Time passed quickly, and I was engulfed in school and studying. I would wake up in the morning and eat breakfast, go to classes, come back to the common room and study until ten thirty and go to sleep again.

That routine never changed.

In fact, I had truly become, as Lily had once correctly called me, a zombie.

"This is worse than…that time!" She accused, pointing a finger in my chest, unwilling to mention the time before Christmas break. "You wake up, eat, study and go back to bed! What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Lily, nothing." I sighed, bending over my textbook. The warm fire in the common room cast flickering shadows over the words, pushing them into focus, and then fluttering them out.

"Don't lie to me, Tua." She sniffed. "I know what's wrong, and what's wrong is Sirius Bl…Black." She trailed off, slowly coming to a halt in shock.

I looked up at her, a dead fire burning in my eyes. My face was expressionless, my eyes boring into hers. "Don't talk about him to me." I told her quietly. "I don't want to hear about him."

I had thought that this had been assumed between us, that it was an unspoken agreement. I had thought she had seen the truth behind it all, the feelings that I wouldn't put into words.

The feelings of abandonment.

The loss.

The thought that he was leaving me.

Alone.

Again.

I didn't want to tell her if she didn't understand, because it seemed much too personal. I didn't hold it against her that she couldn't understand, because her life was nothing like mine.

How could she understand?

Lily looked at me, meeting my gaze with her chin held high. "You care about him. You care about him a lot. James told me what happened over break, and—"

"Oh, so it's James now, is it?" I snapped, my temper flaring unexpectedly. "No more Potter?"

I saw a sudden flash of anger in her eyes, but it died out almost immediately. "Just because your love life isn't working out so well isn't a reason to take it out on me." She said evenly.

"Whatever." I muttered, slamming my book shut. "I'm going to bed."

As I lifted my book bag and started to walk back to our room, Lily called after me.

"It's not my fault, Autumn. And this time, it's not his either. This time...this time, the fault lies with you."

I turned halfway, listening.

"And you, Autumn, are the one that has to fix it." She said, her voice clear and strong. It carried through the common room, turning heads in our direction.

Self-conscious, I looked around, and turned back, ready to flee. But my eyes were suddenly caught, hooked, unable to move.

He was sitting in an armchair, a black-haired girl chattering away on the arm.

But he wasn't listening, I knew, from his posture.

His face was encased in shadows, so indiscernible that his face was completely hidden in darkness.

But his gray eyes seemed to burn, brighter and brighter, diminishing everything else in its glory.

I couldn't stand the light any longer.

I fled.

--

I woke up a week later to shrieks of glee and laughter.

"Omigod!" I heard Kimberly Ann cry. "Look at my gift!"

"Aaah!" I heard the other occupants of the room squeal. "It's so beautiful!"

Bleary-eyed, I lifted myself off the bed, supporting myself on my elbow and looked sleepily towards Lily's bed.

"Don't tell me you forgot." She groaned, looking up, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "It's Valentine's Day!"

I fell back into bed and covered my face with the sheets.

"It's Valentine's Day?" I heard the bed beneath me creak as it's occupant sat up. "Seriously? Wow, I wonder if Paul got me something."

"I'm sure he did." Lily told Amy reassuringly. "He's a total romantic anyway."

I slowly pulled my bed hangings back over my bed, unwilling to look at Amy's still haggard face again.

She and I still hadn't made up, and it was eating away at me, even more than my problems with Sirius. Apparently, she was going steady with Paul, but even so, it was obvious to everybody that she hadn't gotten over what had happened.

Lily was on good terms with the both of us, and would try her very best to include both of us in her conversations, but either Amy would slowly drift away, or I would.

I was too afraid to talk to her, and, I suspected, that she was too bitter to confront me.

And because I was the one who caused the bitterness, I wouldn't approach her.

I heard Amy get off the bed, heard her feet pad to the bathroom and heard the door close softly.

And then my hangings were wrenched open.

"Oh, get up, Tua." Lily said exasperatedly. "She's gone. Get dressed and we can go down to breakfast."

"I just feel so guilty." I muttered.

Lily sighed. Then she looked at me, her eyes softening. "I know. And, truthfully, you should. But I think you've tried your best. And, now, I think the decision is up to her."

I looked up at her, my eyes showing my gratitude. "Okay, I'll be up in a moment. Let me just get dressed."

"Mmkay!" Lily jumped off the bed and started ruffling through her trunk. Watching her out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her picking up an outfit, holding it up, and then stuffing it back in.

Valentine's Day never made Lily this nervous.

What could have happened?

"…I'm sure that James will just love my newest outfit!" I heard Kimberly gush. "After all, he totally complimented my last red dress!"

I saw Lily's back stiffen slightly, and I realized why she had been so meticulous in picking what she was going to wear. But she suddenly swooped down and grabbed the first thing in the trunk that her hands touched and she changed into it mechanically.

"Are you ready?" She asked me, her light-hearted tone gone. "It's almost breakfast time."

"Yeah." I shrugged into a short, long-sleeved gray jacket, and tugged it down a bit. "Let's go."

We left the room, after Lily yelled to Amy that she would be down at breakfast.

"So…" I trailed off as we climbed through the portrait hole. "Is there something going on between you and James?"

She tensed up immediately. "What do you mean, Tua?" She asked me, feigning obvious innocence.

"Oh, nothing." I changed tactics. "Forget I said anything."

We walked in silence for another couple of moments.

"Well, he asked me out to Hogsmeade today." She suddenly said, turning her face so I wouldn't see the blushing rosettes on her cheeks.

I had to struggle to hide my grin as we walked past a painting of a lady stuffing herself with Valentine's chocolates. "Really?" I asked, my voice expressionless. "And what did you say?"

"Yes." She mumbled softly.

"What?" I asked loudly. "Speak up, Lils!"

"I said yes, okay?" She shouted.

I looked ahead, not meeting her embarrassed eyes. "Good." I told her quietly. "I'm glad you did."

"What?" She stumbled on the flagstones. "Really?"

"Yes." I turned to look at her as we walked. "I am. He's a good man, Lily. He really is. And he deserves more than I thought he did. So, maybe this is a good thing."

"Oh." Was her soft reply. We reached the great double doors. Then she turned to look at me. The smile on her face was big, shining brightly. "Thanks."

I grinned back. "Your welcome. Now come on, I'm hungry!"

With a laugh, she agreed and we made our way to our usual table. I reached my place, and caught sight of something at my plate.

My grin slowly started to slide off of my face.

"Tua?" I dimly heard Lily ask. "What's wron—oh!" She gasped.

I looked up, my green eyes searching. I saw a head of black hair, turned away from me, and I focused upon it.

It seemed to feel my gaze, and it turned, slowly, until the gray eyes met mine.

Why? I would ask.

Because. He would reply.

I turned away, back to my plate. There, in a thin crystal vase, was a single rose, redder than a drop of the reddest blood, full in bloom, its petals opening to the sky.

"Wow." Lily said softly. "It's beautiful."

I reached forward tentatively, as if it were a scared animal, ready to bolt at any moment, and softly, very, very softly, I touched one petal.

With a burst of silver sparks, a small, folded up piece of pure white paper drifted to my eye level.

I reached out, and slowly plucked it from the air, and sank into my seat. I opened it and read the one word written in the hand that I knew so well.

Love

If I hadn't already been sitting, I would have fell to the floor in shock. I lifted my eyes to meet his, and he looked back, his gaze strong.

I don't regret it. His eyes told me.

"Tua?" I heard Lily ask. I turned away from his piercing gray eyes, and looked at her. "Is it from him?" She asked me, her voice serious.

I laughed, a mirthless chuckle that conveyed my true feelings. "Of course it is. Who else could it be?"

"Well, I thin--" She stopped, suddenly stiffening, her gaze locked on something behind her. I turned, curious, and met the thin, stunned face of Amy, gazing at the perfect rose in shock and hurt.

"Amy?" I whispered softly, just so softly that no one else could hear.

She lifted her eyes to meet mine. I read many emotions, hurt, shock, pain, and...and regret. Then she turned and fled the Great Hall, her robes flying out behind her, leaving me sitting next to the everlasting red rose, the symbol of a love that had hurt everybody involved.

--

That night, all Lily could talk about was what James had given her for Valentines. It was so simple, and yet so sweet, that I rather suspected that Remus had suggested the idea to James.

She had the leather-bound copy of Pride and Prejudice clutched in her arms, a half-eaten packet of Honeydukes Finest Chocolates sitting next to her, and the simple note that he had written in her lap.

"I can't believe he was so thoughtful!" She blushed. "It's just so sweet...I mean, I expected him to do something really big, like last year. Do you remember that Cupid that he had following me around all week?"

I nodded absently, my mind still on Sirius and Amy, and she continued.

"But this was so...so unexpected! I'm really, really happy." She beamed, her smile lighting up her face. She hugged the book closer to her. "I'm going to read now, is that okay, Tua?"

"Oh, oh, yeah, sure, go ahead." I waved her aside as she pulled her hangings shut.

I heard the sound of a page being turned, and then the door opened. I looked up, distracted from my thoughts, and ended up facing Amy.

But it wasn't the same Amy I had seen that morning, her face careworn, still holding on to the remnants of the past. Instead, she seemed to be standing straighter, and her soft brown eyes seemed to have gained a new resolve.

"I need to talk to you." She said to me, her voice strong. Then I realized what had been so different about her.

She had reached a decision.

My throat dry, I nodded mutely. I had been foolish to not have expected this before. I should have known that one day, one day, Amy would come to find me, to talk to me. I suppose I just hadn't expected it to be so soon.

"Come on." She gestured towards the stairs. I clambered off the bed, my hands clammy with sweat, and inside my head, I chided myself for being so fearful of what I knew was to come. It was a simple talk between old friends. It shouldn't affect me this much.

But, I reminded myself, there were plenty of other circumstances to take into account anyway.

We reached the common room in silence, her in a brooding quietness, me in an apprehensive one.

She sat in an overstuffed armchair, far from the warmth and quiet din of the fire and those near it. I took her cue and sat down opposite her. It was quite obvious who was holding the power in this conversation, and, given everything, I was quite content to let her have it.

"So..." Amy started, looking at me. I didn't answer, my gaze on my hands folded in my lap. Then I heard her sigh. But not a usual, teenager's sigh, filled with hormones and foolishness, but the sigh of one who had experienced much. "I wanted to apologize." Her words came out in a rush.

I looked up, completely astonished, and somehow, words seemed to pour out of me. "Sorry? Why the hell are you sorry? I mean, I'm the one who..I mean, I'm just...I'm just so ashamed!" I burst out. "I'm so, so, so sorry, Amy, so much more than you realize. I should have known, I mean, I did know, that you were, are, worth so much more than a guy, no matter who he was, but I hadn't been thinking straight, I just didn't...I mean, it was completely on impulse, I'm just...I'm just so sorry."

My hands were clutched into fists now, my arms ramrod straight at my sides as I looked into her face, searching for the understanding I wanted.

"I know." She said softly. "I really do know, Tua."

I flinched at the use of my nickname.

"I saw how you distanced yourself after everything, and I saw what had happened, and I knew that you were in a lot of pain too, but...I just...I was just so jealous!" She cried, stifling her face in her hands. "I had liked him for so long, and he had finally been mine, and then, to find out that the girl he liked was you!" I heard a sob. "The one girl who despised him!"

"Neither of us realized." I told her, my voice cracking. "He didn't even know until he said those words aloud that...day."

"And that's just what made it worse." She told me, her voice muffled. "Because you had already paid your dues to me. You had suffered enough. And I...I just wanted you to suffer more."

Her words hit me like a whip, cutting into wounds that had only begun to heal. They oozed open, fresh blood pouring out. I stumbled under the pain.

"But I realized." She suddenly said, her hands dropping away, revealing red rimmed eyes, and an odd look upon her face. "I realized today."

I didn't dare to ask what.

But she continued, her voice oddly triumphant. "I realized today that now, that finally, I was the one in the wrong. That I had hurt us both, perhaps more than you had."

"I realized," She said softly, her eyes boring into mine. "That he loves you."

A choked cry tore from my throat, causing a few others in the room to look our way. But seeing the confrontation occuring, they quickly looked away, talking loudly, as if to mask our voices.

"That one simple rose told me so much." She spoke. "It told me the truth. And I found that I was wrong to want you to hurt more, and that to want so was cruel. I can't stand in the way anymore." Amy told me, her back suddenly straighter. "And I won't. Sirius loves you, Autumn. He loves you more than he's ever liked me. And I can't ignore that."

A single tear worked its way down my cheek.

"I'm not going to be selfish any...any long...longer." She completely broke down then, tears overflowing, and she sat, a small, hunched up figure in a huge chair, broken more than anyone had realized. Her best friend had betrayed her, her boyfriend had cheated on her, and everything was a complete and utter mess.

I got up, and put my arms around her, holding her until her sobs had subsided.

"Now shush." I told her, my own voice breaking. "I don't love him, you know. And I'm not going to date him or anything of the sort. His is a misguided notion of love, nothing true or real. So...so don't worry."

However, as I made the promise, for promise it had been, a stone seemed to settle in my chest, weighing me down, tangible, it seemed as the very objects around me.

"No." Amy sniffled, sitting up. "He does love you. And I don't think you should throw it away. Because, Tua, I think you do love him. Even if you don't realize it. And I don't want to be the thing standing in the way any longer."

"You aren't." I promised. "You never were. Because I don't love him. And I never have."

"If you say so." She stared doubtfully, tear tracks slowly drying.

"Anyway, I think...I think we should go to bed." I told her.

"'kay." She mumbled back. She got to her feet, unaided, and started to climb the stairs, myself right behind her.

But as I left, I looked up, I looked back. I looked towards the empty staircase that led to the boys dorms, and I sighed, so softly, so quietly no one could hear.

"I don't love him."

But even to me it sounded like a lie.

--

Yes, yes, it's one of my, ahem, longer chapters...I won't say I'm quite proud of it, because I really do think that there's too much angst going on right now, but it's necessary, it's quite necessary...oh, I'm so sad, though!! Only three more chapters left!! Unless something goes wrong (or right!) and it ends up being more...

Oh, and if there aren't any more chapters posted for a while, blame it on Ike. Stupid hurricane...I live RIGHT off of where it hit, and there's NO power ANYWHERE. It's a miracle I can even access this site...but, yeah, please, please, PLEASE review.

They're like my LIFE.

Love ya all,

Fanta-Faerie