Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, I don't own the characters, and I don't make money off of it… 21 chapters and nothing has changed.
So things look really bleak for this story right now, but the end of this chapter (just like two chapters ago) will please you and make you hate me at the same time, but this time it is not so vague. Also, be prepared for a time jump that will happen, I won't tell you how long, but there will be one. Two actually, one next chapter and one after that…
This chapter is Emily's funeral part two so it will be sad and most likely filled with Mer/Der angst (Mer's are mostly thoughts, Derek's is where most of the angst takes place so I warned you now), but it will be the last of the devastating chapters… I think… so… ENJOY!
Cristina twined her hand with Owen's as she walked through the doors of the church. The necklace around her neck where the engagement ring Owen gave her three years ago banged against her chest.
Together, they decided she was not the kind of woman who would wear a ring on her hand, but maybe as a necklace so she could scrub in easily but he would still have his claim on her. They also decided that they were not wedding kind of people. With a slightly pregnant Meredith as a witness, city hall was their best bet. No ring, no dress, nothing. It had been perfect though.
Two years ago, Cristina had also never been the person to like children. She cringed at the thought of spit up, diapers, and crying. She didn't want kids, she didn't like to be around kids, and Owen respected her for that because neither did he.
But things change.
Emily Elizabeth Shepherd changed her.
From the second the little emerald eyed girl looked up at her and placed her hand gently on her cheek, Cristina Yang was hopelessly in love with her, however much she tried to deny it. When she was around her friends, she hardly looked towards the little girl, but when they weren't, Cristina was like putty in her hands. That was when she wasn't watching her for a long period of time.
She remembered a day when she had been forced to watch over 3 month old Emily for almost the entire day.
"Cristina, thank god," Derek sighed as he ran down the hallway, a whimpering Emily in his arms.
"What's with the kid?" Cristina asked.
"Meredith is sick and doesn't want to be around her, but I have surgery in twenty minutes…" Derek explained. "Can you take her?"
"Isn't the day care open?" Cristina questioned.
"She's too young, they start at 6 months," Derek explained. "Please Cristina." Cristina looked the little girl up and down. She had no surgeries today and was going to spend the day trolling for some, guess that was out of the question now.
"Hand her over," she rolled her eyes.
"Thank you, we owe you," Derek said, kissing Emily gently and handing her over to Cristina. "Here's her diaper bag." Cristina bent over to pick it up and gasped.
"What the hell is in that thing?" she exclaimed.
"Diapers, wipes, baby powder, bottles, her bear, pacifiers, change of clothes, her pack n' play, her…" Derek explained as he walked down the hallway.
"What am I supposed to do with this stuff?" Cristina hissed.
"You'll figure it out," Derek smirked, at the same time shivering at the thought he was leaving his innocent baby girl with Cristina of all people. Cristina held up Emily and looked at her closely.
"What am I supposed to do with you?" she murmured and shook her head as she gurgled before hiccupping."Let's find Izzie, maybe she will know what to do with you…" Unfortunately, Izzie was in surgery most of the day, so Cristina found herself in the attending lounge.
"Bahsofala," Emily giggled as she laid on her back on the floor of the lounge.
"What you say makes no sense," Cristina shook her head. "Cristina… can you say Cristina?"
"Habanoso," Emily babbled.
"What is the point of having kids if they can't talk," Cristina shook her head as she lifted her closer. Just then, Emily hiccupped again before spitting up on Cristina's scrubs.
"EMILY!" she exclaimed. At the loud noise, the little girl began to sob. And they continued, and continued, and continued. Cristina was unable to calm her down with anything that she had in the diaper bag. She didn't want to eat, she wasn't wet, she wouldn't stop crying enough to get her pacifier in her mouth, and she was exhausted.
"What is going on in here?" Owen asked walking in. "Cristina, why do you have Em?"
"McDreamy is in surgery and Mer's sick," Cristina whined. "She's been like this for the past hour!"
"What did you do?" he asked.
"She did this!" Cristina exclaimed, lifting her away for a second to show the spit up that still sat on her scrubs.
"Let me take her, you clean up," Owen said. Cristina nodded, a scowl on her face, and went the bathrooms. She got a new scrub top and went back into the lounge, surprised to find it quiet. Owen was bouncing her up and down, Emily was leaning on his chest, drinking for a bottle calmly.
"Did you trade her in or something?" Cristina asked.
"You just have to be patient with her…. here, take her, I need to go back to the ER," Owen said, placing Emily in her arms. Cristina looked down, the bottle was finished.
"What do I do now?"
"Burp her," Owen shrugged. "But use the towel please; I don't want to lose my wife when you go insane from more of her crying." Cristina nodded and did as he said, Emily burped contently, Cristina decided to change her diaper, and she settled in her arms. The little girl's eyes looked towards her.
"What do you want?" she asked. The baby blinked and rested her hand on her chest before banging it gently and yawning. "You know, you are kind of cute when you are quiet." When Derek was finished his surgery, Owen told him where she was. There he found Cristina on a chair fast asleep while Emily slept on her chest. They stayed that way for hours on end, no more wailing coming from that part of the hospital for at least the rest of that day.
For some strange reason, Cristina had kept the scrubs with the spit up on them. Or somehow they got back into her stuff that day. Anyway, she still had them. They reminded Cristina a lot of her niece. She honestly never saw her that often when she was alive, she had always been busy in surgery, but the scrubs reminded Cristina that there was a little girl out there who loved her Aunt Cris or Cwis as much as she loved her.
She regrets maybe only seeing her once or twice a month. She took it for granted thinking that there would always be a day that the chubby cheeked little girl would come running down the hallway and leap into her arms, not wanting to let go. Cristina didn't want to let go of the memory; that is why it wasn't the scrubs she put in the casket. It was a picture. A picture that Derek had snapped that day during the time she was sleeping.
It was always Cristina's favorite picture, but it was Emily's too. And she deserved to have it more than her.
Meredith could hardly fathom what she was doing in the church. She knew what it was for, but she couldn't feel it. People came up to her, whispering their sorrows about the loss of their little girl, but she wasn't their little girl. Emily was her little girl.
Emily Elizabeth Shepherd had been in Meredith Shepherd's womb for exactly 8 months, 35 days, 6 hours, and 29 minutes. Meredith experienced a large amount of pain to push her baby girl out at 6:29 am on September 17th. But that pain was nothing compared the the feeling she had in her chest right now.
No one here knew what it was like to lose a child and their sympathy was making Meredith a little angry. The only ones she did not care about how many times they said 'sorry' were the Shepherd's. The family she was bound to lose in the inevitable divorce from her husband.
Meredith couldn't even remember their fight. The fight that ended everything.
But she wasn't sure if she was ready to take it all back yet. She was too numb to be even thinking about these things at the moment. Meredith was a hundred percent sure she was not even going to remember this day either by the time it was over.
She didn't want to remember it. Just like she honestly didn't want to remember her fight with Derek. Maybe if she didn't, it would be like it never happened and things would be better or at least the pain of the loss of her husband would be a little less than the pain of losing her daughter.
The priest at the front of the church was talking about their little girl. Sharing memories that they shared, others shared, but the only one that mattered to Meredith was lying on the couch, her little daughter's head in her lap fast asleep, as Meredith watched the rest of Cinderella because she did not have the heart to move her.
That was the last time Meredith held her close. The last time she ever saw her.
April 13th.
The day Meredith's life she once had ended.
Derek looked down as the priest spoke up once more.
"The procession will now continue to the cemetery her parents picked out for her where a plot will be laid out to forever honor her memory. Emily Shepherd may be gone in life, but she will live forever in the hearts of people who loved her," the priest said. "She was taken away from the world so cruelly, but a small comfort is that she will never know the pain she suffered while away from her parents again. Her soul with rise into the heavens, a beautiful two year old girl." Derek's head snapped over to the opposite side of the pew where sobbing was heard. It was Meredith.
He failed her. He failed Em. And now Derek was left to live with that failure.
Soon Derek heard more sobbing or at least heavy crying. It sounded close, but no one else was crying as much as he heard.
That was when he felt Mark's strong arms wrap around him, as well as Callie's. It was then when Derek realized it was him who was crying.
Mark and Callie led him outside towards the plot of land they picked out for Emily's empty casket. Arizona was behind him. With the comfort of his friends his cries went silent.
Next to him stood Meredith surrounded by Izzie, Lexie, and Cristina. Izzie looked up and gave him a small smile. She hadn't spoken to him since his and Meredith's fight, but the small gesture reassured Derek that she would not be one of the friends he lost in the divorce.
"Thank you," Derek nodded the Mark, Callie, and Arizona. He stepped forward to where George, Owen, and Alex were helping carry the casket towards the plot. "Oh Emi."
"It'll be okay man," Alex said, as he passed him. George squeezed his shoulder gently. Derek looked back at them; maybe he'd only lose Mer in the divorce. At least he could hope.
Things went silent as everyone circled the plot. The priest began talking again and the funeral people began handing out flowers. Derek held his rose and all of a sudden realize Meredith was standing next to him.
"Hi," she murmured.
"Hi Mer," Derek whispered.
"Iz did a great job didn't she," Mer nodded.
"She did, perfect for our little girl," Derek said. Mer opened her mouth to speak again but the priest interrupted.
"Now let's say our final goodbyes to Emily by placing a rose on her casket, her parents will go first," he said, nodding to Meredith and Derek. Together, Mer and Der looked up at each other, and then moved together towards the now closed casket.
"Goodbye my angel," Mer said. "I'll never forget you. I'll never let you go."
"Be good baby girl," Derek sighed. "I love you and I'll miss you." Derek and Meredith stepped back and watched as more and more people approached Emily's casket.
"It's not fair is it," Derek shook his head.
"No it's not… I…"
"What the hell?" Derek hissed all of a sudden. Meredith's head snapped up and came face to face with a good amount of Seattle's police department.
"Please Mr. Shepherd," Officer Martin said.
"I don't want you here, go!" Derek boomed.
"Derek," Mark sighed.
"GO!" Derek screamed.
"Dr. Shepherd, we…"
"You failed our little girl!" Derek screamed.
"Derek, stop it!" Meredith exclaimed.
"You are one to talk," Derek snapped. "You first blame them, and then me! I tried! I DID MORE THAN THEM! They let him get out of the state! THEY let our baby girl get killed!"
"Now who is acting like an ass, isn't that what you told ME last time," Mer yelled.
"Meredith, Derek, stop it!" Izzie yelled.
"Please, this is a time of mourning, not fighting," the priest interjected.
"Shut up," Meredith and Derek snapped at the same time.
"We are very sorry," Officer White nodded.
"Get out!" Derek screamed.
"THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE HERE DEREK!" Meredith exclaimed.
"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?" Derek yelled.
"THEY TRIED!"
"AND I DIDN'T!"
"NO! YOU KILLED HER!"
"THEY KILLED HER! THE POLICE KILLED HER!"
"STOP IT!" a new voice cut in. Carolyn Shepherd stepped out through the crowd. "I've seen enough!"
"Mom… stay…" Derek began.
"No… you, go to your car!" Carolyn commanded. "Meredith Shepherd, you do the same!" They both stared at her incredulously. "NOW!" With a final glare at each other the two stalked away in opposite directions.
"Oh Emily, if only you knew how much we need you," Carolyn whispered as she looked up towards the attendants. "I think it is over… Izzie, I am sure your luncheon would have been appreciated a lot more on non-selfish people, but I do not think it is happening, thank you anyway…" Carolyn looked at her daughters. "We should be going."
"But Mom," Kathleen interrupted.
"They don't need us, they need each other, and they need to find that out themselves," Carolyn shook her head. With that she took off in the direction of Derek.
"I'm sorry Emily," Mark shook his head in voice for everything that just happened.
One day later…
"I'm here," a man with light blond hair and green eyes said into the phone.
"I can see that Jay," Howard said as he approached him in the airport.
"Shut up idiot," Jason hissed under his breath. "My name is not Jason… it's… um… Andrew. Andrew Locke."
"Okay Andrew," he nodded. "Follow me; I will bring you to the house."
"You got a house already?" Jason said, surprised.
"Yupp, in Chelsea…" Howard said proudly. "Townhouse all paid for."
"Good job," Jason nodded. He walked out of the airport and almost choked on the NYC air. "God I hate New York."
"You'll learn to love it… oh yeah, got you a job too," Howard said.
"Doing what?"
"Plumber."
"What the hell!" Jason hissed. "Make that any more obvious!"
"You are good at it," he shrugged.
"Because that's what I used to be!" Jason growled. "I'll just have to quit."
"And you don't want to make it obvious," Howard accused.
"Maybe if you weren't such an imbecile," Jason rolled his eyes. They walked through the streets of New York silently. Howard could tell Jason was fuming. He had been mad already when he moved from Connecticut but people got suspicious. He needed to go to New York, it was easier to blend but close to Pennsylvania. Too close for his liking.
"Here it is," Howard nodded.
"Nice," Jason muttered and ran up the front steps. He put his hand on the front handle and was surprised to find it open. "ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED?"
"We were out for less than an hour," Howard informed him. "And she can't reach the front door."
"And if someone came in?" Jason growled. "Where is she?"
"GET OUT HERE!" Howard boomed. Five seconds later a little girl sulked around the corner, sporting an orange cast on her left arm.
"What did you do to her?" Jason asked.
"Reason we had to leave Connecticut," Howard smirked. "Erin get over here."
"Erin?" he asked.
"I named her," he said proudly.
"Don't like it," Jason shook his head. Just then, the little girl looked up at Jason.
"Daddy!" she whimpered and hugged his legs. It's now he sees a black eye.
"What the HELL!" he exclaimed, picking her up.
"Daddy that man is mean," the little girl whimpered.
"She doesn't even have a wig!" Jason hissed.
"I cut her hair," he shrugged. Jason looked closer at her and saw the botched hair cut.
"It looks like shit," he growled. "You're useless."
"You never told me what to do man," Howard hissed. "No one has seen her, I haven't even met the neighbors yet."
"And I am left to clean up your mess," Jason shook his head. "Don't worry Rachel, this idiot won't be taking care of you anymore."
"Rachel, that's my name now," Rachel looked up at him.
"Good enough?" he asked setting her down. She nodded.
"Mer middle name?" Howard asked. "For her birth certificate?"
"You don't need to worry about that," Jason said.
"Why?" Howard asked.
"Rachel, go back to where you were before," Jason said. The little girl nodded, the dark, uneven, partly curly, dirty hair on her head bouncing behind her.
"Why man?" Howard asked again.
"Because," Jason said calmly, raising a gun with a silencer and shooting him in the head. Howard fell to the floor, dead.
"Daddy," Rachel whimpered. "Daddy what did you do?"
"Get out of here brat, GO!" Jason ordered. Rachel nodded and spun on her heels, sobbing.
"Sorry man," Jason shook his head looking at Howard. "You weren't needed anymore." Jason dragged him downstairs and placed him in the freezer that sat there, that way he wouldn't stink up the place. After that deed was done he decided to make the house look like he lived there. All of a sudden, Rachel was at his feet again, taking something out of his pocket.
"Daddy, why do you have a picture of me in your pocket?" she asked, holding up a picture.
"THAT'S NOT YOU ANYMORE!" he screamed and slapped her across the face.
"What do you mean?" Rachel whimpered.
"Emily Shepherd is dead," Jason smirked. "Rachel Locke however, is alive."
So yes, you were all right, Erin (well now Rachel) is indeed Emily. And Howard was the man who was helping Jason out all along, they met in prison and such and both escaped together. Howard is the one who has helped create their alternate identities, driver's licenses, birth certificates, etc. So now that you know Em is alive, do you hate me a little less?
Either next chapter or the chapter after that will be the time jump…
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! THE GREY'S ANATOMY GODS WANT YOU TO! (:
A/N: If any of you read NCIS fanfiction, check out this summary of my first multi-chapter fic entitled New Found Angel:
Ziva centric. Ziva David has always shown an interest towards children, but when 10 year old Aliah McCallin is found at a crime scene, she never expected the connection to be so strong. No one on the team expected how quickly she would weasel her way into their hearts. But when it's discovered that they have similar pasts, Ziva will stop at nothing to protect her, going as far as to admitting something that could risk her position on the team. As they dig deeper into the past of this young girl, one of Gibbs' rules is the least of their worries. The team soon finds themselves in a race against time to save Aliah, NCIS, and prevent a terrorist attack that would make 9/11 look like a normal day in New York City.