20 – Alice
I could feel Darius coming up behind me and Jacob was looking over my shoulder at him. Alice and I were blocking the doorway with our hug and she was whispering in my ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't see him, not until he was on the plane and then it was too late."
My eyes just drank him in. There was an energy pulsing around him that I could almost see. Each lift of his chest, each breath exuded strength and life and power.
Darius was behind me now, cold and hard and immovable, his hands on my shoulders. Finally Jacob's eyes dropped down to me. Alice had released me but we were still standing in the doorway keeping Darius and Jacob apart.
I watched emotions cross his face. I knew he was clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides without even looking down. He always had to work so hard to keep himself under control.
"Carlie?" Darius asked softly. That one word spoke volumes. Who was this? Were we in danger? What did I want him to do?
My eyes were still staring into Jacob's as they had been from the second I opened the door. "Darius, this is Alice Cullen and Jacob Black." I tried to step back but Darius was still the Great Wall of China behind me.
Finally he spoke but his words were strange and quiet. "Welcome to my home." And then he stepped back so I could.
Alice came in around me but Jacob just stepped up to the threshold of the door. Now he only had eyes for me.
I was afraid. Not of him but …I wasn't sure. He was looking at me so intensely that I was frightened. But that was crazy. This was My Jacob. Then he smiled and the sun rose in the hall way and I was blinded by him.
"Wow, Nessie, you look… good." He gave me a lopsided grin. "And old." Then he made a 'yuck' face.
I rolled my eyes at him and stepped back. "So, are you coming in or what?"
He took one step forward but then stopped. "Alice got a hug."
I grinned and reached up to hug him. His big arms wrapped around me so tightly. I was unprepared for the fierceness of his embrace. His face melted into my hair and I heard him breathing me in. My face was pressed against his neck. His blood was hot and fast just beneath the skin. I wanted to kiss him, taste him, and hold him forever.
I'm not sure how long we stood their clinging to one another. Finally Darius spoke.
"Are you planning to let her go, Mr. Black?" He asked sarcastically.
Jacob leaned back just a little, enough so he could look down into my eyes. "No, I am not."
I pushed away from him then. "All right all right. Play nice." I moved to a more neutral position in the room.
Alice was looking back and forth between the two men with a worried expression. I knew it was hard for her when anything involved Jacob. It was like suddenly having a patch over one eye. You could see, but the picture was incomplete.
Darius pulled a paper from his pocket. "Signorina Cullen, I have made arrangements for this store to remain open this evening, just for you and Carlie. There will be staff to assist you and I believe you will be able to find everything you need for her here."
She took the paper and looked at it. Her eyes grew wide and her smile wider. "Just for us? Tonight?"
Darius nodded and smiled. "All night if needed. They are at your disposal."
She dashed over to me and took my arm, swinging me back in the direction of the door. "You ready?" She asked.
"Wait." I swung her back around and we were starting to look like a vaudeville act. "Is everyone going?" I asked.
Darius was quick to answer. "No. Mr. Black and I have much to discuss." He looked at me but wasn't looking at Jacob at all.
"I don't think THAT'S a good id…" I started.
But Jacob cut me off. "It'll be fine Nessie. I'll be fine." He moved back in front of me and kissed me on the forehead. "Buy something pretty."
Alice laughed and swung me back around. "Oh there won't be anything pretty left in Milan when this night is through." She giggled and escorted me out the door. I only had a second to look back at them before we were gone.
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Shopping was fun but it was tainted by the worry of what was going on back at the apartment. I had visions of coming home to complete destruction. The assistants couldn't understand why we kept trying things on and then buying them in the wrong sizes but we just laughed. We bought a ton of stuff that already fit and just as much that almost fit.
Alice loved shopping with me because in this one way I was nothing like my mother. I loved trying on and comparing colors and fabrics and accessories. For Alice I was the perfect life sized Barbie.
It was getting close to eleven pm and we had just about bought out the store when I spied one of those dresses that just make you say 'oh that one is for me'. I tried it on.
It was a strapless cocktail dress that fit me like a glove. The cobalt blue fabric looked striking against my pale skin and set off my bronze curls perfectly. Alice gave the wolf whistle when I came out of the dressing room.
"That's lovely sweetie, but where in the world are you going to wear it?" She asked.
I stood in front of the mirror in bare feet, lifting up a little to see what I would look like when I found shoes to match. I turned this way and that admiring myself. "I'm not sure I'm ever taking it off."
Just then one of the assistants brought me matching shoes with perfectly grown up high heels. I slipped them on and looked at the young woman staring back at me in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. "How old do I look to you, Alice?"
She came to stand behind me and placed her cold hands on my shoulders. "I guess you look about sixteen. It's hard to tell. I've never seen you wear make up before. And the aging is subtle but I can see that you are taller and leaner, and rounder in some places." She grinned at me.
Then she frowned. "Do you realize you have only been gone one week?"
I nodded.
"And you have lost two years of your life?" She asked.
"I don't think of it as losing two years. It's like my life hasn't started yet. Everyone is waiting for me to grow up so I'm just speeding that up so my life can begin. I don't understand why nobody gets that." I started to move away from her but she reached out and grabbed my wrist.
"We do get that, honey." She pulled me down to one of the chairs near by and sat beside me.
"But what you don't get is that no one is trying to keep you from being happy or starting your life. We can see what you can't. That your life has already started and you don't know it. That you are throwing away all the good things that make memories to last your whole life. That you are rushing headstrong into experiences that will define who you are as an adult and you aren't taking the time to savor them, or make good decisions."
I looked down at my hands in my lap. I took a moment brushing the soft material and thinking what to say. I didn't look up when I answered her. "I know what I'm doing."
She sighed with frustration.
"No, Alice. Hear me out. I know that I am in situations that I'm not ready for. I understand that things are happening fast. And that I might not be making the best decisions for myself. That's why I wanted you to come. To help me."
"Why do you think that I am the one who can help you?" She asked, reaching over and placing her hand on mine.
"Because I think that you are motivated by what is best for me. And everyone else is motivated by what is right for them. And what's right for them is that I never grow up." I stared into her eyes and dared her to say I was wrong. No one wanted me to grow up and I knew it.
"Nessie, I don't believe that is true." It was my turn to offer a frustrated sigh.
"No, you listen to me this time. Everyone loves you. They all want you to be happy and are terrified that you are so stubborn that you will sabotage your own happiness in your hurry to be something different. When we all know that what you are is pretty damn special." She squeezed my hand.
I knew she was trying to help but I wasn't ready to hear it. If I agreed with her then staying in Milan and drinking the blood and getting older was just another big mistake. I keep making decisions about my life and then changing my mind. No wonder people thought I was a child. I gave up on everything. I was a quitter.
"I'm ready to go back now. And I think we have enough clothes. You and Jacob can go back to the states." I didn't look at Alice as I got up and headed towards the door. I heard her making arrangements to have everything sent to the Darius' apartment.
When we arrived Darius was standing in the courtyard in front of the building by a fountain. He stepped forward when we came close. "I need to speak with Carlie." He said to Alice.
Alice looked up at the windows of the apartment building and I did too. I could see Jacob standing in the window.
"He is fine." Darius assured us. His voice sounded tightly controlled but not angry. He was so still, his features frozen. I couldn't tell his mood at all.
Alice nodded and kept walking into the building. I looked up and saw Jacob back away from the window. So I turned to Darius.
He walked up to me and took my hands holding them out to the side. Then he let go of one and lifted the other high turning me around like a ballerina. "You look amazing, Carlie."
I beamed up at him. "Thank you. I don't think I ever want to take this dress off."
He laughed. "I'm sorry but I cannot make that claim, myself." He grinned at me and it took me a moment to get the joke. I could feel heat rising to my cheeks as I blushed.
He got very still then, even more than usual. I could sense that he wanted to tell me something. I decided to be mature and not pester him about it. He would say what he needed to say when he was ready.
Instead he took me in his arms and kissed me fiercely. There was a desperation that was new and I didn't understand why he was holding me so tightly. I had too many thoughts in my head to truly enjoy the kiss because part of me was worried that Jacob would be looking out the window again. I kissed him back but it was restrained.
Something had happened. Something was different.
He stopped in his normal way, soft lips, tiny kisses - two, no three times. Then, he leaned his forehead against mine.
"What was that about, Darius?" I finally had to ask. I needed some answers.
His voice was strained when he answered. "That was good-bye."