**I know guys, it's been way too long. I noticed I've been working on this story for what, two years? Yeah, no. I need to sit my ass down and work on this, which is what I'm doing! I'm so sorry it's been such a stupidly long journey, but I promise that I will finish this story within the coming months, and if not that just means it'll be longer than I expected. Thank you for still reading and dealing with my AWOL-ness. Let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy it!**

Comfy confines of a warm, welcoming bed surrounded me as I was curled up, watching Roy tiredly as he walked into the room carrying a tray of a food for me. I sat up on the pillows he had propped up against the headboard. My head fell back against the feathered clouds, and I sighed I felt my eyelids drop and beg for sleep. I couldn't fall asleep yet. I knew Roy wanted me to get something in my stomach.

The bed dipped slightly as Roy sat down on the edge of it, beside me. He set the tray over my lap, and I stared down at its contents. Soup, bread, a banana, and some water. I smiled, "You're so sweet and thoughtful. You know that, right?"

"I want to keep you healthy and happy. If that makes me sweet and thoughtful, then so be it." Roy smiled and kissed my forehead. "Would you like me to feed you, sweetheart?"

I blushed as I looked up into his dark eyes, "Normally I would say no, but I'm just so weak and tired… Would it be too bothersome?"

"Not at all, sweetheart." Roy lifted the spoon, and was soon feeding me, making sure the soup wasn't too hot for me.

As Roy fed me, I let my mind wander to a place where everything was… perfect. A sort of… alternate, made up reality. A place where Roy and I had known each other for a while due to him knowing my parents, and once I turned legal age, we started seeing each other. A place where we could be seen in the public's eye without being looked down upon. A place where we were in love and happy. A place where the military and the homunculi didn't pose a threat for us. A place where… a place where I was happy with myself, and wasn't afraid to be myself around Roy.

If only we had lived in that sort of reality. No… we're stuck seeing each other in secret, assuming that Roy wants to continue our relationship- which he hasn't given any inclination that he doesn't. We're going to have go about our daily lives now acting as if we don't feel this strong pull towards each other. We're going to have be Major Emma Aiman and Colonel Roy Mustang, nothing more… We couldn't let anyone catch on, or it would be Roy's career. Not only career, but his freedom. If it got out that he was fornicating with a sixteen year old… he'd be stripped of his title and be given a new title; Pedophile.

My heart picked up its pace.

I couldn't do that to Roy… I couldn't put him in the risky path of being dubbed a pedophile and losing everything he's been working for and striving for only to be thrown in prison…

I just couldn't do that to him…

Tears stung my eyes as I looked up into his caring face. How could I be so selfish and put the man I love into this position? Here he is, working so hard to get to the top, to be Fuhrer, and change this country, and here I am, coming along and thinking I can be in his life. Me, a mere sixteen year old. Roy's twenty-nine, nearly thirty, and if he's caught with me, he can lose everything. I'm being so selfish by wanting to be in his life, to be with him, to never lose him, that I'm forcing myself to be the very thing, the very reason that could create his downfall.

"Roy…"

Roy gently dabbed my lips with the crisp napkin and stood, taking the tray to the dresser, "Yes, Emma?" He laid down next to me, pulling me into his arms.

"… We have to end this. Once I leave here and go back to the Hughes'… it's over between us." I felt my chest tighten, my throat closing, my stomach dropping. The tears were threatening to flow and the nausea was creeping up. I couldn't look into his eyes. I couldn't face the hurt I knew would be there.

"Emma? What… why?" Even for not looking at him, the hurt was very evident in his voice, and it made the tears and nausea worse.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, tried to swallow the nausea down, but it didn't help. "What if we are caught? What if word gets out that we are together? You'd be stripped of everything, be thrown in prison, and be charged as and called a pedophile. I can't… I can't do that to you. Be the cause of that… I just can't…"

The hysteria inside me was escalating, and I felt the nausea creeping up to higher levels. I covered my mouth, and jumped out of the bed. I made it to the bathroom and threw my head in the toilet in time. My body lurched forwards as the vomit expelled from my mouth. I was shaking, sobbing, I always hated throwing up, even when I caused it.

I felt warm, comforting hands on my back, and one gently moved my hair back out of my face. "Emma…"

Roy gently rubbed my back as I continued to empty my stomach (this time it wasn't my doing), and when I finished he helped me rinse my mouth out and brush my teeth.

"You got yourself so worked up, you made yourself sick… What am I going to do with you?" He placed a sweet, gentle kiss on my forehead as he held me, leaning back against the bath tub.

He was right…

I had worked myself up so much about my own selfishness causing Roy to lose everything that I had caused myself to get sick. My emotions often played a huge role in my health, unfortunately. However… being near Roy made everything… better. My depression was buried away in my mind. My schizophrenia hardly ever flared up. The only time they bothered me was if I was in emotional turmoil about Roy.

My mind was my own personal enemy. It was a binding cocoon that trapped me, kept me from being free and able to love Roy without being emotionally stressed. I couldn't escape from myself… and that's what was killing me…

"Roy… I just don't want to-"

His warm lips cut me off, and I sighed softly before returning the kiss. My fingers clutched his shoulders as he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. "Rest." He whispered as he laid me down.

My lips puckered into a pout as I looked up at him. I rolled onto my stomach and pressed my cheek into the pillow, breathing in his scent off the pillow and sheets. His scent surrounded me and calmed me, and I felt so at home and at ease.

My mind had started slipping off into sleep but I was jolted back to consciousness upon feeling Roy's lips on my back, ghosting over the nightgown I wore. I felt his fingertips trail up the backs of my thighs, slowly up to grab the bottom of my nightgown and pull it up. "Roy…"

I gasped as I felt his large hands grip and squeeze my butt and then play with the lace of my underwear. My cheeks heated up at his actions, so I resolved to pressing my face into the pillow. My moan was muffled as his teeth nipped my neck. Whatever happened to me resting?

His finger tugged down my lacey underwear and I bit the pillow pressed against my face. Shudders passed through my body as his lips gently ghosted over the fresh gaps and slashes on my back from the homunculis' leader's beatings. Father- no, now wasn't the time to think about that. I'm safe now, with Roy.

"Roy…" I squeezed the sheets tightly as he unexpectedly entered me.

My mind was clouded over with pleasure and pain. Not physical pain but emotional. I was so torn about my situation with Roy, I just wasn't sure what to do. I loved him, but I couldn't allow him to put his neck out for the inevitable chopping.

The feel of his arms at either of my sides, as if a shield to protect me from whatever may came… The feel of his chest occasionally brushing against my back… The feel of his panting breath on my neck… It was all too much.

I let a tear fall and buried my face in the pillow, sobbing out in pleasure and hurt. I loved Roy, and I was going to be damn selfish about it too. I wasn't letting him go. It would hurt too much, and I would surely spiral back down my old path of self destruction.

I felt Roy slump above me, his chest barely touching my back, but I felt the cold dog-tags still around his neck. I slowly rolled over, and looked up at him with the tears brimming my eyes, "Roy…" I sat up slightly and kissed him with everything I had. I put all my emotions and passion into the kiss, trying to show him how I felt.

Roy gently lowered me as he kissed back. His lips left mine, but he placed a soft peck on my lips before laying down beside me, holding me tightly to him. "You aren't going anywhere, Emma. You hear me? You're mine, and I won't let you leave." His voice was so caring and loving…

I smiled and kissed his collarbone before settling down into his arms. I had to say it, I just had to. No more running from my own feelings, no more trying to push it off, no more being scared. "Roy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" He looked down at me.

I was breathless for a moment, he looked so… beautiful. His hair all tousled, fighting off sleep, relaxing, peaceful. I gently scooted up so that my lips were almost touching his, and I whispered those words I was afraid to tell him, afraid to admit to myself, "I love you…"

Roy stared at me. He just stared. No emotion showing on his face. I felt the world crumbling around me. How could he love a sixteen year old girl? How could he love someone like me? I looked down, trying to force the tears away. I was a fool. All I was to Roy was just… just a piece of ass, and once he get's tired of me-

"Emma…" He gently tilted my chin up. His grey eyes were, a warm smile on his face, "I love you, too." His lips pressed against mine. "I've been trying to deny it. This relationship, our ages, it's just wrong. So, when I noticed these… weird feelings I kept trying to push them away, push you away, but I couldn't. You kept coming… like a moth to a flame." Roy smirked at his silly little analogy. "I love you, Emma Aiman."

I looked down, shyly, then guilt slowly took over me…

"What if… What if I told you that there was something about me that was a lie?"

Roy cocked his eyebrow up, "Well, I'd want to know so that I wouldn't rush to conclusions and we could talk it out like a normal couple."

Couple…

Were we now a couple? Just by uttering three words to each other?

"Emma?" His hands gently cupped my cheek, "Talk to me."

I took a deep breath and nodded, "Emma isn't my name… Not my real name at least…"

Roy's eyes widened, then it looked like something had clicked, "That's why there was little in your file."

I glared, "You checked my file?"

"Emma… I was curious about you. I- can we just discuss this after you talk to me, Emma? Or whatever your real name is?"

I looked into his eyes and sighed softly, "Astarte Emmalynn Laguz. That's my real name. I'm sure there's a huge, thick file on that name…" I shook my head and looked back up at him, "I took on my middle name Emma Lynn, and then my aunt's last name after she married, Aiman. I figured… if I let the name Astarte die, then so would her mistakes, her past, her… everything. With the 'birth' of Emma, I would become a new person, a better person. That's partially true… because I found you, and you make me a better person." I gave him a small, sad smile.

Roy gently cupped my cheek, his sigh breezing over my face, "What should I call you, then?"

"Emma. I told you, the name Astarte is dead…"

Roy kissed me softly and held me, "Sleep. We'll talk more in the morning…"

*.*

Days and weeks passed, until those days and weeks turned into two months. I was doing dirty work for the homunculi, checking in with Envy at the end of every week, I gave him little information to pass on, however. Just mundane things such as the financial standings of the military, trouble within Amestris, silly mundane things that would be of no use to them. Roy and I kept our relationship a secret, obviously. Whenever the others were on lunch break, we'd lock the door and either just sit on the couch together, talking about whatever came to our minds, or he'd press me against the wall, his desk, the floor, the couch, and have his wicked way with me. Of course I'd be too vocal and he'd have to cover my mouth with either his mouth or hand.

Today was no different then any other day when the others went off to lunch. However, I noticed Roy seemed a bit more… rigid ever since I came into the office.

I walked over to him, smiling sweetly, "I have fruit for lunch today."

Roy raised an eyebrow at me, "That's it?" His deep voice was condemning me.

I blushed, "Y-Yeah… I had a big breakfast!"

"Yes, because yogurt and a banana suffice as a bit breakfast." Roy sighed and stood, grabbing a container out of one of his drawers. "You're sharing my lunch with me. Good thing I brought extra." He smirked. That bastard…

He had a thing now, he would always bring extra of what he was eating for lunch and made sure I ate it. If I told him I needed to go to the bathroom, he would follow me, and I knew he was pressing his ear against the door. He has been so protective of me, it was almost… father-like.

I sat down on the couch with my cup of fruit and smiled as he sat beside me, throwing an arm around me. "So what did you bring for lunch today?"

"Leftovers." Roy smiled his cheeky smile and opened the container, handing me a pair of chopsticks.

I leaned against him as we ate. Normally we talked, causing us to eat slow… today however, there were no words exchanged as he ate. Roy threw out the empty container and sat back down beside me. He pulled me onto his lap and held me, tucking my head under his chin.

Sitting like this with him… it was worth anything. I would give up kissing him just to sit like this every day with him, and not worry about who sees. I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat…

"Emma…"

"Yes, Roy?"

"I love you…"

I looked up at him. Even though we had told each other those words two months ago, we hadn't said them since. It was more of an 'let our actions show our love' kind of thing. I smiled softly and kissed his slightly stubbly chin, "I love you, too, Roy… So much…"

His arms tightened around me, "I promise I will never hurt you… I promise I will never betray you… I promise I will never leave you."

Something wasn't right, it was as if… as if he were saying goodbye. "Roy? What is all this about?" I leaned back in his lap slightly, looking him in the eye. "Talk to me."

Roy's eyes never strayed from mine. There was little emotion showing in his eyes… "The situation with Drachma has… escalated. Now, we're in an all out war with them."

"Okay? How does that affect us?"

Roy sighed and kissed me. "The other's are coming back. We'll talk more about this later."

But we didn't… I was home with the Hughes' sitting in my room alone. We didn't talk about it after work. He hadn't come over to talk about it. No phone call. Nothing…

The sudden knocking at my door made me jump. I was wasn't properly dressed. I was only wearing a thin chemise. If it was Gracia, it wouldn't be a problem. Same with Elysia. But if It was Edward or Alphonse coming by to say hi like they normally did, I would be embarrassed. Or Maes… then… I don't even want to think about it.

I jumped up off my bed and opened my closet, but the banging at the door grew more frantic. "Hold on." I said. Deciding against getting my robe out, I walked over to the door and opened it.

Standing in front of me was Roy. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, which I found odd because he looked perfectly fine earlier in the day. "Roy, what's the matter?" I asked.

I saw Gracia standing in the hall. Her face was full of worry. She shook her head slightly then walked into Elysia's room. Gracia knew Roy and I had gotten close, but she saw it more as a sort of father-daughter relationship. She thought Roy always came around and helped out because I didn't have a father, and for some reason he felt the connection and wanted to help me out…

I turned my attention to Roy, who had walked into my room and was looking out the window. "Roy?" I closed the door then walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Darling, tell me what's wrong."

Roy sighed and continued to stare out the window. It was beautiful outside. The moon was a crescent shape, the stars were shinning bright. It's been a while since I've seen such a beautiful sight.

I let go of Roy and sat on my bed, pulling his hand with me. Roy pulled his hand out of mine and turned towards me. "Emma…" I could see something in his eyes. Something that I've only seen once. His eyes are dull with regret. His face showed signs of stubble, more so then earlier today. He looked like he's aged over the course of the day.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and whispered, "Roy?"

"I have to go."

It was so blunt. So… monotone. Not caring. No meaning.

My eyes stung, "What do you mean, Roy? You can't be so vague."

"I have to go." This time, he said it slower and I could hear the emotions in his voice. His voice was weak with remorse and grief.

I stared into his eyes, "Why is this so sudden? Roy, talk to me. Please. Is there a reason?"

"Yeah…" Roy crossed his arms over his chest then turned to look out the window. I followed his gaze. The moon was now covered in dark clouds.

I blinked and tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away. "You can't leave me. You promised-"

"I know."

I blinked again and more tears fell. I choked back a sob, "Please, don't go." I couldn't stop the begging in my voice.

Roy turned to me and his gaze softened. "Why? You know I have to." He sat down next to me. I leaned into him and started crying. "Are you sad about it?" It was a stupid question, but the real meaning behind it was 'are you going to be like this while I'm gone?'

"Yes…" I answered.

Roy's arms circled around my waist, and his chin rested on my head. I looked up at the man who I loved. We had finally confessed our feelings, became a 'couple,' and now… now he's just up and leaving? "Roy… there's something I have to tell you."

"Shh." Roy put his glove clad finger to my lips and then kissed me.

I pulled away abruptly, realizing why Roy had come here. This may be the last time I will see him… What he had told me about Drachma… I had finally understood why he told me…

Tears sprung to my eyes and shock my head fast. "No…" I squeaked. I bawled my fists and bowed my head, feeling my tears dripping onto my thigh. I may never see Roy again. "Roy, please I-"

"Emma…" Roy whispered before he kissed me again.

This time, I didn't pull back, rather, I pushed myself onto Roy, pushing him down onto my bed. I kissed him eagerly with a strong passion that was only for Roy. He kissed me back equally, and gripped my arms tightly.

Roy flipped us over and pulled his lips away. The both of us were panting. I closed my eyes as his lips kissed and sucked my neck. Yes, Roy. Mark me as yours. Please, I love you. I grabbed Roy's face and brought it back to mine.

Before I could kiss him, there a light knocking on the door. Roy sat up, and helped me sit up, before walking to the door.

Riza stood in the doorway with, what I assumed, Roy's uniform coat draped over her arm. "Sir, it's time to leave." She looked at me with sad eyes. There was something that told me, two months ago, that Riza knew about Roy and I. I don't know how, but I just had this gut feeling that she did…

"Yes, well. I'll be out in a minuet, Riza." Roy replied.

Riza nodded curtly, then turned on her heel and left. I jumped up and wrapped my arms around Roy and pressed my face into his back. "Please, please don't go!" I shouted.

"I have to, Emma." Roy groaned. He pulled my arms away from him, turned around to face me, and held my hands in his larger hands. "Emma, I may not come back."

"I… I know. Which is why I don't want you to go."

Roy smiled, "Emma, from the day I met you I knew you were spectacular." He leaned down and kissed me. It was gentle and loving, and it made my heart melt and tears fill my eyes.

"Roy, I want you to promise me something."

"Anything." Roy murmured against my lips.

"Come back to me. Come home."

Roy pulled back and smiled, "Emma, that is going to be something that will be very hard to promise, but I will do my best. I promise. I want you to promise something too. Promise me, that whatever it is you want to tell me, you'll tell me when I get back."

"But Roy-"

He kissed me again, and we both stumbled backwards to my desk. I gripped the edges of it as his hands cupped my cheeks. He pulled away, "Dammit Emma… you're making this so hard…"

I looked up at him, and saw his charcoal eyes shinning with unshed tears. "Roy, I lo-"

Once again, he silenced me with his finger, "When I get back." He said it… so sadly, like he doubted that he would come home…

"Promise… promise when you get back that we won't keep us a secret anymore?"

"Emma-"

"Promise!"

Roy looked into my eyes and kissed me softly, "I promise…"

I watched as he turned his back to me, slowly walking out of my room. I sobbed when he didn't look back at me, or give me his cocky smirk, or say anything. I fell to the floor and cried and screamed and sobbed, and I stayed like that for the rest of the night.

He left me, breaking his promise. He hurt me, breaking another promise. Is that all Roy would do to me? Break his promises? Would he not come home? Would he come home… in a casket? Was he giving up on himself so easily? Giving up on us? If that's what he was doing, he was doing a good job at it, because all I'm left with from him is a shattered heart and empty promises…