Hey guys!

So...first of all, how freaking awesome was the SVU 20 premiere? Amazing episode, but how about that silent bombshell from Benson when she was talking to Rollins? I'm in shock still.

Anyway, I'm here with chapter 21. Olivia finally confides in Elliot, and Lizzie has a little warning before Olivia goes to work.

WARNING: TRIGGERING CONTENT AHEAD. PLEASE, BE CAREFUL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES.

Enjoy xoxo

Just Friends?

Part 21

The remainder of the evening passed quickly. Maureen had been told by Kathleen that they were all staying with Olivia, so after her last class of the evening, Maureen came over to see them. They had pizza for dinner, and Olivia was able to hear more about what they had been going through for the last week since their father had left.

Kathleen explained how Kathy was becoming increasingly abusive and neglectful towards them; she was barely taking care of Eli and instead the twins and Kathleen stepped up to make sure he was sorted out, and Kathleen would drop him off there as it was just a block over from her school, which was a short walk from the house. She also explained how she and Kathy had been arguing a lot lately as Kathleen was never one to back down from a fight, thus leading Kathy to become violent with her a few times over the last week or so. The twins expressed how she always seemed to yell at them for even the smallest things such as leaving a dish in the sink or talking too much. The children also explained how she seemed to go ballistic if either of them even so much as mentioned Olivia; they explained that it seemed like a rage came over her and she would launch into a rant, demanding they stopped talking about the woman. Kathleen then explained how the night before, she had been downstairs in the kitchen to get something to drink, and she heard Kathy in the living room with her boyfriend as the man had come over to the house. She'd heard Kathy ranting about Olivia and expressed that she wanted her to pay for ruining the family, but she hadn't been able to make out what the man was saying.

And now, Olivia wholeheartedly understood why they had been so adamant about getting out of that house. It was clearly a toxic environment for them all, including little Eli even though he didn't fully understand. She had noticed how he didn't really ask for his mother throughout the night, but instead enjoyed the fact that he was once again with his Dad and Olivia, and his sisters and his brother.

Of course, the night could not go by without Kathy raising hell – Kathleen's phone rang a little past eight, and of course, it was Kathy, demanding to know where they were. Kathleen pushed the phone into Elliot's hand, and it was Elliot who told her that he had the kids. He also told her that if she or anyone showed up to Olivia's apartment without warning, they would be arrested for harassment. Kathy seemed to take the threat seriously and simply mumbled something about taking him to court before hanging up, and Elliot told the kids to just not answer her if she called again. He had a couple of his buddies from the twenty-seventh precinct parked outside of Olivia's building for protection, simply because he refused to take any chances.

Later in the night, the kids had gone to bed, leaving Elliot and Olivia awake. The girls were crashed out on Olivia's rather comfortable pull out sofa, Eli was sleeping soundly in his pack and play bed without a care in the world, and Dickie was fast asleep in the bed in the guest room. Olivia and Elliot were in her bedroom; she had changed into some shorts and a tank top and Elliot was simply in a pair of boxers. She climbed into bed while he finished brushing his teeth, and after a few moments, he climbed into bed with her.

He had been up for two days and knew he should be sleeping, but he couldn't sleep. His mind was going crazy – he was worried about his kids, worried about Olivia, worried about getting a place big enough for them all. He genuinely had a lot on his mind and wished it would shut off, but it just wouldn't do so. To top it off, he needed to talk to Olivia because the incident from almost a week ago was still plaguing him. He needed to know why she was so adamant about believing Kathy, why she had almost pushed him away.

"El."

He looked to the side of him, she was propped up in her elbow beside him, looking at him with a curious expression on her face. He raised an eyebrow at her; "What's up?"

"You tell me," she retorted, "What are you thinking about?"

Elliot looked at her for a bit, before breathing out and rubbing his hand down his face. He turned onto his side to look at her properly, before speaking;

"Why were you trying to push me away? That day Kathy came by and all that crap she said to you – why did you believe it?"

Her gaze shifted, and Elliot knew she felt uncomfortable. Still, it had been on his mind – in fact, it was one of the things that was at the forefront of his mind. He knew there were things about her that he didn't know, and maybe tonight would be the night that he would find out. He reached over and stroked his thumb down her cheek, causing her to look up into his eyes again.

"You know you can tell me whatever," he spoke softly, still stroking his thumb over her cheek, "I love you, and nothing will ever change that."

Olivia sighed, pushing his hand away and sitting up. She put the bedside lamp on again and leaned back against the headboard, flicking her gaze up to the ceiling for a second. She took another deep breath, then finally looked back into those blue eyes that always provided her with comfort even if she felt like she was losing her mind.

"This goes back, way back…" she began, shrugging her shoulders;

"I was sixteen when me and you met; I had just moved here to live with my Aunt Marsha – she was my mother's youngest sister. Well, I never told you why I moved here and as you've noticed, I never mention my mother or anything like that; I think those are just parts of me that I'd rather forget – there are a lot of things about me I'd rather forget."

She fiddled with the blanket, running her fingers over the soft material as she continued to speak;

"My mother abused me…from the time I was five or six, until I left home at sixteen and didn't look back. She never wanted me, she drank a lot to cope with having me; she was just all around abusive – when she was drunk and when she was sober. She always told me I would never amount to anything and I would never be any good, that nobody would ever want me, that I was trash – all sorts. Well…she wasn't the only ones that abused me, but she had boyfriends, a lot of them, and they abused me too…and I don't mean just physically."

Elliot's eyes went wide as he listened. He sat up and draped an arm around her waist, but he didn't interrupt her. Judging by the tears that had welled up in her eyes, this was something she needed to get out.

"When they were done with me, they would tell me I was used goods and that nobody would ever want me. My mother knew, and she let it happen, all for a drink and some cigarettes. I was a fucking child and she let all this shit happen to me. I…I tried to forget it happened…but when Kathy used those words, it was like it all came rushing back. I could hear them taunting me and saying I was used goods and that I was broken, and all I could think was that you didn't want me either; that nobody wanted me."

"Olivia-" he interrupted but she put her hand up, shaking her head. He kissed her forehead, knowing how important he was that she finished this.

"When I was twelve, I started looking into how much a bus ticket from California to here would cost. I was already getting paid to babysit some neighborhood kids after school and I befriended one of the older ladies on my street, and so since I knew how to cook and clean, she paid me to sit with her elderly mother for a couple hours after school if I wasn't babysitting. From twelve to sixteen, I saved money constantly and kept it hidden under a loose floorboard in my closet. I kept tabs on the price of the bus ticket, checking whether or not the price would go up or down, checked about luggage – everything. On top of it all, I endured beatings from my mother, and being molested at the hands of whatever boyfriend she had at the time. It was so bad, but the worst of it was when I found out I was pregnant – a month before I left."

Elliot gasped – this was something he hadn't at all expected to hear. Olivia had never told him any of this, but this was still a complete shock. He opened his mouth to ask her more about it, but she beat him to it, composing herself before speaking again;

"I hooked up with an older guy – just to feel loved, and yeah; so…I took a home test and it was positive, and my mother stormed into the bathroom just as I was trying to hide it in the trash. She was fucking livid, El; she was so angry and kept calling me a whore and a slut and all sorts of things. A week later, she pulled me out of school and dragged me to the clinic, and she…she…" She squeezed her eyes shut as more tears dripped down her cheeks. Elliot rubbed her back, feeling a few tears slide down his own cheeks as his heart broke even more for her.

"Baby, you don't have to continue this if you don't want to."

"No…let me finish." She was determined to push through. She squeezed her eyes shut again and took a deep breath.

"She made me get rid of it, El; she fucking made me kill my baby," she sniffled a bit…

"I cried for a week. I never wanted to get rid of my baby; I was gonna keep it and somehow raise it, but I didn't wanna get rid of it. I knew then that it was time for me to go. I had to get away from California, especially away from her."

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath;

"I got the papers to be pulled out of school and forged my mother's signature; told the principal and my friends and teachers that I was moving. I told all the people I babysat for and I told my neighbor that I was leaving to stay with a relative. I called my Aunt Marsha…she knew my mother and I had an extremely volatile relationship and told me I could come stay with her; I told her that my mother agreed to it, but my mother didn't even know I was planning to leave. Whenever my mother wasn't home, I was packing up things I wanted to keep, which I still have in a small box in my closet. I packed two duffel bags of things and kept them behind a pile of clothes in my closet, and I waited for the right moment. The night that I left…it was…awful."

Elliot continued to rub circles on her back, keeping her calm. She stared at her hands in her lap as she continued to speak while tears fell down her face.

"I thought she was asleep, so I got my bags and my identification, and I started to leave. Just as I got to the front door, my mother came out of her room – halfway through a bottle of vodka – and she looked so mad. She asked me where I was going, and I told her I was leaving. She came towards me and stumbled, and the bottle fell out of her hand and shattered all over the floor. Well, then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle and came at me, screaming 'I'll never let anyone else have you'. I somehow gained some strength and courage to fight back…I kicked her hard, and then I kicked her again and she went flying across the room into the wall, and she slid down to the floor. I'd never hurt her before and I was so afraid, so I grabbed my things and I ran out. I ran until I couldn't anymore, and then I walked the rest of the way to the bus station. I got there, I got my bus ticket, and I slept in that station that night until the next morning, until it was time for the next bus to New York City. I got on that bus, and I never looked back."

She breathed out, shrugging her shoulders;

"All of that is why I believed Kathy, because for so long, I was degraded and told that I was nothing. Even the guys I've dated over the years have been shitty, hence why I just gave up dating altogether – until now obviously. I'm sorry that I tried to push you away, and I'm sorry that I never told you any of this. I just…if you don't talk about it-"

"You can pretend it isn't happening," he finished as he pulled her into a hug; "I know, baby; I know – and I'm just sorry you went through all of that. Let me tell you something though…"

He then pulled back, cupping her face in his hand;

"You are a beautiful, wonderful, strong woman. You survived the abuse, Liv; you're surviving the recovery. You're so brave, Olivia, and whoever has hurt you – they're just lucky I can't get my hands on them. I can't erase the past, but I can move forward with you and tell you that I love you, and that I will always love you and I will always want you, because you are everything to me. You've been everything to me since I fucking met you, I'm just sad that it's taken me twenty years and five kids to realize that she was nothing compared to you. Don't you ever think any less of yourself; you're amazing and I love you."

Olivia didn't know what else to say. Nobody had ever said such words to her and meant it, but Olivia could tell that Elliot meant every single word. He wasn't running away from her. He was staying right here, staring into her eyes. For the first time in her life, she wasn't scared of, she didn't have an urge to run. Mixed in the swirls of cobalt blue, she could see a future – right here, with this beautiful man and those five beautiful kids. She trusted him with everything; she would always trust him with everything in her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her cheek a few times, rubbing her back as he felt her shake a bit – a clear sign that she was crying.

But he didn't get a chance to ask what was wrong. When she lifted her head, she pressed a kiss to his lips, stroking his cheek gently before then pulling away and whispering;

"I love you too, more than anything."

Elliot and Olivia ended up falling asleep in each other's arms after their rather emotional conversation, as they just felt an intense need to be close. Olivia felt so emotionally drained, to the point where she stayed wrapped up with Elliot all night and for the first time in a long time, she actually slept properly. Elliot too slept properly after hearing everything about her. The fact that she opened up completely and exposed her vulnerability to him only made him fall for her more, and all he wanted to do was hold her and keep her safe for the rest of their lives.

The alarm from her phone started to chirp away around five-thirty, making the couple groan tiredly as the irritating sound interrupted their sleep. Olivia rolled over and switched off the alarm, before sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Even though she had slept pretty well, she felt like could sleep a lot longer than this. Hell, she was tired.

"Liv."

She looked over her shoulder; Elliot was giving her a tired smile. She smiled slightly and laid back down for a bit, snuggling into him and placing a kiss onto his chin.

"Just stay with me all day." He mumbled. She giggled a bit, squeezing him.

"I wish, but I need to go to work," she pressed a kiss to his lips, before looking up at him; "Elliot, we're okay right? After everything I told you…we're okay?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" He raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her; "Olivia, I love you…every single part of you, honey; I don't care about your past…it doesn't make me love you any less."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, before wrapping her arm around him and hugging him yet again. She kissed his cheek then his lips, taking a deep breath as a feeling of warmth spread through her.

"I love you," She quickly kissed him again; "Get some more sleep, before you have to get up for the kids." She kissed him once again, before then rolling out of bed. She glanced back at him as she reached her en suite and smiled to herself as she saw him snuggle into her pillow and nod off again. She wished she could stay with him, but duty called, and she had a job to do.

About an hour later, she had finished getting ready for the day; she wore a pale blue scrub top and a pair of black scrub bottoms, and black shoes. She pulled on Elliot's hoodie and grabbed her phone, and lightly kissed his cheek and whispered that she loved him before leaving the room. She moved quietly throughout the apartment and went about her normal routine – stuffed her essentials into her bag, toasted a bagel and spread some cream cheese over it once it was finished, and filled her travel mug with coffee – just her normal morning antics. She made sure she was quiet, however, as she didn't want to wake the girls, whom were sleeping on the sofa bed just some feet away from her kitchen.

"Liv."

Olivia turned around; Lizzie had woken up and was coming over to her. Olivia gave her a small smile.

"I hope I didn't wake you up, honey; I was trying to be quiet." She bit her lip before taking a sip of her coffee.

"No, I had a weird dream – that's all," Lizzie paused for a second, stepping closer; "Um…Liv, be careful at work, and don't let my mother intimidate you."

Olivia was confused, and for a second, she wondered what that dream Lizzie had, had been about. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by her phone buzzing, which was a text from Casey telling her that she was outside. She looked back at Lizzie again, before simply nodding as she dropped her phone into her bag then grabbed her bagel and coffee.

"I'll be okay, honey; I promise," she quickly pecked the young girl on the cheek; "Lock the door behind me, please, and help yourself to any food, and have a good day at school."

Lizzie bid her farewell, and Olivia smiled before leaving the apartment. As she made it outside and slipped into Casey's car, she was still a little concerned about what Lizzie had said – about having a weird dream, and about her being careful.

Maybe it was nothing, maybe she was paranoid. Yet maybe, she had a right to be frightened about the thought of what an enraged Kathy Stable was capable of.

So...is Olivia being paranoid or should she really be careful at work? Wonder what Lizzie's dream was about...we might find that out in the next update. For now though, leave some reviews and all that. Until next time xoxo