Disclaimer: The Show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.
That which we face.
Chapter 21 – As luck would have it.
Big chapter here, I move forward on a couple of plot points. I hope you like it.
Tori's POV
Jade looked stunned. I knew she realized her parents were drifting apart but this appears to have come very unexpectedly. For a few moments she just stood there. I myself wasn't sure what to say.
"Please let me say it again, it is not you or your coming out that caused this. Your father and I knew we had drifted apart, and neither of us wanted to end up hating each other. If we stayed together it would only get worse. So we are separating."
"Divorce?" was all that Jade said.
Mrs. West nodded her head. "We will be getting divorced but decided on a separation period where we can take a step back amicably work out division of assets. We will be keeping you in Hollywood Arts high for your final year. We do realize how important it is to you."
I could see some of the tension and anxiety in Jade's face drain away at that mention. I felt a bit relieved as well. I would hate to have Jade change schools or even worse move away.
"What about living arrangements?"
"Your father has chosen to move into a small apartment near his office. You will continue to live here with me. We want to disrupt your life as little as possible. The house itself may eventually be sold but we won't do that until after you leave for college next year."
"Ok, thanks for trying to keep things stable for me."
"You're welcome Jade."
Jade nodded to the stairs for us to leave.
"Tori and I will be upstairs for a while." Jade said before we left.
A few moments later we were in Jades room. She still looked visibly shaken as she sat on the bed. She sighed and just stared straight off into space. I just sat next to her and put my arm around her waist. At that point she just leaned her head on my shoulder and said nothing.
I took her hand and we just sat there. She was hurting and I felt so bad for her.
"What would I do without you Vega?" She said after a few minutes without saying a word.
"I should be saying that Jade." I said in response.
"You're stronger than you look Vega. You've helped me as much as I've helped you."
I didn't know what to say so I just continued to hold her.
2 more weeks past after that day. It was my turn to support Jade. She seemed a lot more moody and withdrawn since the announcement of her parents separation. Even Cat tried to help her shake her funk but couldn't succeed.
I had discussed with my therapist of my feelings of inadequacy for not being as intimate with Jade as I wanted. She seemed to really need me and I kept feeling that I was only doing half the job. I slept over a lot during those two weeks. We would watch TV or go out but at the end of the night would crawl into bed with me and just hold on to me tightly.
I felt so torn. I kept feeling that I wasn't giving my all and started to feel guilty about it. My therapist told me to talk about it with Jade but she was dealing with emotions from her parents separation and I just couldn't.
It all came to a head one particular evening. Jade hadn't seen her father in more than a week. Her mother was around but seemed lost. She seemed to lack focus and looked down. That affected Jade who seemed to swing deeper into depression.
We were in her room watching the horror film The Exorcist. She seemed ok this day but still seemed down. I just keep feeling that she needed more of me, so I pushed myself a bit more than I should have.
I had been wanting to be with her from the beginning and she had been very patient. I think I initiated what I did for all the wrong reasons. Because I felt guilty, inadequate and also felt like I was letting her down. Part of me was scared I was going to lose her if I didn't make her really happy.
We were sitting on the bed when I just let my anxieties get the best of me and I started to kiss her neck. We had kissed many times in the weeks we had been going out. But we've never gone past 1st base so to speak.
Jade smiled as I began to kiss her neck slowly working my way up the side to her ear. There is gently put my tongue in it causing her to lightly giggle and almost shudder a bit. She turned to me and then returned the favor working on my neck. I had put my hands around her and without thinking got carried away and grabbed the bottom of her t shirt and swiftly pulled it off her.
She quickly looked very pleasantly surprised. I was enjoying it but felt a growing sense of nervousness inside of me which I just ignored. At that point before she could say anything I pulled off my t shirt and pulled her in for a long slow kiss. Her lips coming in ever so tenderly into mine. The farther I went the more torn I felt.
"Are you ok with this?" Jade asked.
I forced myself to say yes. Thinking that once I got past the growing sense of unease and memories of Ryder I would be ok.
I pushed myself ahead and quickly pulled off my bra and then removed hers. Breaking every few seconds to kiss and savor some part of her beautiful flesh. Jade took her time and enjoyed running her hands around my breasts.
It was then I heard in my head the voice of Ryder laughing at me. I should have slowed down or said something but out of guilt I pressed on. A few moments later when she started to suckle at my breast I started to freak out.
The fear came on in one big burst as I started to tremble and shake.
"I can't do this." I suddenly stammered as my panic attack started.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I quickly blurted out as I pulled away from her and started to cry.
I was freaking out, I wasn't even sure why. Mindlessly I threw my shirt back on and moved from the door.
"I'm so sorry Jade" I cried through the tears. I felt like the worst girlfriend in the world. Like I had failed her by panicking.
Moments later, holding my shoes in my hand I fled Jade's room and quickly left the house where it had begun to rain.
I felt horrible; my whole self esteem seemed to crumble at once as I just ran down the sidewalk holding my shoes. I was certain Jade would never want to speak with me again.
I was several houses down when I heard Jade yelling behind me. "Vega, get back here."
I was still in panic mode, I could hear Ryder's taunts and laughter as I ran. It began to pour as I got a little further.
"Tori please stop" Said Jade's voice behind me sounding closer.
Before I knew it Jade grabbed me and we fell onto the ground.
"What are you doing?" She said looking very upset.
I just sort of melted at that point. "I'm sorry Jade" I cried out.
"I'm a terrible girlfriend." I said quickly after that tears streaming down my rain soaked face.
Jade quickly pulled me off the ground and her face seemed to grow angry.
"No, You're not" she barked. "Now come inside with me right now."
She quickly took me back inside, both of us completely soaked by the time we got inside.
Once inside Jade seemed to sense just how busted up I was inside and appeared to grow very worried. "What happened?"
"I thought I was ready Jade. I want to be with you but I was feeling so guilty about not doing all I can for you. I just pushed myself too far and freaked out. You must hate me." I said my words pretty much all spilling out at once as my knees seemed to give way.
Jade knelt so she was in front of me. "You didn't need to push yourself any further than you want."
"But you've been so sad, I just wanted to make you happier. Make us better. Now you must hate me." I was still somewhat hysterical at this point.
Jade cupped her hands on my cheeks so I was looking directly into her blue green eyes.
"Tori I don't hate you. I feel so bad that you felt like you needed to do something before you're ready. In fact Tori, I love you."
Those words hit me like a lighting bolt. My response was instant, heartfelt and the absolute truth.
"I love you too Jade." I did love her and with all my heart.
She pulled me into a tight hug for a few moments and then pulled me off the floor.
"Come on lets get us out of these wet things and talk more." She said.
She took me by the hand and let me back into her room where she got us towels and we dried off and changed.
"Don't scare me like that Tori." Jade pleaded
"I just felt so bad, that I couldn't…" I started to say.
She put her hands on my shoulders. "Tori I love you, you're beautiful and wonderful. I know you've been hurt. You for these last few weeks have given me all the support you can muster. It's not about sex, it's about you being there for me and you've had. I want to be with you and I know you feel the same. Our time will come, but when it comes down to it, I'll wait. Because I know you're worth it. I can live without the sex, I can't live without you."
I just fell into her arms where she wrapped them around me and held me tight.
"You did spoil my plans though." She remarked.
I looked at her. "What?"
She released me and walked to her dresser where she extracted a small box from the top drawer.
"I was going to take you out to dinner next Saturday for our 2 month anniversary and give this to you." With that she pulled out a small necklace with a gold heart and placed it around my neck. Nothing fancy, just a simple gold heart.
"I was going to officially tell you that I love you and give you this heart. But you caused me to move up my plans." She said with a smirk. "Just like you Vega, always goofing up my plans."
I looked at the heart and began to cry again. "It's so beautiful, I didn't get you anything." I felt very badly.
She kissed me and smiled. "You said you love me which is all the gift I could ever want."
I made a secret vow to save up and get her something uber nice for our 6th month together. I later discussed the incident with my therapist who scolded me for not taking her advice and talking about it with Jade before there was a blow up. She did tell me that having a strong loving relationship will make me heal faster. Worry about making your relationship strong and everything else will follow in time she said.
"I do love you Jade." I said looking at my heart again.
I would like to say things were fine and peachy after that but a point of contention quickly arose between us.
About a week later while we were at the beach Jade spoke out of the blue.
"My mom looks lost, maybe she always been lost but I've never noticed." Jade said as she looked out over the ocean.
"She'll find her self eventually" I said looking up from my romance novel.
"I think it's that Lisa, I'm sure my mother still lovers her."
I raised an eyebrow. "You think your mother has been pining for her missing girlfriend for the last 28 years?"
Jade paused for a moment. "Yes I do."
"You don't want to find her? Do you?" I asked cautiously.
"What about it?" she said looking at me with a look of determination.
"I'm not sure Jade. When your mom spoke of her she was awfully afraid of looking her up. She was probably afraid of what she would find."
Jade looked disappointed and pointed to my book. "You're supposed to be the romantic."
I held up the book. "A novel is one thing, messing with peoples lives is another."
Jade seemed to back off. "Maybe your right, we couldn't find her anyway.
The thought of two long lost lovers finding each other was very appealing to me but this is real life. Reunions of this type don't always go well. Jade and her mom are finally getting along, messing with this Lisa business could make things worse.
I thought that was the end of it that day at the beach but over the next two weeks Jade kept bringing it up. I was just uncomfortable with it. Too much chance for disaster I thought. Jade and I had been through a lot. I was still feeling somewhat bad for my little freak out a few weeks previous.
Each time I would caution Jade that it wasn't a good idea and not our business. Each time she seemed to argue about it longer with me. It was slowly getting a very sore spot for both of us. Each time I was more opposed to the idea. It became a point of contention. She felt that it would finally heal her mother's heart. I told her it could shatter it forever. She meant well but sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I just wanted to spare Jade and her mother more heartache.
"She has a memory of the woman she loves when their relationship is strong. Let's not do anything to spoil that memory of Lisa or their time together." I would tell her.
Jade just seemed determined. One day 3 weeks after we told each other we loved each other she came over. We were just going to go to the movies.
"I found out her last name." Jade said confident as she walked in the door.
"Who's?" I asked as I shut the door behind her.
"Lisa" she said proudly.
I rolled my eyes. "Not this again Jade. Too much of a risk. How did you find out that information anyway?"
Jade frowned. "I found the metal box she had her mementoes in. I just had to. I wanted to find out some info so I could find Lisa."
My jaw dropped. "You went through your mothers personal private things?"
Jade frowned more. "Yes I did."
"You shouldn't have done that. You're mom doesn't it dredged up otherwise she would have done so. Why do you have to keep pressing it." I said standing my ground.
"Because she needs it" Jade shouted.
"Says who?" I shouted back. We had hit the breaking point on this issue and now were in a full fledged fight over it.
"Says me." She pulled out a sheet of paper. "I went through the stuff and found some info on her we could use to find her. Fix my mom. I though you would be on my side Tori. You've been fighting me all the way on this. Why?" she continued to yell.
It appeared that both of our patience were exhausted. "It's like before Jade, you're assuming she wants this. Don't assume anything. Just leave it alone. You could really hurt your mother. No but you just keep poking the sleeping dog don't you."
"Dam you Tori" she screamed at me. "The one time I need you here to help me you just turn your back on me."
"That's not fair, I've always been there for you. You're just being stupid." I regretted saying that almost immediately.
"Fuck you" She screamed at me as she tossed the piece of paper at me and stormed out.
I broke down in tears right after she left. That was our first real huge fight. I just didn't know what to say and was very depressed. I tried to call her after a few hours hoping she had cooled down but she wouldn't take my call. I finally sent a text.
To Jade. I love you and I'm sorry I said you were being stupid I was just trying to help you not make a mess of things.
She didn't respond which only further depressed me. One of my biggest worries is that if we found this person Jade would Jet right there and burst into Lisa's life. This Lisa could be happily married for all we know. She could be a criminal or a junky too. I wanted to be romantic; I wanted to see Jade's mother and Jade happy. I was just too afraid of negative consequences.
I had half an idea maybe how to solve this. But I had to do this on my own. I picked up the paper to see the notes she had written down from the info she found in the box.
Lisa Ann Pitman Born June 15th, 1967, in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Daughter of Major William R. Pitman serving in the US 3rd Armored Division as of March 1985. Siblings Mark and Laura. Mother name is Caroline. Father Stationed in Germany 1983-1985.
A few minutes later I found my father in his study.
"Dad" I asked.
"Yes Tori." He replied.
"I have a huge favor to ask. Jade and I had a terrible fight over trying to find someone from her mothers past. I'm afraid that feelings may get hurt if Jade tries to contact this person. But maybe if I found out I could decide if it was worth proceeding."
"What do you need?"
"I have some information. Could you tell me if this person has a record or something? Maybe just that info may stop Jade from making a mistake. I know you have access to all kinds of police and military databases."
I handed him the information and he studied it for a minute. "It sounds like you have Jade's best interest at heart. I'll probably regret this but this relationship is a lot to you I'll look it up. Give me a few minutes."
I smiled and said thanks.
I was in my room when he returned a few minutes later.
"I did a search. I found her. Lisa has no arrest record, just some run of the mill traffic stuff. A speeding ticket and a lane change violation. Is this important to you?"
"Very much so I said."
"I'm going to go out on a limb here. Her name now is Lisa Morgan. She's a beautician and owns her own beauty salon in Long Beach, California. From what I looked up, it's nice but not ultra Beverly hills nice. Here is the address. Just don't do anything stupid. OK."
"Thank you daddy. I won't" I said giving him a hug.
My dad just went out on huge limb for me. Her name was change which means at one point she was married and could very well be. I didn't want to endanger anyone's marriage but I had a thought of how I could handle this with no one getting hurt. I needed to to this alone though.
The next morning I called the number of the salon. A minute later someone a lady answered.
"Hello Sea side beauty salon how can I help you."
"Hello I'm interested in getting my hair cut and possibly a style."
I would have to sacrifice some of my hair but it just may be a way out.
"Yes we can help you. Have you been with us before?"
"No, but a friend recommended one of your stylists. I think her name was Lisa."
The woman's voice perked up. "Yes she is our owner. As luck would have it she had a cancellation for 1 o'clock today. . Would you like to book her?"
I smiled, my plan may actually work.
"Why Yes I would. The name is Tori Vega."
Big chapter. Plus two chapters today. Enjoy