Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked or Sisters Grimm but oh how I wish I did.
I Mourn the Wicked
There was a moment of silence when they theme music came on and the dragon came to life, spewing smoke that was generally coming back here. Isn't that healthy? Here I was, about to die from second-hand smoke.
The music suddenly got fast paced…
(Someone slid down from rope…someone dressed as a monkey. I could see everything from where I was. He was spinning on the rope and then two other people dressed as monkeys fell onto the stage. They went to the mechanism that pulled the curtain up and the music got more whimsical and played the 'Unlimited/Limited part of Defying Gravity'. It opened to show a gigantic witch hat. Damn, it was bigger than it was backstage! People rushed onto the stage, quickly. There was smoke and it was so cool! Suddenly the music got faster and…)
CITIZENS OF OZ:
Good news! (They were twisting like professionals and that was what we sort of were. They were also spinning ribbons. Stupid prats…Puck's British slang was getting to me!)
She's dead!
The Witch of the West is dead! (They slammed themselves down)
The wickedest witch there ever was (They rose slowly, watching me)
The enemy of all of us here in Oz
Is Dead!
Good news!
Good news!
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
(spoken) Look! It's Glinda! (The bubble started to slowly come down. There were actual bubbles, dammit!)
FERN: (The blonde witch was smiling and waving to the crowd below. She had her sparkly staff in her hand. I wanted to snap that staff almost as badly as I wanted to snap her.)
(spoken) It's good to see me isn't it?
OZIANS:
(spoken) Yes!
FERN:
(spoken) No need to respond.
That was rhetorical.
Fellow Ozians:
(sung) Let us be glad
Let us be grateful (Falsetto! She's good…)
Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue
The wicked workings of you-know-who (They trained her in opera for this)
Isn't it nice to know
That good will conquer evil?
The truth we all believe'll by and by
Outlive a lie (Well as least she can't belt like I can!)
For you and -
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
(Spoken) Glinda! Exactly how dead is she? (Lol! None at all! If you know the ending…well, I'm still here and it'll take a bit more than water to take me down!)
FERN:
(spoken) Well…because there has been
So much rumor and speculation…I
nnuendo, outuendo…let me set the record straight. (The music started again at this point)
According to the Time Dragon Clock
The melting occurred at the 13th hour (Why can't the stupid blonde…I'm blone…just say 1 o' clock)
The direct result of a bucket of water
Thrown by a female child
Yes…the Wicked Witch of the West…is dead! (They started to cheer and I hissed to myself quietly)
MAN IN THE CROWD:
No one mourns the Wicked
WOMAN IN THE CROWD:
No one cries "They won't return!" (She's one of the girls who hate me…she's Fern's friend. Well I wish her death!)
ALL:
No one lays a lily on their grave
MAN:
The good man scorns the Wicked!
WOMEN:
Through their lives, our children learn (The women stepped forward and sang loudly. Fern was still in her damn bubble.
ALL:
What we miss, when we misbehave:
FERN:
And Goodness knows (She sang very good but not as good as me! Ha!)
The Wicked's lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone (I won't die alone…I'll have my sister to die with me…if I die at all…I cackled to myself. The bubble was lowering and she was leaning forward. I hope she falls…)
It just shows when you're Wicked
You're left only
On your own (She held her hand out and some guy who had a crush on her grabbed it. Helped her out of her damn bubble.)
ALL EXCEPT FERN:
Yes, Goodness knows (As she was fully on the ground the damn mechanical bubble began to rise)
The Wicked's lives are lonely (She spun and some got on their knees and bowed, quickly)
Goodness knows
The Wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the Wicked
They reap only
What they sow
WOMAN:
(spoken)Glinda, why does wickedness happen?
FERN:
(spoken) That's a good question.
One that many find confusifying.
Are people born Wicked? Or do they have
Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had (They began to move to the side and sat down like they were at storytime. I hate them!)
A childhood. She had a father
Who just happened to be the governor of Munchkinland… (Drake came through a hidden door behind the giant glass structure in the back)
DRAKE:
(spoken)I'm off to the assembly, dear. (Vanessa came through the door and she looked so pretty. Her red hair tumbled in curls down her
FERN:
(spoken) She had a mother…as so many do.
VANESSA:
(spoken) Hurry back (She said sweetly yet…annoyed at him)
DRAKE: (He had a bald cap on and red robes…ha ha. He looks ridiculous!)
(sung) How I hate to go and leave you lonely
VANESSA:
(sung) That's alright - it's only just one night (She had beautiful voice and she looked older than me so it fit)
DRAKE:
But know that you're here in my heart
While I'm out of your sight (He held the note and kissed her cheek before he danced off. The music for the Lover started up. As soon as he left she put her hand to her cheek and wiped it off in disgust)
GLINDA:
(spoken)
And like every family - they had their secrets (She walked back, sexily. She opened the door and Daniel who had a hat over his head, shielding his face looked extremely good. This part was very sexy. His back was to the audience and he had a bottle in his hand)
LOVER:
Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty (He exposed the bottle and a spotlight was on it. The bottle was green and Vanessa leaned against the door and slid down it, looking at the bottle.
I've got one more night left, here in town (She put a hand on his opposite shoulder to her and they spun.)
So have another drink of green elixir (He held out the bottle away from and she draped another arm across his back to grab the bottle. They would look hot together. Too bad she was dating Drake. Though she runs off a lot. Daniel isn't so perverted anymore and he's kind of hot…not as hot as my dearly beloved)
And we'll have ourselves a little mixer (He put his hand around her front and she lifted a hand. He dipped her)
Have another little swallow, little lady, (He pretended to give her the drink)
And follow me down. (He dipped her and she actually drank whatever was in that bottle. As that happened a bed came from a giant door. She spun him and he ended up on the trap door. She placed her hand on his face and unlike in the script gave him a kiss with tongue. He went into the ground, smirking. Drake was with me and stared at her in shock. He prepared to go back on stage.)
GLINDA:
(spoken) And of course, from the moment she was born,
she was - well - different
VANESSA:
(spoken) AH! (She slid onto the bed and people ran out and moved the bed around to face the back.)
CHRISSA:
(sung) It's coming (Vanessa lifted her legs as if she were really giving birth)
DRAKE:
(spoken) Now?
CHRISSA:
(sung) The baby's coming
DRAKE:
(sung) And how!
CHRISSA:
(sung) I see a nose
DRAKE:
(sung) I see a curl (He was about to scream in disgust and he seemed a little annoyed about Vanessa as he kept shooting her looks.
CHRISSA AND DRAKE:
It's a healthy, perfect,
Lovely, little -
CHRISSA:
(screams) AH!
DRAKE:
(spoken) Sweet Oz!
VANESSA:
(spoken) What is it? what's wrong? (She actually looked worried like a real mother)
CHRISSA:
(sung) How can it be?
DRAKE:
(Sung) What does it mean?
CHRISSA:
(Sung) It's atrocious
DRAKE:
(Sung) It's obscene!
CHRISSA AND DRAKE:
(Sung) Like a froggy, ferny cabbage
The baby is unnaturally
ALL:
(Sung) Green! (Chrissa pulled out a real looking green doll. She offered it to Drage who cringed away from it.)
DRAKE:
(spoken) Take it away, take it away! (He stormed away, angry)
FERN:
(spoken) So you see - it couldn't have been easy!
ALL:
No one mourns the Wicked! (They began to pulled the bed back and the Ozians began to rise. The bubble was going down and Fern was crossing to the center)
Now at last, she's dead and gone!
Now at last, there's joy throughout the land (Fern spun around, her dress spinning with her and she walked up to her bubble)
And Goodness knows (Fern was echoing with her falsetto soprano voice. She stepped on the mechanical bubble and spread her arms. She started to rise)
We know what Goodness is
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone
FERN:
She died alone (Not true! She had Fiyero just as in the end I'll have Puck!)
ALL:
Woe to those (Woe to those)
Who spurn what Goodnesses
They are shown (Fern added to the end and she was preparing to what Ms. Gravel said would damage her voice if it wasn't applied properly)
No one mourns the Wicked
FERN:
Good news!
CROWD:
No one mourns the Wicked!
FERN:
Good news! (She was almost there and she took a deep breath)
ALL:
No one mourns the Wicked!
Wicked!
Wicked! (She did the Cheno note and people gaped as I lifted my arm and a giant silhouette of me appeared in the backdrop. It was the perfect affect)
FERN:
(spoken) Well, this has been fun.
But as you can imagine I have much to attend to
What with the Wizard's unexpected departure
So, if there are no further question…
MAN:
(spoken) Glinda!
Is it true that you were her friend? (Fern's face changed as she remembered when we had actually been friends…after the pre-Puck business and before the post-Puck business. There were gasps. Fern looked around lost)
FERN:
(spoken) I…well, I…yes. (The Ozians gasped louder)
It depends on what you mean by "friend". (She made her bubble go down and she landed. I rushed to take off my cape and hat and threw it to Kathleen)
I did know her and that is…our paths did cross…at school
But you must understand, it was a long time ago. (They rushed off stage and were replaced by people in uniforms with briefcases)
We were both very young… (I rushed in through a back door and stood next to her, smiling. There was applause as they saw me. She lifted her hand and gave me a slight smile and walked backwards to change…Dear Old Shiz)