really great in school, she could come too. Or she could stay with Violet."

"Violet hates children."

"Maya is a teenager. They get along. It's better than Cooper or Pete. Did Addison leave already; maybe we can all get on the same flight."

"Naomi!" He stands up trying to grab her attention.

She pulls out of the haze briefly before returning to planning things in her head. "Yeah?"

"Addison knows but she said she didn't want to wait around in a hospital all day until she knew something so she's still here. I offered already to go with her but she declined and shut the door in my face."

"Why didn't you tell me! I was worried Sam. You should have told me. How did you find out anyway?" She spouts off in particular order or logical direction.

"I was in Addison's office looking for a file and picked up her phone because it was driving me crazy. And I told you." He's seen this one too many times before. She deflects pain into anger and anger into a survival plan. Pacing from his desk he offers her a warm hug and gently strokes her hair so she doesn't grow violent. "Let's not worry until we have something to worry about."

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11:15 a.m.

"Everything looks really good so far. And I believe, if my intuition is right, I have a surprise for you but let's go grab Daddy and the kids first."

She glares at him. She hates surprises, literally thinks that the whole idea is the scum of the earth. Besides, as far as she is concerned there is no way that this will be a surprise that makes her happy. Setting her eyes on the door handle and ignoring the dig about the father of her children she concentrates hard on breathing normally and looking sane so as to not alarm anyone, least of all Mark who has been watching her like a hawk since she arrived.

He comes back in with the concerned eyes of before, pulls Ellie into his lap and grabs Addison's hand as the doctor gears up for the next round. He gives her a quick smile and fights not to feel her racing pulse against his thumb when he lightly rubs her wrist.

"Alright, let's see if I can find it here." He places the probe on her right side and quickly finds the whooshing sound of a heartbeat. He then switches ever faster to the other side where the same noise is present. "Hear that?"

"What?" Mark asks intrigued.

"That's just my heartbeat right? Mine and his or hers. Don't toy with me here Everly." She warns squinting her eyes closed as he confirms her worst fears.

"Congratulations kids, looks like you are having twins."

"Twins?" Ellie repeats as she crinkles her nose.

Mark chokes on his own tongue and Addison stares blankly into the space in front of her. The jumpy child gets her answer from the doctor, "Twins means that there are two babies in your mommy's tummy."

Ellie grows more confused looking at her sister and then back up to her Aunt's exposed stomach. "That's not mommy!" She shouts at him. "That's Addie!"

"Elianna." Mark warns praying that Addison will give some sort of sign that she is living any second now. He mumbles under his breath, "Way to go Derek.", before he can stop himself.

She gulps, trying to not throw up, pass out, or cry all at the same time. "You're sure?"

"Well yeah. I mean yes. I am positive and from what I can tell they are mono/di."

She closes her eyes and lets her head fall back against the exam table. "Great."

Mark racks his head for the things he learned about obstetrics in college. He repeats mono/di over and over trying to come up with something when she looks over at him and whispers, "Same placenta different sacs."

"I knew that." He scoffs looking back at her with a grin.

"So let's have a look shall we?" Everly breaks through trying to knock around the stagnant air of the room.

Addison focuses her eyes on Mark's hand on her arm. She should've known. She would've known is she wasn't so damn busy lately. She looks away as the image pops up on the screen. She can't look at the child…wait no children inside of her. Today just keeps getting better and better.

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11:49 a.m.

"She's not picking up. She should be picking up." Naomi throws her cell phone at Violet's couch as the rest of the members of the practice watch her with trepidation.

Sam dares to touch her shoulder and she spins around offering him a piece of her mind before falling into his arms for the second time that day. Pete grabs a seat next to Violet and scrunches his face into a contorted version of a prune that spawns her laughing hysterically.

"Violet! This isn't funny. You are so inappropriate sometimes. I can't believe you. Derek is our friend, grow up and show some concern."

She quells the giggling and slaps Pete before responding, "I hope the crash didn't mess up his hair." This immediately grabs everyone's attention. "What? He had great hair."

Naomi looks at her beyond Sam's shoulder before laughing herself. "Damn it Violet."

"Ladies, I am sure the hair is the least of their concerns." He pauses. "Could you imagine Derek with a shaved head?"

"That could be hot." Violet offers even though she is more partial to his dark wavy locks.

"Please tell me you aren't fawning over Addison's ex-husband again." Cooper plainly states grabbing a seat when he walks in after his last patient who had a marble stuck up his nose.

"Better than Allan."

"Better than Allan." He affirms. "So we know anything yet?"

"No, they are supposed to be in surgery for a few hours. Naomi and I have something we need to talk to you guys about."

"You are reconciling! Finally, man I can not tell you what the divorce has done to this practice. You two idiots caused- oh." Cooper stops mid sentence catching their stern glances. "You aren't getting back together."

"Nice going Coop."

"No, we aren't." Naomi starts.

"We are thinking of going up to Seattle for a little while to make sure Derek is okay though."

"Doesn't he have family or something?" Pete asks flipping through a notebook in front of him. Violet slaps his hand away immediately knocking it to the ground.

"Patients notes in there snoopy."

"Sorry. So doesn't he have family?"

"Uh…yeah. But he doesn't talk to them anymore from what I understand." Naomi replies stepping back from Sam after it is clear that they have given the wrong impression.

"Why not?" Pete presses.

"Not important. Anyway Addison was his family and now he needs someone. So we are thinking of going up if she wants us to and we'll go from there. It could be a few days to a few weeks."

"Wohoho…you can't be gone for weeks. Who is going to run this place?" Cooper asks jumping in again as he slings his shoes onto the coffee table in front of him.

"You guys will be fine. This isn't a negotiation. We just wanted you to know." Sam states before heading to the door to make a few more calls and to try and track down Addison for Naomi.

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11:45 a.m.

"Twins." Mark repeats to no one in particular as they make their way make to the parking lot. He has Kennedy hanging from one arm and Addison with a death grip on the other as Ellie holds onto the other side of Kennedy's car seat putting them into a nice little line of an absolutely wretched people.

She doesn't bother replying because she can't find the words that would be important. What feels suiting would be a few long lines of expletives followed by punching something and then sobbing until her throat ached. What is appropriate is something entirely different so she sticks to the middle ground and says nothing.

"Addison?"

She looks at him when they reach the car almost a two full minutes later. "Hmm?"

"It's going to be ok. Two is good. The more the merrier." In reality he sees zero benefits to having twins and about nine hundred potential problems but she needs support not honestly. As always.

"It doesn't work like that. It's…it's twice the everything Mark. I can't do this. I can't." And the more she says it; the more she acts out- the more he begins to believe her.

"Get in the car." He replies safely strapping both girls into his vehicle.

"I'll walk."

"Like hell you will. Get in the car."

"Why?"

"Because you are on the verge of some flip out, call it a feeling I have, but we aren't doing this in the parking lot so get in the car. I'll let you scream and punch things and beat me if you want me but we aren't doing it here."

"Fine." She throws her purse in before climbing into the passenger's side and falling silent again. As he pulls out from the parking lot she whispers, "Derek was in a car accident this morning." He taps on the brakes stopping them short of the exit and searches her eyes for the truth.

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12:01 p.m.

"Where have you been?" Naomi shouts as Mark emerges from the elevator with two children and no Addison. Finding herself placed in an odd spot has caused all kinds of emotions that she would generally keep bottled up. Yelling to almost crying, touching Sam to almost wishing they were getting back together. The ideas plague her as she jitters around in a dizzying dance looking for the answers.

"Hello, doctor's appointment. Does anyone keep track of things around here besides Dell?"

"Oh." Naomi sighs as she remembers the note on her calendar.

"Yeah."

"Wait, where are you going?" She asks as he brushes past her.

"Hi Auntie Nae!" Ellie screams latching onto her leg.

"Hey kiddo how's your day?" She bends over brushing some of the curls out of the child's face and is met with eye rolling.

"Addie came and got me from school, then we went to the one place and learned bout twins, and then I had to come with Mark." She shrugs and then offers a picture that she drew earlier to the older woman.

"Mark? Twins? Oh, please tell me you were reading her a book in the reception area."

"Not exactly."

"Great."

"Something like that." He reaches out and grabs Ellie's sweater by the tag as she tries to go parading past into Violet's office.

"Where's Addison?" She asks resuming her position and tucking the picture under her arm without looking at it.

"She said she needed to do something and I sure as hell wasn't invited to tag along and be annoying so I should just come back to work and handle the kids. Her words, not mine."

"Damn, so she is taking it well then?"

"Clearly. I need to go make some calls…try and track down M.I.A. Addison, anyone free to baby-sit?"

"'I'll take them for awhile." She pauses and then clears her throat when he begins to walk away. "Hey, umm…Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"Did she mention anything about Derek?"

"A little. Did…I mean what do we actually know?" He feels more guilty than the rest, having sent Derek away that night. From what he knows, it isn't his fault and the accident happened in Seattle but it doesn't make him feel any better about his potential last words to a once great friend. Once upon a time the only person who knew him in this world.

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12:27 p.m.

She purposely parks as far away as possible and then takes slow deliberate steps toward the place that ruined her life. Figuring that visiting helped Ellie and maybe it can do something for her as well she stares directly at the ground when the headstones begin to pass her by. Her heels smash in wet yellow-green leaves that haven't been cleared from the path yet and the cool breeze catches her bare legs making her wish that she was still at home under a blanket living in blissful ignorance.

There's no protection at this point; no shield from her reality and while thinking about the excitement of twins would have been welcomed years back it is now overshadowed by everything else. She keeps seeing flashes of a car accident and her brain outright refuses to stop placing Derek's broken body inside the image. It's probably wrong to think of him still; that is more of Meredith's job these days. To be the one to worry, to be the one who feels as though their world may be stopping when he goes under the knife. She chalks it up to a decade of marriage and shoves the blood covered fragments of a shattered windshield lying helpless on the freeway out of mind and sets her eyes on the destination.

She should be worried about how Kennedy still won't stop crying; how Ellie still gets that look in her eyes and how sometimes when no one is looking she draws overly graphic pictures for a five year old. She should be concerned about her relationship with Mark; about her patients that she has scheduled for the week and about how to figure out where in the world Pierce has taken off to but she can't. She is locked into the hell that is Addison world and she can't find the key to get out. Glancing downward at the cold recently filled in grave she tries to form words.

She wants to yell and scream at her dead sister for ruining her already horrible life and for giving her two kids who she can barely handle on a good day. She wants so badly to apologize for letting some second rate surgical team cut her open and leave her to bleed out in the cruel sterile room. She wants to cry, to sob uncontrollably until the hurt goes away and the laughter that she forces from her chest can feel real again. She wants to kick the headstone out of frustration, trample the dying roses, curse her sister's name and then leave her children on the front porch of their own home but she can't. The enormity of all of the situations leaves her silent. The weight of all the issues too much to bare leaves her devoid and trapped behind cold eyes and trembling fingers.

She thought about this moment, the day when it would be that she returned alone to the shallow grave covering the disintegrating body held by a shiny black casket. The simple words she wanted to say, the feeling of relief washing over her, the smile that would grace her lips as she left offering the quickest of goodbyes to her baby sister but none of it is here today. Disheartened and confused she stands teetering before reaching over to grab the decaying roses with the intent of disposing them before she feels a hand on her shoulder.

He's been there for a greater portion of fifteen minutes, leaning up against the tree that she refused to leave on the day they put her sister in the ground. Gazing as she rocked back and forth and clung to the material covering her arms. Watching wide-eyed waiting, just waiting, for her to break. She refuses; he knows that she adamantly refuses to break down in public when it can be avoided. The cemetery is almost empty but still public enough so he chances it and walks up behind her giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

She swirls around in a half-frightened and half-angered mode. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I…uh, I wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine Mark."

"Yeah, I know. I just had to see for myself."

"Good. You've seen and you can leave."

Looping his arm around her waist he falls quiet when she rests her head against his shoulder, both sets of eyes trained to the etched out lettering before them. Both sets of lungs filling slowly and exhaling even slower, both pairs of hands finding their way to one another in the vague hope that the false warmth can heal their souls.

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12:23 p.m.

"Violet, can I borrow you?" Naomi asks peering around Dell who is blocking her view.

"I'm not watching those kids Naomi, for the hundredth time I have patients all afternoon and I can't play nanny right now. Just sit them down in front of the TV."

"Did I ask you to watch them, no. I said can I borrow you. I need to speak with you, Alright?"

"Yeah. Sorry." She shakes her hands out and then explains, "This whole day is so weird. Sorry I snapped…I just-"

"I know."

"Okay, so what do you have?" She takes a deep breath and careens her neck with expectation.

"This." She places the piece of paper down on the counter and slides it slowly her way.

"That's umm…well that's a very nice picture."

"It's grotesque." She trains her eyes toward Violet as she ponders what could have brought this on other than the obvious.

"Ellie?"

"Yup."

"Hmm…maybe. Well, I could try to talk to her again. I think Addison mentioned something about taking her to someone else the last few weeks but-"

"She was taking her to someone else when she wasn't talking but she stopped as soon as the words started to flow. God, five year olds shouldn't need therapy. I mean their world…it just shouldn't include anything psychological until at least the teenage years."

"I can't, well I shouldn't talk to her without someone's consent and I am not crossing that woman on this one. She is kind of scary when she gets going." She leans up against the counter staring at the picture again. Her eyes trying to sort through the red crayon outlines and black borders.

"Is it so much to ask that this kid just go normal again and stop causing problems? It's selfish but it would be so much easier if someone could just act normal around here."

Violet shrugs before standing upright and ogling one of the patients in the room. "Death does that. Normal changes when people change. So don't be expecting anyone to ever go back to how things were…it's just too traumatic to ask for that. It gets better though. It has already gotten better."

"It doesn't feel like it some days."

"Some days are good some days are bad, and some days are really bad. So what if the bad outweighs the good, eventually they catch up to each other."

"You really believe all this crap you spout off at people Vi?"

"I have to. If I didn't, my job would be useless thereby making me useless and I can't have that." She gives her boss a quick nod before snatching the drawing off the counter and heading back to her office.

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1:56 p.m.

"We have a bleeder, Yang get on that." Webber instructs. They tried to tell him there was no way he was going to be allowed in. Miranda offered to fight him on it but he made plain as day that if anyone was operating than he was going to be watching.

"Got it sir." There is no way she is letting anything slip up in this surgery, not with the way Meredith was eyeing her down when they wheeled Derek in. Comforting and consoling are not her trademarked fortes so she is doing what she can which is operating. This she can do.

"Rein, what are you seeing up there?" He demands. Everyone is walking on thin ice trying to answer his questions appropriately. He asks every fifteen minutes or so and the answer is always the same. No news yet. Half tempted to chuck him a scalpel and tell him to get to work Rein replies, "Nothing good, and nothing bad."

"Torres." He barks.

"Sir, with all do respect if you keep asking me and breaking my concentration then I am never going to finish. You know as well as I do that I still have hours of surgery left in here so if you want to grab some pins and watch be my guest, otherwise I am going to have to call Bailey on you…sir." She finishes and reaches for the drill again. The leg issue is proving to be far more difficult than original; testing her knowledge and ability. Neither one of those conditions permits much time for her to stand around and gab with the chief.

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12:45 p.m.

Violet sits cross-legged praying to god that no one will walk in here while she is attempting this. Breaking boundaries and ethics is not exactly how she gets her kicks out of life but children call for special measures. She lays a fresh piece of white printer paper in front of the giggling five year old and waits for the inevitable. She squints her eyes closed and watches while the girl immediately goes for the red crayon. She purposely put one red and many shades similar to it, to see if just perhaps she wanted pink but it wasn't available at the time.

It isn't about the color though. It wouldn't matter what hue of red was being used in this instance. It's about what happens when the short fingers pick up the freshly sharpened Crayola; what happens when her creativity unleashes itself. Talented for such a young age; although Violet remembers some argument about art being a trained skill and having nothing to do with natural ability, she watches intently as shapes take form.

"So Ellie, what are you drawing?"

She shrugs and continues on with out much verbiage to guide the conversation.

"Did you see this in a movie one time?" Violet dares.

"No."

"No? Not even over at a friend's house when you weren't supposed to be watching. It's alright you can tell me. Nothing you say in here will ever get you in trouble."

"Ok." She returns to the paper and sticks her tongue out, thinking that it will aide with the concentration.

"So you want to tell me anything? Anything at all, you could tell me story or ask me a question or whatever you want. It is fun with…" She grimaces and almost bites her own tongue as the words fall out of her mouth, "…Aunt Violet time."

She pauses looking up and considering the words Aunt again for the second time that day. She tilts her head from side to side and scoots back against the couch folding her hands in her lap, looking much older than she rightfully should. "Addie is sad."

"Yeah. Are you sad?"

"Sometimes. Addie cries a bunch. More than Kendy." She slides back down and reaches for her crayon deciding that talk time is over.

"It's ok to be sad. You can be sad too, you know that right?"

It goes unanswered as the red tint begins to occupy the majority of the page. Violet rubs her eyes and tries not to think about how many hours she is going to end up billing because of the child in front of her.

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12:43 p.m.

"Addison just come inside and help me grab the girls."

"I don't want to go in there."

He reaches across and undoes her seatbelt and proceeds to grab her purse. Emasculating aside he rounds the car and opens her door before reaching for her hand. The ride was spent in silence and he wants to scream. "Addison please. Naomi is worried and we will just dash in and get everything and then…go home or something."

She releases herself from the vehicle without a word and then they are in the elevator climbing slowly.

"Addie, you have to give me something to work with here. Stop acting like a petulant four year old and use your words."

"What do you want Mark? What do you want me to say to you?"

He takes a deep breathe and then gives in because it needs to be said. The words aren't coming from anyone else and he is sick and tired of toeing the line where she is concerned. It isn't his style to hold back. Brutal bluntness applies. "I want you to talk. You need to talk about your sister; you need to talk about the girls, about the twins. Just talk damn it. Have a flip out moment and dye your hair or cut it but stop holding back."

"I don't want to talk about my sister and I am doing my best with the girls so don't even waste your breath on that topic."

"Twins." He reminds her again when there is no explanation given. Perhaps it is a bit rude to push her so hard when things are going wrong but he has exhausted all other methods and this is what he has got left.

"I can't. Happy?"

"No." He gripes when the doors open and they begin to be immersed by the work world. He stalks off to his office to check his calendar and clear patients for the afternoon.

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1:09 p.m.

"Hey there." Naomi says as she twists Addison's arm and drags her into the closest room available. It happens to be an empty exam room but that really isn't the issue at hand here. "So, I heard the big news."

"Great, huh?"

"Well yeah. I mean we didn't think you could have any and now you get twins Addison. Good things do happen in life." She throws on the fake doctor smile for good measure.

"Yeah, sure." She heads toward the door and is stopped again by an arm. The constant touching is beginning to drive her crazy and she pulls back instantly defensive. "What Nae?"

"Derek."

"What about him?"

"Are you going?"

"I said I would and I will. Just not yet. Have you seen Sam? He was supposed-"

"They wouldn't give him anything Add, you know that."

"Yeah."

"But hey." She reaches out to stroke her arm and Addison reels into the wall pulling on her sleeves. "Whoa there."

She holds up her arms instinctively. "Don't touch. Just no more touching."

"Ok. No touching." Naomi repeats a little confused. "Anyway Sam and I were thinking of coming up with you. Help with the girls, I mean I know you have Mark but we can be there. Besides Derek is our friend and we want to be there."

She pauses against the wall pulling her hands into her sleeves and toying with the seam line. "You don't need to do that." Her voice speaks with the strength that her posture lacks.

"We want to."

"It's alright Nae. I'm a big kid. I can handle this…I just need some time off. I was going to call in this morning and I just…I need time now."

She takes a step forward to give a hug for the final admission but stops when Addison pushes herself into the wall harder and her eyes open widely. "What's your deal?"

"Nothing." She slinks back to her full height and forces her hands out of their resting place. "I'm going to go now."

"Wait, when are you going? We could get the same flights."

"Really Naomi you don't have to and I don't have anything booked." She walks to the door sucking the life out of her best friend as she goes. She has a draining sort of effect on everyone but she doesn't notice in the slightest.

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1:36 p.m.

"What do you want from me Addison? You want me to go with you? You want me to stay here and watch the kids, what!" He yells back at her. The screaming match has only managed to escalate in the comfort of his new sparsely decorated office.

"I don't know."

"You have to tell me. I can't sit around and guess all fucking day!"

"I said I don't know! Stop yelling at me." She slides into his chair and spins away facing the window.

"Addison, do you even know what it is like to be around you right now?" She turns back slowly to him as he drops his voice. "You're hot one minute, cold the next. You yell, you cry, you pick fights, you're silent. It all depends on how you are feeling. Do you know what it is like to live with that?"

"Umm…yeah Mark. It is my personality we are dealing with here."

"You don't care. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"I'm raising two children that aren't mine, what the hell do you call that?"

"An obligation to your dead sister is what I call that. It's not like you wouldn't have pawned them off already if you could find Pierce. I mean, shit, half this office is practically raising those kids…not you."

"I didn't come in here to be criticized but thanks Mark for always being so helpful in these situations."

"I'm helpful! I am helpful. I am bending over backwards to make you happy, to take care of the kids, I cleaned the fucking house last week Addie! This isn't me, you know that. "
"You tell me I need to be all in, that I need to be sure but you aren't even it yourself. You won't let me help you out unless it is dinner or holding your hair back when you throw up. You just keep it all bottled in until you explode and I can't watch that anymore."

"Then leave, you know where the door is." She whispers back and he thinks he may have gone too far but it is too late now to halt the production.

"Addison, look at me." He reaches out for her chin but she twists away from him. "You and me, Add we are the same. Keep it in, keep it bottled up tight until we get self destructive. It's our thing. I noticed it about you on day one. Derek never got it. Derek took you for granted. Derek never cared. He didn't feel that way about you because he didn't know you. But you did that, that's on you for not sharing. Not all men notice things."

"The divorce-"

"Was not your fault, not anyone's and yet at the same time everyone's. What I'm saying is…you don't let me be your….your closer in the ninth. I'm self destructive but it's under control because I have you. You are all I need to keep my head on straight and to keep from yelling at the damn kids that we now practically own. But I'm not good enough for you. You don't let me be there for you. How can we have a relationship when you don't trust me, when you don't let me support you? It can't be one sided and…and I don't feel like you want this. "

"Since you know me so much better than I do, I'll let you be the judge." She stands and walks out with all the dignity as she can and makes it into the bathroom before the tears start.

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3:09 p.m.

"Where are we going?" Elianna whines as they approach the counter to grab the tickets Addison called in on the way home to pack. She heaves the luggage up onto the stand and finally some nice gentlemen offers to take it over to the screening area so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore. "Montgomery." She says again handing over her old driver's license.

"It says Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Well, divorce happens." She glares back at the squirrelly kid behind the counter. She taps her navy heel against the reception counter impatiently as Ellie pulls on her skirt asking incessant questions about their departure. "Elianna let go of me. Now." Her tone is overtly harsh and she earns a death stare from the mother with four children behind her but she doesn't care until Ellie is crying in the middle of the airport. Then she cares. She pushes Kennedy forward and tugs the child along with her until she can properly bend down to the right level to assess the situation.

"You yelled Addie!" She rubs at her eyes when she asked what is wrong and then the sniffles turn to sobs and Addison is forced to pull her into her arms before they cause more of a display.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to do something and I lost my patience. I shouldn't have yelled." Lightly rubbing her back she knows that this emotional outburst is from lack of sleep and having her schedule completely out of whack for a day. She somehow manages to lift the crying red head onto her hip and awkwardly push the stroller forward. In this moment she kind of wishes that she wouldn't have left the room after the blow out with Mark. She should have stayed, should've fought to make him believe that she cares. She used to be a fighter.

Wandering towards their gate she knows that she wants him but showing it is a problem of sorts. Becoming open and vulnerable when she has had her heart handed to her so many times is difficult and it isn't like she doesn't have some things going on at the moment. They come to a halt just short of the gate and she arranges the now sleeping child into a chair next to her before she sits down. People stare. She has noticed that when you have children, people often stare. Sometimes they say things but mostly they just watch. Rocking the stroller back and forth with her shoe she thinks of the day when she left Seattle.

How Mark came racing in at the last minute to say goodbye. That won't happen this time because shoving people away constantly leaves you one thing- a sense of being truly alone. All alone in an airport with a soon to be screaming infant and an over tired, cranky first grader. Thinking better of dialing him and apologizing simply because her pride refuses to back down and be wrong, she turns off her cell phone and waits for them to be called. Called back to the rainy hell hole that started the downward spiral of her bad choices.

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1:56 p.m.

"Maybe I should go after her." Mark says flipping impatiently through a newspaper in the conference room.

"Maybe you should give her space and stop freaking out like a woman." Pete retorts and reaches for the juice out of the fridge.

Mark sought out the only advice he could get. Cooper was with a patient, Violet had taken up with Naomi and banded against him and Sam flat out refused to become involved with any of it. He's called her twice but hangs up immediately when his conscious tells him he is right. He knows that she needed to be ousted. She needs to be taken care of for once and not just in the physical sense that she always uses him for. He wants to be in so badly it hurts but she is always holding one step back. Pete snaps his fingers for a good long minute before Mark comes to. "Hey."

"Oh, she has got you wrapped around her little finger."

"She does not."

"Does too. What it is about you guys and her?" He kind of gets it. I mean she is easy to have a crush on but she would never allow him in so he is going to play devil's advocate based purely on jealousy.

"Shut up."

He clatters his cup against the counter. "I give up. Go get her."

"Really, you think I should?"

"What's it matter what I think? You are going to do it anyway. Good luck getting her to trust you again."

"What are you talking about? She's the one-"

"She's the one with ten zillion personal issues. You are the one soaking it all up and using it against her to start fights; you really think she has the emotional strength to deal with a relationship?"

"I dunno. She said-"

"She said this, she said that. You know Addison better than she does from what I gather."

"I'm an idiot." He reaches around the back of the chair for his unnecessary coat. He points to Pete on his way out the door, "But at least I am not the one who has been hanging out with Violet too much. You need to pull it together quack."

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3:28 p.m.

"We are now boarding first class passengers for flight 6769 to Seattle."

She stands gathering all of her things and children before taking on last longing look around the surrounding area. Her heart sinks a little deeper into her chest when she finally acknowledges that he isn't there to save her this time. The thought process results in her almost literally knocking down the man in front of her and a second later she is blushing and stepping backwards.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I wasn't paying attention." He's tall she notices. Tall and lean and ten kinds of dark and handsome and then her heart is doing little flips.

His brown chocolate eyes glimmer back at her as he sees the cause of his stumble forward. He is unable to stop himself from smiling back at her as she fumbles to adjust everything. She does not look like a mother of any sort. "It's alright. Can I help you out with some of that?" He motions to the bags and she immediately freezes. "I meant with the bags. People get weird when other people offer to take their kids, I get it. Here I'll take that one and that one and then you will be able to walk without hitting people on the back." He reaches out to grab the odd bluish diaper bag that resembles a purse more than anything and another carry on.

"Sorry I hit you and uh…thanks." They march forward and after a few minutes she finally manages to get Ellie comfortable and has Kennedy resting against her chest when the man takes his seat across the aisle.

"Imagine seeing you here. I'm Ken by the way…well Kenneth but everyone calls me Ken." He projects his arm forward across the aisle and slowly she places her own hand in his.

"You may not want to know me in a few minutes Ken."

"Why is that?" He asks smoothing the front of his green button up.

"Well you see this one right here hates any sort of movement, even cars. So there will be screaming, tears and probably vomit."

"I'll take my chances. She seems fine right now. So what does your husband do for a living…you know I haven't gotten your name yet."

"Addison and I'm not married."

"Oh, well I just assumed. Beautiful lady walking around an airport with two rather cute kids, that there had to be some pretty lucky guy out there."

Her cheeks burn red as the compliments flow freely from his mouth. She takes a deep breath trying to not become flustered and babbling. "Nope."

"Well, lucky me then. I get to sit by you for a whole flight. What do you do Addison, if you don't mind me asking? "He looks around him and then drops his voice, "I tend to get a little nervous with take offs and I fly all the time but it is easier if I have something to distract me."

"Doctor. You?"

"Doctor as well. What field are you in?"

"I'm a surgeon. Neonatal."

"Impressive, a cutter. You all are too hardcore for me." He lets out a little chuckle and then finds her eyes again. "I'm in sports medicine. On my way to see one of the players for the Seahawks. Where are you headed?"

"Seattle." Her mind fills in the silence with something akin to seeing her ex-husband who was in a car accident this morning but she keeps it to herself. No need to divulge personal issues on a plane.

"Well maybe we should get together sometime while you are in town." The conversation continues as the taxing begins and after a short while they are in the air and Addison feels her heart still on the ground in Los Angeles. Good men always present themselves in her world when all she wants is someone else. Someone who probably isn't the best for her but she can't help it. She wants Mark.

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