Ok, so thank you to all who have stuck with me. suffice it to say, this past year has been trying at best. Hurricane Sandy got the best of me (and my house) but I am back and ready to finish up. Also shout out to Goldflecks, whose return has served as half inspiration, half instigation to get back to this story. Only a few more chapters to go.
By the time she pulled up to the curb in front of 1123, an odd calm had descended over Jane's psyche. She knew that what she was doing qualified for a gross violation of Rule #1, but the more Jane thought about it, the more she realized she was not much of a rules kind of person anyway. Hoyt was out and Jane needed to pull her act together to be able to face him when he showed himself, and he would show himself. The problem was that Jane only felt to in the right frame of mind when she was with Maura, so her she was.
She strolled across the drive, willing her breath to come evenly, even though her heart was beating the Tarantella in her chest. As she rang the bell it dawned on her that she had not really given this outing much thought. She had not brought an overnight bag, or a tooth brush, or anything really, she had not even called.
When Maura swung open the door, the breeze pushed her hair from around her face. Jane was powerless to suppress her smile. Maura was possessed of such grace it took Jane's breath away. There were so many competing ideas in her head; so many different things that she wanted to say, Jane chose randomly from the multitude.
"Why do you always look like you are about to do a photo shoot?"
Maura smiled as she looked across her threshold at her friend. She had been expecting Agent Dean and was briefly struck dumb by the sight of the Detective at her door. Jane wore an oddly peaceful smile that changed the entire look of her face. She was stronger some how, and calmer than she had been all day. Maura's eyes trailed over Jane's features, her form, her lips, her neck...and came to rest on her eyes. Last night Maura had kept her desire in check for the fear of loosing the Detective's friendship; tonight her body couldn't bear the thought of forgoing any proffered attention.
As Jane watched Maura, she wondered if she had just seen what she thought she had seen. Had the Doctor actually sized her up like that? Had this moment been in a movie she had been watching, Jane was pretty sure she would have been yelling at the movie screen right about now..."She likes you! Kiss her already!" Could it be that the dizzying crush that had been wreaking havoc on her senses all these weeks was far from a one-sided affair?
They stood for a long moment without words, without movement, just looking at each other. The magnetism level had shot up between them, and Maura no longer resisted. She moved slightly closer to Jane, dropping her eyes from the Detectives gaze to her soft blushed lips.
Jane smiled at the Doctor. If there had been any doubts in her mind, Maura's look expunged them. Jane inhaled unsteadily and closed the distance between them. If the crush had been unsettling, it was nothing compared to the feelings now cascading through her body. The world seemed to be spinning wildly and all Jane could think about was how soft the Doctor's lips would be, and what they would taste like.
Jane stepped up into the doorway and steadied herself by taking the ME by at waist. Maura held her ground and was rewarded by the feel of the Detective's warm and lithe body press firmly against her own. Maybe it was that this moment had seemed so long in coming, or that the intensity of what the two had been going through had too quickly minimized the self-imposed barriers between them, but on the precipice of actualizing the raw emotion, they paused.
They seemed to have had the same thought at exactly the same instant, because without awkwardness, or perhaps to overcome it, they parted. Maura backed away to let Jane pass and Jane stepped over the threshold into the Doctors beautifully appointed home.
"I'm glad you came Jane." Maura said as she lead her into the Kitchen. "I am so worried for you and I can't help but feel responsible."
"Nonsense!" Jane guffawed cavalierly, trying to brush off what had just transpired and acclimate to this newly wrought dynamic.
"No Jane, I have to say this." Maura stopped and pivoted around so suddenly that Jane, who had been taking in the beautifully appointed decor so as to not what the Doctor lead the way in her form fitting pants and heels, ran right into her. "There are a lot of things that I have to say to you." Maura met Jane's eyes, trying to lay the groundwork for the conversation that was to come. Maura couldn't continue on as if there was not this invisable force drawing her toward Jane; if they were not going to address it physically she had to say something.
Jane saw the desperately earnest look in Maura's eyes and wondered where the Doctor was going with this. Was she going to maintain that she was not ready for a new relationship, or that intimacy between co-workers was inadvisable, or maybe she was going to explain that she was accustomed to intimate pairings with persons of her own social strata.
"Well since you put it that way," Jane retorted, a bit more insolently then she had wanted. "At least let me have a drink."
Maura turned to fetch a glass of wine, not altogether sure this was going to go well at all.
Maura wordlessly poured Jane a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc, and handed it to her before crossing to put away her work for the night.
"GOD! What is that?" Jane barked upon spying a large tortoise in the middle of the kitchen.
"Shhh, you'll scare him." Maura scolded.
"He's alive?" Jane questioned, latching on to this topic changer for dear life.
"His name is Bass." Maura responded. "Geochelone sulcata. African Spurred Tortoise. I've had him since he was like this big." Maura indicated a size comparable to a kumquat. She knew that Jane was changing the subject, and let the matter drop.
The two chatted for a bit about the strange pet that Maura kept and Jane recounted the various pets she had had over the corse of her life. They finished the bottle if wine and Maura saw that Jane was tired and needed sleep, but was not going to be the first to bring the topic up.
"How about I show you to the guest room?"
"Yeah, sure, groovy." Jane was exhausted.
"Follow me." Maura beckoned and Jane complied.
Maura showed Jane in to the guest room and they continued their conversation. Jane watched as Maura prepped the bed, and prattled on about peer review, and all Jane could think about was pushing the good doctor down into the plush comforter. Jane had been second guessing herself all night. From the moment in the doorway on, Jane was wondering if she had imagined it all, or if she had in fact, blown the best opportunity she wold ever be presented with.
It a little libation, and sleep deprivation and Jane was closing in on the prospect of having that talk that Maura had mentioned. But the door bell rang. The two looked at each other, and Maura wore a suspiciously guilty look.
"Someone is just dropping something off." She stated. Remembering that she had told Agent Dean he could being by more files on the past cases. Maura knew that JAne would want to know why Dean had stopped by, and could not bear the though of having to lie to her about a case she was so intimately involved with.
Maura hurried to the door and pulled it closed behind her, leaving Jane wondering what was going on.
Jane was incredulous, she looked at her watch wondering who would drop by at this hour. She listened at the door and then peaked her head around the frame to get a better look. Agent Deans face came into focus and it hit Jane like a blow to the gut. Maura had probable started to see him, and even if there had been the beginnings of anything between her and Jane, Dean took priority now. It explained the misfire at the door tonight, and Maura's wanting to have a talk. Jane felt like a fool and retreated to the bed, not wanting to have to confront anything else tonight.
Shortly after, Maura knocked.
"Go away, I'm asleep." Jane snarked. Maura entered anyway. She settled down on the bed, closer to Jane than necessary. "Are we having a sleep over,or is this your way of telling me you are attracted in me?" Jane tried for irritated, but her tone softened as she heard the warm chuckle bubble from the beautiful doctor's mouth.
"So it was Dean you were expecting?" Jane asked, wanting to clear the air once and for all.
Maura started and stopped several times before stating, "He wanted my opinion on another case."
"What case?" Jane asked with hope.
"I can't say." Maura knew how it sounded, but had no choice other than the truth.
"Fine! Go sleep in your own room." Jane's mood had soured again. If Maura couldn't say, it was probably because the "case" was a rouse to see each other. Jane just wanted Maura to leave so that she could let her emotions free and maybe, just maybe, get some semblance of clarity on the whole matter.
"Jane." Maura chided. but said nothing further, and declined to move from the bed.
Their arms touched and Jane alternately wanted to push Maura away, and push in closer to her. The contradiction was wearing. Her thoughts raced to a million places in a few short moments, and all of a sudden, the rules were back in play. Jane resigned herself to this. What was #3, "Date more guys?" Well what about Dean? If Jane could not have Maura, and she had to date guys, so what if she tried to interfere? It was childish, Jane knew, but so what.
"Ever like the same guy as your best friend?" She asked, as a way of forewarning Maura of the battle to come.
a simple no was all that Maura offered in return, and it struck Jane as odd.
"Did you ever have a best friend?" Jane asked, in follow up.
again a simple no, but this time it moved Jane.
"You would tell me if you were a cyborg, right?"
"No I don't believe I would." They laughed, and Maura realized that there would be no conversation about what had happened earlier, tonight. The two women laid next to each other but stared up at the ceiling. It all felt so terribly high school, so adolescent. But Maura was too nervous and scared, and could not bear to look at Jane, least she see confirmation of something other than a reciprocated attraction.
"I'm not seeing him." Maura offered weakly.
"Yet" Jane illuminated.
"Somebody should, don't you think?" Maura did not know why she said it, and it pained her.
"Yup." Jane stated, Suzy Chang from downstairs, or maybe the weird Goth chick from the Crime Scene Unit, but please, please, not you and definitely not me.
"Shall we draw straws?" Maura asked, getting a clearer vision of this new dynamic, but still reveling in their closeness.
"Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide?" Jane did not know what lead her to be so crass, but it seemed as good a thing to say as any. It made Maura giggle in genuine amusement, which again tugged at Jane's carefully constructed walls. Damn this woman.
The was a loud sound and Jane stared up off the bed. Maura's concern flashed and she reached out for Jane's arm. She did not want her friend to be frightened, and she really did not want this moment to end.
"It's ok, it's just Bass, really its okay." Maura desperately coaxed Jane to lie back down, which she did.
"I've never been so scared in all my life." Jane admitted. half about Hoyt and half about what was going on between the two of them.
Maura turned and looked at her friend. She knew exactly what Jane was talking about. She knew that if this thing was to have any chance of working its self out and not turning disastrous, that it would have to be on Jane's terms, and Jane's terms only. Maura smiled and nestled close to her friend. clarity could wait for another day.