Chapter 21

A/N - Okay, this chapter was difficult to write. But it was a chapter that needed to be written. Looking forward to the feedback on this one. That was a lie, I'm anxious as hell when it comes to the feedback of this chapter.

"Miranda Lawson, Jacob Taylor, Nathan Holt, Mordin Solus and Zaeed Massani have boarded the ship." EDI announced to Shepard who was standing right outside the airlock with her arms crossed. Everyone on the ship kept their distance from her and even Joker had refrained from making any joking remarks. Made sense since she hardly stopped herself from letting her anger and frustration show on her face.

"Thank you, EDI..." Shepard replied as the doors started opening. Reminding herself that the new squad members needed to be taken cared of first, she took a deep breath to steady herself. She was the Commander, after all.

"Interesting ship. Influenced by a mixture of both human and turian design, I'm guessing?" A slight high-pitched voice was heard which Shepard recognized as Mordin Solus who she had spoken with earlier. She saw the salarian walking next to Miranda and Holt with Jacob behind them with the man that would be Zaeed.

"That's correct." Shepard answered before anyone else had a chance to. She wanted to get the first introductions over with as quickly as possible so she could move on to give Holt an earful. She made sure to throw him a warning glance to make sure that he didn't run off.

"Commander Shepard, I assume?" Mordin asked as Shepard nodded. "Your executive officer here filled me in on the mission. Sounds dangerous, interesting... fun." He continued as they shook hands.

"Glad to have you here, doctor." Shepard said before she turned towards the other new arrival. "Zaeed Massani then?" The older man nodded with a grin.

"Unlike the lizard man here, I'm more impressed by the paycheck." He said with a chuckle. "Could've sworn that Cerberus added a couple of digits by mistake when I first saw the payment." Pretty obvious that credits were this man's motivation then. While she wasn't exactly happy to have a man that would switch side as soon as a higher number was presented, she doubted Cerberus would throw too much credits at this man unless they were sure he wouldn't be a liability.

"Good to have someone with your experience on board, Massani." She said as she briefly shook his hand before turning to face the whole group again. "Miss Lawson, could you show our new arrivals to their quarters and then bring them to the debrief room once I send for you?" She asked the other woman.

"Of course, Commander." Miranda said with a nod before she walked off with Mordin and Zaeed.

"Taylor, you go and make sure that all the equipment that Solus brought with him is taken to the correct place." She ordered the man that didn't look like he was about to be tortured. Jacob gave her a quick salute before he was off as well. Once they were alone, Shepard gave Holt a glare that she believed would make a krogan back down. They remained quiet for several moments before Holt broke the silence.

"Man, Shepard... This Cerberus tech isn't that impressive after all. Who would've thought that the communication would just randomly shut down like that?" He tried but Shepard was adamant to keep her stone face intact. She didn't answer and simply let him squirm beneath her glare. Before long, Holt gave off a sigh and held his hands up in surrender. "Ok, ok, ok... I shouldn't have done what I did but I never had any doubt that I could handle the vorcha. And we need Mordin's help for this mission." He argued but Shepard didn't pay much attention as she noticed the glove on his injured hand almost looking shredded.

"Come with me." She ordered and started walking towards the elevator on the far side of the room. She could give him a piece of her mind once Chakwas had taken a look at the possible injury. Holt quietly followed and the walk to the elevator and the ride down was spent in an uncomfortable silence. Shepard didn't want to be angry with Holt. But what she really didn't want was for him to put himself in danger like what he had just done. While it hurt her to think of it like this, she would much rather have Holt being angry with her and alive than the other way around. Once they entered the med bay, Chakwas was nowhere in sight. "EDI, where is the doctor?" She asked the AI.

"Doctor Chakwas is currently resting." EDI answered and Shepard remembered all the work that the woman had gone through when patching up Garrus not long ago. "Shall I wake her up?" EDI asked as Shepard glanced back at Holt.

"Not just yet, thank you." She answered as she turned towards the man. "Sit down and let me have a look at that." She ordered while nodding towards one of the beds. Holt looked towards the bed before turning back to Shepard.

"Have a look at what, exactly?" He said with what she recognized was his attempt at lightening up a situation with a joke.

"Holt." She warned as he gave off a sigh and made his way over towards the bed. He carefully removed the glove as Shepard walked up next to him. She lightly grabbed his wrist and brought up his hand for a closer look. It looked slightly burned and scratched but it seemed like the shield and glove had absorbed most of the damage. Waking up Chakwas for this wouldn't be necessary. Some medi-gel and fresh bandages would be more than enough. She let go of his hand and headed over towards the cabinet that had the things she needed. "Why?" She simply asked now that she knew that his injury wasn't critical.

"... Uhm... Specify please?" Holt asked with a low voice and Shepard almost felt like she was scolding a child with how small Holt looked as he sat on the bed.

"Why were you so desperate to get the mission done that you would risk yourself like that?" She asked with a softer voice as she walked back towards him with the things she needed to treat his hand. She had decided to be mad at him but she couldn't bring herself to raise her voice or even stay mad. She had quickly realised that she wasn't every truly mad at him, only worried.

"Look..." Holt sighed as she carefully grabbed his wrist again and started removing the remnants of the last bandage. "I felt that... I had to get this shit done without any major fuck-ups like before." He continued with some difficulty as Shepard started applying the medi-gel. She realised that the two of them had never been this close before and it made her slightly nervous. But not nervous enough to not pick up on his choice of words.

"What do you mean by 'like before'?" She asked as she threw a questioning glance at his face. He seemed uncomfortable from that and looked over towards the wall.

"When we found Garrus..." Holt started and seemed to be hesitant to continue. "...I kind of fucked that mission up and almost got him killed."

"... What?" Shepard asked, completely lost.

"The gunship..." Holt reminded. "I could've dealt with that one so much sooner if I had not been a complete idiot." He said, sounding incredibly angry with himself. "Because of my stupidity, you and Garrus could've ended up dead."

"We didn't die though." Shepard quickly reminded as she finished applying the medi-gel and started bandaging up the hand. "And you did deal with the gunship in the end, didn't you?"

"In the end." Holt repeated.

"What I'm trying to say is that you obviously didn't want us hurt, correct?" Shepard said after a few silent moments following what Holt said.

"Obviously." Holt answered.

"Then you really don't need to sacrifice yourself to make up for any mistakes you made." Shepard continued. "Both me and Garrus knows that you wouldn't let a gunship almost blow us up just for laughs. Please stop blaming yourself for when stuff like that happens." She pleaded.

"Stupid mistakes like that shouldn't just be brushed off." Holt argued as he looked back at her.

"They shouldn't be punished, either." Shepard shot back. "If you're feeling so bad from it then learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. Just don't think that the only way to make up for it is by getting yourself killed!" She exclaimed as they both stared each other down for several moments. "Don't think of yourself as nothing but an asset that is expendable... You're way more than that..." She said with a low voice, feeling more vulnerable than she's felt for as long as she could remember. Holt looked up at her with unreadable eyes before sighing and giving her a slow nod.

"I understand... It won't happen again, Jane."

"Thank you, Nathan..." She said with a smile as she suddenly felt like the weight of a krogan had been lifted off her shoulders. Realising something, she let out a small chuckle. "Also, I think that's the first time someone called me by my first name since I came back from the dead." Her comment was met by a chuckle from Holt.

"Same here... Being called Nathan, that is. Not Jane, don't recall anyone ever calling me Jane." He said with a smile and Shepard returned it. It was something about hearing your first name being mentioned. Made her feel more like a human and not just this icon known as Commander Shepard. She realised that she was still holding Holt's hand even though she had finished bandaging it minutes ago. Slowly retracting it, she stepped back and put her hands on her hips as Holt stood back up.

"Alright..." She sighed. "Back to business! Head to the debrief room so that we can plan our next course of action." She light heartily ordered as she grabbed the medi-gel package and leftover bandages to put them away.

"Roger that, Commander." She heard Holt answer before she heard his footsteps heading towards the door. "And thank you, Jane." Was the last thing she heard before the door hissed closed. Looking between the closed door and the hand that had held Holt's, she felt more like a giggling schoolgirl than a military commander. And it was a feeling that she welcomed after all the death and destruction that had followed her most of her life. A feeling that reminded her that she was actually human.

"... It's a good feeling." She whispered to herself.