Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Chapter 20

EPOV

Isabella Swan is going to be the death of me.

She's sneaky as fuck.

I don't know how I feel about giving into what Bella wants, because I know it will only hurt her more in the end.

But like she said, we gotta live in the moment.

So here we are, lying in a bed at the motel along the freeway.

I decided that I am no longer going to wait for Bella to experience her perfect moment, I am going to make it perfect right now.

So I kiss her deeper than I ever have before.

Because this girl needs me.

What's fucked up is, I need her more.

I turn Bella onto her back and kiss her already swollen lips. She's running her soft hands down my torso and I want to scream at the feelings her very touch is eliciting in me.

I want to take this so so slow.

But taking things slow are for those who have time.

We don't have time.

From this day on, I will make every single fucking moment be perfect with my girl.

She's not my girl.

I begin sucking on Bella lips. She opens her legs wider and I position my body tightly against her.

My dick is so fucking hard.

I am grinding my middle into her centre.

I have done this so many times before. Only, it feels so much different.

Love is different.

Bella makes this breathless sound and I want to fucking eat her up.

I move my tongue along her soft dimpled cheek and suck at her earlobe.

I can't believe Bella is so beautiful. Yet, I still refuse to tell her.

Because she deserves so much more than my empty words.

"Edward do you have a condom?", Bella asks breathless.

I always have a condom in wallet.

So I say, "Yeah I do".

She's all rushed up and eager.

My girl needs to take it a bit slower.

I would never have thought our night would turn out like this, but I always knew it would sometime.

I am fucking stupid to be doing this.

But as usual, my heart will always win my heads disapproval when Bella is concerned.

So I continue to suck at her earlobe and then I make my way down her neck.

I am not one to brand females with my lips, but Bella is mine for now and therefore I will mark her because I want to.

So I suck, suck and suck some more on her beating pulse.

Everything is so soft and smooth and I want to live in Bella's neck forever.

She begins growing impatient so she meets her lips with mine again. Bella sits up slightly and unclasps her bra.

Her naked perfection is beautiful.

This girl is so fucking innocent. I can tell by the softness of her body and her innocent little gestures.

I lay her back down and begin slowly biting and sucking on every possible part of her upper body. I tease her swollen nipples and lick her belly button.

"Because we are doing this tonight Bella, you will officially never forget me", I whisper.

"I know", Bella barely whispers in her breathless tone.

I grip onto her panties and slowly push them down her legs. I open Bella's legs wider and caress her centre with the palm of my hand, until I insert one and then two fingers.

Bella whimpers and rubs her hands through my hair as I position my head between her legs.

I fucking love the taste of her.

I move my tongue around her clit and suck on all that I can.

She's so so wet.

I can die right now.

I continue sucking Bella's clit until her body become rigid. I know she is about to cum.

She moans and pushes her hips up to meet my desperate tongue, until her body goes silent, immovable.

I rub the palm of my hand on her clit and then I look up at my beautiful girl.

She smiles.

She is always so fucking pleasant.

Seconds after Bella finds her release, she places her hand on my boxers and pushes it down with force.

My hard erection springs free and I kneel before her proud.

I can't fucking wait to be inside of her.

Bella grips onto my shaft and slowly begins to pump me up and down, increasing her pace.

We are both entirely naked.

All wet, sticky and sweaty.

"Bella if you don't stop I'm going to cum", I say desperately.

She removes her hand from my dick and looks up into my eyes.

"Edward…do you get yourself tested?", she asks unsure.

I do.

"Yeah Bella, the last time I was tested was like two weeks ago. We constantly tested for shit at training camp", I admit.

"Okay", she says softly.

"Have you been tested?", I ask.

My girl laughs.

"Yeah, before this summer though. I haven't been with anyone since you", she teases.

"Me neither", I admit.

Bella closes her eyes and presses her lips to mine again.

There is nothing in our way, preventing us from being inside eachother.

I rub my dick along her centre until I can't anymore.

I jump off the bed and pick up my discarded shorts on the floor.

I take my wallet out of my back pocket and remove the neatly placed foil packet from its place.

"Wanna put it on for me?", I tease.

Bella looks more serious now. Like she just realised something.

Our hearts are growing eager and greedy and we need this right now.

She bites on her lip and closes her legs.

I panic.

"Hey, if you don't want to do this anymore we can…", I try to say but Bella interrupts me.

"Please? I need this Edward. I was just thinking, never doubting", she admits.

I want to crumble at her feet.

I rip the foil packet open and blow into the condom, ready to roll it on my hard dick.

Bella watches my every move in wonder.

She doesn't look anxious.

She looks sad.

Because she wants this so badly but she knows it won't be forever.

I wish it would.

Once the condom is on, I open her legs wider and get on top of her.

I look into her eyes and kiss her deeply.

"You sure about this pretty girl?", I ask.

"Always", she says without a doubt.

So next, I finger Bella one more time to make sure she is ready, then I grip onto my cock and position it at her entrance.

Bella flinches.

Not in pain and not in surprise.

But she flinches in relief.

I slowly push my dick into her. It's an amazing feeling although I haven't made it all the way inside of her as yet.

She closes her eyes tightly and desperately tries to meet my erection with her hips.

"Can I just push into you fast and quickly?", I ask because I am nervous.

She nods.

So before I can even give her a chance to consider her answer, I push my dick into her never entered entrance.

She's all soft and tight and I am in heaven.

Bella opens her eyes and a lonely tear falls out her eyes.

"Are you hurting?", I whisper.

I am positioned inside of her with my forehead connecting to hers.

Bella's hands are on my ass and my arms are now onto of her head.

She shakes her head.

So I slowly move in and out.

In. And. Out.

Allowing her body to adjust to this foreign intrusion.

"Edward, I am going to bleed all over these sheets", Bella says worried.

I can't believe she's worried about that.

Selfless.

I begin pushing in and out with more pace. Her hips begin to meet up with my failed attempt to go slow.

I know she's in pain. But she won't admit it.

Because she knows I will worry.

"Go faster please?", Bella whispers desperately.

I press my lips to hers to shut out her demands and begin increasing my pace until I am losing my mind with desire.

I am so fucking horny and hot for this girl.

I don't want anyone to ever be with her like I am at this moment.

But who am I to say.

So I push in deeper and deeper until we begin a sequence of love making.

We desperate and greedy and intense.

I wish I could savour this moment forever.

"Edward I'm gonna cum again", she whispers, losing her voice.

Bella's body goes rigid beneath mine until she shatters into all that is pleasure.

A few seconds after, I feel the build-up in my stomach begin to appear.

I grind into her as hard and fast as I can until I too, find my release.

I fucking see stars.

As soon as I come I press my lips hard against hers.

Because if I don't, I will shout out that I love her.

She can never know.

We breathing hard and panting.

I fucking feel like a king sitting on a giant throne.

I slowly remove my dick from Bella's insides and gently kiss her on her cheeks.

She immediately closes her legs and breaths out deeply.

"That was reckless", she whispers with a smile.

"Not too painful?", I ask while moving a strand of hair behind her ear.

Bella's cheeks are flushed and her lips are swollen.

She has the post sex glowing look and it fucking suits her.

"No, I can't wait to do it again", she admit.

I am shocked.

"Seriously?", I ask.

"Yeah, but like in a couple of days", she laughs.

I laugh too, in relief and disappointed.

I would take her again right now if I could.

"Wanna get cleaned up?", I ask.

"Can we take a shower together?", she asks.

I nod.

And so we shower.

Bella and I wash each other.

I run my soapy hands over the trail of blood running down her legs.

Proof of her lost virginity.

She's a bit shy about it but eventually she warms up to the idea.

We finish showering and walk back to the bed with the bathrobes that the motel provided.

Bella looks around with a mischievous grin.

"Ready to get drunk Cullen?", she asks.

I laugh.

Because this girl is fucking amazing.

I nod and get on with pouring our drinks.

"Two firsts in one night, I love that", I say as we click our glasses together.

"I guess alcohol will help numb the pain I am feeling being my legs", she smiles.

"I'm sorry I hurt you", I say.

"You did not", Bella protests.

So we drink and drink and drink some more, until we laughing silly and telling secrets.

I am not half as buzzed up as Bella is so I take advantage of Bella's vulnerability.

She has admitted to me that she never masturbates.

I admit to her that I do.

"Tell me something else?", I press on her topic of secrets.

Bella's face goes serious and she blinks.

She finally looks into my eyes with an empty inebriated stare.

"I hate my father", Bella says softly.

I don't know what to do, but something tells me she needs to get these feelings out.

So therefore, I will be there for her.

"Why Bella?", I whisper in concern.

"The last time I saw him was on my thirteenth birthday Edward. He just rocked up all happy, like his prior absence meant nothing", she looks to the ground.

I nod and reassure her to continue.

Bella circles her glass and swallows deeply.

"You know what's fucked up? He forgot it was my birthday. He came because it was Christmas. He gave me that blue cap that I always wear", she admits.

I want to comfort this girl so much, but she isn't done yet.

"He…he… said 'here Bells take my cap', like it was a fucking penny in his pocked. I took it". Tears are beginning to fall down her cheeks. I had no idea Bella had to go through something so deep.

I hate myself for complaining about my perfect life.

I have a family. They have money. They give me anything I fucking want.

And then there's Bella.

The broken girl that I am in love with.

Bella shakes her head and wipes her tears. I crawl up next to her and place her in my lap on the floor.

"The men in my life will always leave. I get that", she says.

"Bella you can't make an assumption like that", I try to sound cool, but my heart is breaking for her.

"You going to leave me aren't you?", she questions, already knowing the answer.

"We different Bella. We agreed that this summer are all we giving each other", I say sadly.

"Don't you feel anything for me?" she questions.

I sigh, because how the fuck can she ask me that.

"Of course I do" I say desperately.

"Then why are you going to leave me alone in this world?", she always knew I would.

I always knew I would.

Even though I don't want to.

"I'm sorry", I whisper.

Because that is all I can say.

Bella places her arms around me and snuggles her face into my neck.

I hear her deep breaths as she begins to fade into her long awaited sleep.

I sit up and hold onto her as tightly as I can.

My eyes fucking tear up and I try to blink back this pathetic lonely feeling.

But I am not strong enough.

I sit on the floor with the girl that I love wrapped up in my arms and…

I cry.

I cry softly.

I cry hard.

Because nobody will ever understand this complicated love that we share.

It was supposed to be simple, but simple doesn't exist.

I will always be the bad guy.

The boy who broke her heart.

But I just can't fucking stay away.

I am desperate and obsessed.

I am the new me.

But when school returns.

I don't know who I will be.

So I whisper into Bella's ear that I am so so sorry.

I whisper that I love her.

I whisper that I need her.

I whisper that it won't be like this forever.

I hate myself for loving a girl that was never meant to be with me.

But in this moment, I swear that we are infinite.

Any thoughts? :-)