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I have to confess: I'm not the least bit inspired to write the 'Lorelai reading' pieces – so this chapter is only about Jess. But don't worry, I have a plan to work Lorelai's insights from reading into the story even without the actual reading pieces…

And for those of you that clicked your way here and were disappointed that this isn't the chapter where we get to know what happens after Rory knocks on Jess' door, let me ease your pains: After this chapter there is only two fairly short chapters, both mostly written already so the updating will be fast, and then we'll be back to present time to see what happens…

And one more thing: The song playing on the radio in this chapter in a song by a Swedish group called "The Ark" and I don't know how likely it is that a U.S radio station would play it – but it's a great song, so just humor me on this one, okay? I'll leave the name of the song at the end of the chapter in case you want to check it out. (Which I advise you to do – the lyrics are truly amazing!)

Jess pulls the car up outside Vanessa's apartment. He's early and he figures he better wait for a few minutes in the car rather than stressing her out by being too early for their second date.

Their first date last week had actually gone really well. It hadn't been as hard as he thought it would be. Spending time with Vanessa almost felt like hanging out with Matt or Chris – with the difference that he usually didn't kiss either of them at the end of the night.

Sure, he had been thinking about Rory a lot during their date, but that was probably a part of the moving on process that Chris had talked about. It was hard not thinking about Rory, especially since there were so many things about Vanessa that reminded him of Rory.

Vanessa worked as a journalist at the local newspaper; she wrote a column as well as reporting actual news. He had felt a sting in his heart when she told him. It was impossible not to think about Rory then. Or when Vanessa laughed and her dark brown hair fell down on the sides of her face. Her hair was longer than Rory's, but it had the same color and that was enough to get his thoughts wandering. He likes this girl. Somehow it feels like a second chance with Rory – without their complicated history to mess things up.

He stirs when there's a knock on his car window. He looks up and sees Vanessa smiling at him. He gets out of his car.

"I saw your car through the window." She says as he greets her with a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I'm early, didn't think you were ready." He explains as he leads her to the passenger door and opens it for her.

"Since you insisted on picking me up this early, I thought you'd be standing outside my door pacing impatiently if I wasn't ready on time." She says as she steps into the car.

He walks around the car and takes his place in the driver's seat. "Nah, I'm not the impatient, pacing kind of guy."

"Good to know for future reference."

He grins. "I just let you get away with being late for any date we have from this day on, didn't I?"

"I think you did." She says with a satisfied smile.

"What is it you girls do that always makes you late by the way?" He says, honestly wondering.

"Hey!" She turns her head and looks at him and he meets her eyes with a smile on his lips. "I wasn't late!"

"No, I'll give you that. But generally, it is a well-known fact that girls are never on time. In movies, the guys always have to wait because the girl isn't ready on time."

"What movies are you watching?" She laughs, and it's an infectious laughter that Jess learned to appreciate about fifteen minutes into their first date.

"Never mind." He says and waves his hand as to dismiss the conversation topic.

"I've heard about the phenomena of women not being on time before." She relents. "I just figured it was one of those stereotypes that are rarely connected with reality. Like all little boys love playing with blue cars and the girls love playing with dolls in pink dresses."

"So you're never late for a date?"

"Well…I mean…" She laughs again. "I swear sometimes that damn time moves faster than normal."

"That damn time?" He laughs as well.

"Yeah, like you know when you're standing in line somewhere and time seems to drag its feet, a second feels like a minute." She looks at him for confirmation and he nods. "And other times, when you're having fun with your friends or when you're wrapped up in a really good book…"

"…or when you're getting ready for a date?" Jess suggests, interrupting her.

"Exactly." A broad smile appears on her face. "At those times an hour goes by like a minute."

He smiles back at her and then focuses his eyes on the road. This feels good; talking and laughing together. It sure beats sitting at home dwelling on things that he has no power to change.

He casts a quick glance to his side. Vanessa was a beautiful girl; the long, dark hair that fell in soft curls over her back, accompanied by a set of green eyes that always seemed to have a smile lingering in them.

She seemed to have an optimistic outlook on life that easily spread to people in her vicinity. Spending time with her was easy and uncomplicated; she was outgoing and always spoke her mind.

She was an amazing girl, but she wasn't Rory. He had to admit that in comparison she wouldn't stand a chance. Right now; no woman probably could. The wound was still too fresh.

"Where are we going?" She asks and diverts him from his thoughts.

He gives her sly smile. "You'll see."

"If you're planning on killing me, I'd better let you know my sister knows I'm on a date with you, so if I go missing; you'll be the prime suspect."

"Noted."

She smiles and shakes her head. "You're really not telling me where we're going?"

"Nope." He meets her eyes for a few seconds before focusing on the road again. "Ever heard about the concept of a surprise?"

"I'm familiar with the concept."

"Good."

They drive for some time, laughing and joking with each other. Jess can't remember the last time he felt this relaxed when spending time with another person, Matt and Chris not included. They lived together, so the feeling relaxed part had sprung more from necessity than actual feeling relaxed to begin with. It had been years.

"Okay." Vanessa says after a while as she looks out the windows at the surroundings. "You are aware that we're now driving out of the city?"

He nods. "I'm aware."

"Just making sure."

He pulls into a parking spot outside an old, rundown house.

"Are we visiting someone?" She asks, almost whispering as if she's afraid the people living inside the house would hear her and think her to be rude.

"Guess you could say that." He says as he gets out of the car and walks around it to open her door and offer her his hand to help her out.

She takes his hand and steps out of the car, curiously looking around her. He smiles as he watches her.

"Come." He says and takes her hand, dragging her with him.

They walk towards the house, following an overgrown stone path. As they passes group of small sheds Jess stops her and turns her in the direction of them and points to a sign above the largest of the sheds saying: "The Bookshed" in big letters. "Old and new, read and unread – welcome in and discover a world of books" reads a smaller sign next to the door.

She turns to Jess with a surprised look on her face and a wide smile on her lips. "A bookstore?"

"A bookshed." He corrects her smiling. "You said you were starting your own collection of books, right?" She nods, still smiling and he continues. "Then this place is a must."

Without saying a word she throws her arms around him and kisses him quickly before letting go of him and starting her way towards the shed.

OoOoOoOo

Jess picks a book down from one of the shelves and carefully flips through it. She would love this book. He'd read it a few years back and didn't like it at all, but he knows she will. This is exactly the type of book they would argue over and she would persuade him to read, and he would – not because the book sounded the least bit enticing, but because she asked him to. He turns around with the book in his hand.

He smiles when he sees her, bent down looking at a book on one of the lower shelves. "R…" He starts but realizes the mistake he's about to make and stops himself before the woman standing a few steps away even notices anything.

He hastily puts the book back on the shelf and walks away to the end of the shelf and leans against the corner of it. He rubs his temples with his hands. What was he doing? In his mind he wasn't on a date with Vanessa. In his mind he had planned the perfect date for him and Rory. In his mind he was on a date with Rory. Vanessa was her substitute. That's why he felt like he had known her forever – in his mind he had.

This wasn't right. He has to focus, he can't allow himself to get lost like that again. Vanessa isn't Rory. Vanessa is her own person. The fact that she has dark hair, works as a reporter and likes books doesn't turn her into Rory.

He's here with Vanessa. Rory is somewhere else with Logan. He's on a date with Vanessa. Vanessa, a woman who isn't Rory and never will be Rory – not meaning that she can't be a great woman if only he gives a fair chance.

He takes a deep breath and steps back into the aisle they'd been going through. He puts his hand on Vanessa's back as he walks up to her. "See anything interesting?"

She stands up straight and smiles at him. "A lot. This place is amazing!"

He smiles. "I figured you'd like it." He takes a breath and forces himself to think about her as Vanessa and not pretend she's someone she's not.

"You do realize it's not a very smart move from someone that owns a bookstore to show this place to his customers?" She says and holds up a pack of books to show him her findings.

"Ah, well." He shrugs his shoulders as they head for the cash register. "They do have a wider selection than we have, but I don't feel threatened." He smiles and nods at the old lady behind the counter. "I think the owner of this place is already married."

She giggles and nudges his side. "Ah, story of my life."

"The best ones are always taken." He says and it's not until the words are already spoken that he realizes exactly how well that statement, which was meant to be humorous, fits into his life at this particular time.

"Guess I'll have to settle for you then." Vanessa says with a smile before she turns towards the counter to pay for her books.

Was that what he was doing? Settling? Would he settle for Vanessa or some other girl based on the fact that he couldn't be with Rory? Or would he be able to love someone else in the future? Maybe get married and have children? Children that didn't have Rory's blue eyes.

Was that really fair to another girl? To settle for her because the girl he really wanted didn't love him back?

"This place is really cheap." Vanessa whispers as she reunites with him by the door where he's been waiting for her.

"I know." He smiles, he shouldn't over think this, he should live in the moment and don't think about neither the past nor the future. "Don't tell Matt and Chris…" He leans over and whispers as in conspiracy as they head for his car. "…but I do most of my book shopping here."

She puts her hands over her mouth and inhales, pretending to be in shock. "Ah…" She points at him, her eyes glittering with laughter. "…you're a traitor!"

He laughs and without giving it any closer thought he wraps his arm around her waist as they walk the last few steps towards his car.

OoOoOoOo

"You don't like poetry?" Vanessa looks at Jess, across the table where they just finished their dinner, as in shock.

"Nope."

"Just like that? Nope?"

"Yep."

"So I assume you've read a lot of poetry?"

Jess shakes his head. "No."

"Oh, come on. You can't say you don't like it if you haven't read any."

"I've read some."

"Okay, like what?" She asks and takes a sip of wine from the glass in front of her.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"What can I say? The little poetry I've read didn't make any impression."

"Then you've read the wrong kind of poetry, or you read it in the wrong way."

"There's a wrong way to read poetry?" He raises one eye brow as he looks at her.

"Well, no, not if you give it an honest try, which judging by your attitude towards poetry I'd say you didn't."

Jess puts his arms on the table and leans forward towards her. "Why do you like it?"

"Because it's personal."

"Personal? You think a poem is more personal than a book? Now, I haven't written any poems, but I've written a book and that felt pretty personal to me."

She shakes her head. "Not like that. Personal in the sense that the same poem can mean so many different things depending on who's reading it."

"Explain." He looks intrigued.

"Depending on who you are, what your experiences in life are, your mood at the time you're reading the poem, your emotions, your feelings – everything that makes you you, it all goes into your interpretation of the poem. If you're heart-broken your understanding of the poem will differ from someone who's madly in love."

"Huh, I never looked at it that way."

"You like music, right?"

"Yeah."

"Song lyrics is poetry." She says and smiles as if his previous answer had made him admit his love for poetry.

"But then there's music accompanying it." He argues.

"Sure." She shrugs her shoulders. "I'll give you some stuff to read sometime, I think you'll actually like it."

"Maybe."

OoOoOoOo

"Oh! This song is so great!" Vanessa says and leans over to turn the volume up as he drives her home after dinner.

Jess wrinkles his forehead and listens to the intro. "Don't think I've heard it before."

"It's some European group, Swedish I think, they're not that well-known, but listen to the lyrics. That guy's a poet."

He smiles at her finding yet another way to preach about her passion of poetry as the lyrics start playing.

And I know we were both too young
way back when we had our thing
And you're not the one that I think of
every time that the telephone rings

Great. A song about an old lover. He takes a deep breath. Did she know about Rory? No, he hasn't told her, so how could she know? He casts a glance at her, but she seems to be oblivious; smiling and singing along.

And I know that what we had
would not be called love by the ones who know
And I know it's been many years
and a hundred love affairs ago

The ones who know? Who knows what love is? He doesn't and he had never asked Matt's poet as he told her he would. Not that it matter, apparently Rory knows what love is. Love is what she feels for Logan.

I know all that so well
but I also do know this:
Calleth you, cometh I

The chorus hits him like a punch in the stomach. Calleth you, cometh I. So simple – yet at the same time it said everything. It was the way he felt for her. Calleth you, cometh I – anytime, anywhere. Call my name and I'll be there in a heartbeat.

And that's just how it is
and how it's always been
It's where my reason stops
and something else comes in

He tries to focus on the road and eliminate everything else, especially the words pouring out of the speaker and through to his broken heart. But it doesn't work, he can't shut them out; he wants to what happens, how the song ends. If the singer gets the girl in the end.

I know it doesn't make sense,
but still…
Calleth you, cometh I
– and that's how it is

That's how it is. Yeah – it is how it is. It doesn't make sense at all, but maybe that's what love is; not being able to refrain from doing something even though it makes no sense at all. Like inviting her to the open house at Truncheon, or going to her grandmother's house, or asking her to run away with him, or leaving without saying a word as goodbye only because you know that you have to and you don't want to see her upset and sad – or even worse: neither upset nor sad.

And I know how we became restrained
every time we were among friends
And I know how it was last time
and how bitterly it always ends

He reaches for the radio and turns it off. Last time? How bitterly it always ends? You've gotta be kidding me. He can't hear another word or his head, or his heart, or his chest will explode. Something will most definitely.

He feels Vanessa's questioning looks on him. "I have a headache." He says, trying to explain. She doesn't say anything, which is enough to prove she doesn't believe him, but at least she doesn't call him on his lie or demands an explanation.

They drive in silence until they reach Vanessa's place. They both get out of the car and stands in silence looking at each other on the sidewalk in front of her house.

With a determined look on his face he takes a step closer to her. He had said he would give it a fair chance, and he will.

Without leaving her eyes for a second he leans in towards her to kiss her goodnight. She closes her eyes and meets his lips, soft and light. He feels the warmth flowing from her mouth as she separates her lips and allows his tongue access to her mouth.

He hears her handbag and her book bag drop on the floor as she lets go of them and wraps her arms around his body. He raises his hands and cups her face in them and intensifies the kiss when she slowly pulls back from him and opens her eyes again.

It had been a good kiss. A great kiss actually. But something was missing. The heat and the passion was there, no doubt about it, as well as the 'wanting more' and the 'difficult to stop' parts.

But that warm feeling deep inside, that expectant feeling he felt the very first time Rory had kissed him was missing; that feeling that meant something more than just the physical kiss, the warm, fussy feeling that made it impossible to think straight for hours afterwards. It wasn't there.

He wondered if Vanessa felt that warm, fussy feeling, if she was as full of expectations for their future as he had been when Rory kissed him at the beginning of the summer many years ago.

"So…good night then." She says and smiles.

"Good night." He says, still wrapped up in his thoughts.

"Unless…" She hesitates and bites her lower lip. "…you want to come in?"

There it was. The point of no return. If he followed her into the apartment, they would most likely have sex tonight. Not that he would mind that particular part, but it would make him a jerk. If he slept with Vanessa tonight, it wouldn't be long before they were officially an item, which would in most cases make sense. But if Rory came back he couldn't be involved with another girl. It wasn't right. Calleth you, cometh I. He couldn't help it.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a few seconds before answering. "I can't."

She looks confused. "You have to get up early tomorrow?"

"No." He shakes his head. "I can't do this."

"This?"

"You, me, dating. I can't." He wasn't prepared for this. He had no idea what to tell her.

"Who's the girl?" She says, not looking the least bit angry or upset – only interested and concerned.

"Why do you assume there's a girl?" He questions back with a defensive tone in his voice.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Sometimes when we talk it feels like you're million miles away, thinking about something, or someone, else. And at times, you look at me like you see someone else, or you wish you saw someone else.

"You got all that from two dates?" He sounds disbelieving and irritated but he can't help it. What was with this girl? Couldn't she just accept that he didn't want to continue this dating and move on with her life?

"Guess I'm just that perceptive." She says with a sardonic smile. "Or, you're just that obvious. The lyrics in the car, they reminded you of someone, didn't they?"

"There's no girl." He says, not wanting to pour his heart out to this girl. He had been doing enough heart-pouring for a life time the last couple of weeks.

"Come on Jess." She says and sighs. "I'm not stupid. She's a reporter, right?"

He stirs at her question and looks at her, frowning. How could she know?

"Either she is, or the guy she left you for is." She continues, ignoring his irritated look.

Why was she prying like this? What did it matter to her? And how could she know Rory was a reporter, or at least wanted to be?

His wondering must have showed on his face, 'cause she continues with an explanation. "You flinched. On our first date, when I told you I worked as a reporter, you flinched. And although I must say I don't think I've ever met anyone that goes through so much trouble to hide his inner thoughts I saw pain in your eyes before you were able to compose your features."

"Does the FBI know about you?" He says muttering, although he has to admit he's a bit impressed at her perceptiveness.

She laughs. "I'd call it reporter's intuition, or maybe that sixth sense us women allegedly has…so she is a reporter?"

He nods. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter. She's…" He shrugs his shoulders, unsure about how to continue. "She's moved on, and I'm trying to." He looks at the floor and then meets her eyes again. "Not very successfully though…" He adds with a bitter smile.

Vanessa nods. "These things take time." She smiles and strokes his shoulder. "I'm glad you told me now, before I fell head over heels in love with you." She laughs that characteristic laugh of hers that seems to always draw a smile to his lips.

"Yeah."

She leans forward and kisses his cheek. "Good luck with the girl, and if you ever want a friend to accompany you book shopping – you know where to find me." She turns and starts walking towards her apartment building.

He starts walking to the driver's side of his car. "She's in love with someone else." He blurts out as he turns around, not really knowing why it feels so important that she knows that. "So, it's not like I'm going to be with her…" He says, instantly regretting his words.

Vanessa turns around and looks at him. "If she can't see what a great guy you are, it's her loss, right?" She smiles as to try and comfort him.

"Right." He shrugs his shoulders and gets in the car.

OoOoOoOo

Jess sighs as he walks into the empty apartment and turns the light switch on. Matt and Chris are both away for the weekend, leaving him with an empty apartment. Is this what his future will be like? Coming home every night to a dark, empty apartment. No one there to share his thoughts after a long day at work, no warm body to crawl down next to at the end of the day, no one to share all those little things of everyday life with.

He sighs and walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer out of the fridge before placing himself on the couch. He doesn't believe in Chris' ideas about moving on. Not like that. It isn't fair to lead someone on, to make them think you're looking for the same things they are, only to ease your own heartbreak.

Maybe he should buy a dog. Not now, but someday, when Chris and Matt have moved on and started their own families. It would be nice not to be completely alone at the end of the day. Dogs made nice company, and they didn't send out that crazy-vibe that cats tended to do.

Dogs where loyal animals. Simple. As long as you treated them well; fed them, played with them and took them for walks, they would love you back.

He looks around the empty living room and his eyes falls on the copy of 'the Subsect' that Rory left behind, lying on one of the shelves in the living room bookcase. He hadn't sent it back to her and he hadn't been able to get rid of it either. She hadn't asked for it. She probably hadn't even noticed it was missing.

He gets up from the couch and walks over to the bookcase and picks the book up. She wouldn't come back for the book. If she wanted to read it again she'd just buy a new copy. Hell, her boyfriend could probably buy her all the books she ever wanted. Even his book.

The book she inspired him to write without even knowing she did it; only by believing in him. It disturbs him knowing that Logan of all people could walk in to a bookstore and buy Jess' book and give it to Rory as a gift.

With a pondering look on his face he sits down on the edge of the coffee table. Yes…Logan could most probably buy Rory all the books ever printed if he wanted to. But he couldn't write her one. Jess could. In fact, he almost had already.

The notebook he brought with him to California is full of their memories. He had used it to write in as an outlet when his emotions overwhelmed him that summer in California. He had sat on the boulevard filling page after page with memories and thoughts about them, about their love, about why things had gone so terribly wrong and out of control.

He could use those notes. He could use those notes and write her a book. A book reminding her of what they had – how perfect they were together.

Excited about the idea he pops up from his chair as another thought hits him. His book would be like poetry. If she still had feelings left for him the book would serve as a reminder of what they were and what they had. If all he feelings were gone she would look at the book as merely memories of a time that lied behind her.

He walks into his bedroom and picks up the notebook and sits down in front of his computer and immediately gets started with writing her a book.

After re-watching the episode 'the Real Paul Anka' I realized that Rory took her copy of the book with her when she left. My mistake, so…in this version of the story – she dropped it on the floor when she and Jess kissed. Just wanted to point that out in case someone else made that same discovery.

And also: the song by The Ark is called: "Calleth you, cometh I", figured it would be too much of a spoiler to put that in before the chapter…