A/N: Welcome to chapter 21!

In the last chapter Yugi was visited by Ryo and received a flute. It signified a huge breakthrough, and now he can finally begin searching for a new purpose in life. How will music help Yugi's healing proces? And what other bumps will Yugi encounter? Go read to find out!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!. I do own the plot to this story.

Enjoy! And reviews are and will always be much appreciated!

Chapter 21: Searching

Yugi was sitting in his room, but he wasn't alone. Rebecca was there to keep him company. He'd rather that she left him alone, but there was little he could do to stop the talkative girl. At least he had a way to shut her up. All he had to do was pick up his flute and start playing.

At first his friends' present was his prized possession, and no one was allowed to touch it, let alone hear him play it. He would spend hours in his room by himself, playing random tunes that hardly made any sense except to himself. Slowly, but surely, he started to open up to those around him. The music liberated his pent up emotions and paranoid thoughts. He still found it difficult to talk, but even that became increasingly easier the more weeks went by.

A lot had changed since then. Even though he still liked to keep private he occasionally allowed other people to hear him play, like Rebecca was now. She was sitting with bated breath at the foot of Yugi's bed while Yugi rested his back against the headboard as he played with his eyes closed. He didn't even glance at the sheet music in front of him. He didn't need to, since he had written this song himself, and had played it so many times already that his fingers automatically moved over the lacquered wooden body of his flute. The song started off as a cheerful legato tune, in which one note gently flowed into the next. Soon the melody itself stayed the same, but the notes were played staccato, meaning they were all capped off, creating a little hesitation. After a while it turned to a higher pitch and sounded erratic for a few beats until the melody changed altogether. It became a mix of legato and staccato, cheerful and dark. Rebecca could feel the confusion and fear radiating from it. Yugi played faster and faster, drowning the listener in these feelings, until he suddenly stopped. After a little pause Yugi continued playing again, much calmer this time. The melody was sad, starting off with long singular notes, though eventually more notes were added, creating more life even though it stayed sad.

And then it suddenly stopped. Yugi lowered his flute and sighed as he opened his eyes. He didn't even notice that Rebecca had tears in her eyes. She thought that the song was so beautiful, which was only enhanced by the fact that Yugi clearly was a very talented player.

"Why did you stop playing?" She eventually asked.

Yugi lifted his eyes to meet hers, finally seeing the tears that were rolling down her check before she raised her arm to wipe them away. "I don't know how it ends yet." He replied, his voice laced with sadness.

Rebecca frowned. "What do you mean?"

Yugi sighed again, picked up the piece of cloth lying on the nightstand next to him, and gingerly started cleaning the inside of his flute. "Every song tells a story." He started to explain. "This one simply isn't finished yet. I don't know how it's going to continue."

"Why don't you know?" Rebecca pressed on, curious to find out what her friend meant.

Yugi didn't reply right away, but just continued cleaning his flute, even though it should've been clean by now. He didn't know whether he wanted to reply in the first place, because it would mean he would reveal a part of himself that he struggled to keep to himself. Rebecca noticed his reluctance, but instead of backing off she crawled towards him and lifted his head so their eyes met. Yugi didn't flinch away from the contact, being used to it from all the times he had already spent time with the girl.

"You won't draw, but you play music." She started in a tone of which a teacher giving a lecture would be proud of. "Now you must talk about it. That's what doctor Ishtar says to me all the time."

She was right. Ishizu had been telling him the very same thing every session, and it had become much easier ever since he'd gotten the flute. Drawing wasn't his way to express himself, music was, but was he really ready to discuss his reason for being in this place in the first place with this girl?

"Because it's my life's story Rebecca." He found himself admitting.

Rebecca rose her eyebrows and sat back on her knees, letting Yugi's chin go in the process. "Your life's story?"

Yugi nodded and picked up his sheet music. "In this part everything was fine." He said as he pointed to the beginning of the melody. Rebecca couldn't read sheet music, but decided to stay quiet so Yugi could continue. "And this is the part where I started dating Atem." He continued, pointing to another part. "And then Yami arrived." Rebecca noticed that those notes were placed much higher and wondered what that meant, or even who Atem and Yami were, since Yugi had never told her. There was no stopping Yugi now that he was on a roll however. "Eventually I was also dating him and things got from bad to worse." The further Yugi's finger went, the closer the notes were together. "And then I tried to kill myself." The sheet music was blank at this point, before a few sparse notes appeared again. "I've been here ever since. First I had no will to live, but that's changing now that I've rediscovered my love for music." Yugi reached the end of his song and lowered his hand before he softly added. "But I'm still here, so I don't know how it's supposed to continue. Only time will tell."

"Wow…" Rebecca said and fell silent for a moment.

Yugi took this moment to carefully put his flute away in its casing and reverently put it away in the drawer of his nightstand.

"I never knew music could tell so much, but I understand now." Rebecca continued softly, her gaze locked on her knees.

Yugi shrugged. "It's just a song." He mumbled.

Rebecca fervently shook her head before lifting it again. "How can you just say that?!" She exclaimed incredulously. "I expected more from someone who claims to love music more than anything in the world. You shouldn't be so casual about it, especially since I think it's very brave of you to write that song and even braver to let others even hear it."

Yugi cringed a bit at her words, making Rebecca wonder whether he was going to retaliate, but then he slumped his shoulders in defeat and defensively drew his knees to his chest. Rebecca's truthful words hit him harder than he would have liked, but instead of expressing that he retreated back into his own world. It was indeed strange how one moment his flute and the song were nearly sacred to him to the point where he didn't want to share them, but then the next moment it all seemed like it wasn't such a big deal. Yugi couldn't even understand himself. If someone had made a comment like that to him in the past he would have nearly exploded. It was so confusing how his emotions worked sometimes. Each song has a story, even the most trivial nursery rhyme. It's one of the first lessons he'd learned when he was young, and he had held to that conviction ever since. It was one of the biggest pillars of List no Drakana. Although bound together by a single theme – hope, perseverance, determination, light in the darkness - every song had contained something of all its members, telling their stories, and Yugi had cherished all of them.

Perhaps this is part of the problem, he thought wryly. Thinking about the story of his life's song inevitably brought him back to the part of his past he was trying so hard to leave behind. Music could never cease to be unimportant to him, but it was also intricately woven with Atem, Yami and the band. Was the new Yugi supposed to leave his love for music behind? That thought scared him more than anything. It's because of music that he is finally starting to rediscover his light in the darkness.

Rebecca stared at her silent friend for a while, contemplating about whether or not to go away and leave him alone. By now she was used to him being silent, but she still found it hard to determine why he was silent. Was he thinking about what she'd said or had he simply zoned out on her? It was difficult enough for her to figure out what people were feeling in the first place, but it was triple as hard for her with someone like Yugi. After a while she bit her lip and hesitantly leaned forward to place her hand on Yugi's shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry if I hurt you Yugi." She said softly. "I didn't mean to be so blunt."

A part of Yugi wanted to disagree with her, telling her that it was okay and that she was right, but the confusing thoughts roaming through his head didn't allow him to. Instead he merely shook his head.

"Just…leave me alone for a while." He whispered.

Rebecca reluctantly took her hand back. She didn't want to leave, but the things she'd learned during her therapy told her to do as her friend said. She was unsure if Yugi would ever want to talk to her again, which frightened her, but she guessed there was nothing else she could do right now. She slowly got off Yugi's bed and started to walk towards the door. She put her hand on the knob, but didn't turn it just yet. Instead she turned her head around to give her friend a final look. He looked so lost again, almost as if nothing had changed since she had first started talking to him. She bit her lip again. She couldn't just leave it like this. Not if she was responsible for his possible relapse. She had to take a chance.

"You know…" She started, but paused to see whether Yugi would respond, which he didn't. "Maybe you should talk to doctor Ishtar about it."

With those words left hanging in the air she turned the doorknob and left the room, leaving Yugi to mull over her words once more.

A group of three patients had gathered themselves around the blonde nurse. It was the small group that had started a small band a couple of months ago. They had even given a few performances, which had been received with lots of cheer from their fellow patients. Mai had personally loved to see the patients invest in something so positive. If only one particular patient would have joined them when she had first brought the subject up to him. Especially now that he had accepted the flute and started playing it. But that was besides the point right now. These men were obviously distraught about something, and Mai was determined to help them out.

"Miss Mai." One of them said with a serious expression on his face. "We have a problem."

Mai smiled fondly at the man and cocked her head. "What is it, hon?"

"Our singer was discharged today, and we don't have a replacement for him." Another one answered.

"Yeah, and we're supposed to give a show tonight!"A third supplied in near panic. "How are we ever going be ready?!"

"Calm down, Alister." Mai said before the third could keep going. "Panic won't help you. Remember your breathing exercises."

The man instantly responded and started to take slow and deep breaths to calm himself down. The others just looked up at Mai expectantly, hoping that she would reveal the solution to their predicament.

"All right then." Mai continued. "I understand that this is a bit unexpected for all of you and that you're a little bit upset about this, but we're going to find a solution together. Agreed?" Eager heads nodded, reminding the blonde nurse of a pair of young children. She couldn't hold back the chuckle that had formed in the back of her throat. "Who's got an idea?"

"We find a new singer before tonight." The first prompted.

"Or cancel the show until we find one." The second added.

"And disappoint our fans Valon? Don't be ridiculous." Alister, who had calmed down now, supplied.

"But how are we ever going to find a new singer for tonight?" Valon shot back, causing Alister to glare at him.

Mai decided to intervene before it got out of hand and clapped her hands once to get their attention back on her. "So I understand that you want the show to continue, but finding a new singer for tonight might not be possible. I think the solution is to look for a compromise. How about getting a show together without a singer until you can find a new one?"

The three men fell silent as they considered her suggestion. She noticed how most of them frowned, as if they didn't like the idea any better than cancelling the show altogether. She let out a small sigh, fully expecting this problem to not be solved as easily as she might have wanted it to be.

"Miss Mai?" The first one spoke up again, catching the attention of his nurse and his friends. "What about that man you told us about at first? That famous singer? Is he still here?"

Mai smiled sadly. She didn't want to disappoint these three men should Yugi refuse, but she also didn't want to lie to them by telling her patient wasn't available for one reason or the other. Then again, she would love to see him join this little group, and she didn't know for sure that he was going to refuse anyway. Letting other patients loose on the young man had worked with Rebecca, so maybe it would work again with these three. That thought made Mai smile again.

"Oh I know who you're talking about Raphael." She said enthusiastically. "Yes, Yugi is still here, and I think it's a great idea to ask him. I'm sure he'll be willing to help you out once you explain your problem to him. Come on, I'll show you to his room."

Mai started to walk away with the three men following her with big smiles on their faces. All she could do now was hope that Yugi would say yes. It could potentially solve so many problems. First of all it would help these three out with their immediate problem, but it could also be a huge step in the right direction for Yugi. Mai knew full well that, even though Yugi had accepted music back into his life, he was still confused about giving it a new place. Joining this little band would force him to face some demons of his past that he was as of yet still avoiding, and rediscover why he wanted to start a band in the first place. She just hoped that he was ready to take that step yet.

Yugi just couldn't understand himself. He hadn't felt this nervous since List no Drakana's first concert, and he had performed for thousands of people ever since then. Right now he was only facing a couple dozen, and yet he feared his nerves would constrict his throat the moment he would step up in front of their audience. The patients had cleared the corner that normally housed the piano, but was now joined by two guitars. Chairs had been placed in a half circle around the open area so the people who wanted to listen and watch could sit down. To Yugi it was all a little amateurish considering what he was used to, and he briefly considered going back to his room. There was just one problem though, or two actually. The first one was that Mai was keeping a close eye on him from the other side of the room. She was both eager to watch the performance as she was making sure everything went according to plan. The second problem was that Yugi had promised he would help out, and even though he was a psychiatric patient he wasn't about to forego upholding his promises.

Yugi had just returned from his session with doctor Ishtar when Mai had walked up to him with the musical threesome in tow, and they asked him if he would join their band. At that moment Yugi had felt an odd sense of coincidence wash over him, since during his session with Ishizu he had taken Rebecca's advise to talk about his confusing thoughts about music. She had made sure that Yugi fully understood that music could never stop being an important part of his life. Even though losing his band was part of the reason why he was here it is what he decides to do with it in the future that would determine his recovery. She had even encouraged him to make as much music as he could, and here they were offering him exactly that. Without much thought he had agreed, only to doubt himself soon afterwards. Again the confusing feelings from before had returned. Luckily he didn't have much of a chance to mull it over, since he was soon dragged away for rehearsals.

Rehearsals had been a bit awkward, since Yugi was required to sing. For someone who hardly talked and had only just accepted music back into his life it was a huge step to start singing again. Plus, he was very critical of himself, knowing he could do better. It was both liberating and frustrating at the same time. Once he started the first note a familiar warm feeling washed over him, but the feeling of dread never fully left him as well.

And now it was early evening and they were waiting for the show to start. Not having to do anything for the moment allowed Yugi's mind to roam. Memories, both good and bad, crossed his inner eye. His first performance when he was a kid, his first concert with List no Drakana, and many concerts following those made him feel happy and ready to tackle this one, while his later concerts, where he doubted he would make it through to the end, put a sour note on the former ones. After many mediocre and bad performances during the last few months of List no Drakana's existence he somehow doubted whether he could pull this show off, as simple as it was. Perhaps that's what caused his nerves in the first place; his fear to fail people again.

He suddenly broke out of his contemplations as a hand was put on his shoulder. He shook up and swiftly turned around. One of the other players, Valon, was standing behind him with his hands held up in an apologetic gesture and a guilty expression on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He apologized.

Yugi relaxed somewhat and shook his head. "It's all right. I was just lost in thought."

The other put his hands down and smiled sadly while nodding once. "Yeah, I thought you looked nervous too, but I guess that's silly since you've probably done this countless of times before for much larger crowds."

Yugi sighed dejectedly. "Yeah that's right, but that doesn't mean I'm not nervous. Actually, I haven't felt this nervous about performing for a long time." He admitted while nervously rubbing his upper arm with his other hand.

"You shouldn't worry too much about it." A new voice intervened, making both men look up at their new arrival, Raphael. "Those people over there just want some simple entertainment, and don't expect anything extraordinary from us."

"Raphael is right." Valon confirmed with a grin. "You should just have fun out there, we all do. You sounded great during rehearsals, so you'll be fine."

Even though it was only a little bit, Yugi did feel reassured by the kind words. Besides, hadn't doctor Ishtar told him he should work on giving music a new place in his life? He wasn't in an internationally renowned band anymore, but this bunch could help him do just that. So he nodded in appreciation, making both men beam at him.

"Besides," Raphael added jokingly, "Alister is always nervous enough for all of us."

Valon laughed. "Yeah, I swear that guy gets worried about everything. You'd expect he'd be used to performing about now."

Yugi looked around and noticed the subject of their discussion was nowhere to be seen, and they were supposed to get started any minute now. "Where is Alister anyway?" He asked.

"Oh he's probably off somewhere to do his breathing exercises until the show starts. Don't worry, he'll be here on time. He always is." Valon said without a hint of concern in his voice.

And sure enough the last member of their little group showed up just seconds afterwards. He wore a calm expression on his face, but Yugi could see his muscles were still tense. Without any words he walked up to the piano and sat down, which the others took as a cue to take up their own positions. Without any need for anything the other patients hushed down and eagerly waited for the show to start. The three patients started playing while Yugi waited for the moment the lyrics would start. He took this time to observe their audience. Seeing those expectant faces sparked something in the young man. His mind took him back to List no Drakana's heyday, when he had smiled and enjoyed himself on stage while his fans were cheering him on. The looks on their faces weren't very different from the looks these patients were giving him.

He closed his eyes, for a moment imagining that it was Joey playing that guitar along with Tristan, and that Ryo was playing that piano. Without any conscious thought his lips started to move and he was singing. He didn't see Mai beam at him or his audience look at him with admiration. He didn't see how Alister relaxed his body or how Valon and Raphael smiled at each other as they played their songs. All he saw was what his mind conjured up for him. He soon realized that something was wrong however. Something was missing. He continued singing while he also tried to put his finger on what it was that was missing.

And then it hit him. There was a piano, two guitars, and he was singing, but there were no drums. Where was Yami? He suddenly opened his eyes and turned around, shocking everyone with his sudden move. But there was no drum kit. In fact, Joey, Tristan and Ryo weren't even here. Alister, Valon and Raphael looked at him with concerned looks on their faces. The shock brought tears back into Yugi's eyes. He hadn't realized how much he had missed Yami until now. Mai was next to him in a second, and when she saw the tears and the haunted look on his face she gently enveloped the distraught young man in her arms. Yugi didn't resist .

"Yami…" He mumbled heartbrokenly. "Yami, I'm so sorry."

Mai looked up at the three other musicians and shook her head, knowing that Ygui was having an episode and wouldn't be able to perform for the rest of the evening. The three were disappointed, but didn't complain. After all, they all knew what it was like to have a mental breakdown. Mai then turned to the audience, only to see that they were already being dispersed by the other nurses. Without another word she gently guided Yugi back towards his room.

Once there she tried to get the young man to talk to her, but it was no use. He simply couldn't stop crying and was mumbling Yami's name and apology over and over again. All Mai could do was try and comfort him as best as she could. She had no regrets about introducing him to the other three musicians however. If anything it forced Yugi to confront and accept certain things about his past that he would rather avoid otherwise. It was a natural reaction for any human being to avoid dealing with difficult issues. Yugi was at least making a genuine attempt, for which Mai was proud of. He would probably have to hit a few more bumps before he would be discharged from this place, but that was okay. It was the reason why he was in this institution in the first place; to have a guiding hand helping him over those bumps so he could search for a new life.

A/N: The band that I mentioned back in chapter 18 is back! Sorry for taking so long, but this was the earliest opportunity for me to bring them back.

Anyway, Yugi has accepted music back into his life, but is still working on giving it a new place. It's a difficult issue and a slow process, but he is making it. But now he has hit another bump: Yami. So how will Yugi get over this bump when Yami is nowhere in sight? Are there any more bumps he has to overcome? Find out in the next chapter of Torn between two loves :D.

Important note:
I'm currently writing chapter 23, which will be the last chapter of Torn between two loves. I'm not sure how I want to end it though. It will be a happy ending, but I'm not sure how it will look like. So, I've put up a poll with some suggestions, and I'd love to hear your opinion.