Screaming. He could hear screaming. Derek struggled to focus….struggled to open his eyes. His hand hurt…his head was spinning…but…the screaming…"Meredith!" he called out….he started to push himself to sit up…his head pounding….he groaned as every nerve in his body screamed in protest…screamed….screaming. "MEREDITH!" he called out again as he jolted up right, his eyes finally blinking open. His vision blurred and he felt the world spin…he gulped in air, gasping as his chest felt like it would explode. "Meredith!" he whispered again.
"Derek…that you…uh…Dr Shepherd…you awake?"
Derek looked around, then as his mind cleared looked up and muttered. "I'm awake Jerry…how ya doin'?"
"Better than Robbins!" came the quiet reply
Derek turned back and focused on his wife, smiling as he saw her looking back at him. She was sitting behind Arizona, supporting the woman who was weakly writhing and moaning…her face deathly pale.
"At least the screaming has stopped" Jerry said. "Tears me apart every time…just...tears me a part ya know!" When Derek didn't answer Jerry added, "Guess you don't…you're a doctor….guess you're used to it huh?"
"No" Derek whispered. "You never get used to it…and never when it's a friend…never"
"Sorry" Jerry muttered. "Didn't mean to upset you!"
Derek sighed. "You didn't. It's just…you're right…we're doctors….all of us…" he glanced at his best friend lying still and grey…and swallowed back the tears he could feel forming, "we're doctors….yet…yet none of us can do a damn thing! I can't take away Arizonas pain…I can't operate to help Mark breath…"he glanced at his shattered hand and whispered, "I….can't operate…."
"Derek?"
"We're doctors Jerry" Derek spoke up again, "yet right now…we're…nothing…useless….broken!"
"Don't speak like that!" Jerry said quickly. "Don't! I know I said I hate to hear Arizona screaming…but your wife and Dr Yang…they are fighting to keep her alive, if they weren't doctors they wouldn't know what to do…and last night…last night I sat here and listened as one of them did that CP whatsit on your friend Sloan…whilst the other had to fight for Arizona…she had a…a…a clot yeah…a clot…she couldn't breath…the two of 'em..Mark and Arizona…they were dying…really dying…but cos you're all doctors…cos you know what to do…they're still with us….both of them…hanging on…so you're not nothing…you're not…useless….we're all still here….we're all still fighting…even if it is…painful to hear!"
Derek nodded, and then watched Cristina and Meredith gently settle Arizona back into a comfortable position. He was shocked when the normally harsh Cristina Yang gently stroked Arizonas cheek and whispered soothingly to her until the blonde womans muted sobs subsided and her ragged breathing eased as she drift in to a restful sleep. He turned to look at Mark, and then slowly edged his way over until he was sitting next to his best friend.
"Can you hear me Sloan?" he whispered. When his friend didn't reply Derek sighed softly and started to tell him. "I'm sorry…about Lexie…I'm sorry I ever stood in your way and I'm sorry I was too blind and dumb to see how you really felt about her. I…I kinda thought you and Torres were a good hook up…called that wrong to didn't I…? Wow yeah…in sooooooo many ways…not least because I can't imagine Callie with anyone other than Arizona…they're a perfect fit…like me and Mer…and…and like you…and Lexie. So…I'm sorry. You….you're a good guy…you deserved to be happy…and she, she would have been the one to make you happy…she was…your one….she was…the one you had waited for." Derek shifted closer still and lowered his voice again so only Sloan could hear him. "Mark… I don't want to lose you….you're…you're my brother ya know! But…I understand if you wanna be with Lexie…I mean…if it was me…" he glanced up a Meredith before continuing, "if it was me…I couldn't go on without Meredith…And…and I know you're hurt…I know that…so I get it…if you wanna give up…I do. But…it isn't just Lexie who loves you Sloan…you have a daughter…you have Sofia…Arizona is fighting to stay with her….fighting so hard….she's fighting to get back to Callie to…and you know how important you are to Torres….and Mark…when we get home.…uhm…Arizona is in bad shape…I think…I think it's gonna take a while for her to come back from this….so…Callie is gonna need you more than ever. She's gonna need her best friend… she's gonna need you Mark. So… I get it ok…and I understand…but please….please….I have never begged for anything in my life…but I'm begging now….hold on. Stay with us….please…don't let go"
[xx]
"Ok, that's it…now don't let go!" The physiotherapist was just finishing off the session as Teddy hovered outside the room. This was the check up she had been dreading all day…but apart from the surgery on an emergency admission, all other surgeries had been cancelled or postponed…and she had visited every other post op patient on her ward. So now…she had to be brave and face this one out…she had to. She finished the last of her sixth cup of coffee and smiled as the physio left the room. "He is fine sitting up on his own" he told her as he scrolled through his ipad.."making excellent progress in fact. He should be ok for my department to sign him for discharge by the end of the week!"
"Oh…that's good…he is uh…planning on heading to Belize!" Teddy said with a small smile
"Yeah," the physio replied. "He told me. He uh….he also told me he is best friend with Dr Robbins….Dr Altman…he doesn't know!"
Teddy looked at him before giving a brief nod. "We…we kept it from him until we knew he was strong enough to hear it. I'm…I'm going to tell him now….can't hide it anymore…too many people are too upset…whole hospital has been rocked…I …I don't want him to hear it as idle gossip…so I'm…uhm…going to tell him. Now"
The young man reached out and gently rested his hand on her shoulder. "Do you want me to stay? He and I have become …friends…he is a nice dude…can totally see why he and Ariz…ah…Dr Robbins are besties!"
"Thanks…but…it's fine" Altman said as she moved towards the door, "he and I have become friends to…and I think…I think he may just need some peace to let it all …set in…if it ever does!"
"Dr Altman" the young physio chewed his lip a fraction before asking. "Have they heard? I mean…have they heard…anything…anything at all?" He sighed and then took a deep breath as he watched Teddy slowly shake her head. "And uhm…Callie…Dr Torres….how's she holding up. She's our Ortho Goddess…we in physiotherapy work with her a lot…she treats us as equals and we…care about her…we all want to …tell her how we feel…but …don't know…how!"
Teddy smiled as she looked at him. "I'll tell her…she 's not up to dealing with too many people right now…but I will tell her …I promise!"
"And…she's ok? I mean…she's uh…."
This time it was Teddy who rested her hand on a shoulder to give comfort. "Callie is…holding on…something we all have to do…ok?
After a few seconds he nodded, looked at her and grinned gently before heading off to his next patient. "Good luck" he called softly as he left the reception of the ward.
The young man in the bed looked up expectantly as she walked in, but instantly his smile faltered and his eyes betrayed his disappointment. "Hey Altman!" he said brightly, trying to cover his sadness"
"Hey Nick….physio tells me you're doing really well…he reckons you should be out of here by the end of the week…so I guess…if you check out ok with me now…you'll be on the beach in Belize this time next week!"
"Music to my ears" he grinned weakly. "No offence to you and the endlessly impossible line of beautiful doctors that have been fighting for me…but…well, not a fan of hospitals…as you can probably tell from the fact I left it too late to get treated!" He wiggled his eyebrows to try to make a joke of things, but Teddy was only able to give a small smile back. He took a deep breath and glanced at the door behind her. "So uh… you checkin' me out solo today? Normally you have…ah…Yang in tow…and I was sure …that Callie and I were getting on fine…and uh…well…" he paused and let his head drop as he whispered, "I haven't seen Phoenix for a couple of days…kinda think I have upset her"
"Nick" Teddy whispered, but mustn't have heard as he continued. "She is tough…and stronger than people realise, and so smart to you know…especially if they don't see passed the goofy smile and mega dimples….people may not notice just how smart my girl is. And her heart…well…hey…it's as big as Arizona…as big as Texas…hell the whole of the States!" he chuckled then added, "so I don't get why she has abandoned me again…why she is ignoring me? Oh…unless…I'm reminding her too much of Tim… I'm reminding her of all the pain…and despite her saying she would be here for me…she can't…she can't…it's ….too much for her. After Tim…I saw what that did to her…after Tim, losing me…it's gonna be too much…I...shouldn't have come here…I should have gone to another hospital…she shouldn't see me like this…she shouldn't have to see me like this"
Teddy blinked quickly, then turned to pull the chair nearer to the bed before sitting down and taking his hand in hers. "Arizona is not ignoring you Nick…"
"No?" he cut in. "Sure feels that way! And even Callie hasn't been by…I mean...I thought we were bonding ya know…for Arizona….we were getting to know each other…I was looking forward to telling her all about some of my friends antics when we were kids…pretty sure Arizona wouldn't have shared, and as I'm not…not gonna be around to share these stories with Sofia so I HAVE to tell Callie…every kid has to hear embarrassing stories about their parents right?"
"Uhm…"
"So I thought I could tell Callie…then she could tell Sofia for me…that way ...I still…still get to be part of Arizonas life…she won't…she won't forget me"
"Nick…"
"But…even Torres is avoiding me! She dropped in to say that Robbins had been called to some backwater place to work her medical voodoo…but she said she would only be gone a day…a day Altman…been longer than that! She must be back…so why…why hasn't she been …to see me? What did I do wrong?" He closed his eyes and drew in a breath before whispering. "I'm scared…I need my friend…I need Arizona…please…please can you find her…ask her…ask her to some see me…please?"
Teddy closed her own eyes as she felt tears prick at them. She swallowed then nodded to herself before quietly saying. "Oh Nick…believe me…I wish I could find her…with all my heart I wish I could find her and bring her here to you…but…but I can't….I can't"
For the first time Nick really looked at Teddy Altman, and saw how tired and pale she looked, the dark circles around her eyes. He waited as she seemed to struggle to speak…as he waited he glanced up and saw two of the nurse looking in at them...they looked…so sad…so…sympathetic. "Teddy?" Nick could feel an edge of panic creeping in…something was wrong…something was very wrong. Arizona….something was wrong with Arizona. "Teddy!" he gasped. "Where is she? Tell me? What's happened…God dammit…tell me!"
Teddy looked straight at him and flatly said. "The plane carrying our team of surgeons to Boise Idaho…never arrived. It was officially declared missing 12 hours after leaving Seattle. That was nearly 48 hours ago. There is a search and rescue mission on-going…but…but so far…there have been no sightings, no indication of…of a…crash site"
"Crash site?" Nick whispered his eyes wide. "Crash site" he repeated softly. "Arizona went to Boise…that's what Torres old me…the twins…she went to help…she went to help…she can't be…NO! She was on that plane? You're telling me she was on that plane?"
Teddy didn't trust herself to speak so sadly nodded and quickly wiped away at the tear escaping her eye.
"She's missing" Nick whimpered slightly as he dropped further back on to his bed. "My girl…my girl…could be…could be dead?"
Teddy gasped in an attempt to fight for control. "They have…every reason to…hope …that that they have survived…they just…have …to find them!"
"My GOD" Nick was muttering, his eyes closed, his grip on Teddys hand tightening. "Oh…my GOD..my god…Arizona…oh Arizona!" He took a shuddering breath then quietly asked. "How…how's Callie?"
"A mess" Teddy replied with a bitter smile, "a big mess. She uh…she's trying to hold on…she even came in to work today…just to keep busy…trying to push it all away…but…I've never seen her like his before…her heart is breaking…she is …breaking…and oh hell I don't know what will happen to her if they don't find them…or if they DO find them and Mark and Arizona are…are… "
"Don't say it" Nick muttered as he pulled her hand closer to his side. "Please don't say it. I refuse to believe that she can be gone…I WON'T believe it. Not Arizona. No…not my girl. If there is a chance…even the slimmest of chances of surviving, my girl will find it…she will. She wouldn't wait six years before dealing with things…she is a fighter…head on that's her…good man in a storm…she won't give up! Besides…I happen to know how much she loves her daughter…and how much she loves Callie…she won't leave them…she will do everything she can to survive…she won't leave them…she won't"
"Nick…"
"Do you think…do you think you could ask Callie to drop in and see me?" he asked softly, "I really would like to speak to her…if…if she can. I…I could use a friend right now…and maybe…maybe she could to huh?"
Teddy smiled and nodded. "I'll ask her…when I see her. Promise" She held his hand for a few minutes more, the two of them sat there lost in their own thoughts…it was only when Teddys pager went off that she finally let go of his hand and stood up. Impulsively she kissed his cheek and whispered. "I'll speak to Callie…promise. Rest now ok?"
He smiled and nodded, watching as she walked out of his room before turning his head into the pillow and letting the tears he had been holding back flow freely down his face