Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,
I have shocking news! I have discovered another use for dragon's blood. Apparently, it is and excellent varnish! My broomstick looks better than ever and my piano is positively sparkling! Well…technically it's not my piano; I'm currently staying at a muggle house in America. It's in a town called Amityville. For some reason muggles appear to be avoiding the house. I don't know why though, It's a nice house.
-Horace Slughorn
Dear Horace,
FOR GOD'S SAKE GET OUT!
-Albus Dumbledore
Before anyone complains saying that it is inaccurate that Dumbledore would freak out at ghosts, they're not ghosts. They're rogue poltergeists… there's a difference. And also I wanted Dumbledore to say that because it's on the movie poster for "Amityville Horror."
Bonus- Pravda
One of my favorite past times is reading articles on the English website for the Russian newspaper, Pravda. I apologize to any Russian readers but you cannot deny the fact that the Russian media is…strange. Here are the names of some articles and some quotes from the articles.
The Death of the Sun to be Accompanied with Gigantic Fireworks
Quotes-
"Scientists say that about 20 percent of comets of the Oort cloud will be discharged into interstellar space during this process. This phenomenon will most likely look like gigantic fireworks."
Boys and girls abolished in Sweden
Quotes-
"The words 'boy' and 'girl' are no longer used there, while pronouns 'he' and 'she' were replaced with 'it'."
"In this kindergarten, pronouns 'han' (he) and 'hon' (she) were replaced with genderless 'hen'."
"For example, fairy-tales about Cinderella and Snow White are no longer allowed at that school. The teachers apparently believe that such stories tell children what gender inequality may lead to. Instead, they read books about two male giraffes who were very concerned about their inability to become parents until they found an abandoned crocodile egg. All other books at school are about same-sex families, single parents and orphans."
In the bowels of the Moon has more water than anticipated
This is word for word the title of the article. The actual article isn't strange or anything I just find the grammar (or lack of) hilarious.
Winged calf is the first step towards Pegasus
Quotes-
"Even though it might be too early to talk about winged horses, we now have Yasha the Calf with clearly defined wings."
"But to be completely honest, he has an extra pair of limbs on his back."
Gunshot wound in the head can make some people brilliant
Quotes-
"While the victim was waiting for medical help, he suddenly sneezed, and the bullet flew out of his nose."