"Katniss! Katniss, wake up!"
I jolt forward, pushing the hairs stuck against my clammy forehead to the side and feeling for whatever awoke me.
"Shh, Katniss. It's me." Peeta's blue eyes are right in front of mine, and my hands instinctively wrap around his.
"It's me, Katniss." He whispers again, "You're okay." He assures me. He nods, and I nod back, still panting and shaking. Having almost completely fallen out of my sleeping bag, I realize how cold it is. Peeta sees this, and hands me my jacket. I could have sworn I fell asleep with it on, but I must have torn it off at sometime in the night. Gray morning light is just beginning to rise, and a gentle mist seems to have set all around us. I'm rubbing my arms furiously as I try to warm up, but to no prevail. Peeta immediately sheds his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders, leaving him in just his thin shirt. I try to object, but he doesn't allow it.
For the first time since waking up, I look around our makeshift camp, expecting to see the sleeping bodies of our six other group members. But instead, I find six pairs of eyes, each staring directly toward me. The soldiers look away when they catch my eye contact with theirs, but Gale doesn't bother. He just watches me, and I watch him, until I finally force myself to turn away from his gaze before I am completely full of anger and guilt all together.
"You're okay?" Peeta whispers, and I nod. But either from the expression on my face, or my shaking body, or both, he sees right through me.
"You were never good at lying," He says with a smile, and then stands up and offers his hand. "I've got to get out of here, just for a minute." He whispers, and I don't hesitate to follow.
He leads me down a makeshift path that we must have made the night before, through the thick forest. Trees tower over our heads, some that I recognize from home, but others that are completely foreign. But it's the woods. So it's home.
After a few minutes of careful trekking, we reach a small stream. Peeta leans over and splashes his face with the running water, but I don't dare. Considering how cold the air is, the water must be chilling. And still soaked in sweat, I'm cold enough.
"You heard me?" I ask, "The nightmare, I mean." He chuckles and shakes his head.
"We all did," He says as he lifts up his shirt to wipe his face dry. "You were screaming," He adds quietly.
"Oh," I murmur, but turn away, hiding my face from him. It's not anger that I'm hiding though, or sadness; it's longing. For him, for his thoughts, his touch, his everything. I can't do this again without him.
"Katniss," He says, and brushes his fingers across my hand.
"Peeta, don't," I say hesitantly, but my voice cracks, making it less forceful then I originally intended.
"Don't what?" He begs, pull me around to face him. His face is longing for answers, but I can't bare to watch him in pain.
"Don't do this again!" I exclaim, "Don't make me want you even more; it's torture. You know what I mean, don't act like you don't. I can't keep letting my emotions get in the way of what's important!"
"And what's important?" He shouts, raising his hand in the air. "Living, staying alive? Because I know you, Katniss. You can't live like that, alone. You pretend like you can, like you don't get attached. But you do! And you don't want to hear it, because you're afraid you might feel something back, but I have to tell you, Katniss. I lo-"
But his words are cut off as I press my lips against his. He's startled at first, his eyes widen and his body tenses, but his physical longing must overcome his worries and regrets, because his hands fall from the air and slide down my back, resting on my hips. It was a reckless decision to spring upon him like this, but I couldn't take it anymore. I missed the boy with the bread.
At first, it's just a soft, gentle embrace; his warm lips pressed against mine, but then he pulls back.
"I'm sorry," I stammer instinctively, suddenly afraid that my actions were too rash. But a wide grin stretches across his scarred face, and his blue eyes light up like never before.
"For what?" He asks with a seductive chuckle, and then tightens his grasp around my waist and kisses me with so much passion and fury that I'm afraid I might not keep up. With his height, I'm standing on my toes just to reach his lips. When he sees this, he doesn't hesitate to lift me from the ground with one sweeping motion, holding me there until were both breathless.
He sets me down, but our lips never separate. He pushes me against the nearest tree, leaning over my body, his lips grazing my neck. I run my fingers through his hair as our mouths form against each other's. With his warm arms wrapped around me, and his hot breath against my face, I suddenly realize that I'm not so cold anymore.
"I missed you," I say, and he leans back pushing a stray hair behind my ear. "I missed you so much."
"And I can't do this again without you," I add, and he just watches me for a moment, thinking.
"You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do this without me," He says with a nod, and then smiles. "You just don't want to." Then he leans in and gives me one more kiss, and just like in the cave, and again on the beach, it finally leaves me wanting more.
"I'm hungry," Peeta says as he slides down next to me, leaning against the wide trunk of a tree.
"How do you deal with it?" I ask him suddenly, turning toward him.
"Being hungry?" He asks, "Well, if you haven't forgotten, I was a tribute in the Hunger Games. Twice, actually." He adds with a teasing smile.
"No, this." I say, motioning to my surroundings. "How can you laugh and smile and carry on? I can barely make it day to day, and I'm not even..." I trail off, unsure how I could possibly finish my thought in a kind way.
"Crazed?" He asks cunningly, and I shoot him a scowl.
"That's not what I meant," I say, and he just smiles and nods.
"I know," He says, and then pauses. He closes is eyes for a moment, only opening them to finally speak up.
"At first, I couldn't. I couldn't really carry on. Back in Thirteen, I couldn't function. I don't know exactly how to explain it, it's just...foggy. Like, I knew what I was doing, what I was thinking, it was wrong. But I couldn't control it. I hated hurting you, watching you watch me, it was more tortuous than anything the Capitol inflicted. So you know, I'm better now, I'm taking my medicine. But, even when things are clearer, sometimes I think I can't make it. Like I might snap, and make one wrong move and lose you forever. But I think that's how I make it. Seeing you, being with you, it helps. I need you, Katniss, so much more than you realize."
His words seem to bounce through the air, settling in my head and then rustling about again. Peeking inside of his world, just in the smallest way, seems like an odd invasion of privacy. But I'm glad for it, this piece of himself he's sharing with me, because it shows me that the kiss was more than just a kiss. It was the key to him, to have him back. So this time, I don't think it matters what we are, as long as we know why.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, shaking my head.
"Katniss, no," He whispers, "You have nothing to apologize for." He nods, flashing his expectant eyes almost to ask "Okay?" so I nod back to assure him. But even his words cannot silence the guilt that I feel.
"Let's go back?" He asks, and carefully pulls himself up, balancing his weight on his good leg and then shifting it even. It must be hard for him to walk on this rocky terrain, but I still take his hand when he offers to help me up. Mostly because I just want to hold his hand again, even for the shortest time.
As we walk back, a smile spreads across Peeta's face.
"What?" I ask, but he just shakes his head.
"I was just thinking that...that this might not be so bad. I thought that coming here might be a mistake, but now, it might be kind of fun." He says, then looks towards me with a half smile.
"Peeta, we're on the run from war criminals. There are people who want us dead!" I say in disbelief, but the smile doesn't leave his face.
"What else is new?" He says as he laces his fingers into mine, his warmth consuming me with each step I take. I smile, letting my problems float away as I indulge in the time I do have with that sweet smile and those brilliant blue eyes. Because even if he is broken or lost, I know one thing for sure.
He'll always be there to save me from the nightmare that is myself.