Chapter 21- Recollections
The days that followed before Christmas were spent relaxing and talking about the past. Mainly, Erik's past.
One night, Christine tossed and turned in her sleep. She was dreaming of what Erik had told her earlier in the night. His past had become her nightmare.
I was just a baby when my mother sent me away. I was a genius, and she was afraid.
When I joined the fair, I was forced to behave as an item on display. I performed the role to my utmost ability, but Javert would physically abuse me..again and again. It seemed to bring him great joy to whip me.
I will tell you of one occasion when I dared to disobey him. I was four years old. He came into my cage one night to collect my earnings, and he ended up whipping me until I bled. I was small, though, and found that I could slip in between the bars of my cage. You may wonder why I had not escaped before? Well, I was young and afraid, stupid really.. Anyway, I just had not dared to cross him until then.
So, when he bent to gather my earnings from the ground of the cage, I squeezed between the bars and ran away as quicklyas possible. I was so frightened and angry. The feelings were not ones a four-year-old should possess. The blood dripping from my body seemed to finally become unbearable, for I collapsed to the ground.
I heard his yells in the distance. They were coming closer, so I crawled as fast as I could to hide in some brush.
His murderous screams were extremely close, and I held my breath. Unfortunately, he found me only moments later. He told me my blood had left a trail, and he said he could smell the stench. He unmercifully beat me again that night, and the last thing I remember him saying was, "The smell is intoxicating," before I fell into unconsciousness.
Christine rolled over so quickly that she fell off of the bed. "Stop it!" she yelled, and her eyes flew open.
Erik rushed into the room a moment later, the door crashing against the wall in his hurry. "Christine?" He gasped when he saw her on the floor. His angel was panting and looked as if she had just seen a ghost. "What happened?" He was full of concern, and he picked her up in a soothing way. When he tried to place her on the bed, however, she clung to him. "Christine? What is it, Angel?"
She hastily removed the mask from his face and put her hands on both of his cheeks. Looking into his eyes, she desperately whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She then kissed every part of his face and continued between kisses, "I know you don't want my pity, but why did he have to hurt you?" She nuzzled her head into his chest.
"Is that what your nightmare was about?" He felt her nod, and he stroked her hair. "Oh Christine, please do not think about it. I'm fine. Really," he reassured.
She raised her head to look into his eyes. "No, you aren't. No one could be 'fine' after that."
"You must believe me, Angel. It is in the past." He watched as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. "Oh, Christine... I shouldn't have told you."
She hastily rubbed her tears away before exclaiming, "No! I want to know, Erik, I do! It's just so horrible. You were a kid. You shouldn't have had to put up with it."
They sat on the edge of the bed looking down at their hands, and Erik said softly, "Well, I got used to it. I eventually became immune to the pain."
She cringed and looked into his eyes again. "That makes me sick. He should've paid for what he did to you!"
"Christine, he did pay. Remember?"
"That's right..." She remembered him telling her of the murder he had committed. She remembered what she had done that caused him to tell her, too... "Well, he deserved it," she insisted. They sat in silence for a while before Christine whispered, "Do you have scars?"
Erik nodded.
"On your back I guess?"
"Yes, there are many."
"Could I see them?"
The question startled him. "What? You wish for me to remove my shirt?"
"Yes."
"You already removed my mask. Can that not be enough?"
"I want to do this, Erik. Here, let me help you." She moved over and began unbuttoning his shirt with steady fingers. The only thing on her mind was concern for the love of her life.
Were these different circumstances, Erik would have reacted differently. She was removing his shirt, which was an intimate act. But, just thinking of what she wanted to see brought disgust to his mind. Why would she wish to see the outcome of my childhood abuse? Why does she care? I don't understand how she can care for me.. After all I have done to her.. I will never understand. He stayed silent, too ashamed to do anything. When the shirt was taken from his body, he shivered unintentionally.
Christine moved to sit behind him and massaged his tense shoulders while her eyes roamed the expanse of his muscular back. Scars the color of his skin were bulging everywhere. It was unbearably sad, and she felt angry tears in her eyes. No one should have to experience what he went through.. No one.
Erik was slowly calming to the gentle rubbing of her hands. His ashamed demeanor was slowly fading. His eyes began to droop, and he let out a moan of relaxation. However, when he felt her soft lips upon his back, the tension returned full force. "Christine, what are you doing?"
Christine was busy, though, and hushed him by saying, "Relax." She continued kissing his raveled flesh wishing for him to feel how much she loved him. She felt, at times, that her love couldn't really be expressed through words, so perhaps her actions could show him. After a few minutes, her head moved away from his back and she asked, "Does it hurt?"
He reached for her hands, which were still on his shoulders, and brought them to his lips. Not knowing how else to thank her for such an act of kindness and love, he kissed them several times before replying, "No, my angel, they don't hurt. As I said, I became immune to the pain."
She closed her eyes and hugged him from behind, allowing her hands to feel his muscular front. "I'm just really sorry."
He turned towards her and returned her embrace. "Enough of this," he said between kisses to her forehead. "Do not linger on such thoughts, love. Come, you are tired." He stood and tucked her in while thinking about her previous actions. She kissed my raveled skin... She has shown me more kindness than I could ever deserve.
"Lay with me?" She looked up at him with wide, loving, trusting eyes.
He could never deny that look. "Of course," he replied with adoration. They spent the rest of the night together relishing in their warm embrace.
The morning came far too quickly, for laying together was just so comforting.
Christine awoke first and blushed when her eyes fell upon Erik's bare chest. Dang, he's in really good shape. He's... so hot.. She looked at his serene face then, and a caring smile came to her face. He looks so peaceful. He deserves to look this way. Always. She lowered her lips to his slightly parted ones in a soft kiss and watched as his eyes fluttered open. "Good morning."
Looking up at her gorgeous face, he brought his hand up to caress her cheek, as if making sure that she was real and not some figment of his imagination. "It is a good morning," he finally said while sitting up. "I will never tire of seeing your face when I wake up."
"Neither will I," she returned with a warm smile.
Face.. my face.. Erik frantically looked around for his mask and put it on in one swift motion. He then looked down feeling ashamed for his face having to be the first thing she saw in the morning. If only things could be different..
"Why do you have to do that?" she asked, referring to his putting on the mask.
He blinked before looking at her as if it were obvious. "Because, my dear, I am repulsive."
"Erik, don't say that! You aren't! I love your face! What's repulsive is the mask. You shouldn't feel forced to wear it all the time. I just- I don't want you to wear it." She was about to take it off, but Erik gently grabbed her wrist.
"You must understand. I am not used to this. Christine, I hide from the world because of my face. Surely you know that by now. My dear, you cannot expect me to become accustomed to not wearing a mask so easily. Please, allow me this haven. Having the mask is.. Well, it's habit." He watched as she bit her lip.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling bad for trying to force him. "I should be more understanding. But, I just like to see the 'whole' you. 'Half' is never enough."
He shook his head lightly, still unable to grasp her feelings towards the right side of his face. "I will try to remember that. Just give me some time. Eventually, I will overcome my insecurities." Actually, he wasn't sure that he ever would, but for her to feel bad was the last thing he wanted. He lived for her happiness. It was time to change topics. "Shall we get up? I can prepare lunch."
"What about breakfast?"
"My dear, it is noon," he informed her with an amused smile.
"Oh! Well yeah, let's get up." They did, and Erik put his shirt on.
Christine let out a disappointed, "Aww," without really meaning to. She quickly blushed when Erik looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Well.. I.. it's just.." She sighed and admitted, "The shirt is like the mask to me."
Erik laughed and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. "My angel, you never cease to amaze me. Let's go fix lunch." He took her hand and they went downstairs.
They ate, practiced singing, read in the library, and then took a walk outside for a change of scenery. As they walked, they enjoyed their surroundings in silence for some time before Erik spoke. "Christine, I hope this way of life is not too boring for you."
She instantly shook her head. "Erik, I love this way of life. It's not boring at all. It's all I've ever wanted."
Erik wasn't convinced. "But, it just seems like we follow the same routine without variation. You deserve more."
"You always say that I deserve more. Really, though, I don't deserve anything, least of all this." Christine sighed at his look of surprise. "Trust me, it doesn't matter. We could sit and stare at a wall all day and I wouldn't care. ... Ok, maybe I would care, but still, this is what I want. I want to be with you. And besides, if I still lived in Asheville, I'd just be going to school and staying at home every day. This is way better."
Her words made him chuckle, but he quickly became serious. "Speaking of school, you still need to receive an education. You have not even graduated from high school. I know, it is my fault.." With determination, he continued, "But, it can also be my undoing." He stopped walking and turned to her holding both of her hands. "If you do not object, I would like to teach you. I am sure I could educate you just as well as the instructors at your high school."
She stared up at him taking in the news. "Are you serious? You really want to teach me? I never even considered that..."
He grinned. "Well, I cannot allow you to stay uneducated."
"Wait," she said, thinking of something. "Not to be rude or anything, but you didn't go to high school, did you?"
"Well, no, I didn't, but the gypsies and Nadir taught me most of what I needed to know. The rest, I acquired on my own."
"But.. how?"
"Well, my dear, I have been known as a genius on occasion," he joked.
"That's true... But, I don't really like school."
Erik smirked and teasingly replied, "And I don't really care."
Christine laughed. "Well, I guess you wouldn't be the worst teacher in the world." With a smirk of her own, she innocently asked, "But wait, isn't it wrong for a student to be in a relationship with her teacher?"
After taking her words in, he smiled and wrapped his arms around her to slyly whisper in her ear, "No one would have to know." He then backed her up into a tree and kissed her passionately.
Christine was feeling shaky and out of breath after that. "Alright, I accept your offer. You convinced me." Her eyes were wide as she thought about how romantic he was.
"I'm glad." He chuckled at her bewildered appearance. "We will start lessons tomorrow."
That snapped her out of it. "Tomorrow? Can't we wait until after Christmas?"
He laughed at her pout. "Of course, if that is what you want. I suppose learning would seem like a punishment to a seventeen-year-old such as yourself..."
"Not punishment!" she insisted, blushing. "It just doesn't seem exciting. Christmas should be exciting."
"I suppose you're right." Erik realized that this was going to be his first real Christmas. Never had he celebrated the occasion. And he couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than with the love of his life. The gift he was going to give her came to his mind, which was happening quite frequently as of late. He could only hope she would think of it as a 'gift'...
They continued walking in comfortable silence while both were lost in thought. Christine's thoughts were revolving around a certain question. "Erik, I was wondering, where did you find gypsies? And how did they teach you?"
Erik knew a question like that was bound to come up at some point. "Well, the fair was not always horrible. Usually, but not always. When I was nine, gypsies educated me in the arts of self defense and potion making. I learned quickly and actually became fairly close to some of them. I enjoyed hearing their stories of what went on in other countries. I absorbed every piece of information I heard and soon knew more than they did. They introduced me to the beauty of architecture, too. I became quite fascinated with the designs of buildings, hence the reason I worked in Iran."
She stared at him with raised eyebrows. "Wow, I can't even imagine. You're so smart."
Erik grinned. "Yes, well, you will be, too."
She smiled and reminded him, "After Christmas."
"Yes. Now, let's go inside. It is still cold out here." They walked straight to the library and sat on the couch to enjoy the warm fire. "So, Christine, I have told you about my life. I would like to hear about yours. How was your childhood?"
She smiled delightfully recalling that part of her past. "Oh, it was so wonderful. My mom made it perfect. I was the stereotypical always-happy kid. I was always singing little songs. My dad was never really around, except for holidays when he would buy me stuff to try to make up for his absense." She frowned at the memory. "But, well, my mom was there. She used to tell me these stories..."
Erik was extremely interested and asked, "What were they about?"
She looked at her hands, a bit embarrassed. "Well, they were always about this girl named Little Lotte. Mom used to say I was exactly like Little Lotte. She was curious and always looking for adventure, just like me. The other character in every story was the Angel of Music. See, he would visit Little Lotte and improve her musical abilities. Mom always used to tell me that I would be visited by that angel." She reached out and held Erik's hand while smiling fondly. "And I guess I have been visited by the Angel of Music. You see, you are my angel. You brought music back in my life. I never thought I would sing again after she died."
A small yet powerful smile graced his lips, and he stared into her green eyes. The glow from the fire radiated against her skin. She was entrancing. "My Christine, you are too kind. 'Angel' is the last title I ever thought to be called. I feel honored." Christine rested her head against his shoulder while Erik contemplated how to ask his next question. "So, why did your mother stay married to your father? He was never around. She could have divorced him."
With her head still pressed to his shoulder, she said, "It's a good question. He used to call her sometimes while he was away, but that's not enough. And when he was around, they were never happy. It always got on my nerves, but I think she really took her marriage vows to heart. You know, "For better or for worse" and "till death do us part"." Christine had to stop speaking. The "till death do us part" vow was too much for her to handle. That and recalling her past were painful. She closed her eyes and bit her lip.
Erik looked down and immediately noticed her emotions. "Oh Christine, I'm sorry I brought it up. Please don't cry." He kissed the top of her head and held her close. I will never take those vows for granted..
"No, it's ok. I'm fine." She raised her head and looked into his eyes. "I'm fine here," she told him with a smile.
They continued to talk well into the night, and it was only when Erik noticed the late time that he ushered her to bed. As was becoming ritual, he slept beside her.
The next morning, Christine and Erik sat in the library after breakfast. They casually read on the couch, Erik sitting upright and Christine lying with her head in his lap. Erik held his book with one hand and absentmindedly stroked Christine's curls with the other.
The ticking of the Grandfather clock and Ayesha's purs as she lay on Christine's stomach were the only sounds in the room.
Christine and Erik were so wrapped up in their reading that they didn't even notice when Nadir stepped into the room.
The Persian exclaimed cheerfully, "Good morning."
Christine sat up so quickly that her book fell to the floor and Ayesha went running out of the room.