Upside down

James stuck his head around the last bookshelf in the room and broke into a smile. She was here. Of course she was here. Where else would Lily Evans go when upset? He knew it wouldn't be the owlery, or the common room, or her dorm, because she hated people coming in and interrupting her misery. It had been a toss up between the girl's bathroom and the back corner of the library, but seeing as Sirius had the map he'd hedged his bets and come here instead.

James had debated leaving her alone (like she'd probably ask to be anyway) but then decided not to. He knew how important Lily's friends were to her, and he was guessing the fight had been pretty big, judging by what he'd walked in on. Emma's face had been red with anger, and Lily had looked stunned in the brief second before she ran out of the common room. No, he couldn't leave. He was going to put a smile on her face if it killed him – and knowing Lily, it might.

Her hair is swung over one shoulder so he can't see her face, but he's fairly certain she's crying. He doesn't like it when girls cry, and thinks about just walking away again, before shaking his head and taking a determined step into the alcove of books she's holed herself into.

"You're crying." James had been going for smooth, yet comforting, but had ended up blurting the first thing that came into his head, as usual. That's it James, charm her with your wit, he thinks to himself, but the thought only makes him more nervous.

"Go. Away." That's what he liked about her – she always got straight to the point.

He clears his throat, but she still doesn't look up from the book in front of her. He doubts she's reading. He coughs again, because clearly nerves are what really win girls hearts. She'd give in eventually, right? "Want a hug?"

"Get out." Or not.

"You're not even listening to me."

She doesn't bother replying, but her hand sneaks up to her face. He thinks she's drying away tears, ready to finally face him, but she doesn't. Her hand drops.

"I heard you, but I want you to leave me alone, James." Lily's voice comes out in a sigh, and once again, he thinks about leaving, but he doesn't. What if she's testing him? Seeing if he'll walk away, just like everybody else? He can't leave.

He smiles instead, and steps forward until he can almost reach out and touch her. Almost. "What did I say then?"

She still isn't looking, even though James has grabbed the armchair next to her and drawn it closer. She doesn't even flinch when he sits down on it and leans in towards her. So close, yet so far away. Her voice is quieter when she speaks, and James smiles because he knows she knows he's there, and hasn't done anything. " 'Do you want a hug?' "

He smirks. "If you insist."

James reaches out and pulls her towards him, carefully wrapping his arm around her shoulders, guiding her head to lie on his chest. It's cheeky, and daring, and for a moment he thinks she's going to whip out her wand and curse him, but after a second she relaxes into the hug.

Slowly, slowly, he reaches out the hand not embracing her to tuck her hair behind her ear. He'd been right – she was crying. Lily's eyes are rimmed with red, and her nose has turned pink, but in that moment she is beautiful. Gently, he begins to rub circles on her back with his thumb. He feels as if she might break – as if he might break – at any moment. As if the moment was made of glass, and all that was stopping it from shattering into a thousand shards was the calm. Her green eyes glisten as he traces patterns on her skin.

"Want to talk about it?" He whispers against her red, red hair as he leans his chin against the top of her head.

"No." Lily's voice is pure steel.

He pauses for a second, before drawing even closer to her. Her hair tickles his nose, and he can feel his own breath bounce off her cheek as he whispers into her ear. "Whatever she said, Lil, she's wrong. She is so wrong. You're perfect, Lily Evans."

Maybe it's because of his words, or maybe it's because they seem so far away from everybody else, but after that, they don't talk again. She plucks herself off of her chair to climb into his lap, and her arms wrap around his waist. James isn't entirely sure why, or how it happened, but he's sitting in silence at the back of the library with the love of his life as she cries onto his shoulder. He thinks that maybe the fight was about him, but he doesn't push it. He just traces patterns and thinks until she finally stirs.

Lily moves to draw away, and James lets her. The cool air pushes against the spot where she'd been, but he wishes that sometimes she'd hug him because she wants him, not just a shoulder to cry on.

"This doesn't mean we're friends." Her voice is still thick with tears, but the normality of her tone and the scowl that accompanies it makes him laugh despite himself. They both know she's lying. Lily and James had been friends for a while.

Still, he agrees with her. "No." He reaches out again to wipe a tear from her cheek, and the look she gives him is so intense he thinks he might burst. "We could never be friends."

Lily blushes, and smiles slightly. James lifts the corner of his lips up in return.

I'd been sort-of-semi-flirting James for a while before I reallysaw him lose his temper, and let me tell you, the boy represses. I am so glad he doesn't lose it easily, because the only thing I can suggest for his Hulk-smash mode is lots and lots of therapy.

I honestly hadn't meant for him to get so angry, it just sort of happened. It really was quite possible that I was not blame at all.

Unfortunately, James didn't see it like that. He was furious.

I mean, I guess I can see where he's coming from, if I looked really really hard.

Or, you know, just in the general direction of tonight's events.

Honestly, I didn't even want to think about our fight, I just sort of wanted to shrivel up in a corner, but then I thought of James doing the same thing except mad as well and then my feelings didn't even matter. I just wanted to tell him that I was sorry. Don't even ask me why – it wasn't like we were dating or I owed James anything, but still. I felt responsible for his pain, even though it was definitely plausible that I was not to blame. At all.

The fact that it wasn't James I was dating – or to word it better, had gone on a date with – was actually the problem.

I'd never been bothered about accepting other boys before, so I haven't the faintest why I felt so guilty about accepting Davey Gudgeon's idea of a date. It was true I had been planning to go with Potter and his friends, but then he'd been banned from going and so I accepted Gudgeon. If it bothered Potter, then he shouldn't do stupid things and get punished for it.

The date itself was so-so. He took me to Madam Puddifoots, though I would have preferred the Three Broomsticks, he bought me two new quills, though I would have preferred to buy them myself, and he kissed me in the middle of the Hogsmeade, though I would have preferred a shake of the hands or even a hug. It would have been a perfect date for any other girl, but it felt to rehearsed, too boring, too unlike-me. It was a perfectly nice date, but it was like he didn't even care what I wanted, just thought he knew it already.

Although he was a damn good kisser, to be utterly fair and impartial about the whole thing. I rather enjoyed myself, although I was glad that it finished early due to Hufflepuff Quidditch practice or some other thing I wasn't really listening to.

Clearly, James hadn't enjoyed his day. He was sat alone in the common room positively sulking when I came up. When he turned to see who'd entered, a large scowl covered his face. I guess my smile didn't exactly help, but really, it was no reason to go storming up to the boy's dorms.

Uh-uh James Potter. You're not getting away that easily. I followed him up.

The door of his dorm was closed when I got up, but I didn't bother knocking. If he could ignore social convention and just leave, I could ignore it too and just enter.

The dorm itself was big and light, and almost exactly the same as the seventh year girls, although you didn't need a tetanus shot to walk through our dorm. James was lying face down on (what I assumed to be) his bed when I walked in.

'James?' My voice probably sounded a little disgusted as a kicked a robe across the floor. It was kind of gross.

He turns his face to the side when he hears his name, and even though most of it's buried in his pillow, I can see one eye. His glasses are clutched in his hand, so I'm probably just a blur to him, but I swear his eyes narrow.

'What are you doing here, Evans?' Ouch. That stung. 'Didn't you have a date?' He spits the word like poison, and I realise he isn't really angry after all – just hurt.

I shrug in response to his questions. Probably not a good idea to mention any details – Davey holding my hand, kissing me, me kissing him back. I cross my arms and go on the defensive. 'It ended early.'

We're both silent for a second, and I think it'll be okay, but then James sits up and shoves his glasses back onto his nose. He's glaring at me.

'Are we really going to do this? We're really going to try and act normally, as if you didn't abandon all pretense of liking me the moment someone better came along?'

I pause, horrified.

It's like I'm winding down just as James is winding up. He's really getting angry now, and he's starting to shout a bit.

'Because if that's what you're really like, Evans, then forget it. Forget all of it. If you didn't mean it when you said you wanted to go with me, then you should have never accepted. If you can just blow me off like that, you're not the girl I thought you were. You're not anything to me.'

I'm shaking. I don't know if it's because I'm mad or I'm hurt, but my previous good mood vanishes, and tears spring to my eyes. My lip wobbles before I hold it in. I refuse to cry over James Potter.

He glowers at me for a second longer before he relaxes, and sighs. He removes his glasses again, puts them on the table next to him, and rubs his eyes. He looks tired.

'You're crying?'

I look down at him on the bed, eyes still shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. I try and say it as resolutely as possible, but I still quiver slightly. 'No.'

James opens his eyes, and the anger is gone. He's still sitting on his bed, and his uniform is scruffy and his hairs a mess, but when he holds out his arms for me, I crawl into the space available. Just plonk into his lap and wrap my arms around him, as if it's normal for us to be alone on his bed together.

'I'm sorry.'

'I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it.'

'Neither did I.'

I wait, but we don't have anything more to say to each other. He only hurt me because I hurt him, and so it isn't a real hurt. The silence unnerves me, and so I do something I would usually never do. I kiss him, right on the mouth that was shouting at me two seconds before. It's just a peck, and our mouths are closed, but the semi-awkward atmosphere dissolves into something different, something more charged.

I swear I see his lip twitch, as if he's suppressing a smile. My mouth curves upwards in return as we make eye contact.

He lifts one eyebrow – a question? A dare? Whatever he means, it's definitely a challenge, and I happen to be a very competitive person. I lean in again as he does, and we meet somewhere in the middle. His breath fans across my face and it sends tingles down my spine; my lips part automatically. James sort of smiles at that, and it's kind of smug and really infuriating. I slide the tip of my tongue over his lips, and then it's my turn to smile as he tenses in my grip. My hand reaches up to sink into his hair, while the other curls over his chest. I swear to Merlin he groaned a little.

As I said, I am nothing if not competitive.

I'm just getting into it – because, honestly, James is a much better kisser than Gudgeon - when he pulls away and searches my eyes with his own.

'Lily…' I notice that we're back to a first name basis. Score one for me. I wait as he gazes at me. James never met a word that he didn't like, and I'm guessing he has a few choice ones stored up for this particular conversation. To my surprise, it's refreshingly brief.

'If you do this, if we do this, then you can't go on anymore-' he practically spits the word '-dates. If you kiss me again, you're agreeing to be exclusive. You've got to be sure you want this. Are you ready for this?'

I don't answer; I just lean forwards and cut him off with another kiss. It's short, but very, very sweet, and for a moment I think I've shut him up. I haven't. He opens his mouth again and draws his head back slightly, putting too big a distance between our still open mouths. We're both blushing.

'I am so incredibly sorry about earlier—'

Oh, Merlin, he actually thinks I still care what he has to say. I forgot about Davey, and our fight, and everything else the moment our lips met. Why can't he get the hint?

I move towards him again, but he's still determined to try and talk, so I cover his mouth with my hand and start peppering his neck with quick kisses instead. 'James?' I say, punctuating each word with another touch of my lips to his skin. 'Please shut up.'

He smiles really big then, and it's huge and gorgeous and covering up most of his face. I remove my hand but he catches it with his own, and uses it to pull me towards him so I'm lying on top of him, chest to chest. Then James twists, and it's him that's hovering over me, and the only thought I can think is something so stupid and pathetic that I hope I never think it again.

In the moment before he kisses me, the glorious window of expectation, I look at his beautiful face and think 'I should really get him angry more often.'

A/N Definitely my longest yet – although to be fair, it is really two stories. I couldn't decide which one I should post – James cheering up Sad!Lily or Lily 'cheering up' Jealous!James, so I just posted both.

In case you were wondering, I probably won't post anymore of them kissing – this was actually what I was going to post to appease Steph before I decided to troll her instead! So yay for that I guess.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes for my exams! I've only got three left and I think I did really well in all of them so far, so because I'm super happy, you get two thousand eight hundred words. Woo!

To the Anon who spends most of their time at the library – huzzah! Good for you anon! Hope you did well in your finals, and Bio/History EOC (which I'm guessing is some American thing I don't understand) and that the studying paid off. It's completely fine to just respond to me at the end - I still appreciate it.

Note to self: I talk too much. Good luck to everyone doing exams! Hugs and butterfly kisses,

Ellie xx