Okay, so I realize last chapter might not have been what people had been expecting, or was not their taste (I'm still mapping that one out for myself as well) but I think it's important to show that sex and love are two different things, and that tends to get blurred in fan fiction some times. Nina and Khan have a very impractical relationship and I figured they'd do things backwards too. Get ready for the future feels, starting with his POV, as promised :)
Thanks to pjfunnybunny, DemonicSymphony, CLTex, EvilLittleKittys, Frenzy In Delirium, Benedict'sZombieGirl, Kristenbazinga, Tizronell, summertower17, IKhandoZatman, Young-Maiden, AutumnGirl104, kykyxstandler, Trying to Put Pen to Paper, Mira SeverusSirius Black-Snape, loquacious gabby, Sorceress of the Trees, Korvescence, JobanaBallack, narutofangirl1213, LookAliveSunshine03, Evermint, KC, XLil MEkoX, WhenTheSaintsGoMarchingIn, animelover56348 and jbuzz for all taking the time to discuss that rather eventful last chapter.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's
Her back was red. He'd been watching her considerately while keeping the courtesy to stay on his side of the crevice. It was dark even as the time shifted in the sky above, but he was not blinded so easily by shadow, and he could make out the grooves and markings in the skin of her back that had been caused by their affair. Her flesh was soft like cotton, and was marred rather effortlessly, but she would heal and look like new rather quickly again. While reminders left on his skin were an attractive thought to him, he doubted if she'd share the sentiment. The reasons for their coupling hadn't been benevolent, or ideal. She had used him for his body, and he would gladly let her do so again if it was the only way he could have her. He cared deeply for her in a way that was unsettling to him, and he had felt the way he had harmed her with regret. It wasn't in his nature to act with devotion, and his tending to her needs was always going to be dealt with dominance and authority. His sweet Nina. She attempted to be in control of her life, but she was so very far from command with the current on goings, and he had given her a false sense of rule even though he had been aware it was a farce. It was all he could give. The blame still fell to him though. It was something he could begrudgingly admit to even as he detested the idea of being at fault. The serum was proving to be a red herring. While he recognized the signs of her similarities to his kind, there was still a piece that didn't fit with everything else, and the answers eluded him.
Another matter infuriated him, nearly turning him into a sadist during the middle of their time together. She wasn't pure. He had expected her to be, and maybe because of Magdalena which he realized was a terrible comparison to make. It was difficult not to fall back to that though as Lena had been so willing to give him everything. He had always thought of her as pathetic for being so humble with her heart, but he had been in love with the idea that he'd had so much control over one person because of frivolous emotions. As he had grown from being propelled into the future alone, he had discovered that love wasn't a weakness. It was something to be valued as he realized he would have done anything for his crew, and the driving force for that had been love. Such influence he didn't have over Nina, and she remained as a problem he was dying to solve. She would never truly be his. Why did it hurt to learn that? He thought he might bleed from the knowledge of another man having her before him. Identity was important, but it was likely he would never know the intimacies of her life, and whom she'd chosen to share them with. That would never occur again though. She was his forever.
If he reached out to her now, he would be greeted with hostility and rightfully so. It wasn't making anything easier for him that she was still lying naked, and he didn't hold back in admiring her pale skin. The insides of her thighs were still painted with the evidence of their union, and he was confident the marks he'd left behind on her neck would last for a while. He liked the comfort of proving with his gestures that he'd taken her, and the marks he'd left were his claim to keep her as his. Afterwards of him toying with his thoughts, he had come to the conclusion that simply taking her wasn't enough even as he had been sure it would be. Besides their attempts to beguile one another into sex, he'd learnt that her submission alone wouldn't be enough to satisfy his yearning. Her neutrality hadn't exactly done anything for his state of mind, and instead brought attention to his selfish manners of lusting for her life. He may have very well driven a wedge between whatever relationship they had previously been endowed with. He knew it would be a struggle to have her stay with him, but he truly didn't believe she hated him. She had come to his aid before their fall, and the scene had been too familiar for him to want to handle rationally. He would not allow for the same mistake twice.
He brought himself into a respectable seated position while subconsciously grabbing for his clothes, and dressing in a practical manner. Her safety needed to be secured first and foremost, and he'd have to try and tap into her gentle nature that he knew still lingered beneath. Nina was loyal to a fault, and her friends were important to her more so than he'd seen of any others in her life. It was natural to assume she had family on Earth, but he would be forced to ignore their existence if he wanted her to stay in his life. He wouldn't risk a hope on her being kind to him now, but he could handle her animosity, and he would deal with any of her other ill feelings as well. He was patient.
He gathered the rest of her clothing into a neat pile after he dressed, mindful, but deciding that they could no longer remain idle in the pit, and that they'd have to risk moving forward. A thin path continued north and they'd have to travel single file because of the space issues. He knew this would be a problem for her though he settled with the idea that he was more curious about her phobia than actually angered by it. Now wasn't the time to be hesitant, and he stretched out his hand to brush across her bare shoulder, fighting the tantalizing effect it had beneath his palm, "Nina, we need to leave."
She made a small sound in reply, her large brown eyes flashing opened as she sat herself up, bringing her knees to cover her chest while she kept her gaze cast down to the ground. She was doing it again; walking away from him without having to actually leave his presence. He was having a difficult time as it was, allowing a human to enter his life, and the fact that she wanted little to do with it was disappointing. He lacked the heart to deal with such trepidations, and he wondered if he was starting to lose his nerve when it came to her, "Where will we go?" She asked thinly.
"We need to get out in the open. I have no doubt that your crew will search for you, but we need to make distance from the Federations enemy."
"The enemy?" She questioned with a vehement glare that she had the boldness to direct to his face, "Is it still the Klingons, or us now? I might find myself in a cryo tube next to yours."
It was true. While he believed not every one of her friends would turn on her, there was still the rest of Starfleet that would inevitably find out, and they would be quick to ostracize her. He wouldn't be so ready to lie down in frozen sleep again of course, but protecting both Nina and his family would be a challenge, "I won't let that happen, and nor would your crew."
Emboldened, he couldn't stop himself from letting his hand freely travel to her hair, both unkempt and soft, as he brushed it back from her face. She flinched with an unsure look, and he felt himself succumb to an internal pain, one that choked and wounded deep down, and for a moment everything in his chest constricted before he replaced the hurt with dull nothingness. He didn't let on about his emotions, masking everything with a passive front so she wouldn't realize the control she had over him in her petite body. Her reaction wasn't to punish him. She was just uncomfortable with him—now more than ever—and it was his error that had blurred the lines of being descent with one another, and falling apart, naked on the ground while becoming buried deep in each other's existence, "We'll see." Was all she said.
He waited for her to make a move for her clothes, but she seemed rather content to guard her small body with him still present at her side. It was a pointless reaction by his standard as he had already viewed every inch of her with great detail, so much that he could picture her still in his mind when she had been fading from pleasure beneath him. For her comfort and dignity, he removed his hand from her hair, and stood without question while facing the dark of the wall, "Get dressed so we may leave." He told her curtly.
As he suspected, the ruffling of materials could be heard soon after, and they would be ready to make their escape of this imprisoning chasm that had been more generous to him as of late than he could have foreseen. Everything had been reversed, taken away just as hastily, and he was left out in the dark again. How he hated the feeling. Thoughts of his situation continued to entertain him until his attention was diverted to a hand, featherweight on his arm. She need only do such a small thing for his focus to shift completely on her and the look of disdain written on her face. It bothered him that she could alienate herself so far from the situation, having never seen this behavior come from her before. He didn't know her as well as his overconfidence led him to believe, or maybe his neglect truly had ruined her for everyone, "Can we go now?" She spoke passively even as she appeared savage from the scars of their love-making.
His eyes narrowed, and he couldn't stop his anger now that radiated in swells, "What has happened to you?"
Her answer was delayed, and he knew he had caught her off guard by the slight falter in her practiced wall, "Am I not interesting to you when I am being this way? Would you rather I be weak so you can control me for your benefit?"
Those were dangerous accusations to throw in his face, but he had her talking for the moment, and he'd have to refrain from his usual response to such effrontery if he wanted to make any amount of progress, "I have never indicated I favored your weakness just to have use for you. You are letting your anger from our previous encounter rule you, Nina."
"Previous encounter." She muttered with distaste, "At least have the honor of calling it for what it was. I used you because I couldn't get a hold of my emotions, so what's your excuse?"
While he had already been wise to that being her reason, to hear her admit to using him for only his body was more difficult to swallow than desired. Perhaps he'd created deluded hope that he had been wrong, and she had wanted more from him, but as he caught a look of their surroundings—a damp, hollow pit—how could it be mistaken for anything more? "Is it an excuse to want for something in another? I gave you what you needed, but I took what I wanted in return."
"So why apologize after everything?" Strange. He hadn't thought she had been conscious to hear that, but her conviction said otherwise, "Yes, I heard you."
To his surprise, he smiled faintly, "We are inevitability. We are tied together by unexplainable circumstances, and what harm I cause you can be damaging to myself as well. I had no plans for the way events had taken shape and unfolded, and I was left with only words to reach you."
The tension was finally breached, if only a small chink was loosened in the wall between them. She seemed more indulgent to hear him now, though other things remained that took precedence over this conversation from lasting long, "Then I'm sorry too."
He didn't want that. Her asking for his forgiveness disgraced him. What she never seemed to understand, was his need for her was sincere. He had taken from her what he could because she was adamant to not give back, and he cared little if his means of doing so were heretical. The injection forcibly given to her by Adraich under his orders; he had carried it out without a sparing thought, and it would take a little more than her scorn to ever make him regret doing so. It was conniving and beautiful in a deformed dance of one. He had no use for her apologies as her taking him as her brace was nothing he denounced. He enjoyed being with her because he…No. How had he let that happen?
"You will go ahead first. Should you become impaired by your phobia, I will not risk you falling behind." Whether she was curious about his abrupt change in topic was unknown. She stared dazedly at him by his sudden turn to cold temperance. There was something off with his voice, and he hated that she had picked up on it as well. He was given some peace, from her being a saint not to ask. Either that or she was afraid of what she might find deep down inside him as an answer.
She started forward through the thin path that maintained a lead to somewhere away from their place of coupling. To his senses, their smells still lingered, and he took one long last inhale of the delicious fragrance before following behind, though very much in charge. A breeze was blowing shallow through the rocks, clearly leading to an out on the other side, though there was no telling where that might be. It gave him time, time to think, and that was alarming. What had started as modest curiosity had turned deadly, and by his hand. He had permitted himself to form this bond with her, and how vigorous it had grown from an innocent meeting in Sickbay, where she was just a familiar face to him. Damn Magdalena, even in death she was unyielding. She had left her curse on him since the day of her passing, and all to save him. He had taken care to never examine her feelings too closely, but he could not hide from his own. She had never truly left him because of his tremendous guilt, and he wondered how far he would continue to contain it. If only he had granted her last request, then maybe he wouldn't feel this way.
Piloting a shuttle with Adraich was an unexpected surprise, though he wasn't sure on which variety. The man, or rather augment, was sharp and cunning, and they seemed to make a game out of who could test each other with quick banter. Overall, the experience wasn't horrible, though the line was thin from getting along, and actually being able to trust him. Jim had eyes on the back of his head ready for any form of treachery. If Khan couldn't even trust him, he knew it wasn't paranoia to want to at least tread lightly.
"So how come you're at the bottom of the barrel? You know, in terms of Augment hierarchy." Jim asked nonchalantly.
"I have trouble following orders. You should be appreciative to that aspect, James." He replied calmly, though there was a smirk to his voice that Jim could make out without having to look directly at him, "Why so interested in my placement amongst my people?"
"I think I got to know Khan well enough in a short time to understand that he puts his crew above everyone else, even going as far as to say they were his family. But he doesn't trust you, and you fit into that equation, so I have to wonder what you did to set him off."
Adraich was quiet for a moment, and Jim chanced a not so discreet look over his shoulder as he waited, "A long, exhausting tale pertaining to matters that are no longer relevant." He eventually said.
Jim had to bite his tongue to keep from asking anyways. He was starting to believe he could work Adraich over to their side, at least long enough to capture Khan once again. He didn't know what steps would follow after that, though it was likely Terrell's course of action would be to return the augments to Federation hands. By the book; easy, "Can you tell me about my crew?"
"You mean to ask, are they safe?" Adraich finished coolly.
There it was again, that smart attitude that was starting to drive Jim up the walls, "My crew is my family too."
"A nice sentiment." It almost sounded mocking, though his voice was very bare of any emotion. Khan was driven by a passion, but Jim couldn't see the very same in Adraich, and he began to learn that no two augments were alike. "Your crew is alive and well, though you should be prepared for…complications to arise."
His face contorted into a mixture of turmoil and concern, "What kind of complications?"
The augment let a derisive chuckle escape, "Don't expect him to hand you your crew. You don't strike me as a fool Captain, but you are overly confident in you aim to act without a plan. That won't work against Khan."
"I realize that, thank you." He rebuked bitterly. If Adraich was so sure of this, why did he feel the need to point out the obvious, and what was with all of the half answers? "Could you maybe explain to me more about his interests in Nina?"
"Why don't you tell me what you think you already know, and I can fill in the gaps?" He suggested with an underline of purpose that Jim couldn't decipher.
"I don't have evidence to anything other than that video footage from the Starbase of you talking with her. You directly pinpointed her with Khan, and I want to know the connection." He said with some authority. He didn't really want to give Adraich a choice as he had a feeling this answer would be detrimental when coming up against Khan.
There was a long pause, and at one point he thought he might not get an answer from the devious augment, "When I said complications would arise, I meant her. You may very well find your other crew returned safely to you, but not Nina. He won't harm her, and that goes without saying, because he wishes for her to stay with our people."
"Nina?!" Jim proclaimed utterly at a loss, "But she's just a nurse."
"Just a nurse? It's exactly that attitude that would break her heart."
Jim hit a few controls at his station before flipping around in his seat, seething with rage at Adraich's audacity to imply he knew Nina better than himself, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I've known Nina since the academy, and I know saying she's a nurse isn't an insult because she loves her work."
Adraich turned in his seat to face him, a goddamn grin on his face that was sinister and unsavory, "It was not her work I was addressing Jim. It is your disregard to see her. Clearly you don't know her as well as you think, or you would know she is in love with you."
Any knowledgeable and cutting remark he was about to give was belayed with all the air leaving his lungs. First his mouth hung agape, and then he blinked rapidly while he shook his head with disbelief, "You're saying Nina—no, that can't be right." But it was, and he didn't have to delve deep into his memories of her to know it, nor did he have to look at Adraich to confirm. The little signs had always been there, but they were so easy to overlook. The small smiles and the stupid laughs she reserved to share just between them. Maybe he had always known, but hadn't said anything out of decency for their friendship. They had followed each other around, along with Bones, during their years at academy, her with a few steady boyfriends while he had been with a different girl every other night. It wouldn't have worked, yet he felt like he had just missed the opportunity for something great, given up on it before it could blossom to full potential.
"Judging by your silence, I take it you understand now." Adraich interrupted.
Jim straightened his face, taking a deep breath to replace the one that had escaped him as he was taken by surprise, "How did you know this?"
"It wasn't hard for Khan to see it, and she was an interesting topic for us three to discuss before I was abandoned to the hands of your people."
Wonderful. Khan knew this too, and he could only imagine how he would use it as leverage against her. "What about Magdalena; is she the reason for Khan's interest in Nina?"
Adraich's face grew vacant, a scorching pain written behind his eyes that he set firmly to the hands in his lap, and Jim was taken aback by the reaction, "No. At first I took it as that, but recent events have led me to believe otherwise. As of now, I am certain he would do anything to keep her. No line is too bold for him to cross, and your nurse is his to take."
Not if they got to her first. Hearing this confession only furthered Jim's resolve to get to his crew before Khan, "She's still human though."
"Human, yes." Adraich reiterated as his gazed snapped back to him, "But why would that stop him?"
"I have to think Khan sees that as weakness." Wasn't that obvious? He had certainly given off that impression with his short stay on the Enterprise the last time. While they had helped him along, they were never really important enough to be treated as his equals, and he had dropped them of his company just as soon as he was able. Nina had talked to him though. Dammit, why couldn't she have just stayed away?
"You're reaching, Captain. That is a paltry reason for Khan to be diverted from taking what has captured his attention." He gave Jim a hard look before spinning back around in his seat, returning to the controls of the shuttle, "We are coming upon entry level to the planet."
Jim continued to grit his teeth as he turned back to the task at hand, still reeling from the change in demeanor Adraich had displayed. It had been rather different than Jim was used to seeing on him, and had only been spurred from his last question. Something to do with Magdalena, "We're lucky we haven't been sighted yet. This shuttle has no warping capabilities, so if we get caught, we have no chance of outrunning them."
"Which is why I'm here." Adraich finished with certitude.
They fell silent, and remained that way. Whether from focus on their mission, or because of blatant wariness Jim couldn't be sure, but he was glad the words had stopped all the same. There wasn't a time in his life where he could recall wanting to stay quiet, but being in bed was augments was more than enough to rattle his cage. He still wanted answers, the why of Nina having captured Khan's attention, and he pondered over presumptions that never seemed to make sense. That was Spock's job. He'd just have to ask Khan personally if that became a possibility. It wouldn't be a judicious discussion on his part, not that he had ever participated in many of those anyways.
He thought of Nina, his over-the-top superstitious friend for almost six years now. Why hadn't he ever stopped for that second glance? She deserved better than what he brought to the table, (which wasn't much in terms of a relationship). Still, he was filled with wonder now; like he hadn't ever really met the real Nina until Adraich illustrated a clear picture of her feelings. He knew he didn't return them in that value, but he did love her in the same way he loved any of his crew, and he'd make sure on her safety so she'd never be forced into the clutches of augments again.
Wow, look what Adraich just started. It certainly wasn't his place to share Nina's feelings with Jim (even though he, along with everyone else, is unaware she no longer carries them) though do you think that would have made a difference had he known, or was Adraich simply stirring the pot? Jim can't be played too easily however, and he may have spotted something in Adraich with the mention of Magdalena. I definitely did some shedding on Khan's feelings, more than I planned to, and I hoped you could all read between the lines of what they meant even if I didn't state anything too directly. Also in regards to a question from a Guest reviewer who I can't answer in a PM, I will answer you here. Nina's feelings still might not be entirely clear, but I definitely wanted to explore Khan's side of things first just because Nina is the harder nut to crack in this case, and she needs more sincerity from Khan before she can truly express her feelings that she has deep down. Someone else pointed out Khan's gone about things in a selfish manner (totally agree), and he will need to change that before real progress can be made. This chapter coming from his POV was crucial and I hoped you all enjoyed getting inside his head. It's dangerous in there, but I love to play with it every now and again, so expect to hear more from his side of things later. Next up, more Khan/Nina again, and what about the rest of the crew with Lykel?! :)