Trouble in Paradise Ch 20: The Heart Still Beats, an alias fanfic

THE HEART STILL BEATS

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." -Mignon McLaughlin

San Felipe, Mexico (Elysium)

Neither Tom nor Nadia Falk have been made aware of Irina Derevko's surrender. Perhaps that's a good thing, because as he lies on the living room couch staring up at the ceiling partially under covers in his underwear and white tank top, he's got other things to deal with right now, including why he's not sleeping with Nadia when they're in the same house.

It's sometime past midnight and the house is pitch black. The kids are sleeping in Maria's room while Tom and Nadia have a hallway between them...along with a lot of silent friction.

In the 6 years since they started dating, there has never been a time when Tom and Nadia were so awkward around each other. Sure, they both were extremely happy that their young daughter Maria was returned unharmed with Emilio Ortega. They also felt bad about Julieta Romero's unfortunate fate at the hands of Mitch Hayes, but haven't dwelled on that much.

But no matter how they felt about all that, they didn't communicate any of that to each other at all. In fact, both of them seemingly have almost made it their life's goal to never make eye contact with one another.

It's the kind of distance that married couples get when things start hitting the rocks. The time for anger has passed. Nadia made her feelings about Tom's handling of Il Credo Divino and its effect on their daughter very, very clear. But once the anger passed, it's been nothing but distance and painful silence between the two. They both made it an effort to make sure Maria and Emilio were comfortable and felt safe, but not a word was spoken between the two nor was there even a glance exchanged.

After the kids were tucked in, Maria in her bed and Emilio on an airbed on the floor, Tom and Nadia exchanged their first glances when they closed Maria's bedroom door. No words were said, but so much could have been.

When Tom opened a hall closet and pulled out the comforter and pillow, that said more words to Nadia than anything that could have come out of his mouth. Tom's staying for the kids, but he's staying away from Nadia.

What Tom really wanted to tell Nadia is that he didn't feel welcome in Nadia's bed. But he didn't know how she'd react to that.

What Nadia really wanted to tell Tom is to sit down and have a talk with her about what's going on. But she didn't know how he'd react to that.

When he turned to go to the living room, Nadia didn't fight the issue. Instead, she went to bed, more uncertain about her marriage than ever. And Tom felt the same way.

So here he is, unable to sleep while staring up at the ceiling and wondering just what else is going to happen to him and his family.

Tom knows he needs to be there for Maria now, if nothing else to add an extra layer of protection and security for her. He knows that Maria would feel better with him around instead of having him flee to his brother's house again.

Speaking of Eddie, Tom and Nadia have not heard a thing from him since he melted down upon hearing Julieta had died. And knowing Eddie like he does, Tom knows better than to try to cool down that volcano tonight. Many people that have known anyone in the Falk family all say the best way to calm down a Falk is to get the hell away from him or her.

So the issue of Nadia remains, along with Eddie. But there's yet another issue that's about to rear its ugly head.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Tom hears the wailing coming from Maria's room and immediately sits up. He then hears the door open and Maria screaming "Daddyyyyyyy!"

"I'm here, Maria!"

Maria hears Tom calling for her and sprints down the hallway towards him, wailing the whole way in fear and anguish. Tom quickly turns on the lamp next to him and does so just before a sobbing Maria leaps into his arms in desperate need of comfort.

As Maria sobs uncontrollably, Tom also notices that she's shaking just about as uncontrollably. She's been frightened by nightmares before, but not like this. He strokes her head, lightly rocks her in his arms and calmly says "Shhh...it's ok. It's all over. It was just a nightmare."

With her voice muffled in Tom's shoulder, Maria screams "He was going to kill meeeeee!" while still sobbing her little eyes out.

Tom closes his eyes and sighs. "It was Mitch, wasn't it?"

"Yes! I hate him!"

Normally, Tom would tell Maria it's not good to hate anyone at her age. But in this instance, he lets it ago. Now, not only did Mitch Hayes give Maria the scare of her short little life, but now he's going to haunt her dreams. Somehow, Tom just found a way to hate him even more.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MARIA? WHERE ARE YOU?"

It's Emilio, and he too must have had a nightmare. Tom shouts "She's in here, Emilio!"

As an emotionally distraught Emilio runs out of the bedroom and towards the living room, Nadia, wearing a nightgown, opens up the master bedroom door, curious over the commotion that's going on with the kids.

By the time she reaches the end of the hallway, she sees Tom holding both Maria and Emilio in his arms while they cry into his shoulders.

Tom, not noticing her, says to both of the kids "It's ok, kids. I'm here and those six men in white robes outside are here, too. You're safe. He can't hurt you anymore."

Emilio cries out "I'm so scared!"

Tom gently pats his head and, looking down at him now, says "You have to be strong and brave, Emilio. Just like you were earlier when you were protecting Maria.

Emilio just mutters in between tears "Ok." It's not very convincing, but it does stop Emilio from sobbing at least.

Tom cracks a small smile. He's really taken a shine to Emilio for what he did trying to protect Maria from Mitch. He also feels like Emilio could use a male friend right now and he's about the only choice he has. Tom has come to find Emilio to be a pretty good kid, and also notices that while he's pretty quiet, he lets his actions do the talking for him.

Maria pushes away from Tom and starts wiping her eyes. As she does, she spots Nadia out of the corner of her eye. She opens her arms and squeals "Mommy!"

Nadia kneels down and catches Maria in her arms as she crashes into her. Maria's not sobbing like before, but tears still do fall from her face as Nadia embraces her. Nadia calmly asks "Are you ok, sweetheart?"

"I had a nightmare! Mitch was going to kill me!"

"Emilio also had that nightmare."

And that was the first thing that Tom or Nadia said to one another since Maria returned. Nadia looks at Tom looking at her and matches his wondering expression. She's somewhat surprised he said anything at all to her.

Tom then turns his attention back to the kids. "Listen kids, I'm going to make you two a promise." Maria and Emilio both look at him attentively. Tom then continues. "Me and Nadia, Mary, Maria's Uncles, those men outside...we all are going to make this right. We will make sure those people that took you will get what's coming to them and that they never harm anyone else again. You have my word, they will pay for this."

A panicked Maria gasps and says "Don't hurt Irina!"

Emilio steps back from Tom and says "Yeah, don't hurt Irina! She was nice to us!"

All of the sudden, Tom forms a look on his face like he just swallowed a canary. He looks up at Nadia, and she too has a similar bird-gulping expression. The kids are actually DEFENDING Irina? Neither Tom nor Nadia can't believe that Irina managed to win them over so quickly and in such a perilous situation.

Neither know what to say about that right now, so Nadia tells the kids "Come on, let's get you back to bed."

Maria pleads "I want to sleep with you!"

Tom replies "No. You two need to stick together. Come on."

"Why are you sleeping on the couch? Were you being a bad Daddy?"

That question would be funny if it weren't so complicated to answer. There have been occasional moments when Tom has acted a fool and Nadia merely threatened to force him on the couch for the night. But never has Tom actually made the couch his bed unless he took a daytime nap.

But instead of teasing dissension between her parents, Tom takes a different approach. "I thought I'd stay out here in case a bad guy got inside." Tom then leans forward and sternly looks at Maria. He then says in a low growl "He'd have to go through me...no one goes through me." That appears to satisfy Maria as she feels relieved that her daddy, her representation of strength, is being strong for her.

Tom gets up and holds Emilio's hand. Nadia does the same for Maria. The kids are then escorted down the hallway into Maria's bedroom.

Tom straightens out Emilio's messed up covers while Maria climbs up into her bed, which was left mostly neat as usual.

But Maria doesn't lie down immediately. Nadia notices and says "Lie down, sweetie."

Maria doesn't listen. Instead, she's watching a fearful Emilio backing off from the bed, afraid to get back into it.

Tom notices that and tells Emilio "Come on, buddy."

Emilio quickly shakes his head and says "No, I don't want to go to sleep again!"

"Why?"

"Because Mitch will try to kill me again!"

Maria looks over at her teddy bear Mister Fred, lying near her pillow. Suddenly, she gets an idea. She grabs the bear and starts climbing down the bed. Nadia tries to grab her, but Maria wriggles out of her grasp and says "Let me go, Mommy!"

"It's time for bed!"

"I have to help Emilio!"

Nadia lets go and watches Maria walk over to the airbed, flip over some covers, and lie down on the airbed, leaving plenty of room for Emilio since it's a queen sized airbed.

As Tom and Nadia realize what Maria's doing, Emilio confusedly asks "Maria, that's my bed!"

Maria holds up Mister Fred and says "We're going to hold Mister Fred together. He'll protect us!"

Nadia holds her hand up to her mouth, touched at Maria's compassion for her friend. Tom also looks amazed at Maria's gesture and pats Emilio on the back, signaling to him that its ok to go to bed now.

Emilio slowly slides into bed. Meanwhile, with Nadia still frozen, Tom walks by her and grabs Maria's pillow. He then goes to the head of the airbed and says "Maria, here's your pillow." Maria lifts up her head a bit and Tom slides the pillow under her head.

Then, Maria practically thrusts Mister Fred in Emilio's face and says "Hold on to Mister Fred!" Emilio grabs the teddy bear's legs while Maria wraps her arm around its throat. Maria then whispers "Good night, Emilio."

"Good night, Maria."

Nadia, still amazed at her daughter's compassion, squats down and adjusts their covers. When she's done, she rubs Maria's shoulder and, her voice somewhat wobbly, says "Maria, that's so nice of you!"

Maria looks up at Nadia and replies "I just want to be like you, Mommy!"

"What do you mean?"

"You used to protect Daddy, too!"

Nadia quickly glances over at Tom, who looks like any pride he had left in him just escaped. Long has Tom asserted that Nadia protected him more often than he protected her. This was despite Tom joining APO mostly to watch over Nadia and despite the fact that he had a Rambaldi role where was called 'The Caretaker'. But ever since Maria was abducted, Tom really feels like he's doing a horrible job of taking care of Maria, too. Maria is another woman Tom has failed...at least in his mind anyway.

Emilio looks up at Tom and asks "Is that true?"

A somber Tom looks away and hangs his head. He doesn't answer that question for a few seconds, which Nadia takes notice of. As she studies Tom's look of defeat, Nadia finally realizes why he hasn't been talking to her: he feels worthless and afraid. Tom is a man that operates a lot on personal pride and his pride has been shattered since the abduction. Nadia misinterpreted Tom's distance from her as hate, but really, he just crawled into his shell like a frightened turtle. That's why he stayed at his brother's house last night. That's why he was so awkward and short with her when he returned home before Maria reappeared. That's why he was so distant to her tonight. Tom can be broody, but Nadia has forgotten the depths of self-pity that he can sink to. And with her actions after Maria was taken, she can't help but feel a little responsible for driving him down the abyss.

Nadia's thoughts are broken when Tom glumly says "Yeah...yeah, that's correct." Tom then takes a deep breath and says "Maria and Mister Fred will protect you. Just think about them and you'll be fine when you go to sleep. Goodnight, kid."

Emilio looks at the bear, then closes his eyes. "Goodnight, Tom."

Tom smiles again, although this one isn't as forced. He pats Emilio's shoulder a couple times, then leans over to Maria and gives her a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight, Maria. Take good care of Emilio, and he'll take good care of you."

Maria closes her eyes and, for the first time tonight, smiles. "Ok! Goodnight Daddy! Goodnight Mommy!"

Nadia wipes the remaining tears on her face and gives Maria a kiss on her cheek. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Goodnight, Emilio." Emilio grumbles out a "Goodnight", apparently already working on sleeping.

Tom is the first to leave the room, and he leaves as soon as he can. Nadia stands up and slowly walks out of the bedroom, still feeling touched over Maria's kind gesture to Emilio. She looks at the two sleeping together, clutching on to a teddy bear. Then, she turns out the lights and softly closes the door.

As soon as the door closes, she looks down towards the living room and sees Tom leaning on the wall, his head being propped up by his forearm lying flat on the wall.

Seeing what she saw in the bedroom just now, Nadia now feels bad for Tom instead of angry. She calmly asks "Tom?"

"Leave me alone."

He's still in his shell, but it's now bothering Nadia seeing him like this. "Tom, we really should talk..."

"About what? How my own kid thinks I'm worthless, too?"

Nadia slowly starts walking towards him. "You're not worthless. What I did and said to you was wrong..."

"What you said was the truth. I couldn't protect you in life, and now I can't protect my daughter, either. What kind of husband or father does that make me?"

Nadia stands next to Tom. She thinks about putting a hand on his shoulder or hugging him or something to calm him down, but she's not sure how he'll react. So instead, she says "Our daughter is back..."

"Not by my doing."

Nadia sighs. Tom can be real difficult when he's sulking.

As Nadia wonders how she can finally reach Tom, he suddenly backs off of the wall and turns towards the living room. "I'm going to bed."

All of the sudden, like it's a reflex, Nadia grabs Tom by the arm. She couldn't stop it because she can't take the wall he's put up between them anymore. Tom turns around and gives her a confused look.

Nadia returns his look with pleading eyes. "Come to bed, please."

Tom looks back at the living room, then back at Nadia. "Why are you doing this?"

Nadia pauses to make sure she doesn't choke up, then says "Maria reminded me of something just now, when she did what she did for Emilio." Nadia then hangs her head and puts her hand up to eyes, like she's trying to fight back the tears.

A concerned Tom asks "What is it?"

Nadia looks up at Tom and says "When times got tough for us, we always leaned on each other for support. Now, times are tough for us and we're drifting apart! Tom, that's not us! Dammit, I still love you!" Tom raises his eyebrows a bit in surprise at the fact that she still loves him. Nadia continues, now even more insistently. "And don't you EVER say that you weren't ever there for me because that is a lie! Without you, I wouldn't have any of this, I wouldn't have Maria, and I wouldn't be the woman I am now! So please, come to bed with me. I need you more than ever right now."

Sometimes kids say the darndest things, and sometimes kids do the darndest things. And in rare occasions like this, kids can be downright inspirational. Maria's desire to protect Emilio is almost reminiscent of moments that Nadia shared with Tom. Tom knows Nadia is right. He also knows that apparently, she doesn't hate him anymore, if she ever truly did at all. He looks down at his arm, which Nadia is still digging her nails into. He then looks back up at Nadia's pleading eyes and says "Ok."

Nadia meekly smiles and says "Thank you." Then, she leads Tom down the hallway like she led Maria just a couple minutes ago.

When they get into the room, Nadia lets go of Tom and closes the door softly. While she does that, Tom studies their king sized bed, with its cream-colored silk sheets. He feels a little relieved to be welcomed back into his own bed, although maybe he never was unwelcomed from it at all.

His thoughts are broken when Nadia lightly touches his left shoulder and says "Come on. It's not a bed of hot coals!"

"It sure seemed like it this time yesterday."

Nadia lets out a sigh and again says "Come on." Then, she starts heading for her side of the bed.

Tom takes his cue and heads for the right side of the bed, which is his normal side. As he does, he says "How many problems have we solved while lying in bed? Forget kingly thrones, conference tables, or a Judge's bench...beds make the best place to solve problems."

For the first time in days, Nadia laughs. "Well, for us anyway!" Then, she slides into bed.

Tom follows in right behind her and lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Nadia leans on her left side and has her attention all on Tom. Unsure where to start, she paints a wide brushstroke with her first comment. "So much has happened in the past week or so."

Tom snickers and says "You ain't kidding. Cesar..." Tom then turns over to Nadia. "How are you doing with that? I just realized you don't have any bruises no more."

Nadia shrugs and says "I've been fine from that for a couple days...seems like forever since that happened."

"That's about the time you learned about Sloane..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"We're going to have to at some point..."

"Tom, I never want to discuss Sloane again. I never want to THINK about him again. God, I can't believe that I bought his bullshit!"

"We all did. But listen, he's a part of this scheme that Paris got arrested for. We might run into him..."

Nadia forms a nasty scowl on her face as she rolls over to her back. "I don't even want to see him again. But if I do, I won't let him speak his poison to me. I'm going to kill him, and I'm going to kill him like you did...he'll suffer to his last breath." Nadia takes a deep breath and actually forms something of a sinister smirk on her face. "But I do want to see my Aunt Elena again. Oh yes, I do want to see her again. I want to look into the eyes of the bitch that raised me with hopes that I'd be her little pawn in her goddamn scheme. My mother killed her before I could. It's my turn now."

This is a side of Nadia that hasn't been seen since she was alive. Nadia can get really, really nasty about a person if she wants to. When she thought that it was Martin Bishop that killed her mother, Nadia saw red anytime she even thought of his name. She rarely brought up that subject around Tom because of how mad it would make her.

Eventually, Nadia lets out a sigh to try to calm herself down. She then turns looks back over at Tom and says "Sorry."

Tom cracks a small smile, trying to bring some levity back into the room, and says "It's ok. I feel the same way about Mitch."

Nadia then rolls over to her side, but keeps looking down at the bed a little nervously. It's time to address the friction between the two, they've danced around it enough. "Tom, I shouldn't have been as cruel to you as I was since Maria was abducted. That was wrong of me."

Tom's face turns glum again. "You also tried to knock my head off."

Nadia nods and looks back up at Tom somberly. "I know. But you have to understand that I love Maria so much. She's my child, and I was upset that my child was missing. I was so angry, and unfortunately, you were the only one I could take it out on. I was just so...afraid..."

"I was, too. And I do take responsibility for what happened..."

"You don't have to. You didn't abduct her. Mitch, my mother..." Nadia suddenly freezes. Her mother was involved in this. She hadn't really thought about that lately. But Mitch's letter said that Irina was against the idea. Just how involved was she?

There's also the fact that Tom's about to point out. "Maria and Emilio had an interesting opinion on Irina Derevko tonight."

Nadia snickers at that, amazed at the power of Irina's manipulative abilities. "Why would Irina twist their minds like that?"

"Because they're kids and it was easy?"

"No, remember what your mother said. Irina doesn't do things just because. There was a reason that she wanted the kids to favor her. But why?"

"Well, obviously something went wrong. Maybe Irina had something else planned before Julieta rose up against Mitch."

Nadia closes her eyes tightly. "Oh my goodness, I forgot all about her."

"Yeah, Charlie and Jerome are dead because of all this, too. Me and the boys are trying to figure out if we should hold some sort of memorial service for them. What about Julieta?"

Nadia opens her eyes again. "I would for Julieta, but I don't want the kids at the orphanage to know what happened."

"Emilio knows what happened. How long are we going to keep him here?"

"Until room opens up at another orphanage. He can't go back to San Marcos, he'll tell the kids."

Tom sighs. "Well, he's a good kid at least. I think having him stay with us will help both him and Maria heal from all this."

"You don't mind him staying for a while?"

Tom shakes his head. "No, not at all. Emilio earned my respect standing up to Mitch. But I'm afraid about how they both will feel when Emilio goes away again."

"It'll be tough, but they'll get over it. Being an orphan isn't easy, watching your friends go away all the time." Nadia pauses to see how Tom will react, but he doesn't argue her point. He realizes she knows more about being an orphan than he ever will and rarely questions Nadia over orphans. She continues. "That was so sweet what Maria did for him tonight."

"We're raising her right."

Nadia looks down at Tom's hands and holds one of them. "That's right. WE are raising her right." Nadia finishes that with a smile, hopeful that Tom agrees about the "we" part. Instead, Tom keeps looking up at the ceiling, not responding to that. Nadia's trying to steer the conversation back on track to the issue at hand, but Tom's got his mind on something else. Thinking that he's not buying into the "we" concept yet, Nadia asks a question she's nervous asking. "Do you still love me?"

Tom smacks his lips a bit, chuckles, and scratches his eyebrow...three things that give Nadia pause. Those are tells that Tom gives when he's nervous about something.

He then looks over at Nadia. "I was thinking back to when you were in your coma from the Sovogda bullshit. I visited you every week with Sydney. There's something I never told you about. Something I did during those visits. I swore Sydney to secrecy on this, too."

Nadia looks intrigued. "What is it?"

Tom looks relieved...Sydney didn't tell her. "Nadia, one of the ways I would pass the time in solitary was by creating really, really bad poetry to recite to you every week."

Nadia snickers a couple of times, even snorting out of her nose one time. She catches herself doing that and holds her hand up to her face. "I'm sorry...really?"

"Yeah, I thought it was good when I wrote it down, but when I said it, well, most of it was awful, and that's why I told Sydney to keep a secret. She didn't think they were all that bad, but I know she was just being nice. Anyway, there was one poem in particular that she said she liked, and I was just thinking about it when you asked me if I still loved you."

Nadia props her head up on her left hand, eager to hear the poem. "How did it go?"

Tom winces. "Do you really want to hear it?"

"If Sydney actually did like it, then I'll probably like it too."

Tom nods, then rolls over to his side to face Nadia. "Ok. Here it goes..." He takes a deep breath, composes the poem in his mind again, and starts reciting:

"Everyday, I sit alone with no one to greet,