All Men Are Afraid in Battle-
The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty
~ George S. Patton
A/N: In case you thought the story was coming to an end... It's not. Not yet. There are a couple disasters left... (but there will be a happy ending, I swear)
Chapter Twenty One
Never Quite as It Seems
9:57
"Ambo 61, man in distress. South Edbrook Avenue 95 apartment 2."
"Casey? Isn't that your address?"
Six hours earlier.
There was a cellar with endless corridors, and a ladder, out of nowhere, so tall, so far above the floor and yet too short to reach the uppermost shelves and Gabby couldn't reach the bag Casey left for her, where he hid this secret... thing... they were supposed to leave at the precinct. Or was it the museum? And there was the underlying sense of dread throughout it all and Gabby knew it was about the baby. They had to get the secret to its destination, so their child could be born. The child's life hinged on her reaching the bag on the shelf that was too high.
Gabby woke up feeling her chest constrict and a sob escaped her. Tears spilled. She couldn't do it...
"Matt," she whispered. He had a shift in the morning and she shouldn't wake him, but she couldn't... "Matt, please."
"What is it?" he grunted, not quite conscious.
"Nothing. I had a bad dream."
"Come'ere." His big arm folded around her and pulled her close. "Sleep."
"What if there's something wrong?"
"Mhm. Sleep." He still wasn't all there and she really should just let it go, snuggle to him and find comfort in his warmth. But her emotions still ran high.
"I did the tests," she blurted. Sylvie would give her a glare if she knew. "I did the paternity test."
"You did what?" Matt lifted his head to look at her. In the dim light of the street lamp Gabby saw his eyes glisten.
"You are the father. So that's good, right?"
"Yeah, that's good," he sighed and let his head fall to the pillow.
"I'm sorry. Are you mad?"
"No. I'm not. And don't be." He pulled her even closer. "Actually it's good to know. It's a relief." He rubbed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "But why did you do it behind my back?"
"Because if the result was different – which I knew it wouldn't be, but still – I wouldn't tell you. I would have... I don't know what I would have done." She felt herself get tangled in all the maybes. One thing she knew. "You didn't want to do the test, so I didn't want to burden you with it. What with everything that's going on."
"You can burden me with anything." He mumbled. He was falling asleep again. "That's what I'm here for. I love you."
Of course. "Love you too. But I'm scared," she whispered in lower voice. "This dream. What if there's something wrong with the baby?" He did not answer.
She lay in silence for a while, listening to his even breathing. He needed his rest, Gabby understood that. The last couple of days were rough, Kelly only just started to recover after his fifth – next to last, thankfully – chemotherapy. Matt was tired. He said she could burden him with anything, but really, Gabby had no heart to do that, she would shoulder it on. His hug gave her strength, that was all she needed. Tomorrow morning she would go to see her OB doc, no matter how irrational her fears were. She needed to be certain her baby was safe and growing all right inside of her.
7:08
"Gabby, you ready?"
"Almost, yeah."
They were leaving for work. As usual Casey would drop Gabby off at Arson, then head to the House to get there half an hour before shift. Gabby had fallen asleep eventually, but the unpleasant sense of dread wouldn't leave her alone. Sometimes dreams did that – they dragged behind you through the day, until you fell asleep again and wiped them out with a new dream.
"You forgot your phone," Kelly stood at the kitchen counter with her phone in his hand. "You okay?"
"Yeah." She grabbed the phone. "Didn't sleep well." She looked up only briefly, didn't want him to see the lie in her eyes and to prod her about it, but then, against her earlier intent, she focused on his face. "Are you okay?" There was a small droplet of blood trickling from his nostril.
He reached up, glanced at his finger, flustered, then grabbed a tissue, wetted it with cold water and pressed against his nose.
Gabby followed him to the sink. "Did it happen before?"
"Did what happen?" Matt was at their heels right away. "You have a nose bleed? You should sit down, get..." He was even more flustered than Kelly.
"Easy, Matt." Gabby had to control the situation. "Kelly, is that the first time?"
"No," he muttered holding his nose, his voice muffled. "I had it at night, a little bit."
"Did you call your doctor?" Matt was in his face again and Gabby pushed her hand firmly against his chest, enforcing the gesture with a stare.
Kelly spread his arms, exasperated. "No! I didn't call him. It was the middle of the night."
"Call him now."
"I will."
"Now!"
Kelly shook his head and looked at the tissue, threw it away, took a fresh one. The bleeding seemed to stop.
"Okay, okay," he said to calm down panicked Casey. "I'm calling." He dialed the number, while Gabby and Matt glared between him and the big clock on the wall. "Busy." He hanged up eventually. "I'll call him later."
Matt looked at Gabby, as if looking for advice, then shook his head.
"You do that." He pointed an accusing finger at Kelly. "We gotta go, but I will check on you later."
Kelly puffed out and exasperated breath, shook his head and took to making himself breakfast. Gabby felt sorry for him. Overbearing Matthew Casey could drive the most patient person mad. Sometimes he treated his grown up friend like a seven-years-old irresponsible boy.
She understood that he worried though. "Give me a call when you hear from him," she told Matt as she was getting out of the car. "And try not to worry too much." Like he would listen.
She didn't tell him about her growing restlessness and her plan to go see a doctor, instead of working; he had enough on his plate and she didn't need hm to be overbearing toward her as well. She might retaliate. Suzie was a sweetheart and she agreed to cover for her today.
9:54
Kelly hadn't called. Matt arrived at the House, prepped for the shift, sat at the morning roll-call, then they had a fire to put out and when he finally had a moment, it was almost three hours later and there was no message from Kelly whatsoever.
He shouldn't have left him alone at home, this could have been something serious. Damn, why was this stupid, stubborn idiot always downplay his symptoms! Matt glared at his phone again and again and finally he couldn't wait any longer. Either the stupid idiot forgot, or he was in big trouble.
Matt found the contact on his phone and pressed "dial". Severide's stupid face winked at him from the display.
He picked up after the fifth ring.
"What did he say?" Casey asked without even trying to be polite.
"Who? What?" Kelly apparently tried to play dumb or he was more dumb than Matt pegged him for.
"Your doctor!" he seethed and added, in case Kelly somehow forgot, "About those nose bleeds. Did you call him at all?"
There was a moment of silence, then... "I fell asleep," a whispered guilty mumble on the other side. "But I am calling him now, okay?"
"You'd better. Then call me back."
Casey hanged up. He sighed from the bottom of his lungs. At least Kelly was alright. He was only massively moronic and negligent.
8:17
The nurse told her to come in to the office and wait, the doctor would be with her soon. She didn't say how long "soon" would last and Gabby was not a patient person. Three minutes in she started tapping her leg. Five minutes in, she stood up and started pacing the room. Eight minutes in she figured she was being paranoid, nothing was wrong with the baby and she should just leave. The doctor came in three seconds later.
"I'm sorry I kept you waiting."
"Oh, it's alright, I'm fine." Gabby lied, sitting back in the chair.
"So, what brings you here? I think we are not scheduled for another two weeks?"
"I don't know." Gabby shrugged. "It's probably nothing and I shouldn't make a big deal about all this, but... You'll think I'm silly."
"Try me." The doctor smiled with that look on her face that said, you have no idea what I heard in this office, young woman.
"I had a bad dream." The doctor nodded, still smiling. "It's irrational, I know, and I probably shouldn't take up your time..."
"Let's check it out." The doc cut in, not letting Gabby get on a tangent. "Get undressed and hop over there."
Gabby's fears proved to be quite founded, actually. The doctor scurried over the notes of Gabby's previous examinations, told her to lay still, asked her all kind of questions that made her head spin and her stomach crunch unpleasantly, before finally she announced, "Your cervix is too short and I'm afraid it started to dilate. And rather fast too, because there's no indication of that happening two weeks ago, so, waiting those another two weeks might be too long. It's good you came when you did. Now we can take certain precautions. First of all, you need to remain in a horizontal position and we need to get you to a hospital, where we'll take a closer look at the baby and think about the best solution. Would you like to call your husband?"
"Uh," Gabby faltered. Explaining that Matt was not her husband was too big a hassle right now and furthermore, explaining that he really didn't have the time now was even more problematic. She just shook her head, "No. I'll be fine on my own."
"Alright then, I'm getting you an ambulance."
9:57
"Ambo 61, man in distress. South Edbrook Avenue 95 apartment 2."
"Casey? Isn't that your address?"
"Kelly!... Chili, Brett, I'm coming with you! Herrmann, cover for me. Tell Boden!"
9:56
He fell asleep on the couch, in the living room, in the middle of his breakfast. The tv was on some silly telenovela, scrambled eggs sat on the plate barely touched, tea was obviously cold.
No wonder Casey was pissed. How long has it been since he and Gabby left? Kelly was really going to call his doc as soon as he ate his breakfast, but he lay down for just a moment. He was more tired than usual and his chest felt strangely tight.
He should have called his doc sooner, he thought as he sat up and felt warmth on his upper lip. Even before he reached up he knew his fingers would come off red. Reached for a tissue with his other hand and a huge red splatter fell right in the center of his scrambled eggs. Then another one and another.
The bleeding was suddenly quite extensive. He feel dizzy and faint too. The tissue wasn't enough to hold all the blood... Shit... The room before his eyes swam and strange silvery dots framed his field of vision, reached with multiplied tentacles toward the center. When he grabbed his phone, he saw it from very, very far away. With stiff fingers he managed to dial...
"Nine-one-one what's your emergency."
"Uh..." Kelly couldn't formulate words. "I..." he only breathed into the phone.
"Can you give me your address, sir?" the dispatch asked.
This was specific. "South Edbrook..." Kelly breathed out. "Nine-five... apent two." He hoped he was intelligible enough
"South Edbrook Avenue 95 apartment 2?" Dispatch confirmed and Kelly nodded.
Then, "Yeah..." added just in case.
"Please stay on the line, I'm sending an ambulance."
"Blood..." he finally self-diagnosed. "Can't stop..."
9:07
Riding in an ambo as a patient was more annoying than unnerving. The most annoying part was the not-being-allowed-to get up. To sit up even.
"The pressure on your cervix makes it thinner and makes it open. We can't let that happen," the doctor had explained. "You have to remain flat on your back at least until we sew it up." The prospect was rather unpleasant. But if that was the only way to prevent premature labor... Right now Gabby would do anything to keep her baby safe. Unwanted tears prickled in her eyes.
She was brought into the ER, but mostly for the admission procedure. And also, as she was soon told by April Sexton, because OB was packed up – something to do with the full moon the other day, or something.
"We'll get you up there as soon as it clears." April gave her hand a heartfelt squeeze. "Meanwhile, I'll go get Dr Manning."
"I don't think I need to be checked by a Doc, do I?"
"It's not for checkup. Just wait."
A moment later April returned with a very pregnant young woman in Doctor's lab-coat. "This is Natalie, Natalie, meet Gabby. I thought you might want to exchange some diaper tips or whatnot. Nat, I promise to get you if we have a patient for you, so take a moment to relax." She winked at both of them and was gone.
"Gabby, hi!" Natalie had a nice smile. "I know you. You run that bar down in Bucktown where all the firefighters meet up, Molly's, right?"
"That I do." Gabby nodded, already feeling much more relaxed herself.
"I've been there a few times and I'm sure looking forward to visiting again. That is, after I'm done with breastfeeding, of course."
"It's gonna take some time, I bet."
"Oh, yeah. I do miss some beer though."
"Tell me about it!"
The two women quickly found common ground and shared gripes to whine about, as well as the same joys of being pregnant, the unexpected kicks and hopes for the future. Gabby knew she found a friend.
"Dispatch, this is Ambo 61, can you give me the status of the patient on South Edbrook?" Chili asked over the radio, mostly because Casey threatened that he would blow up the oxygen tank if she didn't. Well, he didn't really, but she read the urgency in his voice as a threat.
"Negative, 61. He barely said anything, gave the address and then something about blood and can't stop. That's all we have."
"Did he hang up or do you still have him on?" Casey cut in from the back seat.
"What was that?" Dispatch asked, alarmed.
"Lieutenant Casey, Firehouse Fifty-One. We have a reason to believe that's our colleague on the line. This is my home address, where he lives too and he didn't feel well this morning. I just want to know if he's conscious, can you patch us through to him?"
"I'll try, wait a moment."
"We're, like, two minutes out, Casey," Chili told him. "We'll be there soon."
"I'm sorry but he's not responding," Dispatch informed them. "But I can hear breathing over the phone, so there's that."
As they rolled in under the entrance, Casey jumped out of the Ambo before it even fully stopped. He run up the stairs four at a time and was a little winded when he reached the door. Only a little. He didn't hear his paramedic friends behind him, but he didn't wait anyway; they would show up, they simply had to grab their stuff.
Kelly lay on the floor next to the couch, the lower part of his face covered with blood. It was still seeping out of his nostrils – at least he had enough sense to lay on the side, so the blood wouldn't go straight to his lungs. Casey looked around for some tissues, rather helplessly.
"Step aside." Chili pushed him, her voice decisive. She held a gauze in her hand. "Brett, check his vitals and start an IV," she ordered, then, "Kelly, this is Chili, can you hear me? Kelly?" She pressed a fist against his sternum and he blinked several times, muttered something indiscernible. "I'm gonna try to stop the bleeding, I have to press the gauze against your nose, don't be afraid." She held the back of his head with one hand and pressed the bundle with the other. He budged, but only briefly, then went slack again. Chili held him like this for a few seconds.
Casey wanted to help but the only thing he came up with was moving the table away from both women, giving them more room to work. Brett nodded at him with a faint smile. "BP sixty-palp, tach one-twenty, thready," she recited.
"He's still bleeding," Chili said, "I'm gonna administer Thrombin." She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a syringe and the medication, started mixing the ingredients. "How's the IV coming? He needs fluids."
"I can't find a vein," Brett admitted under her breath and Casey saw that she was panicked. Her hands shook.
Chili snorted impatiently. "Try the other arm." They switched places, then Chili sucked the excess blood and applied the medication through the atomizer. "Got it?" She asked Brett and Sylvie muttered an inaudible 'no'. "Hold this." Chili pressed another bundle of gauze against Kelly's nose and guided Brett's hand there. She took to starting the IV herself.
Casey glimpsed Brett's face – she was crying.
"Hold the bag." Chili handed the saline over to Casey. "I'll go get the gurney. Brett, hey Brett! Check if the bleeding stops, but only a moment, then keep the gauze there either way. Or have Casey do that. You check his BP again before I'm back." She took off.
Kelly's blood pressure started rising and when they loaded him on the gurney it was up to ninety over sixty.
"Let's roll." Chili ordered.
The room upstairs was still not ready and Gabby spent her time in the ER being entertained by April or Natalie, and when neither of them could keep her company, she watched the action, or at least parts of it. Her room was situated in such way that she had a partially obscured view of the main entrance. Of course she had no idea what happened with the patients brought in after they were rolled out of her view, but at least she could look at the doctors and nurses swarming in to welcome each newcomer with unstoppable fervor and enthusiasm. Although perhaps enthusiasm was not exactly the correct word, perhaps it was the same dedication that pushed Gabby and all her friends at Fifty-One to run into burning buildings. The sense of responsibility, devotion...
Suddenly she made a double take. Was that Matt Casey she saw, or was it that her thinking about him made her see things? No, a moment later she saw Brett and Chili, and Sylvie appeared rather distraught, with Chilli's arm over her shoulders. Then there was Matt again.
Something happened.
"Do you need anything?" Natalie poked her head in the doorway. "Are you comfortable? My friend in OB promised that it's only going to be half an hour tops, so you need just a little more patience."
"I'm... good," Gabby hesitated, then motioned Natalie in. "Can you tell me who was just brought in?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't there. I don't know anything."
"But it... It wasn't a fireman, was it?"
Natalie walked to the door and peeked from away into one of the trauma rooms. "I don't think so, he's not in gear or anything. There is a fireman there though, he's talking to the paramedics who brought the patient in."
"That's... That's Matt. Matt Casey." Natalie gave her a questioning look and Gabby explained reluctantly, "The Daddy."
"Oh. Oh, do you want me to call him in?" Natalie was almost out the door. "I'll go get him."
"No! No, Natalie, no, he's got enough on his plate without worrying about me. I'm okay."
"Don't be silly. Trust me, you want the father of your child to be there for you." Natalie didn't wait for Gabby to protest any longer. She walked out of the room and, presumably, to bother Matthew Casey with Gabby's pregnancy trouble. Well, actually, she was probably right. Gabby did want him here.
t.b.c.
Thank you for reading. :)