Riley's diary…
To this date I still feel Maya's hand on my cheek, but I don't know what hurt me the most, the slap she gave me or the look she had on her face when she did it… I guess I got it coming… what said at that time is something I still don't know why I said it… and that up to this day haven't forgotten myself for saying it…
-MAYA!
-I can't believe you said that… she's your mother… she loves you more than her own life…
-I…
-You don't have a clue how it is to just have one parent…
-Maya…
Yes, we both ended up crying in that garden, an hour after that I went to Topanga's room. She was breastfeeding my new little sister.
-Riley…
-...hey…
-Meet Lindsey…
I stood there for what seemed an eternity, but in reality it was just a minute or two glaring at the little form in my mother's arms, slowly I walked to her, and stood beside the bed, she was precious, that's true, and she giggled when she saw me. Mom spoke.
-Want to hold her?
Like a robot I extended my arms and took the little form in them, I sat and glared at her. It reminded me of the day when I held Augie for the first time, back then I was super joyful, all I could do was to let more tears run down my face. I knew, at that precise moment that this little innocent girl, would be a permanent reminder of the point when my life broke in pieces. When the "bubble" I have lived on for over 16 years finally blew and I was faced with a new reality. One in which my family was broken. That night Maya came through the new bay window, I was sitting on my bed looking at nowhere.
-Sweetie?
-There's no way back right?
-What?
-My family… it'll never be the way it was…
Maya hugged me.
-no… I'm afraid not…
I couldn't help it and began to cry.
-shh… it's going to be OK… I'll always be with you. Thunder and lightning remember?
-what am I going to do?
-For a start… you need to try and save your grades…
I glared at her, she was right, it had been a horrendous year and if I flunked the year I could say goodbye to getting a scholarship anywhere… I lowered my head and glared at the floor. Maya knelt in front of me and held my hands.
-Sweetie, you can do it. You're and always have been a straight A student…
-Maya… I… I don't know if I can…
-WHAT? - Maya's eyes opened wide
-I… I'm not the same… nothing is the same… I was another Riley when my family was together… when everything was different… but now… now I don't know who I am… don't you remember all I've been through? I… I lost my virginity and then I was about to get gang raped… I got drunk… I…
-Stop… Sweetie that's enough. That's in the past. We all make mistakes…
-I can't be the old Riley… and I don't know if what I am know can do it…
-You can sweetie. I know you can…
But it wasn't going to be easy, the following morning I was called to the school counselor's office. Miss Oben got out a file and began to look through the papers, after a few moments she glared at me.
-Riley, we have been over the files of all students in Abigail Adams High School and I was asked by the Principal to talk to you.
-A… about what?
-Riley… at the start of the year your grades were as usual… straight As, but as time progressed… they plunged dramatically…
-I know… - she replied in a whisper
-The board also reviewed the applications for scholarships for next year, the thing is… the only thing that's keeping you still as a candidate is the fact that you have an incredible record during middle school and your first years of high school… Riley, the only way you can still apply is to get straight As all the way to the end of the year.
I only nodded. A year before that it would have like asking me to go eat an ice cream, but now… that night I just sat there looking at my books, Maya walked in the room and glared at me.
-Are you OK?
-no… I can't concentrate…
I saw her smile.
-Relax, I have everything sorted out for you.
-What are you talking about?
-I got you a tutor.
I stood up in shock
-YOU WHAT?
-Remember I told you I was going to help you get the grades you need for a scholarship?
-I DON'T NEED A TUTOR! I'M AN HONOR STUDENT!
-You were. And you need one.
I was scared to even ask
-so…
-who is it? You'll know tomorrow after school. Don't worry.
As the day progressed Riley wondered whether it was going to be Farkle or Smakle whom Maya had chosen to be her tutor. To her surprise it was neither, as they left school Maya led her to the subway yet not the one taking them home but the opposite.
-Where are we going?
It wasn't hard to realize where, it was the luxurious building where Farkle lived. As they went up the elevator Riley spoke.
-I'm scared… I don't want to do this…
-Love…
-What if I can't do it? What if I don't have it in me anymore?
-Look, you're a smart girl, you just need to
-I WANT TO GO HOME! PLEASE!
To be continued...