by Helena Fallon
Max observed Jason Gideon and Hotch noticed that there was a sadness, not a triumph, in his attitude which lead him to believe that some of the stories about their disagreements had been exaggerated.
"Gideon, we're not here to destroy you, we're here because we're concerned that you are 'burning out' on the job…and those were Dr. Reid's words to us on Friday when he came to record an informal statement. He felt like a traitor, but the psychologist in him knew that you needed to be helped because of the tremendous emotional strain of the work. You've said yourself, several times this afternoon, the work schedule of the team has been demanding. In my mind it is too demanding and I've been trying to make the upper echelons understand the consequences of working dedicated people into the ground. We're all aware of your commitment to your work and the successes you've had. The team is very loyal to you and don't want to loose you and your expertise…." said Max quietly.
Hotch breathed with some relief, it was obvious that Gideon was not going to be facing disciplinary action but he was curious to see if he was right about the reason for training Reid up.
"We feel that we have a case, particularly with what came to light this morning, that the whole team needs some down time…as two of its members are facing disciplinary hearings, we think it best to keep the team at Quantico for two weeks. We would like to use this time to give you some intensive counselling…If you refuse, the Mental Health Team would seriously have to consider removing you from fieldwork and restrict you to teaching…"
'Very reasonable,' thought Hotch, but was then concerned when Gideon did not show any signs of responding.
"Gideon, we don't want to remove you from the BAU team but we do want to offer our expertise…You can, of course, refuse…"
"Is this why you've been training up Reid?" Gideon suddenly asked in a flat unemotional voice.
"No…Over the past couple of years, several of his evaluating psychs have written personal notes to recommend the agent for advanced training. We Senior Psychs were already talking about it before Hankel kidnapped him. We then had a rare opportunity to get to know Spencer and deal with some deep-seated issues. We'd no idea how he was going to respond, but we were fortunate that we gained his trust at the Clinic, and he stabilised enough to begin the advanced training. However, what he did reveal during his counselling sessions were his observations of the team…and they were very thoughtful. He has an old head on very young shoulders; his insights and his compassion for his colleagues were interesting and confirmed things that we had only assumed to be the case. You shouldn't fear Spencer Reid taking over from you, he still believes that he has a lot to learn about criminal profiling and, as we both know, that knowledge only comes with practice but it can be at a terrible price. We want to stop you paying that price when we can help…If Reid completes his advanced group dynamics course then we could ask him to do this for the team as his on-going training, which would take one burden away from you…"
Hotch felt a wave of relief pass through his body and some of the tension he had been under since that morning disappeared. He could imagine Reid being very good at monitoring the team dynamics because he did it quite naturally with his sensitivity. It would also make the rest of the team realise that although Reid was the youngest, he was very capable and trusted by the Mental Health Team to undertake this important task. Max's team was correct, Gideon did need some of the burden taken from him and it would also give Gideon a bit more time to recover from the aftermath of cases.
"Gideon we don't want to remove you from the team where you are still needed but we're trying to remove some of the work away from you…a part that you've been really avoiding and we have to address those issues…" Max continued to patiently press the case.
"What did Reid say in his statement?" Gideon asked and Hotch wondered if he'd even been listening to Max at all but had been really mulling over Reid's part in all of this.
"I would like you and Agent Hotchner to sit with us and watch it, we don't wish to hide anything from you," Max said evenly, and Hotch thought how compassionately the Head of Mental Health Services was treating Gideon considering the failures that had been uncovered.
"Does Reid know that we would be allowed to watch his statement?" Gideon asked.
"We asked him after his statement if he would mind you or Hotch seeing it and he said no, in fact he thought it would be for the best so that you two would hear for yourselves what he'd said."
Hotch felt his heart fill with a pride for the youngest member of his team. Reid was not afraid to stand by what he had said and wanted this openness to keep the understanding between the two senior members and himself. It revealed a maturity that he hoped Gideon would recognise.
Gideon nodded but he felt so drained of energy that he wondered if he could take in any more that afternoon. He had to face the fact that he really had failed to help the youngest member of the team and it was his fault…he had totally misjudged Reid's needs. Perhaps he was beginning to burn out; it was something you rarely realised until it was too late. He had seen it happen over the years to other colleagues, the job could destroy relationships and you had to consciously make the effort to have a social life and interests outside of work. But he had managed to keep friends and interests outside the job and thought he was balancing the stresses well but now it seemed that he had been deluding himself.
"I think we'll go and organise a room so you can watch the statement…You and Hotch stay here and I'll send in some coffee…" Max said aware that they all could do with a bit of a break.
Hotch nodded and gave a weak smile, "Thanks, we'd appreciate that," he said, answering for both of them.
The Deputy Director and the psychs quietly left watched by Hotch. The Unit Chief turned to his old friend when they were alone.
"Are you all right?" Hotch asked gently, he was concerned at how subdued Gideon seemed and thought he had aged a good ten years during this meeting.
"Garcia tried to access Reid's medical records?" Gideon muttered, still finding it hard to believe that she had been so stupid.
"Yeah, as soon as Barry came in to tell me that security had escorted her out, I knew that Morgan was involved but I had to speak to security first. They assured me that she'd not succeeded but even trying was usually dismissal. Don persuaded Watkins and Gilbey that the agents had asked Garcia to intervene because you hadn't been monitoring the team properly and the Mental Health Team would be dealing with that this afternoon."
"I'm sorry, Hotch, we've been so busy. I kept putting things off and making the cases the excuse. I had no idea that Reid was suffering so badly…I mean to have used those personal numbers…He respects others privacy, he really must've needed to talk. I always thought his brilliance would serve to help him through the worst of the post-trauma…you know, that he'd be able to reason it out for himself," Gideon said sadly, shaking his head in the disbelief of his own accumulative actions.
"Well, at least you're not on report…so I've still only got 2 agents going towards a disciplinary board," said Hotch, as he remembered how many times Gideon had told him 'he's a genius…Reid will be all right' over the past couple of years. But Reid hadn't been all right and Gideon had mis-read his protégé. The trouble was everyone had trusted Gideon, including himself, because of Gideon's tremendous reputation but now Hotch began to wonder if he should watch Gideon far more carefully in the future.
"They seem to be treating me very well, all things considered…they could easily have pushed for disciplinary measures," Gideon said, amazed at the compassion shown towards him.
"Max has been concerned about our workload for sometime and he's using that to give you some space here so try and meet him half way Jason," said Hotch, hoping that Gideon was not going to start fighting Max over any help he put the senior profiler's way.
"I don't really have any choice, do I? That was Max really saying that if I don't co-operate then I'm grounded until retirement," Gideon ruefully admitted. He knew that was Max using the fist in the velvet glove treatment and it was Max who had the upper hand in this.
"Well, if you'd been in Max's position, what would you've done?" Hotch asked, trying to gauge his friend and colleague's mood. Hotch thought that Max was trying to help this man so he could reach retirement with his reputation intact. But Gideon could be stubborn if he disagreed with anything and Hotch hoped that he would accept Reid taking over a part of his duties gracefully and not put obstacles in the way.
Gideon shrugged, he didn't really know what to say; he was still coming to terms with the fact that he had failed Reid. However, despite his failures, Gideon was aware that he was still being given the chance to continue with the team.
There was a knock on the door and Hotch strode over to open it. A middle-aged, maternally rounded, blond haired woman came in. She was neatly dressed, in a navy skirt that was a mid-calf length and an unfussy baby blue silk blouse, and carried a tray of coffee and cookies with a warm open smile. Hotch imagined that she was somebody's secretary who kept the wheels smoothly oiled in this department and was a trusted listening ear to many.
"Thank you, that's lovely," Hotch warmly said, as she placed the tray on the table and then quietly disappeared to allow them their privacy once more.
"I wonder what Reid said?" Gideon mused as he came to pick up a mug. He was feeling very old…perhaps he ought to retire now. But then a stronger inner voice reminded him that he had a job to do…they had solved the crimes required of their expertise, it was just Reid whom he had neglected.
"Well, he obviously isn't afraid for us to see it and knowing Reid it will be thoughtful and honest," Hotch said, proud that he had brought the problem to the attention of the Mental Health Team despite leaving himself open to allegations of betrayal. It took maturity and a sense of duty to his profession, and the safety of the team, to have deliberately brought this to a head by drawing the fire to himself to bring attention to the problem of Gideon's failings.
Don came to collect them some 30 minutes later and they went to another nearby room with a similar décor and comfortable chairs, arranged in a semi-circle, around a wall-mounted screen. Once the group was all seated, Max began to play the recorded interview. Hotch had Charles Reardon seated to his left and he thought how subdued the Deputy Director seemed to be. Reardon was usually a man who sided with Gideon over issues, but Hotch sensed that his perception of Gideon had been badly shaken by that afternoon's events. The Deputy Director was not making eye contact with the senior profilers perhaps because he wanted to give the screen his whole attention so he could make up his own mind on the matter.
The screen came alive and the camera concentrated on the young man, but there were 4 psychs with him who occasionally asked questions for clarification or to help him remain on topic. At the beginning of the session, these psychs had formally introduced themselves but it was Spencer Reid who held the floor.
As Hotch watched the screen, he saw a dreadfully thin young man, who spoke eloquently about the aftermath of his Hankel ordeal. He explained how he struggled to cope with the first case back, especially as his girlfriend had left the country to attend a friend's wedding and then planned to stay a few weeks in Europe, as her vacation for that year. Reid explained how throughout the case, he had suffered flashbacks of being a victim himself and although the psychologist inside him told him that this was a normal reaction, it had still disturbed him. Morgan had asked him what was wrong on the plane home and he tried to explain how he felt about the crime scene photographs. Reid had recognised that, in his own fumbling way, Morgan had tried to say that he wasn't expected to just bounce back into the work again and it was just empathy Reid was feeling which was a good thing. However, he couldn't settle when he got home. It had disturbed him so much that he had rung Arthur who came to talk to him immediately, and re-assured him that the flashbacks were normal under the circumstances. But he stressed that had been waiting for Gideon to speak to him since his return.
"What did you think Gideon might say?" Erroll asked.
Reid had shrugged his bony shoulders, "I guess I thought Gideon would ask me what I'd been doing with myself over my period of sick leave. I think, deep down, I wanted to tell him about how I'd finally met a friend's sister and she was very special and part of my recovery. No one at the BAU actually asked me what I'd been doing during my 5 months away, but every one did say that it was good to see me back. Then suddenly, we were on a case and we all had to concentrate on that. Morgan made a point of sitting near me on the plane and on the return flight asked me what was wrong…I tried to explain about the crime scene photographs triggering my own memories of being a victim. Except part of me didn't want to appear struggling to adjust to the work and another part knew that Gideon seemed to be leaving me on my own. I was aware that Hotch and Gideon were observing me while on the case, but I kept thinking back to Elle and wondered if she'd felt so isolated by her near death experience."
Hotch had glanced at Gideon and saw him transfixed by the scene. Hotchner had an insane thought that perhaps this was like the wedding guest in the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner who was transfixed as he heard the tale told to him. Only this was not a mariner, who had played dice with Death, but their own Reid…who should not have faced the torture he was subjected to…
Hotch felt as guilty as Gideon for not asking about Reid's sick leave, but he reminded himself that he had done the right things as a leader of the team. A memory surfaced that he had managed that rare conversation on the way home after Houston and that salved his own conscience a little. He tuned back into the statement…
"The Houston case was difficult. I'd only had 4 hours sleep and had been at Jo's parents for Sunday lunch. Craig was called away to the hospital on an emergency so his wife, Melinda, was pleased that I stayed to help with their lively daughter. The bad weather led me to accept the spare room and of course Alan…Jo's father, got me in his study to talk over brandy. I drove from just outside Richmond on a headache, which was not helped by Alan's generous brandy…I'd forgotten what a hangover could feel like…the last one I had was after my 21st."
"But Hotch knew you were going to be late?" Erroll pressed.
"I'd told Hotch I would be coming in from Richmond way when he called, but everyone stopped to look at me when I arrived. Anyone would have thought that I was persistently late. I noticed how Gideon had positioned himself in the conference room to observe the whole proceedings…Anyway that day was not my best…I was snappy and very sharp with Prentiss, who was the last person I wanted to be working with at that moment…but Hotch insisted. I did get to do some field work this time but it was with Prentiss."
"Who would you have liked to have been with?" Rosa asked.
"It would have been good to have worked with Gideon, but he seemed to be as distant from me as on the previous case. Even on the plane, he made no effort to strike up a conversation or ask how I was feeling but he was observing me. I noticed that Hotch observed me quite a lot when we were at the precinct but I ended up being with Prentiss. I really should apologise to her because she did try to talk to me and I...I was so rude to her and she was right to criticise my behaviour that day."
"Have you always had a problem with working with Prentiss?" Arthur asked.
"No…before the kidnapping I was fine but I found her eagerness and her trying to fit in the team annoying when I returned…It just irritated me in a way it had not done previously, it was probably part of the post-traumatic stress together with the slight hangover. It's always difficult for a new member to fit in to a tight work group, like the BAU team, so I understood her actions but when I returned, because of my own adjustment problems, I didn't have the patience like before. But she was the only one to ask me out right on that case…what was wrong with me and I resented that, I wanted, and knew, that should have been Gideon's role and he was avoiding it."
"Do you think Prentiss is a good agent?" Don asked.
"I thought her unannounced arrival in the unit was strange but she's hardworking and I think she's a very caring person. She does have the potential to be a valuable member of the team, but I've been away 5 months so she's no doubt proved her worth in my absence. She seems to get on very well with Morgan; they're of a similar age and enjoy reading the same kind of books. But her pushiness…well it's the classic over achieving, only child of very demanding parents, who really wanted a son, and she has never felt good enough. Prentiss just has to be the best at everything she turns to but I think the BAU has been an eye opener for her…"
"In what way?" Rosa asked.
"The actual work and the punishing time schedule…the cases we deal with…its not just the crime scenes. We have to get inside the heads of the victim and the unsub which means we also get closer to all the families involved. It takes a lot of adjustment after normal law enforcement; our work is far more intensive. To do it well, with all have to be empathic in order to put ourselves in the role of the victim and the perpetrator to be able to quickly produce the profile the police are waiting for."
"It takes its toll, you mean?" Erroll continued to probe on this theme.
"Of course it does, at the end of a case you have to learn to switch off, or try to, or you would go mad beating yourself up on the cases you didn't manage to solve or were too late to prevent a death. We're human beings and a lot is expected of us when a Police department calls us in. We have to work sensitively around those officers, some of which may recent our presence, because by asking for us some think that's admitting failure. I think part of our role is to re-assure that we've an expertise that most police departments don't have. We need to use their local knowledge and people on the ground and stress that's an important part in our understanding of the crime in order to produce the profile. A profile only narrows down the suspects, but we still need their police work to implement any ideas we come up with."
Hotch heard the words and thought how well that really summed up their work in the field. He thought that perhaps Reid ought to do the occasional lecture to the raw recruits about the BAU's role in law enforcement.
"How do you switch off, Spencer?" Rosa asked.
"With music and I have interests in art, science and literature…I go to open lectures, exhibitions, concerts…I play Go, and because of my memory I get involved in charity quizzes. I like the graphic art of comics…now they are another clique of wonderful people!" Spencer broke off and grinned at the surprised look on Rosa's face, "I try and see friends I've made despite the job usually interrupting arrangements. I now have a girlfriend who is learning how to cope and she has a very supportive family…so you see I do have a world outside the BAU."
"So you've done a lot of things while on sick leave?" enquired Erroll.
"Yeah, it was an opportunity to see people without the fear of the call into work, and it was good to feel part of a wider world and not just the one at Quantico. But also I found people who were surprisingly supportive without being intrusive. There were people I knew through my various interests who realised I wasn't well but didn't pry as they invited me to meals. It helped me to resist hiding away from the world like a wounded animal. Jo was a victim of crime and her family were aware through her experience of the problems of PTSD and they have been very understanding of my anxieties, flashbacks…you know I felt accepted really quickly into their family unit."
"So you really had quite a lot to tell Gideon if he'd asked?"
"Look, the guidelines make it quite clear what the role of the team's senior psych is with a returning agent. I was expecting Gideon to strike up a conversation with me because that's the natural way to assess how a returning agent is coping…It was upsetting, not one of my colleagues has asked me what I'd done with my time despite all those months off sick? How would you have felt, Rosa?" Reid mildly asked.
Gideon flinched; it was true…the whole team had been afraid to talk to Reid on a personal level because they had probably been waiting for the senior psych to take the lead. He had not followed the guidelines and he would have to live with that…the whole team would have to live with it.
Hotch felt upset with the realisation that he too had not asked specifically about his sick leave time…and further recalled that he hadn't asked Elle either, but then she had very loudly complained that she couldn't stand anymore daytime television. Listening to this recording he was learning a bit more about the quiet genius who Hotch tended to use for his brilliant mind. He remembered re-assuring Reid that he wouldn't be immediately out in the field and he had kept him close on that first case and continued to watch his interaction with the team, so he had done certain things correctly. However, Hotch realised that he didn't even know what kind of music he liked and he could hardly criticise Gideon when he too didn't know what instrument he played.
Hotch tuned out of the statement recording and thought about how much he did know about the team. He knew about the information on their application forms and their personal files which included the Bureau's own searches into the individual backgrounds but he knew very little really. J.J. loved sport, particularly football, and she had won a sports scholarship which enabled her to escape her small town. Garcia was the computer expert who loved films and all things bright and extrovert and shared Reid's interest for Star Trek. He did know that Reid was an expert in comic art because he'd overheard him telling Morgan about wanting to go to a Comic Con and Hotch wondered if he was a collector. Morgan was a 'keep fit at the gym' sort of guy and enjoyed dancing, bars and partying generally. But he too had won a sports scholarship but injury prevented any professional career. Morgan obviously read novels because he'd heard him discussing them with Prentiss who also read a lot and he thought he had heard her say that she liked to go to classical concerts. Hotch had come across the Prentiss family early in his career and both parents were career diplomats who had travelled widely. Hotch had known Gideon for a number of years and knew he was an ornithologist and that he used to have an interest in steam engines. He was a good cook and when Hotch had originally trained in profiling, he was rumoured to enjoy dancing. But Reid…he was a chameleon, he was whoever you wanted him to be because of that vast memory of his and yet it also hid the real man. The one thing they all knew was that he appeared not to be an active sportsman. It was like Barry had said that morning …the Reid who had come back was no longer hiding behind the mirrors that had hidden his true self. What they had now was something nearer the real individual and Hotch wondered if he was going to be given the chance to get to know him. Suddenly Hotchner's attention was caught once more by the recording.
Don was saying, "So you deliberately didn't answer the call.
"Yeah, Prentiss rang 4 times but I needed to talk to Ethan. No one else had bothered to notice that Gideon wasn't doing his job so I sent up a distress flare by not answering my cell. The talk I had with Ethan was good, it helped me come to terms with whether I wanted to stay with the team or not. Ethan had walked away from an FBI career and made something of his life and I had to see if I wanted to do that."
"So you decided to stay…" Rosa concluded.
"For the moment, but there is more to life than profiling work. Jo and I have discussed things and if ever I wanted a change, she's prepared to leave her work to support me where ever I choose to go…"
Hotch and Gideon looked at each other, they had never heard Reid speak like this. On the screen was a man who had seen beyond the BAU.
"Could you see a time for leaving the BAU?" asked Erroll.
"Yeah, if my partner said she wasn't happy with the work load and that it was affecting our life together to the point of being destructive or if I began to burn out. There's a real danger of that for any profiler…it's the intensity of the work, it tends to take over and you do have to consciously make the effort to have a life outside the team. If that began to happen to me, I hope that someone would notice and have the guts to tell me if I was on the fast track to burnout…I think that is where Gideon is going at the moment."
"That's a very serious observation Spencer, you're going to have to explain yourself clearly," Don stated.
Spencer Reid nodded and took a few moments to gather himself before speaking once more.
"At the beginning of the Garner case, Gideon had his haven from the world of the horrors of our work, invaded by the sick mind of the unsub. It was totally unsettling for him, he thought he was safe there, and to have a severed head delivered to your door, when very few people knew the address of his cabin, must have been emotionally destabilising. We all make mistakes in our work, we're human and often as a team we're able to correct them and redefine a profile or redirect an inquiry. But Gideon, like the rest of the team, was exhausted, which was why we all had leave. Garner really got to all of us by using the personal details I'd revealed in letters to my mother. He was an intelligent man who managed to think a way into accessing the Bureau's computers, via Garcia's laptop, while playing on a fantasy site with her.
I'm sure Gideon had a panic attack…he tried to control it in front of the team but suddenly he'd left the conference room and Hotch was on his heels…Gideon escaped to his office and needed to be on his own for a while to compose himself."
Gideon felt sick; he had to concede that Reid's analysis of the situation was accurate. The memory resurfaced of suddenly having to escape the conference room because of the rising the panic. He had been running on adrenaline since the delivery of the head to his cabin and trying not to think about the effect of it all on his own sense of personal security. Then suddenly Gideon couldn't suppress the thoughts any longer and he had fled to his quieter office because he was overwhelmed by the sense that his one haven, where he believed he was safe from the sheer horrors of the job, had been violated and what had he left? Gideon shut off the painful memory and concentrated on Reid's words.
"But Hotch was to have his own world upset by his wife turning up with a message that had been given to her at their house. Gideon later decided to bait the unsub by doing the very opposite of what Garner had ordered. I think there was an element of anger towards the unsub in that decision for invading his private world. However, because Gideon didn't follow the rules, as Garner had lain down, Garner shot Elle.
But it wasn't as simple as that, Hotch had ordered the exhausted Elle home and told Anderson to take her. Anderson did as he was literally told, it was only when Hotch saw him later that Hotch told him to get back to Elle's home because he'd meant him to stay and keep her safe. By then it was too late…but you see what can happen when on top of exhaustion, an unsub unsettles a team by involving personal matters…The shooting was later to be thrown in Hotch's face by Elle on her last case with us. But it was from the Garner case that I particularly noticed how Gideon began to withdraw on a personal level from the team.
Gideon stayed at the hospital to be with Elle, but I think some of that was out of guilt because he had to justify to Elle that by not playing by the unsub's rules he'd drawn him out…but he'd not anticipated that Elle was going to be shot. Hotch ran the rest of the investigation, which with hindsight, was probably best because Gideon would have probably been focused on Elle even if he'd been with us.
When Elle returned, I saw that she was very brittle…she'd lost a lot of confidence. She tried to hide it, but one night, on her last case, we got to the hotel and the underground garage was full of shadows. She was the last of the group and I looked behind to see if she was all right, she said that she'd left her glasses in the car. I said that I would wait for her…but she suddenly changed her mind and said it didn't matter. But I felt she was actually scared to be there. I waited for her to catch up with me and we joined the others for a quick supper before going to our rooms. It troubled me to see her so anxious; I went to speak with her…she was drinking from the room's mini-bar. I got her to talk a little by accepting her challenge to join her in a drink…I think I surprised her, but I was the wrong person, Elle was having trouble sleeping and the occasional flashbacks…just like I had when I first went back.
I thought the flashbacks were getting better for me because, before I returned, when Jo began to stay with me at night…I slept better…I still woke up, but Jo was there to understand and re-assure. Elle didn't have a steady partner in her life; she was still in the throws of PTSD. She would never admit it to herself, but she was not really ready to be used as bait for William Lee. But at no time did I see Gideon approach her to talk to her and she told me that he'd not asked her about her recuperation since she'd returned. I saw her trying to be like the old feisty Elle, but she was very edgy and defensive. I was later told by Morgan and J.J. that they had tried to reach Elle but they had been pushed away…but at least we tried to reach out to her. With hindsight, I think I should have told Hotch or Gideon about my concerns for Elle and then things might have turned out differently but I can't turn the clock back. Gideon only intervened when they had to let Lee go and Elle was angry. She was out of order, but I understood why…Gideon finally intervened but it seemed too little, too late…Elle was not going to let Lee walk…"
"So you think she shot him?" Rosa pressed, and Hotch and Gideon both held their breaths.
"I was not there, she was cleared and it was logged as a clean shoot but I will always have my doubts…whatever happened, Elle has to live with her own conscience. I think Hotch had his doubts over the shooting aswell, which is why she didn't join us on the next case. But at the end of the day, where was the proof that Elle had deliberately shot Lee? No court was going to convict her without the evidence and she had a good service record until then," Reid carefully reasoned.
Hotch thought how well Spencer Reid had understood the situation and the dilemma he had faced over Elle. But he also thought that Reid's own guilt over not talking to the senior profilers about Elle, would make Reid more likely to understand the events of the weekend and that morning.
"So you think Elle's resignation was for the best?" Arthur asked gently.
"I think it was the best outcome with that situation. I don't think either Hotch or the rest of us, if pressed to give our opinion, would have been happy if Elle had stayed. We would have questioned Elle's judgement rather than trusting her and the one thing a team member has to do is trust a fellow agent with your back."
Hotch looked at Gideon and saw him nod slightly in agreement to the answer. Reardon seemed to be totally engrossed in Reid's statement but Hotch would still stand by his own actions, which he felt was for the good of the BAU and the Bureau.
"After Elle left, Gideon just seemed to quietly withdraw on occasions, he was less inclined to chat over the early morning mug of coffee, he still occasionally played chess on the plane, but then the cases began to get more frequent. It used to be one or two a month, then we were doing three and it began to take its toll on all of us. Prentiss joined us unexpectedly, and we had to get use to someone new…but again it wasn't like when Elle joined us. Gideon had spent more time talking to Elle and although he spent time talking with Prentiss and playing chess with her…there was not the same kind of frequency or even rapport about it. There was definitely a better rapport with Elle, I think, but the difference may have been because neither Hotch nor Gideon had any say in Prentiss's appointment."
Hotch looked at Gideon, whose eyes had a shrewd quality shining from them, He suddenly caught Hotch's scrutiny and smiled. The Unit Chief was relieved to see a smile because he knew that meant Gideon was pleased with their youngest agent's insight. Hotch too appreciated that the agent had seen a great deal and was joining the dots well. Aaron Hotchner knew that if Reid did start to monitor the group dynamics then he and Reid had to have complete trust in each other's assessment of what they observed. For his part, Hotch had always trusted Reid when they had worked beside each other and this recorded statement was confirming the qualities he had already seen in the genius.
"Anyway, we were adjusting to a new team member and then we were on the Hankel case. J.J. and I went together to the Hankel house and …well you know what happened…But even when the team reached me, Gideon held back; it was like he was observing me from afar; I wasn't a colleague but a clinical case study to be observed. It was only when the ambulance was on its way that I remember he wanted to help me get back to the road. I asked if I could have a few minutes alone with Hankel's body, I needed to get the bottles of drugs he'd been giving me and I put them in my pocket. My mind wasn't working at its best and my captivity was all beginning to catch up with me, I can't recall telling Gideon my reasons for my actions. Gideon and Morgan helped me to the ambulance; I was very tired. I remembered that it was Hotch who travelled with me and I gave him the bottles so they could be analysed. Then I think I passed out because so much is hazy.
I don't know how long it was, but when I woke up again, I was in a hospital bed and Gideon and Hotch were talking. I found out that Hankel had given me dilaudid and the hospital was debating what the best course of action was because I also had a head injury. I was put though detox and Hotch came to see me before leaving and I asked if I could have the bottles back. He brought them to me, empty of course, but I wanted them to be a reminder of what I'd succeeded in overcoming; even with the dehydration and the drugs in my system, I'd managed to give the team clues to where I thought I was. I still have those two bottles; I carry them in my bag. When I had my flash backs, while in Westchester County, I would look at them and remind myself that I had survived the ordeal; Hankel hadn't broken me and he wasn't going to from his grave."
Gideon remembered back to that night they had found Reid…When they had heard the shot in the darkness, the whole team had feared the worse and ran towards the sound with their weapons drawn. He had been constantly telling himself that he had made the correct decisions on the case, but his own dreams were haunted by seeing Reid confined to a chair while Hankel played Russian Roulette with his life to get him to co-operate with his schemes. Gideon had kept trying to re-assure the team that Reid was brilliant and he'd find a way to survive. But he'd also shut himself in the Hankel bathroom and paced as his own doubts, about how he'd handled the case, kept surfacing and he needed to keep clear headed to help find their youngest agent.
Gideon had watched with Garcia the events unfold in the shack and how Hankel had tried to post his sick deeds on the internet. Both he and Garcia had been caught up in a peculiar addiction of their own to keep watching, although they wanted it to be just a horror movie being transmitted on a television channel and not a reality show with real consequences. Gideon recalled the feelings that surfaced despite his efforts to deny their existence, that this young man was a similar age to his own son and he'd been his protégé…his young genius to train up to be the best profiler of his generation. Gideon feared that all Reid's potential was going to be lost because he'd made the field decision to keep track of Hankel. Perhaps he would have done the same in such circumstances, but the decision had lead to J.J. being traumatised, by what she had found in the barn and a fight for her own life in the dark, and Reid to be kidnapped.
When they had found the shack where Reid had been held, Gideon remembered the horror he felt that raced through his veins as he suspected Reid had been drugged and they knew that Hankel had been an addict as was probably still using. He knew Reid had been given something because of the illusions to it over the link that was fed to them and the actual look of Reid's eyes. Then he had found the suspicious belt and the syringe amongst Hankel's possessions.
Gideon recalled watching a rare display of tactile emotion from Reid as he had reached out to hug Hotch, who equally had needed the reassurance that their very sick looking agent was really still alive. He was amazed how the frail looking Reid had hugged J.J. and had the presence of mind to tell her that none of this had been her fault. But still the senior profiler in him was carefully observing because if Reid had been given dilaudid it was very addictive. He had seen him carefully take something from Hankel's trouser pocket and slip it into his own, it had seemed so secretive. Hotch had gone with him in the ambulance, but he later said that Reid had suddenly given him the bottles he'd taken from Hankel before he lost consciousness. It had helped the hospital recognise very quickly what he'd been given and it had lead to him having to go through a detox programme and the Clinic being the ideal place for him to be taken…
"I said that I didn't want any contact with the team while I was in the Clinic or on sick leave. I felt that they needed to be concentrating on the cases and not worrying about me. I don't know…perhaps that upset some of them, but I don't think it would have been helpful to either them or myself. They would have seen how thin I'd become and how anxious I was and I would have picked up on their distress. They just wanted me back and to be the same geeky Reid. However, although I'm now back, the whole experience has changed me and the team is still adjusting to that. I used my sick leave to do some positive things, which included making contact with the friends I'd made over the years and to make some new ones. I met my girlfriend; it was good for me to have that time not being at work because it meant that we could consolidate our relationship before going back to the stresses of the BAU.
I didn't go straight back to the BAU because I had psych evaluation training and I was then allowed to help with the Washington office evaluations. However, before I left the training department, Arnie spoke to me and expressed his concern about Elle's departure and said that he would always be there if I needed someone to talk to. But when I did return, the team was on a case in Michigan. Garcia came out of her office as soon as she knew I was in the department. She was so upset at how I looked, but she gave me a hug in her usual warm way but she couldn't hide the shock of the reality before her. The rest of the BAU were the same, all pleased to see me but very surprised at my appearance …so I suppose I should've expected the reception I got from the team when they got back. But what really shocked me was that no one wanted to know what I'd been upto…I suppose with hindsight, they probably thought I'd just been watching daytime television like Elle had done. But Gideon was so distant, if I'd imagined it after I was rescued then this was by contrast very real. There just seemed to be an invisible icy wall between us…"
Gideon's memories resurfaced and reminded him how he had gone to Arnie Truelove's office when he heard that Reid was being kept a few more days to help with the Washington psych evaluations. They had disagreed about Reid's readiness for doing proper evaluations so soon but Truelove had stuck to his position. Now with hindsight, Gideon was prepared to admit that he'd been wrong, here was a mature Reid who was evidently showing insight and consistency in his judgement. However, at the time, Gideon had felt that the psych evaluation team were trying to poach Reid from the BAU after all the training he'd been given…after all the effort he'd personally put into the training of the genius. But Gideon also had to admit to himself that he hadn't been very welcoming to Reid that first time after Michigan…had he really continued to keep him at a distance?
Meanwhile, Hotch thought back to Reid's return, he recalled him saying that he'd altered his contact number, but Hotch hadn't asked him specifically about what he had been doing with his time. He had personally been shocked by Reid's appearance and his whole attitude had changed; where there had once been openness, now he seemed so guarded. It was all a natural consequence considering what he had been through, but it still felt to Hotch that he had welcomed back a stranger to the BAU.
"Hotch called me into his office and welcomed me back saying that I'd not be thrown into the thick of things straight away, but I would probably be with them on cases because they'd missed my contributions. Hotch was very understanding and said that in the past he'd had 4 months off with sick leave and he it had taken him time to adjust back to work. I informed Hotch that I'd changed my contact number to a doctor friend of mine and that I used some of my time to look up old friends. But Hotch didn't pick up on the matter further. I went back to my desk and listened to the others unwind about their Michigan case. I had expected Gideon to call me into his office or come and join the informal discussion around Morgan's desk…but nothing happened, in the end I went home.
I've already mentioned the Westchester County and Houston cases, but to summarise, I felt the two senior profilers were watching me but Gideon was not interacting with me and I knew that wasn't right. I kept thinking back to Elle and I had to ring Arthur at the end of the first case and Don after the Houston one…"
"The Houston case disturbed you quite a lot didn't it?" Erroll probed, guiding the agent's thoughts back onto Gideon's behaviour.
"The whole team was upset by the outcome of the case. For me…I realised that the unsub was suffering from PTSD…everyone worked flat out to help the poor man, but we failed. Gideon was particularly quiet, Roy Woodridge had died in his arms, and he disappeared while we were clearing our things from the precinct. But Hotch obviously knew where to find him and they both joined us in good time for the flight home. I was exhausted. I also felt so alone on that case because the team had been focused on helping the unsub and were very sympathetic to his plight… But I was in the midst of them, I was still experiencing aspects of PTSD and no one noticed that I was suffering. I fell asleep on the plane and Hotch came to wake me for the landing…he sensed something was wrong and sat with me and we chatted lightly. He had done that since my return…you know the odd few minutes of light conversation, and it made a welcome change to the observation I knew I was under by the to senior members of the team. Hotch did understand that I was still having vivid dreams and he did ask me what I'd been doing Richmond way. I told him I'd been with friends and I'd ended up having 3 generous brandies and only 4 hours sleep. He sympathised with that but I didn't mention Jo…we were suddenly on the ground and everyone just wanted to get home and get in some rest. When I got home, I eventually rang Don because I needed to talk through what had happened and how I was coping with being back. I think things might have been a little better if Jo had been around but I didn't want to spoil her vacation, which had been arranged long before she had met me. Anyway, Don came round…I think he was curious to see my apartment because of what Arthur had told him…"
Arthur and Don chuckled in the background and Hotch wondered just what his agent's home was like…But he also felt guilty for rushing home himself after the plane landed, he'd missed an opportunity to support the young agent. However, he could understand from his account how Reid had felt so isolated from the team, they had all focussed on the case and ignored what was before them. Hotch thought back to the morning and Morgan's explanation for his behaviour, it had been wrong, but he had been caring. If Reid had been using drugs then the experiences of isolation and the PTSD, during the first two cases, could have been enough to tip him into trying to find an outlet for his emotional pain with drugs. Afterall, Hankel had escaped from his painful life though addiction and had given Reid the drugs to help him during his ordeal. But Hotch shut off the thoughts to turn his attention back to the statement…
"I then went up to Washington State to interview Clark Norton so I was well away from fieldwork. It was an unexpected bonus that Norton talked enough so the authorities could discover more victims. When I got home, I found that Jo had cut her vacation short, and spent extra money to get back, so we had a long weekend. I felt a lot more settled having Jo around, but as soon as I got in on the Monday we had the case conference about the New Orleans murders. Again I sensed Gideon observing from afar but he was not coming near me…I actually felt more like my normal self. I could cope with the crime photos and crime scenes without flash backs so I felt I was steadying once more into the work. Perhaps I was coping afterall and I had Jo back in my life and realised how much she meant to my stability."
"Spencer did anyone ask you about, or congratulate, you over the results you'd got from Norton?" Rosa interjected.
"As soon as I arrived, Morgan told me we had a case meeting, but he did say he'd heard about my successful trip. I don't remember anyone else saying anything… we had a case to consider and that was far more important than my achievements with a dying murderer," Reid said evenly, obviously feeling no slight in not receiving recognition for his efforts from the senior BAU profilers.
"But you said earlier that you needed to talk with Ethan…" Erroll prompted.
"Yeah, he's an old friend from my Las Vegas childhood, I mentioned to Morgan on the plane going that I was thinking of trying to see him while in New Orleans. I did meet up with him…and that's when I refused to answer my cell. Since Jo had returned unexpectedly, we'd spent the weekend doing some serious talking about our future together. I had down loaded the forms for her to start to fill in because we'd decided to live together and I was thinking about what I'd do if I left the Bureau. When I got back to the hotel, I saw J.J. briefly who told me that Gideon had sent Prentiss and Morgan to Texas and that I was supposed to be with them. I lied and said that I'd not had any reception and didn't get the call. I expected Gideon to come and see me that night, but he didn't come to find out why I'd not gone to Texas so I went to bed. Morgan and Prentiss were obviously pissed off with me the next morning and didn't believe my explanation."
Hotch smiled to himself at this agent's honesty, but also remembered distinctly telling Gideon to talk to Reid and find out what was really going on…Hotch tuned back into Reid's explanation of how he saw things.
"At the end of the case, I went to hear Ethan play before we left the next morning. As I was listening, Gideon came and sat beside me…and I thought, finally …he's going to start talking to me. I thought Hotch hadn't believed my explanation and I still might end up on report and here was Gideon finally forced to act…just like he'd been forced to act with Elle."
"Were you worried about facing a disciplinary board if Hotch had decided to punish you?" Rosa asked, curious to find how far this agent had thought out his strategy.
"Yes and no…I didn't want to face a hearing but I'd deliberately not answered my phone…But I could explain to a disciplinary board why and then Gideon would've had to explain his lack of contact with me over my returning period." Reid quietly explained.
Hotch felt his heart skip a beat…Jeez…Reid really had deliberately taken a risky path. He glanced across at Gideon and saw how old the senior profiler looked as his former protégé revealed his reasoning.
"What did Gideon say to you?" asked Erroll.
" As an opening, he said my friend was good…Then I told him that I'd missed the plane on purpose and he said, 'I know'. Part of me felt so angry that he had left it this long to just talk to me and that he'd left it to a public place! So I said, to make things perfectly clear…I said that I was struggling. Gideon then put on his fatherly counsellor tone and said… 'Well… anybody's who's been through what you've been through recently…would' and I felt really furious inside with that response, but I thought I'd try and clarify a bit more how I felt about things at that moment. So I told him that this was all I'd been groomed for and that I'd never seriously considered any other options…When I went to Princeton, to study psychology under Professor Donovan, he'd immediately said that I was suitable material for Gideon's team at Quantico. I was only 19 at the time and to have that put before me as an achievable goal was awesome…
So Gideon replies 'Now you're questioning whether or not you're strong enough to be here?' I agreed and then he started … 'I've been playing at this job, in one way or another, for almost 30 years. I've felt lost. I've felt great…I've felt scared, sick, insane…I don't know…I guess the day this job stops gnawing at your soul and your hands…your hands stop feeling cold…maybe that's the time to leave…'"
Hotch was spell bound at how well Reid could mimic his mentor…
"I just couldn't believe that this was a senior psych speaking to a young agent who had been kidnapped, drugged and tortured…these were his words to help me re-adjust back into the team. This was the great Jason Gideon who threw himself into cases and had a world-wide reputation. My alarm bells were ringing, this was a man who had himself experienced PTSD and I would have expected a much more appropriate response than this. I'd been treated as a psychologist and a colleague while in the Clinic and both Arthur and Don, and later Max, had made a particular effort to reach out to me but Gideon was hiding behind this ...psycho-babble nonsense! I thought that Gideon was afraid to care…he was terrified of getting close to the team because of the emotional cost to himself if they got hurt or died, like with the team in Boston. I couldn't believe this nonsense he'd spouted. How was Gideon going to help me when he was afraid to reach out to a fellow team member? He was different with total strangers he met on the job who were in distress, then he was all compassion and full of sympathy. I knew I had better and far more appropriate help at the end of a phone, so I shut down responding to him and retreated into myself and said that I was trying to see if I could step away from the job. Gideon said something like… 'And?' and I just replied that I would never miss a plane again.
But I was really worried because I knew that this was not the way to treat a returning agent who had been through a traumatic event and one who had really refused an order by not answering my cell. I concentrated on Ethan's performance and said no more about it. I introduced him to Ethan when he came over but Gideon left soon after, allowing us to say our goodbyes. But even Ethan noticed that something was wrong with Gideon's behaviour, but I said nothing when he remarked upon it…Anyway, when I got back to the hotel, I rang Max and confessed to him what I'd done and how Gideon had dealt with it. He made sure I was all right and said that he would make arrangements for me to have a drug test when I landed and then I was to go to his office...and then we came here...
I want Gideon to understand that he has been avoiding a part of his work and it could have had different consequences for me if I'd not had those personal cell numbers to fall back on…I've really appreciated, and needed, the support I received from Arthur and Don. I didn't have anyone to go home to after the first two cases so I needed to talk through how I felt and unwind from the stress of adjusting back. Then with my call to Max, he knew I felt like a traitor but he kept stressing that the Mental Health Team were going to try and help Gideon…so I agreed to make this statement in the hope that it saves his position with the team. There is no one else like Gideon when he's on a case and we all learn so much from working alongside him. But it's the job, I can see how he's beginning to burn out and I want to stop that, so he can still be part of the team, but I don't want him to get into trouble over not handling my return properly,"
The screen was full of the image of the young agent, who saw the flaws but was still pleading for compassion for his old mentor.
Hotch looked at Gideon, he was subdued and hunched over like all the cares of the world were resting on his slumped shoulders. Aaron Hotchner was appalled on hearing what Gideon had said to Reid in that bar, he had not even sought him out in his hotel room but a public place and that was so wrong. The very words were etched upon Reid's memory along with the disappointment and yet Reid still wanted to help this man who had failed him. Hotch wondered if they had done things differently, if Elle would she still be with them.But there was no going backwards, you had to deal with the here and now and work from this moment. Hotch noticed that Max had paused the recording.
"Gideon, are you all right?" the gentle Arthur asked, who was seated near him. He reached out to lightly touch Gideon's arm to get his attention. Gideon looked up with deep brown eyes that were full of unshed tears but he was just managing to hold on to his composure. He nodded his reply to Arthur and Max took control again and began to address Gideon.
"I think that is enough for the time being. It's almost at the end but that's the most relevant part for this matter. I have rooms set aside for Don and yourself at the Clinic. I think it would be best for you to get well away from Quantico for a few days and get some serious talking done. Meanwhile, I'll brief the hearings dealing with Prentiss and Morgan, but I think Morgan particularly will be facing censure over his behaviour. But you must try and concentrate on trusting Don…."
Max turned and nodded to the Deputy Director who looked quite shaken by what he had heard, but he managed to find compassion for his voice.
"Gideon, we don't want to loose your talents, please co-operate with these people and that way everyone will benefit," said Reardon and then rose and left after accepting Gideon's nod of assent.
Hotch thought how subdued the whole room was but there was no gloating over the failings of a famous man. Rosa and Erroll left soon after Reardon and Arthur went to secure the DVD of the recorded statement, so it would not fall into the wrong hands. Max caught Hotch's eye and signalled the door with a slight tip of his head. Hotch followed him outside leaving Don to have a few quiet words with Gideon.
"Is he going to be all right Max?" Hotch asked; he still cared about his friend even if his failings had been exposed.
"We'll try to help him …but the truth is that unless a patient opens up and lets us help, then there is only so much we can do. We psychs try to work with a person's strengths to enable them to understand and try and control their weaknesses…" Max replied quietly, "But are you all right, Hotch?"
"Yeah…so far it's been quite a day, you know this may sound a little odd, but hearing Reid's statement…I feel really proud that he had the guts to do that. It wasn't vindictive in any way but caring, wanting Gideon to receive help so he could continue…"
"Yes, Spencer Reid is a mature young man who has the potential to be an excellent profiler. We already know he's a very good psych…so if things ever get to a point when he wants to step away from those horrors he does have another home here."
"So you're not poaching him?" asked Hotch remembering Gideon's earlier comments to him on their way to Michigan.
"Hotch, Spencer Reid is his own person and will follow his own career wishes not anyone elses…We want him to occasionally do psych evaluations with us but that will be when you're at Quantico anyway."
"Are you going to tell Reid how things went and about what happened this morning?" Hotch asked Max.
"I'll go and see Reid, you can come with me if you like, but I don't want to mention what happened this morning yet…not until the disciplinary board has deliberated, do you agree?"
"Yes, I've told the agents to stay away from Reid, but you said that he was at Jo's?"
"Yes, look once Don has taken Gideon to the Clinic, we'll go to the training complex…Do you want to have a few re-assuring words with Gideon?"
"Yeah, I want him back despite all that's happened…" said Hotch and he walked back into the room.
Gideon and Don left together, Gideon agreeing that Don would drive him to the Clinic after he'd collected his 'away bag' from his office in the BAU. Hotch was pleased that he had gone back in to speak to Gideon and stressed that he and the team needed him back with them. But Hotch also thought how old his colleague seemed and knew that the realisation of what he had been doing was not going to be easily pushed into the back of his mind. Gideon had fallen short of his own exacting standards and he would find it hard to forgive himself.
After Gideon had left, Hotch went and found Max who was in the reception area near the elevators for that floor.
Max looked up from the bulletin he had been reading and smiled, "Don't worry, Don is very good…He would never open up to me…I used Don with Spencer too," he said softly.
"I thought you ended up having sessions with him?" Hotch replied as the pair stood waiting for the elevator.
"I assessed him at the hospital in Georgia and went to see him in the first few weeks at the Clinic but I knew he wouldn't respond to me for the intensive counselling. I chose Arthur and Don and it worked really well, then Don's wife had a mild heart attack and I had to step in at a crucial moment. However, all credit must go to my colleagues who did a tremendous job on breaking down his barriers. When I moved in, I had to give him something of myself aswell in order to get his trust. Fortunately it worked and I think we four all have a special trust between us because of that. I have a great deal of respect for Reid…he has been through a dreadful ordeal and I believe that he has come through that trauma much stronger and he's only just beginning to realise it."
The elevator deposited them on the first level and they began to make their way to the east wing of the building where the ' Mental Health Training' complex was situated. They seemed to have walked through miles of identical institutional corridors before reaching the outer doors, as they passed through the receptionist on the desk beamed a welcome,
"Hello, Max, what can we do for you…I thought you were not coming back until next week?"
"Pamela, I just couldn't stay away from your welcoming smiles…I wish every receptionist could have yours…"
" Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere with me…" the middle-aged Negro flashed her smile again, "You know I save my best ones for my husband!"
"And so you should…But I need your help…any idea where Dr. Spencer Reid is at the moment?"
She looked down at the bank of screens at the desk, "He's in room 6, off corridor B…They've finished for the day but the group is hanging around getting to know one another…"
"See, every department should have a Pamela," Max said to Hotch, as she flashed her smile again and watched the two men head towards the main corridor.
As they approached, Hotch saw that these rooms all had observation windows to allow the watchers to be unseen but to observe those in the rooms used for various aspects of psych training. Hotch stopped alongside Max and looked. Before them were 6 men, two were obviously service personnel because of their very short hair and bearing, but they were not wearing their uniforms, 5 were in smart suits in conservative colours of dark grey or blue and one was in black. Only Reid stood out by his youthful appearance, his long hair and casual dress…an indigo shirt and a crimson and black tiny checked silk tie. Hotch had never seen him wear those and he was wearing charcoal chinos to complement it all. He thought how well dressed he looked and more like an earnest young lecturer rather than the laid back look of Gideon's fatherly professorial image. However, suddenly Hotch was transfixed by the wonderful smile that suddenly lit up the room as Reid shared in some humorous exchange. He had only seen him smile once since he'd returned and that was the time as the plane came into land from Houston…but that had not been this totally open and relaxed expression.
"He looks happy doesn't he?" a new voice said and Hotch turned to see that the newcomer was Arnie Truelove.
"Yes…they all seem to be getting along well," Hotch agreed.
"Mmm, they really came together quickly…it doesn't always happen like that, of course, but ...well they have all been pleasant to work with today and I hope the rest of the week continues as its started."
"We need to speak to Spencer," Max said and Arnie nodded and went to the door.
As the door opened, Hotch recognised a voice…
"Look…my hair goes with my genius image!" Reid stated, but there was no mistaking the laughter in his voice.
"Now just think what our base barber would make of it…."
"Oh you can't cut his flowing locks…it's the ladies here, you know…it feeds their fantasies!" said Arnie interjecting and causing even more laughter.
"Fantasies!" squeaked Spencer as his voice rose and began to process this… "But my girl friend would be a little jealous of that one…" But as he turned to face Arnie, Reid's demeanour changed and he suddenly became serious as he saw Hotch and Max just outside.
"You've visitors, Spencer," Arnie said and Hotch felt the scrutiny of five pairs of eyes assessing him.
"Gotta go guys! See you all tomorrow," Spencer said as he made his way confidently towards Max and his Unit Chief.
He closed the door behind him and searched the men's faces.
"It's OK, Gideon has accepted help," Max said softly and Hotch saw Reid visibly release the tension from his body, and suddenly the usual loose-limb stance was back. Max turned and entered an empty room opposite. No one spoke again until they were well away from the door and they used soft tones with their backs to the observation window.
"Don has taken Gideon to the Clinic and the Deputy Director has agreed that the team is at Quantico for the next two weeks so they can get some rest with normal routine," Max summed up.
"How did he take it?"
"Gideon was shocked, he thought you wouldn't want him asking the same old questions that you've been facing with the counselling. He accepted that he'd not briefed the team and had used the work load as an excuse for not working with you in the correct way," Hotch replied, "Gideon's very sorry and well aware that he could be under disciplinary measures, I think he was surprised not to be…"
Reid nodded thoughtfully but seemed silent for a few moments and then turned to Hotch, "You understand don't you…I had to act in the end?" his sensitive brown eyes pleading with Hotch for his understanding.
"Yes, Gideon, and I, were both wrong. I trusted Gideon to do his job and I didn't want to think about him not doing it. He always immerses himself totally into a case that we couldn't see what it was all doing to the team…I'm sorry that I didn't pull him up on it…" Hotch said, feeling that the words sounded rather inadequate considering what Reid had been through.
"It's not your job to be the senior psych…you did your job, and you were correct in pulling me up over Prentiss and making us work together… I really must find the time to apologise to her when I return to the unit…"
"I'm glad you still want to be with us," Hotch said truthfully.
"Well I'm trying to learn to be an effective profiler…it takes time, it's a challenge even for a genius," he said earnestly and Hotch marvelled again at how humble Reid could be. He was not arrogant, but a man with a gentle temperament and an innate goodness about him.
"So when were you going to tell me about the girlfriend?" Hotch said in mock seriousness as befitting the all-powerful Unit Chief.
Reid grinned, "Well she's only just finished the longwinded form...and you should've heard her rebellious muttering over that…" Hotch raised his eyebrows but was trying hard not to grin. "You know…think of all the trees cut down to make paper…why couldn't the Bureau get themselves geared up to on-line security and on-line form filling?"
"So when I was I going to know?" Hotch pressed, trying not to laugh.
"Well…we've been so busy…." replied Reid with a twinkle in his large brown eyes.
And Max burst out laughing… "It's a wonderful defence Hotch considering what transpired this afternoon…"
Hotch shook his head and smiled, "I'm really glad you have someone…as we are definitely on base for the next week or so…I could process the form ready for your return," he suggested.
"Yeah…Good idea I'll get her to sign it and …"
"Put it into internal mail, marked confidential," interjected Max, and Hotch suddenly realised that it wasn't a good idea for Reid to walk into the department at the moment with all the gossip flying…
"Exactly! No need to come personally with it…you have a pretty intensive course here and you need to interact with the rest of the course members as much as possible," said Hotch enthusiastically.
Reid eyed the pair of them and thought that they were trying to make things easier for him if news of Gideon's board hearing and departure to the Clinic leaked out. It shouldn't but there were some very perceptive minds at work in the FBI and reading between the lines was a favourite past time and essential for the gossip. Reid didn't want to particularly be seen delivering a thick form in an official looking envelope either because his colleagues would start asking questions…
" Hotch, I don't want the rest of the team to know about Jo at the moment ...is that all right?"
"Any particular reason?" Hotch probed, wondering if it was more than just personal privacy.
"It's my private life and I just want to keep things low key…Jo…well you'll find out soon enough…Jo was a victim of crime herself but she's come through the experience well and she does have a fairly well known father…at least in Virginia…"
"Who is it?" Hotch asked intrigued and hoped that there was nothing in the woman's background to cast a shadow on their relationship.
"Joanna is the only daughter of Judge Alan Petersen," Spencer replied watching Hotch's reaction carefully.
Hotch knew of the family, Margaret Petersen was known for her charity work for the Memorial Hospital and the Judge was an independent voice in the Virginian Supreme Court.
"I'm sure that there'll be no problem," Hotch said evenly, wondering how certain members of his department would cope with this piece of news when it finally filtered through.
As Hotch drove home he felt that it had been an extraordinary day and one that had revealed some necessary home truths. The work was too stressful at times but this past year the stresses had just piled up and they were all at breaking point. Max had surprised him and he sensed a trust between Max and Reid that no longer existed between the protégé and his mentor. But perhaps that was just the natural consequence of Reid's maturity and the fall out from his time at the Clinic. It had certainly given Hotch a chance to see a different side to the powerful Head of the Mental Health Services. He sensed a lot more understanding for the profiler's work than perhaps Gideon would have been prepared to give Max credit for.
Hotch turned off the highway and took the leafy suburban roads as part of his winding down routine from the job. He was anxious about Hayley's health and he was glad that they had this guaranteed time at Quantico, even if he still had to attend the hearings for his other two agents. They were scheduled for tomorrow afternoon; Hotch welcomed the swift arrangement and it meant that the agents wouldn't be left brooding over their actions. They would be called to provide a written statement to explain their behaviour in the morning but then at 3 p.m. Prentiss would be called before the board and an hour later, Morgan. Hotch would be required to attend but not necessarily called to speak, and Max seemed prepared to speak in their favour. But Hotch knew that Morgan was the problem agent, and he had no idea who would be sitting on the disciplinary board in judgement.
He turned into his driveway and saw the smiling face of his son pressed against the window. Hotch switched off all thoughts of Quantico as he cut the engine and prepared himself to give his family 100 per cent of his time.
End of Chapter 21.