April 28 2014
Its Mase's first birthday.
Hes such a big boy now, he can walk... but he prefers to run. Hes tall for his age and hes so protective of me its adorable.
Guess what?
Lissa and Christian are going to have a baby :) Im so happy for them, Lissa is extatic, theyre already coming up with possible names.
I keep waiting to hear news of Tasha getting pregnant... Im expecting it, but Im dreading it.
That would mean Mase would have a half brother or sister wouldnt it?
Its almost too painful to even think about...
I went on a date the other day, Lissa set me up with a guardian from court. He was nice enough, sandy blone hair and a nice figure... but he wasnt you. Thats all I could think about during dinner... and then when he dropped me home he tried to kiss me, but I couldnt do it.
I couldnt even agree on a second date with him... it just felt wrong...
Ive decided that this is actually quite good for me, to be writing down how Im feeling. I know, and I hope, no one ever finds these letters but I feel so much lighter, less weighed down when I write it out. I dont feel comfortable telling anyone any of this stuff... Not even Lissa.
I dream of the day you would come back, that you just show up one day at my door and beg me to take you back... and then You, me and Mase get to be one big happy family...
It hurts when I wake up... because I know it would ever happen...
X Rose