Hey guys!

So here you have Chapter 21! This is more of a filler-chapter, tying up loose ends and stuff but I hope you still enjoy it!

Thank you so much for your reviews on the last chater! It really means a lot to me!

Chapter 21

Steve breathed in, letting the air out again through pursed lips. He watched the woman behind the counter talk to a witness that had been called in for questioning, a young man with long black hair. He felt a lot like that witness. Nervous. Unsure as to what was going to happen next. His legs were bobbing up and down and he was kneading his hands, disregarding the feint drumming of pain in his left arm every time he tensed the muscle affected by the shot wound. The air smelt of freshly ground coffee, a smell that was characteristic for the police station. It felt strange to be back at the station again after everything that had happened. Rhodey had called him that morning, insisting that Steve come over as soon as possible. He had sounded strange on the phone, reserved and guarded, which was one of the reasons Steve was so nervous. Had they learnt something new about Hydra? Wouldn't he be talking to Fury then instead of Rhodey? He bowed his head, forcing those thoughts away. If he kept worrying like that, he'd drive himself crazy before Rhodey even said hello.

As if on cue, the door to Rhodey's office opened and the Colonel walked out, wearing his dark blue uniform. His lips were pursed in a tight line and his eyes studied Steve for a moment while he walked over. "You look a lot better Captain." Rhodey commented, a tight smile forming and then disappearing as quickly as it had come. "Thanks." Steve nodded, "Likewise Colonel."

"Thank you." Rhodey gave a brief nod, "Follow me."

Steve followed the shorter man obediently, wishing he could fold his arms behind his back but the sling around his left arm prohibited the movement. As soon as he was through the door, his eyes came to rest on Sam who was sitting in one of the two leather chairs in front of Rhodey's desk, muscular arms crossed over his chest. He looked troubled, something that riled up the nervous whirl of emotions in Steve's stomach even more.

"Sam." Steve greeted his friend, holding out his right hand to shake once he'd taken a seat.

"Hey man. How's the arm?" Sam asked, giving Steve's hand a firm shake.

"Getting better. Bucky's been making sure I follow the doctor's instructions."

"That's good to hear." Sam smiled, some of the worry falling from his features. In the meantime, Rhodey had settled down in his chair. He cleared his throat, drawing Sam and Steve's attention to him. Steve's eyes flicked to Rhodey's desk, his eyebrows furrowing slightly when he found that the desk was empty, lacking any file that could give Steve a hint as to what this could be about.

"I'm glad you two could join me on such short notice." Rhodey began, resting his hands on his desk. His body language was reserved, purposefully being dialled back to hide Rhodey's feelings. "It's the least we could do after everything you've done for us and for Bucky." Steve insisted and Sam nodded fervently in agreement.

"And yet, Sam, you helped the Sergeant take part in a secret Shield operation. Wanna tell me what that was all about?"

Steve looked over to Sam who bowed his head, looking at least a little guilty. "Well, it was the right thing to do."

"And who gives you the authority to decide that?" Rhodey's face hardened with annoyance, his eyes reproachful, "Sam I know you were trying to help but you could have put the entire operation in danger!"

Sam clenched his jaw, looking down at his lap for a moment before looking to Steve whose face softened immediately. Sam cared about Bucky. There was no denying it. Although Sam hadn't been a big fan of Bucky initially, he had come to appreciate the man, the man's history and of course, what he meant to Steve. When Sam looked at Bucky, he saw Steve's Riley and that meant that he would do whatever he could to make sure that the two of them got the happy ending that he and Riley never got.
"With all due respect Rhodey, but I doubt that Bucky could ever jeopardize a mission." Steve jumped in, his voice firm and strong, determined, "Bucky has the best training in the country and I'm not talking about Hydra. I'm talking about the military training he got before he was shipped out."

"I'm sorry Steve but that's dangerously arrogant." Rhodey cocked his head to the side, lips curling into a frustrated, angry frown, "He isn't cleared for active duty yet!"

"And if I were a captain in the army and not just at Shield, I would have had him cleared already." Steve insisted resolutely, locking eyes with Rhodey in a competition of stubbornness.

"And why is that?" Rhodey challenged. Steve squared his shoulders, working his jaw while he thought.

"Because if Bucky hadn't been there two days ago, I wouldn't have made it home." Steve stated with a flatness that indicated, clear as day, that Steve had made up his mind and wasn't about to change it. After a moment to consider, Rhodey relented, letting out a pained sigh and rubbing the bridge of his nose exasperatedly.

"Fury told me that Barnes isn't being prosecuted for what he did." Rhodey paused when Steve deflated visibly, leaning back in the chair with a relieved sigh, "Fury said something along the lines of that he knew something like that was going to happen- figures, the man does what he wants, disregarding any of the rules. He can afford to though. He's the director of Shield. But you Sam…" Rhodey looked over at Sam now, eyes a lot softer than they had been to start off with.

"I'm willing to take on whatever punishment you have for me." Sam replied, "I don't regret what I did. After all, Bucky did what he went there to do- he brought Steve back."

"And how did you know he was going to bring Steve back at all?" Rhodey asked him softly, an undertone of anger still evident in his voice, "How did you know that Hydra hadn't been waiting for something like that to happen? How did you know that he was going to be able to withstand everything he saw there?"

"Faith." Sam stated simply, "It was faith sir."

"Faith, huh?" Rhodey muttered, eyes coming to rest on Steve's hurt arm. He looked thoughtful so Sam and Steve let him think, waiting patiently for Rhodey to make his verdict.

Steve tore his eyes away from Rhodey to look at Sam, shooting him a grateful smile when Sam looked at him. Steve was so glad. He was so glad that he had met Sam a few years back on one of his morning runs. He was so glad that he and Sam had become friends. Without Sam, Steve wouldn't have been able to help Bucky at all. Without Sam, Steve would never have gotten out of his apartment again, wouldn't have lived again.

"Faith." Rhodey hummed, drawing their attention back to him again. He was looking between Sam and Steve with thought-narrowed eyes for a moment before relaxing, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest, "He had faith." Rhodey nodded to himself, smiling warmly, "Suppose that'll be enough."

"I thought I was done for." Sam admitted, picking at his croissant absent-mindedly. They were sitting at one of the bakeries in the area. From where they were sitting at the window, Steve could see the park he and Bucky had frequented during Bucky's rehabilitation. It made him feel slightly nostalgic, reminding him of just how far they'd come since then. "Same." Steve agreed, watching Sam's fingers work the croissant.

"Well you had nothing to worry 'bout." Sam pointed out with a laugh, his fingers stilling, "I mean you weren't the one who got a benched soldier with a history of brainwashing and torture on one of Stark's private jets so he could save his best friend who was on a secret mission with Shield in Europe."

"Summed up like that it does sound kind of stupid." Steve admitted cheekily, laughing when Sam shoved at his arm.

"C'mon man I practically saved your life by helping your Buck-o-man." Sam defended himself.

"I know." Steve turned serious, "And I appreciate that Sam. I really do." He had that earnest look on his face again, the one that made Sam feel like Steve was far too good for the world.

"C'mon man what are friends for? 'Sides, if I hadn't helped Bucky get to Europe, I think he might have killed me." Sam shifted his attention to his latte macchiato, stirring it idly while he waited for it to cool. Steve on the other hand, had his large hands wrapped around an extra-large cup of coffee.

"What was he like after I left?" Steve asked quietly.

"Huh?" Sam looked up at him, eyebrows arched quizzically.

"What was Bucky like after I left?" He wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear what Sam was about to tell him but sometimes you need something you don't want and Steve needed to know how Bucky had felt, despite how much it might hurt him to hear.

"Want me to be honest?" Sam asked.

"Always." Steve replied immediately, schooling his features to hide how anxious he was about this conversation.

"He was a wreck man." Sam admitted, running a hand over his buzz cut hair, "When I got to Shield, he was pacing up and down in front of the building. He looked like some kind of caged animal."

"Oh." Steve breathed, bowing his head to stare down into his cup of coffee while Sam continued.

"As soon as he saw me, he came marching over, demanding I take him home. I did. 'Course I did. He said he wanted to be left alone so I left him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't happy about leaving him there on his own but he had Flake. She was having a hard time keeping up with him to be honest." Sam paused, risking a tentative sip of his drink, nodding when he found that it was ready to drink.

"What happened then?" Steve urged him on.

"An hour after I had left him, he called me, telling me all about his plan. He didn't make a lot of sense, he was beside himself, all over the place. He only started calming down when I agreed to his plan."

"And then you picked him up again?" Steve asked. Sam nodded.

"Found him sitting in your room. His right arm had long red lines on it and other red marks. Guess he had been kneading and scratching his arm with his left one."

"He never did that during his rehabilitation." Steve pointed out with a frown and Sam nodded.

"He was anxious, that's for sure. It was like he needed to get to you. So I took him. I didn't want to have to put him in a restraint jacket for his own protection. 'Sides, I think he would've had my head if I had refused."

Steve felt heavy, like Sam had just laid a great burden on his shoulders. He had made Bucky feel like that. He had made Bucky panic, had made him ignore his service dog, had made him go against Shield in order to make sure Steve was safe.

"I would have done the same thing." Steve admitted at a whisper. His head snapped up when Sam started laughing. "What?" he asked somewhat defensively.

"The two of you are honestly hopeless." Sam managed to dial his laughter down to an amused, endeared chuckle, "You guys would fight the world to keep each other safe, is that it?"

"Probably." Steve agreed, feeling his cheeks warm up.

"You should tell him." Sam smiled at Steve whose eyes had widened involuntarily at what Sam was implying.

"What're you talking about?" Steve stuttered, feeling his cheeks flame up in record time, the heat spreading from his cheeks all the way up to his ears and down his neck.

"C'mon Steve." Sam gave him a pointed look, "You can't honestly tell me that you feel nothing but platonic love for him." When Steve didn't answer, Sam continued, "You spent over a year trying to get him back on his feet. You purposefully didn't mention that it was your birthday when it was just so that he wouldn't be thrown off. You got punched, choked, hurt. You went back to Shield of all places, asked your old unit that, and don't tell me this wasn't the case, you were afraid to see again, to help you fight freaking Hydra in order to make sure that Bucky was safe. You stood up to Colonel Rhodes to defend Bucky, a freaking colonel from the actual Unites States army. You can't tell me that you don't love the guy; that you're not in love with him." Steve's mouth opened and closed uselessly while he stared at Sam. He felt helpless in the face of the unequivocal evidence Sam had just laid out in front of him. Keeping his feelings to himself made them seem less real, made it feel like he could keep pretending like they weren't there. Apparently, his feelings were real enough though, to project into his actions, into his eyes, allowing others to see them. That meant that Steve could no longer ignore them. He had to act on them now or force himself to stop feeling them completely. He couldn't do the latter though and even if there were a possibility, Steve never wanted to stop loving Bucky because it was the most beautiful and simultaneously painful thing that Steve had ever done and although it hurt, Steve clung onto the love because honestly? How could he not love Bucky Barnes?

"That obvious, huh?" Steve asked a little breathlessly.

"I'm a therapist Steve, it's my job to read between the lines." Sam consoled him.

"Fair enough." Steve smiled a smile that looked a lot like defeat, "Been in love with the guy since we were kids." He admitted a little ruefully.
Sam was the first person Steve was really talking to about his feelings for Bucky. Yes, Peggy had noticed but there's a rather large difference between fancy and being in love.

"That why you never found the right girl for you?" Sam asked curiously, leaning both elbows on the table and leaning his head in his hands.

"Yeah." Realization flashed across Steve's face and something settled in his eyes, an answer he had been searching for, for a very long time, "Even though I thought he was dead… I couldn't… I felt like I was cheating. Now I know why. It always felt like I was supposed to be with someone else."

"Someone with brown hair, blue eyes and broad expanses of pure muscle I'm guessing." Sam said slyly, grinning when Steve made a choking noise.

"C'mon Sam, really?" Steve gave him a deadpan look that had Sam giggling into the palm of his hand. Steve rolled his eyes, sipping at his coffee patiently until Sam had stopped giggling to himself. He was still smiling though, an excited glint in his chocolate eyes.

"What do I do now?" Steve asked Sam after a long pause, setting his coffee cup back down on the glass table.

"You got two options really," Sam stated simply, lifting his hand to count off Steve's options on his fingers as he spoke, "One, you pretend like we never had this conversation and you keep trying to pretend like you don't love him."

"What's the second?" Steve asked him stiffly. The first wasn't really an option. Sure it sounded like the easiest way out of this whole situation but he couldn't pretend like he hadn't just now realized how much he loved Bucky and that this was all very, very real. Steve had never been very good at lying so how was he supposed to convince himself and Bucky that Steve still saw their relationship the same way?

"Second," Sam pointed at his second finger, smirking lightly when Steve's eyes widened expectantly, "You tell him how you feel."

"Well this conversation's been useless." Steve exclaimed, throwing both hands up in the air just to cringe when his left arm punished him for the movement with strong shot of pain. Sam didn't comment on Steve's notable wince much to Steve's appreciation.

"Well do you have any other ideas Captain?" Sam asked, arching one eyebrow challengingly, "Those are literally your only two options." He paused, considering Steve for a moment before tilting his head to the side, "You could of course just ditch Bucky and-."

"Not an option." Steve cut him off angrily, the line between his eyebrows running deep with annoyance.

"Then get your head out of your ass Rogers." Sam countered, "If you're scared of what he's going to say: don't be."

"And why is that?" Steve asked him edgily.

"Remember what I said about the two of you being willing to fight the world to keep each other safe? The man is willing to fistfight the moon for you so I really doubt he'll ever even consider leaving you for whatever reason you might give him to. Four years of brainwashing? Not even that made him forget about you completely. He cares about you Steve. He ain't leaving you."
Steve's entire frame relaxed and he sat back, giving Sam a painfully shocked look, like he hadn't had a clue about any of what Sam had just told him. "Gosh you're clueless Steve." Sam laughed, "Seriously, you're an overthinker. Just go with the flow."

Go with the flow. Steve could do that, right? Sure… right.

The two friends continued to chat and Steve was incredibly grateful when Sam changed the subject, telling him all about some of his new veterans. Now that Bucky's therapy was officially over, Sam was back in business and ready to take on whatever problem any of the veterans had. He'd taken a wealth of new experiences and knowledge with him from Bucky's therapy and Steve was confident that he was now able to help the veterans even more. While Steve did try his best to listen, his mind kept snapping back to what Sam had told him. Every time he thought about going home and seeing Bucky now, after that enlightening conversation, he felt butterflies in his stomach, having to rest a hand there in an attempt to calm them.

Eventually Sam had finished his latte macchiato and Steve had finished his coffee. Even Sam's croissant had made it into Sam's stomach. Sam insisted on driving Steve home although Steve would much rather have taken the metro, knowing it would take at least ten minutes longer if he was lucky.

He felt like he had when Bucky had invited him over to his house for the first time when they still had scraped knees and permanently dishevelled hair. He had been so nervous, wanting to make a good impression on the parents of his very first friend.

Too soon, Sam had let Steve out, shooting Steve a wink before pulling off the curb before Steve had the chance to change his mind and force his way back into the car. Steve stayed standing, rooted to the spot for quite some time, telling himself that he was enjoying the warm June evening. If he was being honest with himself though, he was stalling. Like a champ. Eventually and not without a heavy sigh, he made his way into their apartment building, up to the second floor and to their front door. He stalled again, key in the lock, composing himself before opening the door and walking in. "Bucky, I'm home!" Steve called, cringing when his voice came out at least an octave too high. He dropping the key into the small clay bowel on the dresser by the front door. He stopped, frowning when it dawned on him that he hadn't gotten a reply.
"Bucky?" Steve called out again, a little louder. Still no reply. Unease settled in the pit of his stomach and he removed the sling quickly in order to shrug off his leather jacket. He managed to kick off his boots in no time also, putting the sling back on haphazardly before stopping dead in the middle of the living area again.
"Flake? Come here girl!" Nothing. The unease in his stomach evolved into panic now and he rushed through the apartment, checking Bucky's bedroom first. The grey-walled room was empty. Bucky's backpack was gone, so was Flake, Bucky's smartphone and his new beloved ski jacket.

"Don't panic Rogers." He begged himself, trying to think rationally. So Bucky had gone out. On his own. Well, with Flake so he wasn't on his own. That was normal. Bucky was starting to act more independently, that was great! Steve should be happy but he wasn't… he was worried sick and upset and oh my gosh what if something happened to Bucky or what if he got triggered again? Could Flake pull him out of a trigger-induced state? Flashbacks yes but triggers? "Smartphone!" Steve called out, rushing back to the living area where his own phone was still tucked away in his leather jacket. He had just made it to the front of the apartment and was rather violently tugging at his jacket, when the lock in the front door clicked. Steve froze in the action of assaulting his jacket, considering his options for a short moment before rushing to the couch to pretend like he hadn't just been panicking.

He flopped down on the couch as casually as possible just as the front door opened. He kept his eyes on the window to the right of the couch for a moment, doing this as casually as possible before looking over at-.
"Hey." Bucky smiled at Steve shyly, biting down on his bottom lip when he saw the shocked look on Steve's face. For the second time that day, Steve's mouth open and closed repeatedly without uttering a single word. Bucky chuckled, running his hand through his hair sheepishly.

"On all the photos, I had short hair. I thought you might, you know… I mean. I thought you might like it like this." Steve's eyes were still glued to Bucky's hair that was cut short, exactly as he'd always had it. His face was clean shaven too. He looked exactly like he had all those years back. He looked exactly like he had the day he'd left with the army. Steve swallowed heavily, getting up on shaky legs to walk over to Bucky. Steve's eyebrows hitched up slightly in a wistful, happy and yet sad sort of half-smile half-frown like his face was unable to decide what emotion to display. Bucky watched Steve intently, trying to decipher every shift in his best friend's handsome face.

"It suits you." Steve whispered, swallowing again when he found that his throat was bone dry, "Makes you look a lot younger."

"You think I got a chance with the ladies now?" Bucky joked and Steve bowed his head, chuckling.

"You always had a chance with the ladies and you know it Buck. Even with the long hair and beard I bet you'd find yourself a nice girl."

"You think?" Bucky asked him, his eyes fixed on Steve's. Steve felt something in him clench, a weight on his chest that made him feel almost like he was having an asthma attack. There was something in Bucky's voice, something that hadn't been there before. Steve didn't recognize it but he knew that it made him feel nervous. Before he knew what he was doing, his right hand had lifted to cup Bucky's cheek. Bucky leaned into the contact, a gentle smile playing at his lips. Now that the beard was gone, Steve could see the curve to Bucky's lips again, the way the edges twisted up in a charming sort of way when he smiled.

"Do me a favour?" Steve asked him quietly and Bucky nodded readily, eyes still studying Steve's own, "Next time you go out, just let me know where you are."

"Were you worried about me?" Bucky's eyes widened with surprise, especially when Steve nodded, "Damn I didn't want to make you worry. Sorry Stevie."

"It's no problem Buck." Steve assured him, leaning forward so that their foreheads were touching, "I was just worried that something might happen." It was then that he noticed that Flake wasn't with Bucky. Steve pulled away, frowning at the spot next to Bucky that the service dog would normally occupy. "Where is-."

"Wow Stevie you're only noticing that now?" Bucky teased him, laughing when Steve glared at him, "Clint came with me to get my hair cut. He took Flake with him for the weekend, thought I should give her a break for a bit. Like a dog holiday I guess."

"Are you gonna be alright?" Steve asked Bucky worriedly.

"Sure I am pal." Bucky grinned up at Steve warmly, "I got you, don't I?"

There you go guys! So this was more of a filler-chapter so I hope it wasn't too boring for you guys! Depending on how quickly I finish chapter 22 and depending on what you guys say, I might post the next chapter a little earlier next week to make up for it :)

Again, reviews give me life so don't be shy- let me know what you think!

And thank you so so much for reading this far, it really means a lot to me!

See you guys soon! :)