The Random Megaman Parody Show: Second Offense
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #22
A Parody of A Miracle On 34th Street
By: The Battle Network series
(In opening scene, the clerk in the window looks up to face the Burger King king.)
Topman - You there! You're in my spot!
(Topman walks up and is punched by the king.)
Topman - Oh! Now you've done it!
(They fight in a Mortal Kombat-style battle and Topman wins.)
Topman - Honestly. Now, where was I? Ah, yes! You're making a mistake!
(At the parade, Topman walks up to one of the floats.)
Topman - You're a disgrace and I won't allow myself to be impersonated in this fashion. Eh… Clyde?
(MSX throws his megaphone behind him.)
MSX - Dammit! Someone get my agent off the set!
(A few minutes later, Roll is talking to Megaman.)
Roll - My mother and father were divorced when they had me.
(Megaman stares at Roll before Clyde appears.)
Clyde - Awkward…
(MSX throws the megaphone down again.)
Clyde - God dammit, Clyde!
(Later, in the locker room.)
Topman - I guess that I like watching kids' faces light up when I give them presents. Especially if its' my two-timing wife's head in a box. Then the face will really light up.
(In the mall, Topman sits on a chair.)
Topman - What do you want for Christmas?
(Trill begins talking illegibly and Topman smacks him.)
Topman - Now, when I ask you 'What do you want for Christmas?' again, you'd better speak English or I'll punch you next time.
(As Topman and Medi begin singing in Dutch, Roll looks on in confusion.)
Roll - -thinking- What the fuck are they saying?
(Later, in the apartment.)
Maylu - I speak French, but that doesn't make me Joan of Arc.
(Medieval people break down the door.)
Random Guy - There she is!
(Maylu grabs a bow and arrow and shoots all three people with one arrow.)
Maylu - Like I was saying…
(On Topman's employment card, the next of kin is written as follows: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Driedel (My Jewish cousin) Later still, back in the apartment, as Topman and Roll are being monkeys, Clyde appears.)
Clyde - Ah! Aliens!
(MSX's eye begins twitching.)
MSX - One more time Clyde and I'll nuke your box!
(A little while later, in the bedroom.)
Topman - There must be something you want for Christmas. Something you haven't even told your mother about.
Roll - Well…
(Roll pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Topman.)
Topman - Is this Tom Cruise's nutsa…
(Roll snatches it back and hands him another piece of paper.)
Topman - Ah! A house.
(That night, Topman pulls gum out of his beard, then he shaves. The next morning, he goes up to the mirror and sees that its' already grown back.)
Topman - Damn this curse…
(In the office, Topman takes a sledgehammer and smashes Gutsman on the head with it.)
Topman - Tell me that won't leave a bump the size of Kansas. Come on! I dare ya.
(A few days later, in the courthouse.)
Bass - The state rests, your honor.
(Glyde stands up.)
Glyde - That's it? That's brilliant! Three questions. You must be the world's greatest lawyer! Sit your fat ass down, faggot!
(During the trial, O. J. Simpson runs in.)
O. J. Simpson - I did it! I killed her! I killed my wife! But guess what? You can't do shit about it!
(He strips off his clothes and begins dancing about be being tackled to the ground. Time passes and the scene changes back into the apartment.)
Maylu - You mean for murder?
Glyde - Oh, no! It's not that kind of a trail.
(Topman walks by the door dragging a body with several knives sticking out of it.)
Glyde - Well, maybe it should be…
(In the empty house, Maylu and Topman stare at a cane.)
Glyde - It must've been left here by the people who lived here before.
(Suddenly, Topman walks in.)
Topman - Sorry, forgot my cane.
(He grabs it and walks out while muttering, 'I'm not wearing underwear today… No, I'm not wearing underwear today…')
Next time: I skewer America's most cherished holiday movie.