The Compromise:
Chapter 20: So, It's Your Job
"I can't believe I've made it here,
Today, I'm afraid of yesterday.
I grow as near to you, my dear,
In case, afraid, it fades away."
Does It Offend You, Yeah?
"Epic Last Song"
Helga sat idly on a soft brown couch, pushing number after number on the remote control in her hands. She thought about giving up, but realized what an uneventful evening would come from doing so. Half-heartedly, she turned her attention back to Olga, who was in the kitchen rambling on aimlessly.
"Did you hear anything I said, Helga?" she asked, walking into the living area, looking particularly frustrated. She was dressed in a long black gown, that she managed to fit into only six months after giving birth to twins, and had her hair pinned up.
"Yup." Helga answered, still putting in numbers. Helga could never understand Olga and Kevin's need for a Parental Lock on their television. Granted, they had twins to look after, so caution was definitely needed in choosing what TV shows they watched. But, the twins were also six months old, and would probably prefer chewing on a remote control as opposed to using it. Olga and Kevin could have forced them to watch "The Price is Right" all day, and they wouldn't have minded.
"Then what did I say?"
"The emergency numbers are not next to the phone, they're on the refrigerator, Jamie takes her milk at 27.78 degrees Celsius, but Timothy takes his at 31.67 degrees. Both of them like to play with the squirrel stuffed animal, but neither of them like the bulldog with the fireman's hat, and lastly, I am to stay far, far away from the bottle of Arbor Mist that's in the fridge." Helga recited, her eyes trained on the TV. Smiling, she looked up at her sister, who was tapping her foot impatiently. "What?" she asked innocently.
"I mean it, if one drop is gone…"
"What? You think that Arnold and I are going to get hopped up and make some bad decisions?"
"Who's getting hopped up and making bad decisions?"
Olga and Helga turned to find Kevin, nonchalantly adjusting his tie. His wide smile was contrasted only by has dark complexion and features, and alongside Olga they made a pretty good looking couple. Despite how good the two of them looked together, Helga's parents, and Big Bob in particular, had a few objections to their engagement. Helga however, was all for it from the beginning, and when Kevin told her that he asked Olga out because he'd never dated a "clinically insane girl" before, she practically gave them her blessing right then and there. In time, Big Bob and Miriam came around, especially when Olga announced that she was pregnant…with twins.
"Arnold and I are gonna hit up Olga's bottle of Arbor Mist in the fridge." Helga announced.
"Kevin!" Olga exclaimed, looking for some support from her husband.
"Helga, you know better than that…" he said, shaking his head and sounding disappointed.
"I know…" she said, feigning shame.
"You should really go for the Grey Goose on the third shelf in the pantry."
"Kevin!" Olga repeated, putting extra stress on the last syllable of his name. "If the two of you are just going to make jokes, then we can stay home!" she threatened. Yet, with her voice and generally peaceful demeanor, the threat fell short.
"I'm just playing. And you know we can trust Helga, and…what's his name again?"
"Arnold." Helga answered.
"Oh, I see what's going on…volunteering to 'babysit' and then once we leave, the boyfriend comes over…I remember those days…" Kevin said, nodding and staring off.
"Not quite. Arnold's not my boyfriend." Helga told them.
"Then why's he coming over?" Olga asked.
"Because I needed help."
"Then why didn't you ask your boyfriend?" Kevin asked.
"Silly," Olga said, slapping Kevin's shoulder. "Arnold is her boyfriend."
"No, he's not."
"Then who is?"
"Derek."
"Who's Derek?"
"My boyfriend."
"Is he coming over too?"
"No." Helga said, remembering her conversation with Phoebe and Lila. "Just Arnold."
"So…Arnold isn't the boyfriend?" Kevin asked. The doorbell rang then, and Olga, who was the only one to notice, turned from the conversation to answer it.
"Arnold!" she said, stepping forward to offer him an unexpected hug. Arnold returned the gesture, somewhat awkwardly and greeted her in reply.
"Is that Derek?" Kevin asked.
"No, that's Arnold." Helga said, tiredly.
"Hello Arnold." Kevin said, shaking his hand. "Are you the boyfriend?"
"What?" Arnold asked, obviously stepping into a conversation but feeling confused nonetheless. "No."
"Well, where is the boyfriend?" Kevin asked.
"He's not coming." Helga said through her teeth.
"I thought Arnold was your boyfriend…" Olga said, frowning in confusion.
Helga took a deep breath and drew her hand down her face. "Will the two of you please leave?" she asked.
"Well, you kids have fun, and you," Kevin said as Olga gathered her purse and coat, looking at Arnold. "Whoever you are, stay away from the vodka."
"Bye!" Olga said excitedly, waving as Helga shut the door behind them.
A few moments after the two drove away, Arnold asked, "What was that?"
"Don't ask." Helga said, walking back into the living room with Arnold following behind her. "Okay, your first job as babysitting assistant is to remove the parental lock on the TV."
"Why does your sister have a parental lock on the television?" Arnold asked, staring at the blackened screen that flashed the words "Enter Parental Code" followed by four asterisks, on it.
"Because she's…parental?" Helga answered
"But, her kids are babies. Babies can't control the TV." Arnold said, stating the obvious.
"Arnold, one thing I've come to know, after many years of being related to Olga, is not to try and make sense out of her actions. I merely, go with them, and laugh at the results." she reasoned, taking a seat on the couch.
"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold said, sitting down as well, and taking the remote.
"What's weird is that they had a parental code on the TV last year, when Olga was still pregnant, but, it's apparently different now."
"What was the code last year?"
"1714."
"Arnold scanned the room looking for clues. I couldn't have been a birthday or year of importance. Focusing on the basket of laundry that was just down the hallway, Arnold focused on the blue and white folded shirt that sat on top of the rest of the clothes. "You said it was 1714 last year?"
"Yeah."
"I think I know what the code is…" he said, pressing the numbers on the remote as he read them off. "1...2...0...4..."
Both he and Helga were surprised when the screen disappeared and ESPN showed up on the TV.
"How'd you know that?" Helga asked.
"Well, looking over there," Arnold said, pointing to the basket of laundry. "I figured that Kevin was a Giants fan. Plus, I saw the Giants bumper sticker when I pulled up. When you said that last year's code was '1714', I remembered that the Giants won the Superbowl and beat the Patriots perfect record with a win of 17-14. At present, The Giants' stats are 12-4, having clenched their division and moving on to the Playoffs." Arnold stated logically.
"Your genius never seems to fail me. I should have known though, Kevin swears that he looks just like Danny Ware." Helga said, sitting back on the couch. "Well, until the twins wake up and need changing, it seems like you've got nothing to do." Helga said, watching the screen.
A few minutes later, Arnold sat up, looking both confused and disgusted. "What is that smell?" he suddenly asked.
"That's the smell of you suddenly having something to do." Helga replied, smiling. "Hand over the remote. You won't need that, where you're going."
"Fine." Arnold said, standing up and begrudgingly handing the device over to Helga. "Just don't choose anything girly to watch."
"Okay, what I don't understand about this Darcy guy," Arnold began, bouncing little Timothy on his knee, but still watching the TV. "…Is, why didn't he just tell what's-her-name, that he did all that stuff for her?"
"Because, girls don't like it when a guy does all that great stuff and then has to tell you about it. Plus, Lizzie already liked him. Finding her sister and Wickham was just icing on the cake. And, if he told her then, he'd look desperate." Helga said, burping Jamie over her shoulder. Helga somehow convinced Arnold that watching 'Pride and Prejudice her only guilty pleasure that would identify her as a girl) was both historical and educational. "Looking desperate is never attractive, is it? No, it's not! No, it's not!" she said, mimicking Olga's voice and looking Jamie in her tiny face. Jamie was the more rambunctious twin, and she loved people. Timothy was more reserved and quiet, but both were very friendly babies. Arnold and Helga were happy that the night so far was going smoothly, considering the fact that they were babysitting infants, who were not as easily pacified as younger children.
"It is so creepy when you do that." Arnold said.
"Shutup. You're just mad because you're no Darcy." Helga teased.
"And where is your Darcy tonight, Helga?" Arnold asked, keeping any malice from his voice. He was still unsure as to the extent of Helga's forgiveness of him. At the same time, not one hour ago, Arnold was elbow-deep in baby poo, so she had to have forgiven him a little bit. He certainly earned it.
"First of all, not funny. Secondly, I didn't think it'd be right to invite him over my sister's house, especially since she doesn't know him." Helga explained.
"But, she doesn't mind that I'm here?" Arnold asked.
"No, because she knows you." Helga said, not understanding why every guy she came in contact with had such a hard time grasping her logic.
"I guess that makes sense." Arnold said, laying Timothy down on his lap to adjust the baby's shirt. "So, what'd you tell him you'd be doing tonight?"
Helga turned to Arnold, looking confused. "What do mean, 'what'd I tell him'? I told him I was babysitting with you."
"You told him I'd be here?" Arnold asked, surprised.
"Yeah."
"Did you tell him why I was coming, and he wasn't?"
"Yeah. I told him that Olga knows/trusts you, and that it wouldn't be cool for me to bring a strange guy in her house." Helga said. She was repeating herself over and over, and something told her that it would be happening more and more as the night progressed. Somehow, as she sat, focusing on the child in her arms, Arnold found a way to throw a pillow at her head. "Ow! What was that for!" she said. Timothy and Jamie laughed in unison at her.
"You idiot! You don't tell your boyfriend something like that!" Arnold said.
"Why not?"
"You told him that your family wouldn't trust him, and that there's a guy-a guy with whom you're relatively close-that they do trust." Arnold explained. "Are you trying to put distance between the two of you?"
"No…" Helga said, thinking on his words, and realizing the sense behind them. "I guess that would explain why he was kind of mad."
"Ya think, Pataki? Geez, and they call me dense…" Arnold said. "No matter. I'm convinced that he would have grown to hate me anyway, so…"
"Derek doesn't hate you."
"Not yet." Arnold said.
Helga shook her head, but knew in the back of her mind that it was inevitable. Very few people were comfortable with the relationship that hey had. Even fewer people chose to embark on a quest to pursue a relationship with either of them, knowing that their closeness would be an issue. Helga reasoned that unless Derek was convinced that she and Arnold were just friends-and unless she and Arnold could manage to keep it that way- it was going to be a battle for all three of them.
"Okay, kiddies, it's bedtime for you...good thing they're already in their pajamas, right?"
"Hey, I know that Timmy and Jamie are twins, but, why are they always wearing yellow? It's kind of odd." Arnold noted.
"Well, they're twins, so Olga wanted them to match all the time, which I'm sure they'll resent her for it, in the future, when they look at their baby pictures and aren't able to identify who is who." Helga said. "But, since Jamie's a girl, and Timmy is a boy, they had to find a color that was okay for both of them. Like I said, don't try to understand Olga's logic. Kevin doesn't and he seems to be surviving pretty well." Helga said, standing and holding Jamie in one arm, and reaching out for Timothy with the other.
"Do you need a hand with that?" Arnold asked from his seat on the couch.
"Nah, they're alright once they're asleep. It's getting them to actually fall asleep that's the hard part." Helga said, arranging both babies in her arms and making her way to the stairs. Walking upstairs hesitantly, she took each step one at a time. Once she reached the second floor of the house, she walked into the nursery, decorated with ducks (the only baby-friendly animal that Olga and Kevin could agree on that was neither too masculine nor too feminine) and bright blue and yellow wallpaper. Setting them down in their separate cribs, Helga made sure they were free of toys and turned the lights off.
"Thank you for behaving." she said to them and the wriggled in their cribs, attempting to roll over in the confined space. She hoped that they'd tire themselves out and fall asleep easily. "Nightie-night." she said, leaving the room.
Walking back down the stairs, Helga was amazed that the twins were being so controllable, when in most cases they were loud and unruly and unmanageable.
As soon as her foot hit the bottom of the staircase, the identical cries from the top floor of the house made her regret speaking so soon.
"Please, go to sleep. Please, please, please…." Helga begged, leaning her back against the closed door of the twin's nursery and staring at t he cribs that contained the crying infants. She tried everything; puppet shows, dancing, even trying to 'outscream' them, but nothing worked. They were awake and intended to stay that way unless she did something fast.
"I promise in twenty years and six months, I'll take you out for your first drink and I won't even tell Mommy, just go to sleep." Obviously the lure of booze did little, because after a pause of four seconds, they started up again, each one encouraged by the cries of the other.
"Helga?" she heard from outside the door. "Are you okay in there?" Arnold asked.
"Yeah, I'm just…" Helga began. 'About to pull my hair out?!!' "I'm just settling them down." she said.
"Do you need some help?" he asked.
Helga had to smile. Even after three a half diapers (She and Arnold thought that Timmy needed a changing but it was a false alarm), he was still willing to help. "No, I'll be down in a minute."
She waited until she heard Arnold's footsteps fading before addressing the twins again. "What do want from me? What do you want?" she asked, resting her head in her hands. "You want a song? You want Auntie Helga to sing you a song?"
With her only reply being that of another howl from the children before her, Helga stood, and took a deep breath. "Okay, okay…let's think. Oh, I know…" Helga said, getting in position and pretending to salsa dance.
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha..."
Helga stopped abruptly, when Timmy and Jamie continued to cry. "Okay, okay, so Barry Manilow is out…How about this…"
"I've got the simple things; I've got the rain in spring,
Got spicy chicken wings, and French-fried onion rings"
Helga's shoulders dropped when the two only screamed louder, if that was possible. "Come on, onion rings? Everyone loves onion rings." she said, leaning on Jamie's crib. "What do you want?" Helga asked again.
It was then that Jamie's cry, lessened to more of a whimper and Timothy's followed. Feeling a surge of overwhelming, and fine-tuning motherly emotion, Helga, one by one, lifted them out of their crib and lowered them onto their baby carriers, where they could sit up and look at her. Both calmed down when she placed them in the carriers, but Helga was deluded enough to believe that they wouldn't start up again if she were to place them back in their cribs again.
"Promise not to tell Mommy, okay?" Helga asked before looking around the room.
Arnold sat on the couch, and paused in his channel surfing to listen. He had just sat down again after checking on Helga. The screams continued, and at first he was concerned that something was seriously wrong. When he asked Helga through the door, she said that everything was fine.
Not being entirely convinced, Arnold made his way back downstairs and listened to see f she was making any progress. After previewing each channel, all the while listening for a respite in the wails of the children upstairs, Arnold pushed himself up and off of the couch and climbed the stairs quietly.
Once he turned the corner, he heard the quiet hum of a voice and surmised that Helga put on some soft music to lull them to sleep, and would, at any moment leave the room. As Arnold drew closer, his recognition of the voice grew until he could no longer deny that Helga was indeed singing.
Upon consideration, Arnold realized that he had only heard Helga sing a handful of times; usually it was a joke, or for the sake of the song that was stuck in her head. But he had never heard her really sing, and he probably never would.
Sitting down on the hard woof flooring and resting his back against the door across the hall, and silently listened to, yet another, hidden side of Helga Pataki.
Oh, baby I have been here before,
"Oh, baby I have been here before,
I've seen this room and I walked this floor.
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you,
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march.
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah."
Helga paused, cautious about her volume and pitch, so as not to startle them. Looking down at the infants, she saw their faces looking eager, the two of them sitting quietly and staring at her. The room was dark, and Helga had yet to turn any of the lights on, but the twins' hazel eyes sparkled when they looked at her. Smiling, she continued, hoping that Arnold hadn't heard. She wasn't sure if she could handle him hearing her sing.
Well, there was a time when you let me know,
what's really going on below.
But now you never show that to me, do you.
And remember when I moved to you, the holy dove was moving too,
And every breath we drew was hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah...
Helga's voice cracked at the last stanza. It painfully reminded her of Arnold, herself, and their torn relationship. They were both making strides to mend it, but in all honesty, it was a badly patched up friendship. They both had much work to do, and that it would take more than just the two of them wanting to be friends to get back to where they were. PArt of her just wanted to rewind, knowing what she knew now, so as to avoid the situation altogether. Another part of her was thankful for the predicament, hoping that it would make them better friends in the end.
Looking again at Timothy and Jamie, Helga was glad to see that they were nodding off, if not asleep already. Scooping them out of the carriers, she placed them back in their cribs. Bidding them goodnight, Helga closed the door to the nursery behind her.
Back downstairs, Helga flipped over the side of the couch, laughing and peeked at Arnold who sat, relatively calm next to her. "Mission accomplished." she announced.
"Really? Oh, that's good." Arnold said, still turning channels too fast to notice what was on TV.
"You okay?" Helga asked, looking at his sideways.
"Mhmm." he replied.
Helga merely shook her head and advanced into the kitchen, in search for something to eat. "Are you still hungry?" she asked into the living room.
"No, that ziti pasta stuff filled me up." Arnold said, as he heard the microwave turn on. Helga didn't seem to suspect that he was upstairs for a while, and he had no intention of letting it slip.
Once her food was reheated, Helga carried it back into the living room and set it on her lap. "So…" she began, staring at the screen. "How long were you upstairs?"
Arnold's shoulders dropped as he admitted defeat. The girl was just too good. "Just a few minutes."
Helga nodded and allowed a pregnant pause to settle between them. "What'd you hear?"
"Singing?" Arnold replied, hoping he wasn't about to face Helga's wrath….again. Instead, she continued nodding and went on eating her food. "You're really good, Helga."
Helga grunted in reply, before speaking. "Just don't tell anyone, okay?" she asked. 'You're still not telling him everything. You're still holding back.' her conscious scolded.
"Why not?"
"Because when people find out that you do something, that you do it, and actually like it. They'll want you to do it for them, when and where they ask. Like an organ grinder's monkey."
"You never did get over that, did you?" Arnold asked, amused.
"That's beside the point, Arnold." Helga said, smiling. "Okay, remember that time, in 6th grade, when we took those aptitude tests, and you got Animator? And after that, everyone wanted you to draw them as a cartoon. Do you remember what happened?"
Arnold thought about the instance quietly before responding. "Yeah, after a while it got really boring, and sort of annoying."
"My point exactly. I don't want to hate something I'm not even that great at because people ask me to do it all the time. Olga already asked me to dance at our parent's anniversary party that she's planning, but I told her no. I'm no one's organ grinder monkey."
"Speaking of dancing, "Arnold began. "What did you say you had planed to save your dance company?"
"I never told you?" she asked, before launching into her explanation. Her plan was to infiltrate a major sporting event, and stage an elaborate dance routine, that would get the principal, the administration and a large amount of the student's attention regarding their plans to do away with so many clubs. "The only problem is that we have to find a huge sporting event, and get it together in just a few weeks. And we have to make sure there are alumni there, so that they'll know what's going on."
"That's a pretty big undertaking, Helga." Arnold said.
"I know, but I can't think of anything else. And if it works out, then great. If it doesn't, then we haven't wasted any of our resources." she reasoned.
"Well, what did you need my help for?"
"Well, since it's going to have to be a huge performance, I'm going to need a lot of people. And you're really good at rallying people for a cause." Helga finished with a smile.
"You want me to gather dancers for you?" Arnold asked skeptically.
"More or less."
"But I don't have to actually dance, do I?"
"What are you complaining about? I'm the one doing all the work here. And, as for dancing, you probably won't have to."
"'Probably won't have to' is not 'No'." Arnold stated.
Helga narrowed her eyes at Arnold. "You wanna know something really interesting about Jamie? She's an incredible little baby. And her favorite food is mashed peaches. In fact, if she just smells mashed peaches, she goes right to the bathroom. It's very interesting to see, Arnold."
"You are evil."
"I'm fully aware of that." Helga said, returning to her food. "It's just one of the many reasons why you love me so much."
"That was the dumbest thing I've ever seen."
"Honey! It was not dumb! It was moving!"
"Yeah, it moved me alright. It moved me right out the door." Kevin said, opening his front door and sitting his jacket on the hook by the door. "How does a dumb musical like that even last this long?"
"I thought it was quite entertaining." Olga said, removing her shoes, and walking into the living room.
"It was about rats! Rats who sing! Rats don't sing, Olga! Your sister was right; I wasted my money." Kevin said, running a hand over his face. "Sounds like the twins are asleep though."
"They're not the only ones." Olga said, whispering and waving her hand, for Kevin to come over. "Isn't it precious?"
Kevin rounded the couch and stared at the teenagers, asleep on the sofa. Arnold sat up, mostly straight, with one elbow on the armrest, and his head on the corresponding hand. Helga, however, took up most of the couch, her legs tucked close to her body and her head resting on Arnold's lap. Arnold's other hand was threaded in Helga's thick blonde hair, and Olga concluded that they could not look more perfect for each other.
Kevin, on the other hand looked slightly confused, and turned to his wife. "Are you sure he's not the boyfriend?"
Don't ask why I'm updating so quickly. I just am. I got to writing this afternoon and I couldn't stop. Plus, it's 2009! Why not update?!
This isn't quite a filler chapter. It's filler-esque, but not quite filler. It's a fun time chapter. Hope you had fun times with it. I love Kevin; he's one of my favorite OC's. And he's not as dumb as he seems; he just likes messing with Helga. Kevin's love for the Giants should be obvious: he likes winners. Giants=Winners. No need to debate it; we're going to win the Superbowl, end of story. And Danny Ware, by the way, is a player on the Giant's team. And if you haven't looked at my character photos (You really should….) you'll see that Kevin is Danny Ware! Hahahaha. I'm so funny.
Other than that, not many other references. Timmy and Jamie (the twins) were named after my dog, Timothy James. I was planning to make them both boys, but I didn't. Sue me. I referenced a ton of HA! episodes, because I love them. And there's actually a line from "Married" in this chapter. Ten points if you can find it! And the song used in the chapter is called "Hallelujah" and it's sung by Kate Voegele (well, at least the version that I like is) and it's beautiful. I love it.
Oh and V…you know what you contributed to this chapter. Thanks a ton, girlie!
I've been listening to some Randy Travis (the real life country singer who voiced Mr. Hyunh's singer voice in that episode) and every time I listen him, I imagine Mr. Hyunh singing. And whenever I type "Mr. Hyunh" I pronounce it "Heeeyyyyuuuunnn" like the host from the "Fighting Families" episode. Kind of funny.
Feel free to correct me on my grammar, I know I probably made some mistakes, and I can never seem to catch all of them. Please and thank you!!
-Pointy_Objects