Meus Amor et Mea Culpa: My Love and My Mistake

The Way We Were

Mina never really knew just how strong or capable of violence she was until she was glaring down at Beryl, her own hand still curled into a raging fist. Her head still pounding with adrenaline, Mina had the sudden urge to put her hand under running water, more to wipe out any viral traces of the redheaded skank than to sooth her bruised knuckles. Her conscience reminded her that she was going to have to pay for this soon but Mina just couldn't care.

She had just knocked out Beryl "the Bitch" Sinclair, and frankly, it felt damn good.

Vaguely aware that a crowd was gathering, Mina felt her mouth opening to let out a happily-strangled bark of laughter, equally shocked by her own actions as she was pleased with the result, namely, Beryl sprawled on the front steps of New Moon Academy. Several of Beryl's followers had backed up in terror when the blonde model sucker-punched their 'leader.' One stepped up in time to save Beryl's oversized head from cracking on the concrete. Mina looked down at the girl, a lower classman, probably completely unaware of what Beryl was truly capable of. The follower tried valiantly to shake the unconscious redhead before training accusing and incredulous eyes at Mina.

"Are you crazy?" She demanded almost hysterically. "Don't you have any shame?"

Mina's lips closed into a lopsided grin while her eyes seemed to cloud over in a hazy recollection of a memory she wasn't very proud of.

"Beryl's fine… back off already!"

"I'm perfectly sane." Mina said aloud coolly, pushing the memory away and turning her malicious eyes on the dumb girl. "But you're the crazy one, if you think she'd so much as spare you a glance if you were the one down there."

Mina didn't get a chance to see the girl's reaction because someone suddenly tugged at her arm. Mina was surprised at the hold as she stumbled backwards away from the scene. It was a strong and firm grip, yet almost…tender. She tore her eyes from the gradually shrinking figures of Beryl's prostrate form and the curious after-school gatherers and, through stray strands of her golden hair, saw Kunthan Tsukino watching her with a strange little smile that told her he had seen everything.

Somehow, this made her victory even sweeter.

Mina looked up at the Crown Arcade before throwing Kunthan a curious glance.

"Why are we here?"

Kunthan only smiled. He hadn't said anything since he pulled her out of the fray outside the school just about ten minutes ago and led her to his motorcycle. She continued to sit sideways on the contraption, the same position she had been in during the ride since she was wearing her school skirt. He held out a hand to her.

"You punched out the girl who's been making my sister's life at school a living hell." He said shortly, shrugging. "I figure a thanks is in order."

Mina looked at him incredulously, as if gauging whether or not he was serious. In the end however, she took the outstretched hand that led her inside.

"You know," Kunthan said as they sat down in a booth. "I didn't figure you for a fighter."

"Jaden had his share of fights growing up." Mina said carelessly with a smirk. "And Haruka was anything but dainty. I've learned from the best."

"Perhaps." Kunthan conceded, chuckling. "But I never knew someone with your size could throw such a punch."

"Beryl's a stick with weave." Mina said bluntly. "It doesn't take more than a breeze to knock her out."

Kunthan laughed, a sound he realized had been foreign to his own ears for a while. Mina watched as he grew subdued and she had a pretty good reason as to why.

"Uncle Artemis is telling the staff that there has been a death in our family." He said almost conversationally. Mina only nodded, knowing the excuse they were giving people so that they wouldn't question Serena's sudden disappearance. "There might as well have been one." Kunthan smiled when he saw Mina looking at him quizzically. He straightened up and leaned forward to her. "My sister died when she found out what Darien was. She died when she realized her friends knew everything. She died again when-" Kunthan paused for a moment, his hand coming up to his mouth, as if searching for the right words on his lips to say before, "She died when the baby died."

Mina winced at the thought. How horrible it must've been for Serena. How could she just go on after so many losses?

"But here," Kunthan suddenly said, looking up at Mina's eyes. "Here, she was reborn. She was healed." He took up his drink and made a small toast to the blonde before him. "And I have you and your friends to thank for that."

Mina returned his smile with another one of her own. Kunthan took a sip from his drink and suddenly frowned, looking down at their table. Mina cocked her head to one side, wondering what was troubling him and followed his gaze

…down to her own, red, bruising hand. She watched wordlessly as Kunthan reached out with his own larger hand with that same strong and tender hold and brought her hand to his face for closer examination. She squirmed in her seat slightly.

"It's not that bad." She tried to say.

"Well, despite her being a stick with a weave," Kunthan murmured, breathing against her bruised knuckles. "That girl obviously has a very hard head."

Mina offered a small reassuring smile. "I just bruise easily."

But Kunthan wasn't paying attention. His other hand had reached out at the water pitcher left on their table, reaching for an ice cube. Mina watched with curious fascination as Kunthan lightly brushed the ice over her bruised knuckles. She smiled at the gesture.

"That isn't necessary." She said then stopped. "But thank you anyway."

Without looking up from his task, Kunthan said, "I think I'm the one that's supposed to be thanking you."

Mina started at the statement, forcing her smile to stay in place. "What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

Kunthan finally looked up and Mina saw that he had a cynical smirk in place as he said, "I heard that girl insult my sister." He said shortly, watching Mina's cheeks redden slightly. "You don't have to be embarrassed, you know." He said suddenly. "I would've gone over there myself but I saw you had everything under control.

Mina chuckled, suddenly diving into her own memory to cherish that look on Beryl's face right before Mina's fist connected with her nose.

Kunthan looked up at the New Moon Academy, eyes scanning the crowd for that head of blonde hair that singled out Mina from the crowd. He knew the other girls were busy that day and that Mina was sure to go to the Cherry Hill Temple right after school He figured the least he could do was offer her a ride. Then he saw her. She was walking down the front steps of the school and he was just about to call out to her when a red-nailed hand sought out Mina's arm. He frowned as he looked at the intimidating girl that held Mina back.

Red hair that reminds you of an apple on fire. Violet snakelike eyes. Teeth that resemble the fangs of a vampire…

So this was the infamous Beryl. Kunthan had to hand it to his sister, even if he usually wasn't one to judge people based on appearances. However, this girl seemed to practically ooze out love-me-or-I-will-kill-you vibes. And now, it seemed she was sending the same message to Mina. After the last encounter between the two girls at the modeling set a while ago, Kunthan had gotten the gist of their relationship although Mina did have to elaborate on the details. Sensing that there could potentially trouble, Kunthan got off his motorcycle and began walking over to the duo, who were gradually gaining an audience thanks to Beryl's loud, grating voice that sounded an awful lot like metallic noise of dull nails being scrapped against a blackboard. He stopped, however, when he heard his sister's sweet name being uttered by that foul mouth.

"…Is that your excuse?" Beryl was taunting. "I heard she got knocked up. Such a pity, she was such a pretty little thing. That little slut." A derisive laugh. "Looks like you've been sharing your knowledge, right Mi-"

Right about then was when Mina's fist collided with Beryl's face. Kunthan was relieved and disappointed at the same time.

Now that was victory. Kunthan watched that smile on her face spread and he knew Mina was reliving that moment of triumph. He had reached out and grabbed the girl before anything else could've happened, since Beryl's cronies looked stuck somewhere between scared and indignant on the part of their fallen leader. The thought almost made him laugh.

"…Beryl was my best friend."

"Wha- Ow!" Kunthan had snapped his back up so fast that he felt the muscles crack in his neck. Wincing in one eye, Kunthan looked over at Mina in disbelief. "What the hell?"

Mina gave a mocking smile. "Trust me. It's not exactly a happy chapter of my life, that's for sure."

Kunthan was still frowning, his mind trying to concentrate. He knew there had been issues between Mina and Beryl, but this didn't really make much sense. Mina smiled at his confusion.

"I'm not too sure if you could call us 'friends' per se." She said, almost like an afterthought. "When it comes down to it, I don't think Beryl's capable of showing that kind of emotion even to her reflection, let alone a human being." Mina sighed, eyes closed in an effort to block out an earlier memory that had resurfaced that day before she continued. "If anything, Beryl and I had this mutual respect for each other. We were both popular at New Moon last year, despite being only sophomores. I know." She rolled her eyes and laughed when Kunthan made a silly face. "It sounds very 'Mean Girls'-ish .But it was, sadly, the truth. Beryl figured since she sure as hell couldn't get rid of me, she'd just have to accept me. In a way, she was abiding to that whole, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' crap. Stupid me actually thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad." Mina's hand involuntarily clenched, gripping Kunthan's hand, not realizing that he was still holding her. "I gotta say, most of last year is a story that I would rather forget." And she happily would've. While she was born a socialite and unlike her sister Haruka, had relished in the spotlight of many occasions, never until the year before had Mina gone all-out. "My parents never really cared what I did as long as it wasn't too public and Beryl seemed to have a hand in practically everything that wasn't legal. Sad to say, I actually went along with her on her escapades." Mina sighed once more, taking in another deep breath. Despite having occurred last year, it was still something that nagged at her to that day. She wasn't proud of what she had done, how she had allowed herself to be lead around by Beryl, to fall into the redheaded vixen's world of gossip, lies, and money. "Mom and dad didn't particularly care either way who I hung out with," Mina said softly. "But the girls did." Kunthan watched as she shuddered at another memory, wondering what it could be.

"Beryl's fine." Mina all but screamed at them. She watched Rei and Lita exchange glances while Amy looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there. Aggravated by their repeated attempted sabotages of her and Beryl's outings, Mina turned up her pretty nose and said, "You're the ones with the problem." She caught the looks of disgust and disbelief in her friend's eyes and saw Rei's mouth opening to let out an angry retort but she cut her off before. "It's your own fault for getting in her way." She reached out and grabbed her purse from Lita's shocked hands. "And in mine." Finally, feeling her frustration level hit its peak, she just shouted, "Just back off already!"

"'Just back off already.'" Mina repeated the words slowly and monotonously, feeling the letters rolling on her tongue and growing sick as she did so. She was staring off into space and Kunthan only watched her until her blue eyes seemed to regain focus and turned on him. "Funny, isn't it?" She asked rhetorically. "How, one day, you look back on the you from yesterday and feel such and overwhelming rush of disgust." Mina suddenly smiled sadly. "How you can regret a lifetime with one little memory."

"That's, of course, where Ace entered the picture." She added. Kunthan couldn't help the twitch of a snarl on his mouth when he heard the man's name. Only one encounter with the simpering model and he had already established that Ace was anything but the gentleman he was portrayed at in magazines. If anything, the man was a bloody jackass. Mina only smiled at Kunthan's reaction, feeling very grateful to have someone to share her story with, amazed that she hadn't told anyone about it before. The girls had simply understood and let it pass. But she had never actually spoken about it…until now. "Ace and Beryl often went hand-in-hand, or tongue-in-tongue, if you really want to be specific. Ace and I gradually became an item, much to Beryl's discontent. Gotta say, she's a sneaky little bitch." Mina laughed scornfully. "Ace was horribly attached to me, but the little bugger would keep bugging me to take our relationship to the 'next level.'" She shuddered again at the thought and genuinely smiled when she saw that Kunthan was doing the same. "And yet, despite the fact that I'd keep putting him off, Ace wouldn't leave me, which made Beryl even more pissed than she usually is." Mina sighed, absently drumming her fingers against Kunthan's closed hold over her hand. She always hated thinking about this part of the story. "So one day, when Ace and Beryl and I are at this party, Ace keeps suggesting that he and I head over to one of the private rooms. As usual, I tell him to either take 'no' for an answer or just take Beryl." She actually giggled at that comment, remembering how much she loved telling it to Ace's face just to bug him. "Sometime along the night, I guess I get a little drunk, which I thought was strange, since I can usually hold my alcohol pretty well. My memory's still hazy about that night, but I do remember, at one point, sitting up on a bed, half-naked and watching Lita dropkick Ace to the floor with the rest of his clothes." The twitch of Kunthan's eyebrow did little to betray the inner boiling pot in his stomach.

"He drugged you."

Mina looked at him fully now, snapping out of her own memories. "No, he didn't." She said. "Beryl did."

Kunthan's frown was hard, which was nothing to say for the inner turmoil that was screaming in his own head. Was that girl so heartless that she would do that to another person? Could she even be considered a person? Kunthan suddenly recalled the model's words to Mina months ago…

"We did have some unfinished business."

…and it reaffirmed his belief that there were real monsters on this planet.

"Amusingly enough," Mina was saying. "Beryl had been bragging to her little friends how she was planning to get me out of the picture, since when Ace finishes with a toy, he moves on." Mina felt his grip tighten over the hold they had across the table and smiled, inexplicably happy to have someone angry for her. "Thanks to her big mouth, Amy overheard everything and got Rei and Lita to help me out." Mina swallowed thickly and closed her eyes, willing the tears at bay. "I really am far too lucky for my own good." She joked. "Lord knows what could've happened if they hadn't got-"

Mina felt her head being lifted and opened her eyes in time to see Kunthan forcing her to face him. The look of compassion on his face almost made her cry out loud right then and there.

"Mamoru was my best friend." Mina stopped struggling with her tears as Kunthan spoke. Were her ears deceiving her? The smirk on her companions face answered that question for her. "Looks like we're both bad judges of character, eh?" Mina couldn't help the bubble of laughter that surfaced at her throat, grateful for the release of tension in the moment. Kunthan smiled as she laughed, never once releasing her face or her hand, feeling that it was so much better than letting her go. "I met him when I was helping Serena move into my apartment, after…after Father died." Kunthan said after a moment. "I personally thought he was harmless and it was pretty amusing to watch him and my sister ague with each other. Truth be told, I wasn't necessarily happy about him, but he seemed respectable enough and after a while, he had become a confidant of sorts of mine." He paused and Mina brought up her other hand to his on her cheek, encouraging him to continue. She had heard Serena's side, but she had wondered what it had been like for Kunthan, who had to watch everything unfold. "I wasn't exactly a very friendly person in those days," An exaggeration, his sister would probably say, since he was about as passionate as a brick wall until they moved to the States. "But seeing Usagi and…Mamoru together brought something in me that I hadn't expected. Hope and happiness, On the part of my sister. I was glad in thinking that there was now someone who would watch over her aside from me. It gave me comfort, the thought that she had someone that would protect and love her all the same." Here, his vision got cloudy with left-over rage. "I can still remember the last time I saw him." Kunthan said gruffly and Mina was slightly startled at how rough his voice sounded now, like a weather-beaten melody. He gestured to the hand that held hers on the table. "I punched him with that hand first, before breaking his arm."

Mina's eyebrows rose simultaneously. While Kunthan had shown that he was protective and loving of his sister, never before had he shown such dangerous animosity…to a man not even in his presence nonetheless.

"We have more in common than I had thought originally." Kunthan said in an almost upbeat manner to Mina. She smiled, a movement of skin against his palm on her cheek.

"What's that?"

"Our problem is that we can't seem to forgive our enemies." He said blandly. "But I oftentimes wonder if it's really them who need to be forgiven."

Mina's smile grew and infectiously hopped over to his face.

"'We forgive others when we forgive ourselves.'" She quoted wisely.

"Eric Hoffer." Kunthan stated the man's name after getting over the pride of her knowing what he was talking about. And he knew that Mina did understand. He knew, all along, that the anger he had within himself was not so much hatred for Mamoru, let alone his sister for the situation, since they were all pawns to Mamoru/Darien's father, Damien Shields. Kunthan had realized a while ago, shortly after breaking Darien Shield's arm, that he was most angry with himself, for not being to protect any of them, Usagi, her friends, and even that bastard Darien. Kenji Tsukino had trusted Kunthan with Usagi's welfare and look what had happened.

"…It didn't happen because of you, you know." Kunthan looked over at Mina, not realizing that he had zoned out to his own flashbacks. She smiled understandingly. "Serena loves you regardless." Mina said. "And she sure as hell doesn't blame you for what happened to her." She paused. "I don't think she really blames Mamoru or Darien for it either."

"Yet you blame yourself for your actions against your friends last year?" The question caught Mina off guard and it took her a moment to regain herself.

"I'm not sure if it's the same." Mina said slowly. "I was…

"Shut up! Stay the hell out of my life! Get out of my face. Who do you think you are? Do you honestly think I'd associate myself with low-lives like you? As if! Keep dreaming idiots. I'm meeting better people and I don't need any of you dragging me down to your social pit holes."

Mina closed her eyes aginst her own harsh words to the people who she loved and cared for the most. "I was horrible, Kunthan."

"I was negligent."

"I was cruel."

"I was indifferent."

"I was spiteful."

"I was rash."

"I let her down." Mina's eyes rimmed with tears at Kunthan's words.

"I let them down." Kunthan caught the droplets before they fell on the countertop, brushing them away with his thumb.

Cupping Mina's face in his own, Kunthan knew that he had no right to forgive Darien, Alan, Anne, Naru, Umino, Damien Shields, Selene's father Roi Cartier, or any others who had a hand in the twisted scheme just as Mina had no right to forgive Beryl or Ace. Whether or not it was in the conscious of the guilty, Kunthan and Mina were not to decide who was to be forgiven. They only had the right to forgive themselves, something they hadn't allowed for in a futile effort to hold on to the anger instead of accepting the hurt.

It was shameful, both of them realized at the same time, to hold on to their pride when people like Serena, who opened themselves to experience, to love, and to be hurt, existed and walked the earth with the golden strength and resolve of a deity.

their past was shameful, Mina conceded, but as she held Kunthan's hand and they walked up the stone steps of the Cherry Hill Temple, Mina felt, for the first time in a very long time, that maybe, just maybe, the hurt would be okay to bear…

She turned back and saw Kunthan watching her and smiled.

Yes, it would be okay to bear, as long as they weren't walking into the future alone.

chickay: at least this is less than a month's wait, right, right:cricket's chirping: anyways, i must say i'm pleased with this chapter and my readers can expect more of them in the upcoming weeks since christmas is right around the bend. yay! i realize that there's been more dialogue than actual actions and i'm actually curious if you guys prefer otherwise. it's just that, now that we are approaching the end, i'm trying to tie up the loose strings of this story, which, if you've been reading this story from the start, is more like a raggedy-ann doll struck by lightning than a tapestry of concrete plot. everything's getting dragged out since i hate having to compile too many couples in one chapter because i like being able to focus on each relationship even if it is bugging a lot of my readers. but don't lose faith! i will deliver...soon...i hope.

in any case, expect more of my chapters to be out soon, both for MAMC and CL and, in the meantime read and review and make my holidays brighter (not that they aren't already!)!

posted: 12/12/05